Ebert Says ---- Thumbs Down

[rkmsuf]

Nichols Removes Portman's Nude Scenes


Actress Natalie Portman ordered director Mike Nichols to remove her full frontal nude scenes from her latest movie Closer - despite playing a stripper in the film. Nichols is very protective of the 23-year-old beauty and agreed the topless footage was acceptable, but decided raunchy shots of her fully nude were gratuitous and should be deleted from the drama. Portman explains, "He wants to see my bare ass much less than (even) my father would. He's as or more protective of me than my parents are. So doing sexual, physical stuff for him felt very uncomfortable."

[Suicane75]

It doesn't matter, in this day and age in about 2 months simply googling "Natalie Portman" will reveal all.....and I mean all.....Mmmmm.

[Cringer]

but decided raunchy shots of her fully nude were gratuitous and should be deleted from the drama.

Thats IS the point! If it was not for gratuitous nudity I wouldn't watch 1/3 of the movies I do....
:mad:

[WSUCougar]

Estimated time to Kodos/kleenex scenario...3 minutes.

[rkmsuf]

what a scam...yeah, let's shoot some full frontal and see how we like it.

[Suicane75]

The thing I don't get, she's playing a stripper, of course she should be fully naked and we should see it. It's like, for christs sakes, you accept the role of a stripper and then complain when the movie includes scenes of you fully naked. Put on a friggin burka already you dumb bitch.

[DanGarion]

Natalie Portman is like... hawt!

[sovereignstar]

The thing I don't get, she's playing a stripper, of course she should be fully naked and we should see it. It's like, for christs sakes, you accept the role of a stripper and then complain when the movie includes scenes of you fully naked. Put on a friggin burka already you dumb bitch.

Hey! Watch who you're calling a bitch, mister. Someday me and Natalie are going to get married.

[Kodos]

Estimated time to Kodos/kleenex scenario...3 minutes.

I've already used up all the kleenex because of the news out of Miami. :p

[WSUCougar]

Hey! Watch who you're calling a bitch, mister. Someday me and Natalie are going to get married.
So does that mean you'll become King of Naboo?

[rkmsuf]

I know haircut day is pretty cool but is there anything better than full frontal day on the movie production schedule?

[Suicane75]

Hey! Watch who you're calling a bitch, mister. Someday me and Natalie are going to get married.

Me: So Sov, how did the honeymoon go?
Sov: She insisted on wearing a snow suit to bed and said that my junk was icky.
Me: Bitch.

[WSUCougar]

I've already used up all the kleenex because of the news out of Miami. :p
Dear Abby,

I know this guy - well, he's more like an alien creature - who masturbates over Dave Wannstedt. Any advice I should give him?

Thanks,

Troubled in FOFC

[cuervo72]

Dear Abby,

I know this guy - well, he's more like an alien creature - who masturbates over Dave Wannstedt. Any advice I should give him?

Thanks,

Troubled in FOFC

Try to avoid the moustache...that stuff is hard to get out.

[tanglewood]

That noise you hear is the faint sound of box office sales flying out the window.

[rkmsuf]

That noise you hear is the faint sound of box office sales flying out the window.

The DVD with the deleted scenes will make up for that.

[CHEMICAL SOLDIER]

I heard Natalie Portman was a 23 year old virgin.....seriously......Well more power to her.

[rkmsuf]

I heard Natalie Portman was a 23 year old virgin.....seriously......Well more power to her.


Not for long. I hear Annikan is going to pork her.

[Castlerock]

Back when Natalie Portman was a freshman she sat in the row in front of me at the movie theater in Harvard Square. She was with some guy and was totally mauling him. I don't remember which movie it was but she didn't watch much of it.

[Draft Dodger]

I was all excited for the recent Neve Campbell nude scene, but it turned out to be quite lame

so, I guess I'm not holding my breath, even though I'd love to bang Natalie Portman.

[Desnudo]

So doing sexual, physical stuff for him felt very uncomfortable."

Selfish bastard. This isn't about him.

[Raiders Army]

This is the funniest non-politcal thread I've read in a while. Thanks fellas.

[rkmsuf]

So doing sexual, physical stuff for him felt very uncomfortable."

...in front of the camera. I had no problem in the trailer.

[Desnudo]

Back when Natalie Portman was a freshman she sat in the row in front of me at the movie theater in Harvard Square. She was with some guy and was totally mauling him. I don't remember which movie it was but she didn't watch much of it.

If she was making out in movie theaters in college, maybe she is still a virgin. She sure acted as frigid as one in Star Wars.

[Flasch186]

WAsn't she hot in Beautiful Girls though...I think she was 13 in that. Me and Timothy Hutton sitting in a car going, "what the fuck's the matter with me. She's like 13!!.....but SHIT, she's so hot." Not good.

