Karlifornia
10-01-2007, 01:58 AM
Dancing, among males, isn't something you have to do. Girls...they all love dancing. There isn't an exception to the rule. That morbidly obese receptionist at your work? The bookish barista wearing horn-rimmed glasses that gives you your Caramel Macchiatto, or whatever stimulant you drink on the way to work each morning... Oh yes...they may be introverts, but when they get a drink or three in them, amongst the company of their girlfriends, they dance their asses off. They drop it like it's hot. They back it up. They shake their tailfeathers. All of it. It doesn't matter what kind of music it is. It could be Rihanna, or it could be AC/DC. They dance.
With men, though, it's not as consistent. You have a few different types of dancers when it comes to men. Here they are:
John Wayne-This guy doesn't dance, period. In fact, if you were deaf, you'd have to question whether or not music was actually playing at all in the presence of John Wayne. There is no finger-snapping...no toe-tapping..no head-nodding, and least of all no hip-twisting. For John Wayne, to dance would be to immediately emasculate himself, and he might as well start sucking cocks.
The Ninja-The Ninja will dance, but only under these conditions:
1.There is nobody else around, and there is no chance of anyone being around to potentially out the ninja's gyrations. That's it.
The Ninja would rarely be caught dancing in a public place, not even with a romantic interest. The Ninja is curious about his limitations, though, and will dance in the privacy of his own home..preferably in front of a mirror.
The Ninja's public dancing is steadfastly restricted to slow-dancing, and only at the wedding of a relative.
Mr. Easter Island- Mr. Easter Island is fine with getting out on the floor. He'll do it at a dive bar. He'll do it at a "hip ultra-lounge". He'll do it at a house party. What Mr. Easter Island doesn't do is dance. Mr. Easter Island lives up to his namesake by standing there like a statue. No real movement to speak of. He lets the woman do all of the work. He feels he would look foolish trying to do anything fancy. The difference between him and the Ninja, is that Mr. Easter Island is ok being on the dancefloor during a fast song....he just ain't gonna do a damn thing once he's there. He'll just let the lady have her fun, but he wants to seem as though he's game.
The One-Trick Pony The One-Trick Pony is pretty self-explanitory. He'll get on the dancefloor for one song, with his date/girlfriend/wife. His ceiling is a single song, because he has only once dance. He waits in the shadows for the right song, because, much like a wild game hunter, he only has one great shot at a kill. After the dance, the OTP can probably be heard smugly rebuffing someone's request for another dance, even if he is vehemently interested in the girl. The exchange may go something like this:
Girl: "That was great...I didn't know you could tear it up like that!!!"
OTP: "Yeah, there's more than meets the eye!"
Girl: "Stay here! I'm not done with you yet!"
OTP: "Ha, no no...I think I'm gonna take a break from setting your ass on fire with my dancing."
Girl: "Oh...come on! I wanna see what else you got in that bag o' tricks!"
OTP: "Don't be selfish, now. There's only so much of me to go around."
The reasons for the turn-down are obvious. The OTP has no bag of tricks. The OTP has a trick. It's the twist, it's the electric slide, it's the two-step. It's whatever. That's it, and the OTP must take his show to another town.
The Lou Gehrig-The lou gehrig is a dancing machine. He does stuff you've never even seen before. The Lou Gehrig is the Lou Gehrig because he tries to steal the show from anyone he's dancing with (Wally Pipp), and he usually does. He treats dancing not as a simulation of boot-knocking, but as a showcase for his body-moving majesty. Thus, the lou gehrig is just as comfortable dancing alone as with a partner. He's the guy at a social event that shows everybody how to do it. When that song "Do You Love Me?" gets to that part "I can do the mashed potato...I can do the twist", he reminds people of what the mashed potato is, and he seamlessly segues into the twist. If you're at all cynical, you think The Lou Gehrig is a douchebag. The Lou Gehrig doesn't care...This is his moment to shine.
Which are you?
With men, though, it's not as consistent. You have a few different types of dancers when it comes to men. Here they are:
John Wayne-This guy doesn't dance, period. In fact, if you were deaf, you'd have to question whether or not music was actually playing at all in the presence of John Wayne. There is no finger-snapping...no toe-tapping..no head-nodding, and least of all no hip-twisting. For John Wayne, to dance would be to immediately emasculate himself, and he might as well start sucking cocks.
The Ninja-The Ninja will dance, but only under these conditions:
1.There is nobody else around, and there is no chance of anyone being around to potentially out the ninja's gyrations. That's it.
The Ninja would rarely be caught dancing in a public place, not even with a romantic interest. The Ninja is curious about his limitations, though, and will dance in the privacy of his own home..preferably in front of a mirror.
The Ninja's public dancing is steadfastly restricted to slow-dancing, and only at the wedding of a relative.
Mr. Easter Island- Mr. Easter Island is fine with getting out on the floor. He'll do it at a dive bar. He'll do it at a "hip ultra-lounge". He'll do it at a house party. What Mr. Easter Island doesn't do is dance. Mr. Easter Island lives up to his namesake by standing there like a statue. No real movement to speak of. He lets the woman do all of the work. He feels he would look foolish trying to do anything fancy. The difference between him and the Ninja, is that Mr. Easter Island is ok being on the dancefloor during a fast song....he just ain't gonna do a damn thing once he's there. He'll just let the lady have her fun, but he wants to seem as though he's game.
The One-Trick Pony The One-Trick Pony is pretty self-explanitory. He'll get on the dancefloor for one song, with his date/girlfriend/wife. His ceiling is a single song, because he has only once dance. He waits in the shadows for the right song, because, much like a wild game hunter, he only has one great shot at a kill. After the dance, the OTP can probably be heard smugly rebuffing someone's request for another dance, even if he is vehemently interested in the girl. The exchange may go something like this:
Girl: "That was great...I didn't know you could tear it up like that!!!"
OTP: "Yeah, there's more than meets the eye!"
Girl: "Stay here! I'm not done with you yet!"
OTP: "Ha, no no...I think I'm gonna take a break from setting your ass on fire with my dancing."
Girl: "Oh...come on! I wanna see what else you got in that bag o' tricks!"
OTP: "Don't be selfish, now. There's only so much of me to go around."
The reasons for the turn-down are obvious. The OTP has no bag of tricks. The OTP has a trick. It's the twist, it's the electric slide, it's the two-step. It's whatever. That's it, and the OTP must take his show to another town.
The Lou Gehrig-The lou gehrig is a dancing machine. He does stuff you've never even seen before. The Lou Gehrig is the Lou Gehrig because he tries to steal the show from anyone he's dancing with (Wally Pipp), and he usually does. He treats dancing not as a simulation of boot-knocking, but as a showcase for his body-moving majesty. Thus, the lou gehrig is just as comfortable dancing alone as with a partner. He's the guy at a social event that shows everybody how to do it. When that song "Do You Love Me?" gets to that part "I can do the mashed potato...I can do the twist", he reminds people of what the mashed potato is, and he seamlessly segues into the twist. If you're at all cynical, you think The Lou Gehrig is a douchebag. The Lou Gehrig doesn't care...This is his moment to shine.
Which are you?