Washington Redskins - Staying Medium

[peki]

Redskins fire Gruden, hire a guy from a local bar

ASHBURN, VA. -- Shocking news broke out Friday morning as the Washington Redskins announced that Jay Gruden has been fired from the head coaching position after leading the 3 time Super Bowl winning club for three straight season. Gruden was coming from a 8-7-1 campaign as the Skins have missed the playoffs after losing their week 17 game against the Giants.

"F this man. I'm gonna go to a team that plays their home games in front of the home fans. Like, for real bro? How hard is it to fill your own stadium on a home game? This area has like what, 10 million people? We play something like 5 away games at FedEx field in a season hahaha. Seriously?"

Coach Gruden was obviously upset after his unexpectedly permanent trip out of Redskins facility in Northern Virginia. He left our interview on a hard note, mentioning one of the many controversies he was a part of as a head coach of the team.

Last time this folks saw a real QB playing for this team, his leg was being bulldozed by Lawrence Taylor. What do you want people? Sexy Rexy and his F it I'm going deep mentality? Pay this average guy you have the money he wants. Maybe then you realize that you make a good defense with a good draft, not giving defensive tackles 100 million dollars. Peace out.

Even more shocking news came later during the day, as the Redskins announced a local amateur pool player by the name Peter Zee as a new head coach. Zee, 26, has absolutely no coaching experience, and says that most of the "football stuff" he learned is from "watching the game man" and "Playing Madden"

"I got no idea man." - Said now head coach Zee. "I was just playing billiards which I do every Tuesday night, when a man in a suit approached me and asked me if I want to be a head coach of the Washington Redskins. Apparently, people from the bar heard me saying that the key to Redskins success is "resigning good players and not playing like a bunch of kindergarten teachers most of the time". Somehow it got to Dan Snyder and there I am. The pay is good, it's a fun job and it's kind of a good replacement for Madden 18. You seen that dumpster fire of a game? You know Charles Barkley man? He would call it "turrible". Haha, Barkley's funny man, I'm telling you.

Asked about the upcoming game against the Eagles, coach Zee was very brief.

"We gotta play great. I mean really. We are not that good. If we play good we lose, so we gotta play great. You seen that guy Wentz? That's a good QB."

The interview ended with our question about his future plans and his team's potential.

"You know how the great Jim Zorn said - if you want to become great, you gotta become average first. That's our first goal - Become, and STAY MEDIUM."

[JazzMan]

Lol, great stuff. Curious to see how you do this year. Welcome to the league!

[rkwittem]

I'm going to struggle to top this one.

[peki]

Redskins Lose First Two, Looking to Redeem against Oakland

ASHBURN, VA. -- It's been a rough start of the season for the football team that carries the name of the Washington D.C. but plays the games in Maryland and practices in Virginia. And while the defense has been playing pretty well, the offense led by the new coach and five year vet quarterback Kirk Cousins has had zero success doing their number one job - scoring points.

"Yeah, things are not really going well." - said newly appointed coach Zee. "It got to that point where we even tried practicing. Things were an improvement in week 2, and people keep saying that we need to keep practicing, but to be honest, it kinda sucks and it's really boring."

Quarterback Kirk Cousins was obviously in a down mood after the practice on Tuesday. He stayed longer after the team activities to work on individual drills, spending over three hours throwing the balls out of bounds.

It's hard man. It's been two weeks and I have no touchdowns and seven interceptions. I mean the last one was on a Hail Mary... Do they even gotta count that? I mean it's not like a bad read or anything, I had to chug it there.
Nevermind... The worst thing is all the jokes. Couple of days ago we were having a nice family lunch, when my wife asked me to pass her the salt. My father in law jumped up and took the salt out of my hand, yelling "INTERCEPTED AT THE TWENTY!" Sucks man. Gotta get that W next game.

The Redskins will host the Raiders on Sunday. People showing up in the Redskins gear will be handed out free shots of vodka in case the game gets out of touch.