[Desnudo]

WAsn't she hot in Beautiful Girls though...I think she was 13 in that. Me and Timothy Hutton sitting in a car going, "what the fuck's the matter with me. She's like 13!!.....but SHIT, she's so hot." Not good.

I thought she was a little Lolita in The Professional when she was 11. It's like she's gotten less sexual as she's grown up.

[DeToxRox]

Roepert is reporting that Mike Nichols replaced all full frontal nudity with a body double .. Unfortunatley it was Haley Joel Osmond

[Flasch186]

I thought she was a little Lolita in The Professional when she was 11. It's like she's gotten less sexual as she's grown up.

If that isn't absolutely disgusting. Those green striped shorts and the 'wife beater'. C'mon. That is not hot. BUT when she dolled up like Marilyn....I take it all back. HAWT!

[Desnudo]

If that isn't absolutely disgusting. Those green striped shorts and the 'wife beater'. C'mon. That is not hot. BUT when she dolled up like Marilyn....I take it all back. HAWT!

It wasn't how she was dressed, it was how she was acting. You can't teach that kind of sexy. Same deal in Beautiful Girls.

You like green shorts:

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/markcarpenter/leon/images/plant.jpg

[DanGarion]

Have you seen the trailer for this new movie? She's looking good, all dressed in her Sunday's best bra and panties.

[JeeberD]

Since we won't be able to see Natalie's goodies, how about Anne Hathaway's goodies instead?

I refused to believe it when I first heard about it, but it's 100% true: Anne Hathaway shows off her ENTIRE body in this movie. I saw an advanced screening in Texas, and let me tell you, it's mind blowing. Only 15 minutes into it, young Anne is being felt up by an LA gangbanger and off comes her top. Her breasts are large with big, pink nipples. The lucky guy gets to suck on them for a minute. Later on, she gets out of bed fully nude to answer the door. You don't see much pubic action here, but there is a long, well-lit view of her behind. Half way through the movie is the scene that will probably ruin her career, at least with Disney. She pleasures herself with a vibrator in front of a group of onlookers. I was just expecting a quick muff-shot, but you see LIPS! There's no insertion shot, but that doesn't matter. I don't know about you, but I'm not used to seeing actual vagina in a Hollywood movie, just pubic hair (Anne's is very well-trimmed, BTW. So her reign as a princess is over. She is now Hollywood's new skin queen.

[Desnudo]

Since we won't be able to see Natalie's goodies, how about Anne Hathaway's goodies instead?

I got this from a user review of Havoc, Hathaway's movie, on IMDb:

"Aside from the unrealistic story line, laughable script,and pathetic actors, the movie as I mentioned above, follows the lines of a porno. I have never seen so much female nudity, and sex scenes. What boggles me most is that there is so much nudity of what your supposed to believe to be underage kids. The most horrible scene that makes you sick to your stomach is Phillips getting initiated into a mexican gang, shows her, quite visually, having sex with two men at once. Everything else in the movie seems to follow that same vulgar line."

Now maybe I'm more jaded than the reviewer, but I think I could handle watching Bijou Phillips get double-teamed by two Mexican gang members.

[sabotai]

vulgar = good. When will people learn that!?

[sovereignstar]

"The most horrible scene that makes you sick to your stomach is Phillips getting initiated into a mexican gang, shows her, quite visually, having sex with two men at once. Everything else in the movie seems to follow that same vulgar line."
Oh no she didn't girlfriennnnnd! That's just a no-no! The last time I saw a poor, brittle girl getting gang-banged I sat there and bit my pillow. Ridiculous!

Remember, pastels are in and shave WITH the grain! WITH the grain...

[Schmidty]

Natalie Portman has the body of a twelve-year-old.

Blech.

[DeToxRox]

Now maybe I'm more jaded than the reviewer, but I think I could handle watching Bijou Phillips get double-teamed by two Mexican gang members.

hell, i think i can handle watching skydog get double-teamed by two mexican gang members ..

... but only because i preach diversity

[DanGarion]

Mmmm Anne Hathaway...

[DeToxRox]

Mmmm Anne Hathaway...

drooool... anferney hardaway

[Buccaneer]

You kids are funny.

[Draft Dodger]

I must be old. I have no clue who Anne Hathaway or Bijou Philips is

[cuervo72]

Princess Diaries for the first. Not sure what Philips is famous for more than her lineage.

[cthomer5000]

Anne Hathaway damn hot.

[Draft Dodger]

Princess Diaries for the first. Not sure what Philips is famous for more than her lineage.

Princess Diaries?
sorry, man, I'm straight.

[cuervo72]

Kids movie...if you watch any Disney Channel, you can't help but see commercials for it.

