Breaking and Entering [Archive] - Front Office Football Central

panerd

11-07-2007, 02:20 PM

Disclaimer: I dated a married women "Beth" for about 4 months who said she was seperated but whose husband was not aware of the seperation. Then she actually got legally seperated and I started dating her again. So her now seperated husband has no reason to like me and I can't blame him. However...

Me and Beth just got back from a trip to Vegas. Throughout the trip her crazy husband called her about every 20 minutes. When we returned some stuff got mixed up in our suitcases so she left some pants, some lotions, a shirt, and some earrings over at my house. I put them all on my table on Monday morning planning on giving them to her later in the day.

I come home from work Monday night and something isn't right. You know how you get one of those feelings that stuff seems out of place? The shower curtain was closed different, the couch cushions are different, just a wierd feeling. So I am kind of uneasy but didn't notice any cash missing or my stereo equipment, etc so I kind of forgot about it. So later that night I am talking to Beth on the phone and I go to look at her stuff and it isn't there! I look all over my house (which isn't large so it didn't take long) and I can't find them. After about 5 searches I start thinking, but no he couldn't have? Then I notice my front window is unlocked and the screen is in place but has obviously been moved.

I have no doubt that he broke in and stole her stuff. She confronted him to no avail and then I did also. Should I get the police involved or any other advice? Is this guy going to end up chopping me into little pieces? I am at a complete loss. I realize that I have some fault in this whole ordeal but this is crazier than anything I have ever been involved with. If I cut Beth lose than he wins, but is any woman worth this? Is there even any way to prove that he did anything?

It seems too professional with no broken locks or windows for a normal average scientest guy to do. Am I being too naive and it is a lot easier to break into a house than I know? I wish I just screwed up and the stuff is at my house, but I think this guy was in my house! Any opinions?

JonInMiddleGA

11-07-2007, 02:30 PM

sabotai

11-07-2007, 02:30 PM

If the glass window unlocked, it's very easy to break into someone's house. Get the police involved.

Surtt

11-07-2007, 02:31 PM

Disclaimer: I dated a married women "Beth" for about 4 months who said she was seperated but whose husband was not aware of the seperation.

Run.
If she was dishonest about her separation I would not have anything to do with her.
YMMV.

panerd

11-07-2007, 02:32 PM

Yes, I'd say definitely get a police report. Better to already be on file in case you need a restraining order on him later, need a rapid response to a subsequent prowler call, etc.

To be honest though, the first suspect that comes to my mind when reading this was Beth herself.
But hey, I've known more than my share of psychobitches through the years, so YMMV.

She is very freaked out and scared right now. And I work with her so she had no oppurtunity to do it, but I do hear what you are saying.

Any psychologists on the board? Does this fit a profile? Is this the "8 dead. Man was disgruntled over relationship" type profile? :confused:

panerd

11-07-2007, 02:34 PM

Run.
If she was dishonest about her separation I would not have anything to do with her.
YMMV.

If I were on the outside looking in I would agree 100%. But I am honestly pretty attached and into her and would really be hurting if I broke it off. But it is getting close to that point. My problem is that we are really into each other and if we break up then crazy husband wins.

Drake

11-07-2007, 02:35 PM

Bad things happen when you date married women.

Drake

11-07-2007, 02:35 PM

My problem is that we are really into each other and if we break up then crazy husband wins.

Dude, he's already won. You're now responsible for the wife who was fucking around on him.

Telle

11-07-2007, 02:38 PM

It's actually rather easy to break into a house.. especially if a window was left unlocked. For me this was a good thing because it allowed my brother to break into my house when my two year old locked me out.

Surtt

11-07-2007, 02:38 PM

If I were on the outside looking in I would agree 100%. But I am honestly pretty attached and into her and would really be hurting if I broke it off. But it is getting close to that point. My problem is that we are really into each other and if we break up then crazy husband wins.

Been there, done that.
It is a lot easier to tell someone, then to do it.

Good luck.

Deattribution

11-07-2007, 02:41 PM

Bad things happen when you date married women.

The thing I never got with this is getting attached with someone who's already proven they're willing to eff over somebody who they're 'commited' to.

With that said, I think I'd definately file a report on her ex just so they have a lead suspect when you turn up missing :p

Kodos

11-07-2007, 02:47 PM

If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.

Drake

11-07-2007, 03:00 PM

Panerd, I don't want it to look like we're derailing your thread by focusing on the whole "dating a married woman" thing. Because the truth is that this isn't a threadjack.

People who cheat have an inherent need for drama. I'll bet she's told you what a lousy, abusive, insane guy her husband was. Didn't meet her needs emotionally. Was always working or messing with his hobbies. Made her feel scared or intimidated.

