Great post. I agree, to me "sim" is more of a mindset than anything else. To me it boils down to what takes priority, beating a videogame or playing a football game.
As for your final paragraph, you're not alone. Against the AI I frequently deny penalties, intentionally commit my own, run out of bounds instead of scoring, punting after turnovers, etc. I do those things when I think Madden's flaws would unfairly work to my benefit, like when the AI QB took sack after sack. I wouldn't do what you did in that scenario, but I get the motivation behind it