(and if you see the commercials, you think "hey...she's pretty cute")

[Suicane75]

Theres a whole slew of "teenage" actors and actresses who seem to live making these below the radar, pretentious, shock value low budget self indulgent borefests. I can guarantee you that if Bijou Phillips, Brad Renfro or Dominique Swain are in a movie it's gonna involve gratuitous sex and self important dialog and generaly take itself more serious than it has any right to. I feel bad that this is the road that Anne Hathaway is taking because she seems to be a pretty decent actress and It's a shame that this is the road shes taking with her career.

As an aside, Chers son Elijah Blue was on the Stern show about a year or so ago, and Stern was going on and on about how cool it must be to get Bijou Phillips at which point Elijah cooly and calmy says, "Eh, it's 3 O'clock slop", I still laugh at that line everytime I see some self important blurb about the non entity that is Bijou Phillips.
F' em all

[WSUCougar]

I must be old. I have no clue who Anne Hathaway or Bijou Philips is
Ms. Hathaway is in the back row, middle:
http://www.alternatechannels.org/images/us/hillbillies.jpg

[cuervo72]

Yep, right there next to Mr. Drysdale.

[Draft Dodger]

but that Miss Hathaway was a lesbian, right?

[cuervo72]

Mmm, yep! (it did seem odd that she was always going around in a boy scouts outfit)

Funny thing...I had a friend in college (who was gay) who always reminded me of Miss Hathaway for whatever reason.

[CHEMICAL SOLDIER]

Back when Natalie Portman was a freshman she sat in the row in front of me at the movie theater in Harvard Square. She was with some guy and was totally mauling him. I don't remember which movie it was but she didn't watch much of it.

How do you know it was her it could have been a body doubleor something.

[Flasch186]

Theres a whole slew of "teenage" actors and actresses who seem to live making these below the radar, pretentious, shock value low budget self indulgent borefests. I can guarantee you that if Bijou Phillips, Brad Renfro or Dominique Swain are in a movie it's gonna involve gratuitous sex and self important dialog and generaly take itself more serious than it has any right to. I feel bad that this is the road that Anne Hathaway is taking because she seems to be a pretty decent actress and It's a shame that this is the road shes taking with her career.

As an aside, Chers son Elijah Blue was on the Stern show about a year or so ago, and Stern was going on and on about how cool it must be to get Bijou Phillips at which point Elijah cooly and calmy says, "Eh, it's 3 O'clock slop", I still laugh at that line everytime I see some self important blurb about the non entity that is Bijou Phillips.
F' em all


Suicane, I was forced to sit through the Princess Diaries 2 and Im being honest when I say this. It was the worst movie I have ever seen in all facets. In front of the screena nd behind it. It is a shame because there was some pretty decent actors involved, and perhaps I missed the point that it was a kids movie BUT all things considered. I felt that it was worse than the other worst movies I ahve seen including, Johnny Mneumonic, Cabin Boy, and Cabin Fever (strange 2 cabins in there).

[WSUCougar]

"He wants to see my bare ass much less than (even) my father would. He's as or more protective of me than my parents are. So doing sexual, physical stuff for him felt very uncomfortable."
My wife gets Entertainment Weekly and Natalie Portman and Julia Roberts were on the cover this week. I took a look at the article about the movie, and just wanted to point out that the quote above is incorrect - or at least doesn't match the article I read - which says the opposite: "So doing sexual, physical stuff for him felt very comfortable."

For whatever that's worth.

[rkmsuf]

Julia Roberts has an enormous mouth.

[DanGarion]

Julia Roberts has an enormous mouth.
Doesn't make her any less hot though.

[rkmsuf]

Doesn't make her any less hot though.

It's too distracting. She has hippo mouth.

[Suicane75]

I've always found Julia Roberts to be completely plain and asexual. Never had a loin stirring thought about her.

[Raiders Army]

I've always found Julia Roberts to be completely plain and asexual. Never had a loin stirring thought about her.

Agree...if there was anyone overrated, it's her. Nice legs, but not much else. I think Starr Jones is hotter....just kidding.

[Desnudo]

Theres a whole slew of "teenage" actors and actresses who seem to live making these below the radar, pretentious, shock value low budget self indulgent borefests. I can guarantee you that if Bijou Phillips, Brad Renfro or Dominique Swain are in a movie it's gonna involve gratuitous sex and self important dialog and generaly take itself more serious than it has any right to. I feel bad that this is the road that Anne Hathaway is taking because she seems to be a pretty decent actress and It's a shame that this is the road shes taking with her career.

As an aside, Chers son Elijah Blue was on the Stern show about a year or so ago, and Stern was going on and on about how cool it must be to get Bijou Phillips at which point Elijah cooly and calmy says, "Eh, it's 3 O'clock slop", I still laugh at that line everytime I see some self important blurb about the non entity that is Bijou Phillips.
F' em all

The world needs ditch diggers too Suicane75.