She needs that drama because it makes her feel wanted and important. That's part of what people need to do to justify stepping out on their marriage. Women in particular know that guys tend to fall for the whole Rescue Damsel routine.

In any event, you've got to be careful how you handle this if you decide you want to go long term with this woman, because like it or not, her soon-to-be exHusband is going to be a part of your life for years to come, especially if there are kids involved.

Also remember that anything and everything he might actually be doing comes from a place of intense pain. You may not have been told the truth about the status of their marriage when you first hooked up with her, but as far as her husband is concerned, you're the guy who destroyed his family. He's going to be a bit pissed off at you.

Eaglesfan27

11-07-2007, 03:13 PM

If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.

QFT.

Mustang

11-07-2007, 03:27 PM

Screw this situation...

Married girlfriend (despite being legally separated, she is married), people breaking into your house and a husband that doesn't seem to be going anywhere?

Fuck that...

But, yes, if someone broke into your house you file a report. If he really did break in, he was looking for something else and the stuff was just a sidebar to that. Dude's calling his wife every 20 minutes, WTF do you think is going to happen if he breaks in again and your balls are slapping against his wife's ass?

Although personally, I think Beth snuck back in.

Rizon

11-07-2007, 08:06 PM

Can I have your login after her husband kills you?

Coffee Warlord

11-07-2007, 08:10 PM

Married girlfriend (despite being legally separated, she is married), people breaking into your house and a husband that doesn't seem to be going anywhere?

Fuck that...

That's what got him in trouble in the first place. :)

Lorena

11-07-2007, 08:42 PM

You keep saying "he wins", are you sure that's why you wanna stay in the relationship so HE doesn't get her? She cheated and lied... are you sure this is the person you wanna have a serious relationship with? So who could have broken into your house... if it was her, then you have someone in dire need of attention, if it was him, you're royally fucked.

Galaxy

11-07-2007, 08:49 PM

Where's JimmyWint when you need him.

BYU 14

11-07-2007, 08:53 PM

It's a tough spot when you are in it, I would definitely file a report but I would also evaluate your relationship.

You have to ask....What would prompt him to break in to your House? It couldn't be that he just randomly thought, I wonder if he has some of her stuff in his Crib. And if he just broke in hoping to find evidence of her "being" there your Closet and Drawers would have probably been ransacked too, looking for her Clothes or something else. Plus, if he is that much of a Psycho, finding her stuff there would have probably pushed him to destroy something of yours. It just all seems a little suspicious to me, like she might be playing you against each other.

CU Tiger

11-07-2007, 09:22 PM

due..id get a report and a gun...

panerd

11-07-2007, 09:23 PM

Update: Upon furthur review pictures of me and her on my fridge and a big framed one I had from Vegas just two days ago are missing. I keep asking myself the same question why he would break in without even knowing that her shit would even be there. I think I understand. I wonder if he also planted some bugs or recording devices.

I realize how this looks to everyone on the outside and I even sort of see it too. But she has been with him for ten years and I have worked with her for three and seen how miserable he makes her. We never even thought about any fooling around until around St. Patrick's day. So I consider it step above someone meeting me at a bar or something and giving me a line of shit. She did lie about being seperated, but she has stuck with this guy for ten years and so I hope it is more than just a fling. It's kind of sad but she has made me happier than any previous girlfriend, but also makes me more frustrated. All the signs are there to walk away (and to call the police) but I am having trouble pulling the trigger.

These things have to work out sometime don't they?

panerd

11-07-2007, 09:26 PM

due..id get a report and a gun...

I have a gun, though I am not sure I could ever use it on somebody. I am not real intimidated by the guy either but this is still a step above crazy. I just wonder if the report will do anything but get him interviewed and her in deeper shit and in the end accomplish nothing. (Or worse)

sterlingice

11-07-2007, 09:34 PM

Lorena

11-07-2007, 09:36 PM

panerd, serious question here... is he physically abusive towards her?

Coffee Warlord

11-07-2007, 09:38 PM

....hooo boy, upon reading that followup note.

1) Call the police, like, NOW.

2) Inquire to the police if they have someone who can indeed check for surveilance type devices. Or hire a security consultant to do so if you're that concerned about it.

3) Call the police.

4) Call the police.

Get the drift? Dude is not stable.

Ex husband breaking into your place and stealing picture of you and his ex? Yeah. Bad.

Ironhead

11-07-2007, 09:53 PM

This is like a case study of what happens when all of the rules of logic and sanity are broken in a relationship.

panerd

11-07-2007, 09:58 PM

panerd, serious question here... is he physically abusive towards her?

No. He is a good dad also, just a horrible match for her.

Simms

11-07-2007, 10:11 PM

1) Call the police, like, NOW.

