Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About

TLK · 07-28-2003, 01:59 AM

Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About

Very funny stuff......

Swaggs · 07-28-2003, 02:20 AM

Very nice...

Chief Rum · 07-28-2003, 02:24 AM

That's hilarious (and long!).

"Shortly after every single time Margret touches my computer, for any reason whatsoever, I have to spend twenty minutes trying to fix crashes, locked systems, data loses, jammed drives, bizarre re-configurations and things stuck in the keyboard. There then follows a free and frank exchange of views with, in my corner, 'It's your fault,' and, in hers, 'It's a curious statistical anomaly.'"

So true.

CR

Swaggs · 07-28-2003, 02:26 AM

Dola...this one is a classic:

I came home from work on Friday and, as I wearily opened the door into the house, Second Born, Peter, heard me entering and poked his head out of the living room.
'Hello, Papa - I've missed you,' he shouts. From within the living room Margret's voice calls out to him 'No you haven't, Peter.'

You're all up for testifying for me in court, right?

sony · 07-28-2003, 04:06 AM

Dang that was long

Fritz · 07-28-2003, 05:29 AM

"Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. No, hold on - let me make sure you've got the inflection here: Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. She says she does, but years of bitter experience have proven that what she actually wants is to sit by me while I narrate the entire bleeding film to her. 'Who's she?', 'Why did he get shot?', 'I thought that one was on their side?', 'Is that a bomb' - 'JUST WATCH IT! IN THE NAME OF GOD, JUST WATCH IT!' The hellish mirror-image of this is when she furnishes me, deaf to my pleading, with her commentary. Chair-clawing suspense being assaulted mercilessly from behind by such interjections as, 'Hey! Look! They're the cushions we've got.', 'Isn't she the one who does that tampon advert?' and, on one famous occasion, 'Oh, I've seen this - he gets killed at the end.'"

ah, memories

RendeR · 07-28-2003, 05:52 AM

Oh my god this is SO funny...I'm crying here cause I'm laughing so hard.....

*cackles*

Blackadar · 07-28-2003, 06:05 AM

Funny stuff. I'll have to read the rest of it tonight.

Samdari · 07-28-2003, 07:02 AM

He is a moron if he thought, "Those trousers make your backside look fat."

meant anything other than:

"You're a repellently obese old hag upon whom I am compelled to heap insults and derision - depressingly far removed from the, 'stupid, squeaky, pocket-sized English women,' who make up my vast catalogue of former lovers and to whom I might as well return right now as I hate everything about you."

Tekneek · 07-28-2003, 07:06 AM

Seems like somebody linked this in the forums last year.

Ksyrup · 07-28-2003, 07:17 AM

Yep, this is an old one. But still damned funny. "Our sink is blue and we're not talking about it" may well be the funniest thing I've ever read on the internet.

Radii · 07-28-2003, 10:52 AM

I have this site bookmarked both at home and at work and am signed up for the mailing list. Truly excellent reading.

Franklinnoble · 07-28-2003, 03:11 PM

This is classic... I have now peed myself for the umpteenth time after having read something here on FOFC...

Quote:

Margret thinks I'm vain because... I use a mirror when I shave. During this argument in the bathroom - our fourth most popular location for arguments, it will delight and charm you to learn - Margret proved that shaving with a mirror could only be seen as outrageous narcissism by saying, 'None of the other men I've been with,' (my, but it's all I can do to stop myself hugging her when she begins sentences like that) 'None of the other men I've been with used a mirror to shave.'
'Ha! Difficult to check up on that, isn't it? As all the other men you've been with can now only communicate by blinking their eyes!' I said. Much later. When Margret had left the house.

3ric · 07-28-2003, 03:30 PM

Anyone have read his book? Would like to know if it's as good as the website content...

QuikSand · 07-28-2003, 03:51 PM

Franklin, that's the top of my list, too. Fabulous.

tucker342 · 07-28-2003, 06:19 PM

wow that's funny stuff

tucker342 · 07-28-2003, 06:24 PM

dola-

Has anyone read his book?

If so, is it any good?

TLK · 07-28-2003, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 3ric
Anyone have read his book? Would like to know if it's as good as the website content...

Quote:

Originally posted by tucker342
dola-

Has anyone read his book?

If so, is it any good?

Just ordered it.... I will report back to you guys....

TLK

Abe Sargent · 07-29-2003, 01:40 PM

Report?!?!?!?!

-Anxiety

SplitPersonality1 · 07-29-2003, 01:48 PM

Margret
(from the German
"M' Argr et" meaning 'to be dangerously insane').

I love this guys writing style

07-28-2003, 02:20 AM	#2
Swaggs Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000	Very nice... __________________ DOWN WITH HATTRICK!!! The RWBL Are you reading In The Bleachers?