[sovereignstar]

Julia Roberts has an enormous mouth.
Better than having a big vagina.

[rkmsuf]

Better than having a big vagina.

You always look at the bright side.

[Desnudo]

Better than having a big vagina.

How do you know she doesn't?

[rkmsuf]

A Jessica Simpson/Julia Roberts kiss would have to involve no fly zones and some extensive safety precautions.

[sovereignstar]

How do you know she doesn't?
Because once I jerked off to a mental image of her and she definitely did NOT have a big vagina.
http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Anthony]

jacking off to mental images is the best. that's like jack-off survival.

that's right up there with being trapped in a jungle and knowing which vines you can cut that will have some water to drink out of. sure, having a faucet to get water from would be best, but sometimes you gotta be able to exist with the bare essentials also. you just have to be able to do it, that's all.

[Blade]

Because once I jerked off to a mental image of her and she definitely did NOT have a big vagina.
http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif

BRING BACK QOTM FOR THIS!!!

:eek:

[Suicane75]

jacking off to mental images is the best. that's like jack-off survival.

that's right up there with being trapped in a jungle and knowing which vines you can cut that will have some water to drink out of. sure, having a faucet to get water from would be best, but sometimes you gotta be able to exist with the bare essentials also. you just have to be able to do it, that's all.

Except for those occasions when Becky #2 from Roseanne is the focal point of your session and then suddenly John Goodmans naked ass pops into your head and you have to go out and get uber drunk to try and forget the whole evening.

[DanGarion]

Except for those occasions when Becky #2 from Roseanne is the focal point of your session and then suddenly John Goodmans naked ass pops into your head and you have to go out and get uber drunk to try and forget the whole evening.
Is Becky #2 the one on Scrubs?

[Desnudo]

I thought Becky #1 was sexy in a not-quite attractive-but-really-slutty way. Becky #2 was a limp biscuit.

[sovereignstar]

Becky #2

http://www.murrayinthemorning.com/sweetest16/gallery/chalke_1.jpg

[cuervo72]

Becky #2 was much better looking. Too good looking in fact...she didn't fit in with the rest of the family.

[Desnudo]

Becky #2

http://www.murrayinthemorning.com/sweetest16/gallery/chalke_1.jpg

There's something off about her, I can't put my finger on it. I also think she's definitely helped a lot by makeup.

[DanGarion]

Yeh Becky 2 is the one on Scrubs.

[dawgfan]

As a man with a healthy libido and a long-time thing for Natalie Portman, I'm deeply disappointed by Mike Nichols' decision. Selfish bastard...

[rkmsuf]

Becky #2

http://www.murrayinthemorning.com/sweetest16/gallery/chalke_1.jpg

I'd hire her at my spankorama shop.

[Samdari]

Has anyone seen this?

I am hearing reports/reading reviews which say that Nat is not even topless, let alone full frontal.

I expect a full report from someone.

[JeeberD]

Yeah, all frontal nudity has been removed from the film, but there are still plenty of nice shots of her butt in a thong...

[rkmsuf]

Has anyone seen this?

I am hearing reports/reading reviews which say that Nat is not even topless, let alone full frontal.

I expect a full frontal from someone.


All right, just take it easy.

The shots that have come out so far have been kind of dark and uninspiring.

[MikeVic]

:( :( :(

I was sooooo looking forward to seeing this. I was going to go to the theatres to watch it this weekend. Please tell me Portman is still nude. :(

As much as I want to see her ass, I won't pay money to sit through the movie just for that...

[moriarty]

Hang in there spankmaster ... there's bound to be an 'unrated' DVD version out in the spring.

[JeeberD]

The director has said that he isn't going to put the much sought after clips on the DVD...

[rkmsuf]

The director has said that he isn't going to put the much sought after clips on the DVD...


See, Director is the ultimate scam. The scenes are just sitting there on his shelf.

[lynchjm24]

Yeah, all frontal nudity has been removed from the film, but there are still plenty of nice shots of her butt in a thong...

Saw it. She doesn't get naked. Most people there hated it (all the women I was with and heard talking about it). I liked it. There is just one huge plot hole for me. No way in hell would I trade in Natalie Portman for Julia Roberts. No way in hell.

[DanGarion]

There is video of it floating around out there now. I saw a link on Totalfark today but can't see it till I get home, it's NSFW but might be because of the site it's hosted on... which is something like newsfilter or something like that.

[Fonzie]

Ms. Hathaway is in the back row, middle:
http://www.alternatechannels.org/images/us/hillbillies.jpg

When I was eight years old Donna Douglas gave me a kiss on the cheek at a an Auto Show in Rolla, Missouri.

Just thought you'd like to know.