2) Inquire to the police if they have someone who can indeed check for surveilance type devices. Or hire a security consultant to do so if you're that concerned about it.

3) Call the police.

4) Call the police.

This.

StarBuck

11-07-2007, 10:19 PM

Dude, I think your in a whole lot of mess that a large part of you doesn't want out of.

p.s. Call the police so they have it on record.

BYU 14

11-07-2007, 10:28 PM

BYU: randomly Capitalizing things fOR 1200+ posts ;)

SI

I get excited sometimes :)

Ironhead

11-07-2007, 10:29 PM

I get Excited sometimes :)

Fixed it for you. :p

CamEdwards

11-07-2007, 10:30 PM

No offense Panerd, but if you don't call the police, I'd say it's up in the air when it comes to who's the crazier guy here.

panerd

11-07-2007, 10:40 PM

Dude, I think your in a whole lot of mess that a large part of you doesn't want out of.

p.s. Call the police so they have it on record.

I definitely don't like the drama at all. But I can't explain how I feel about this woman either. 3 months ago I was at wit's end and couldn't stand her, but since September it is the happiest I have been in my life. I know that I need to do something, but I wonder if it will accomplish anything or just set stuff back.

Coffee Warlord

11-07-2007, 10:45 PM

I definitely don't like the drama at all. But I can't explain how I feel about this woman either. 3 months ago I was at wit's end and couldn't stand her, but since September it is the happiest I have been in my life. I know that I need to do something, but I wonder if it will accomplish anything or just set stuff back.

You've got someone breaking into your house, and given what's missing, it's a pretty safe bet you know who it is.

And you happen to be sleeping with that someone's wife. A person who has already shown he has no qualms about and no problem with breaking into your home.

Yeah. Cops. Call. Now.

CamEdwards

11-07-2007, 10:46 PM

Galaxy

11-07-2007, 10:49 PM

I agree with calling the police.

panerd

11-07-2007, 10:54 PM

BTW, the police are most likely not going to devote a lot of time and attention to a case like this. You should consider getting an order of protection against him, as should she (and yes, I know what a pain in the ass this will be because of the kids involved). That may at least scare him away.

Also, if you have a gun but are not prepared to use it to defend yourself, lock it away and make sure it's inaccessible to anyone who might break into the home. Don't give HIM the opportunity to use it.

This is where I am coming from, the police will probably think that's what I get for fooling around with a married woman. And it is a case that would require either breaking the witness or some CSI shit, which I don't think they would do for this case. Therefore I just make her situation worse and don't make mine any better.

I kind of get the having it on record, but again what will that do. If he really comes to kick my ass or worse will it matter that I called the cops as I am trying to wrestle away the knife or gun? (I know, I started the thread for advice, but I am just thinking aloud here)

I get where you are coming from with the shotgun, especially with your NRA stuff. I have it mainly for fun but I have always thought I would show it if something happened. But I have no idea if I could actually pull the trigger.

Atocep

11-07-2007, 10:58 PM

This is where I am coming from, the police will probably think that's what I get for fooling around with a married woman. And it is a case that would require either breaking the witness or some CSI shit, which I don't think they would do for this case. Therefore I just make her situation worse and don't make mine any better.

I kind of get the having it on record, but again what will that do. If he really comes to kick my ass or worse will it matter that I called the cops as I am trying to wrestle away the knife or gun? (I know, I started the thread for advice, but I am just thinking aloud here)

I get where you are coming from with the shotgun, especially with your NRA stuff. I have it mainly for fun but I have always thought I would show it if something happened. But I have no idea if I could actually pull the trigger.

This is why you need to remove yourself from the situation. Your long term mental/physical health is what is potentially at stake here. No matter what the attachment is to this woman this is one of those times where you do what is best for yourself.

astrosfan64

11-07-2007, 11:26 PM

This is where I am coming from, the police will probably think that's what I get for fooling around with a married woman. And it is a case that would require either breaking the witness or some CSI shit, which I don't think they would do for this case. Therefore I just make her situation worse and don't make mine any better.

I kind of get the having it on record, but again what will that do. If he really comes to kick my ass or worse will it matter that I called the cops as I am trying to wrestle away the knife or gun? (I know, I started the thread for advice, but I am just thinking aloud here)

I get where you are coming from with the shotgun, especially with your NRA stuff. I have it mainly for fun but I have always thought I would show it if something happened. But I have no idea if I could actually pull the trigger.

Go with the flow. I mean if you like her and are having fun go for it. Just because she left him for someone else, DOESN'T mean she will do the same to you.

Obviously the guy has some issues. He might not even be a bad guy, but it seems pretty obivous they just weren't meant to be.