07-28-2003, 02:24 AM	#3
Chief Rum Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Where Hip Hop lives	That's hilarious (and long!). "Shortly after every single time Margret touches my computer, for any reason whatsoever, I have to spend twenty minutes trying to fix crashes, locked systems, data loses, jammed drives, bizarre re-configurations and things stuck in the keyboard. There then follows a free and frank exchange of views with, in my corner, 'It's your fault,' and, in hers, 'It's a curious statistical anomaly.'" So true. CR __________________ . . I would rather be wrong...Than live in the shadows of your song...My mind is open wide...And now I'm ready to start...You're not sure...You open the door...And step out into the dark...Now I'm ready.

07-28-2003, 02:26 AM	#4
Swaggs Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000	Dola...this one is a classic: I came home from work on Friday and, as I wearily opened the door into the house, Second Born, Peter, heard me entering and poked his head out of the living room. 'Hello, Papa - I've missed you,' he shouts. From within the living room Margret's voice calls out to him 'No you haven't, Peter.' You're all up for testifying for me in court, right? __________________ DOWN WITH HATTRICK!!! The RWBL Are you reading In The Bleachers?

07-28-2003, 05:29 AM	#6
Fritz Lethargic Hooligan Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: hello kitty found my wallet at a big tent revival and returned it with all the cash missing	"Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. No, hold on - let me make sure you've got the inflection here: Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. She says she does, but years of bitter experience have proven that what she actually wants is to sit by me while I narrate the entire bleeding film to her. 'Who's she?', 'Why did he get shot?', 'I thought that one was on their side?', 'Is that a bomb' - 'JUST WATCH IT! IN THE NAME OF GOD, JUST WATCH IT!' The hellish mirror-image of this is when she furnishes me, deaf to my pleading, with her commentary. Chair-clawing suspense being assaulted mercilessly from behind by such interjections as, 'Hey! Look! They're the cushions we've got.', 'Isn't she the one who does that tampon advert?' and, on one famous occasion, 'Oh, I've seen this - he gets killed at the end.'" ah, memories __________________ donkey, donkey, walk a little faster

07-28-2003, 05:52 AM	#7
RendeR Coordinator Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Buffalo, NY	Oh my god this is SO funny...I'm crying here cause I'm laughing so hard..... cackles __________________ http://wotlabs.net/s...8/signature.png http://wotlabs.net/sig_dark/na/banichi18/signature.png

07-28-2003, 04:06 AM	#5
sony High School JV Join Date: May 2002 Location: Travis AFB, CA	Dang that was long

07-28-2003, 06:05 AM	#8
Blackadar Retired Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Fantasyland	Funny stuff. I'll have to read the rest of it tonight.

07-28-2003, 07:02 AM	#9
Samdari Roster Filler Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Cicero	He is a moron if he thought, "Those trousers make your backside look fat." meant anything other than: "You're a repellently obese old hag upon whom I am compelled to heap insults and derision - depressingly far removed from the, 'stupid, squeaky, pocket-sized English women,' who make up my vast catalogue of former lovers and to whom I might as well return right now as I hate everything about you." __________________ http://www.nateandellie.net Now featuring twice the babies for the same low price!

07-28-2003, 07:06 AM	#10
Tekneek Pro Rookie Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: USA	Seems like somebody linked this in the forums last year.

07-28-2003, 07:17 AM	#11
Ksyrup This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: In Absentia	Yep, this is an old one. But still damned funny. "Our sink is blue and we're not talking about it" may well be the funniest thing I've ever read on the internet. __________________ M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."

07-28-2003, 10:52 AM	#12
Radii Head Coach Join Date: Jul 2001	I have this site bookmarked both at home and at work and am signed up for the mailing list. Truly excellent reading.

07-28-2003, 03:30 PM	#14
3ric College Starter Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Sweden	Anyone have read his book? Would like to know if it's as good as the website content... __________________ San Diego Chargers (HFL) - Lappland Reindeers (WOOF) - Gothenburg Giants (IHOF) Indiana: A TCY VC - year 2044 - the longest running dynasty ever on FOFC!

07-28-2003, 03:51 PM	#15
QuikSand lolzcat Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Annapolis, Md	Franklin, that's the top of my list, too. Fabulous.

07-28-2003, 06:19 PM	#16
tucker342 Pro Starter Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Iowa City, IA	wow that's funny stuff

07-28-2003, 06:24 PM	#17
tucker342 Pro Starter Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Iowa City, IA	dola- Has anyone read his book? If so, is it any good?

07-29-2003, 01:40 PM	#19
Abe Sargent Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Catonsville, MD	Report?!?!?!?! -Anxiety __________________ Check out my two current weekly Magic columns! https://www.coolstuffinc.com/a/?action=search&page=1&author[]=Abe%20Sargent

07-29-2003, 01:48 PM	#20
SplitPersonality1 College Benchwarmer Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Grafton, WI	Margret (from the German "M' Argr et" meaning 'to be dangerously insane'). I love this guys writing style

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