On the police note that is up to you. If you are a play it by the book guy who doesn't want confrontation, then call them. If you are a macho type or aren't fearful then fuck it and handle it yourself.

But, some of the best loving you can find is from these types of situations. So enjoy the ride.

JonInMiddleGA

11-08-2007, 06:34 AM

This is where I am coming from, the police will probably think that's what I get for fooling around with a married woman.

I really doubt most cops will give a shit who you're sleeping with. Let's be real here - their's is not exactly a profession known for fidelity.

I kind of get the having it on record, but again what will that do.

If you're right and it really was him, it will give them a prime suspect when you wake up with your throat cut. I can only assume that you would at least like them to arrest him after you're dead.

But I have no idea if I could actually pull the trigger.
Then take Cam's advice & make absolutely certain that it is secured so that you aren't eventually killed with your own gun.

Look, if you hadn't asked for advice then I wouldn't be offering it in this case but ... the truth of the matter is that she's at least as good a suspect as he is. Better really, since she knew the items & knew the location better. I think you don't want the police involved at this point in part because you don't want them to find out that it was her that took the stuff. I'm getting a really bad vibe from this whole scenario at this point. I'd say there's at least a reasonable chance that she's intentionally playing the two of you against each other, hoping for whatever reason to provoke some confrontation between the two men in her life (or at least the two that we know about).

Flasch186

11-08-2007, 06:59 AM

dont show it if you wont use it...

boy that can be used to apply with so many things.

sterlingice

11-08-2007, 07:25 AM

I'd say there's at least a reasonable chance that she's intentionally playing the two of you against each other, hoping for whatever reason to provoke some confrontation between the two men in her life (or at least the two that we know about).

Kindof scary to think about but that part is entirely possible, too.

SI

ISiddiqui

11-08-2007, 07:27 AM

Having it on record can be very important. If he does something questionable again, the cops can see that he broke in before and perhaps take a future complaint more seriously than they may have. Also you can get a restraining order on him... and that is probably a good idea.

Kodos

11-08-2007, 07:29 AM

This whole thing sounds really bad. I know you're having a good time with her, but it is not worth it. And even if you do end up together, you will always wonder when she is going to cheat on YOU.

Get out and save yourself some grief. Who cares who "wins"? Honestly, the husband deserves to win cuz they're married. If she wanted to be with someone else, she should have done it the right way and got divorced first.

Drake

11-08-2007, 07:42 AM

I think you don't want the police involved at this point in part because you don't want them to find out that it was her that took the stuff. I'm getting a really bad vibe from this whole scenario at this point. I'd say there's at least a reasonable chance that she's intentionally playing the two of you against each other, hoping for whatever reason to provoke some confrontation between the two men in her life (or at least the two that we know about).

John makes a good point here. Since we know there are kids involved, there's a better than average chance that *she* broke into your place and is hoping that you file a report because (depending on the divorce laws in your state) it would give her a better custody deal if she can show legal proof (i.e., your report) that her ex is unstable.

Personally, I wouldn't worry about violence at this point. If he was going to confront you and get violent, he would have done it already.

Honestly, I'm a bit intrigued about the whole you two being in Vegas and him calling every 20 minutes thing. That doesn't sound like typical guy behavior -- unless the woman involved is stringing the somebody along. I have this strong feeling that what she's telling you and what she's telling her husband are two entirely different things.

You asked above about these things working out sometimes. I cheated on my first wife, divorced her and ended up marrying the woman I cheated with. Now, I've been faithful for the last fifteen years -- that is, my entire new marriage. But all the features of my wife that allowed her to screw around with a married guy have remained a constant issue in our relationship. She loves the drama. She's constantly making life more difficult because she craves attention and excitement. And yes, she's cheated on me, including a two year affair with my best friend.

Granted, my wife is bipolar, and that's a huge factor in her destructive and self-destructive behaviors, but you need to take a long look at this woman and realize that she was madly in love enough with her husband just ten years ago to marry him and start a family. Now she describes him as unstable, a bad match, etc. How much of that is true and how much is that her attempting to make justifications for morally reprehensible decisions? The fact is that painting her husband as a nutcase is coping mechanism she has developed to self-soothe when she's unhappy with her life. She's now proven that this coping mechanism works, because it landed her an extracurricular boyfriend.

And if it worked once, it will work again. Soon, *you'll* be the nutcase, uncaring, bad-match boyfriend when she's ready to move on...or to move back with her husband.

Not to say that this is etched in stone, but to get past self-destructive self-soothing behaviors requires a great deal of work on yourself, and given her selfish behaviors currently (i.e., running off to Vegas with a boyfriend while her husband is taking care of her kids at home), it doesn't sound like she's in any position to start fixing herself yet.

Realize, of course, that I'm coloring your story with my own experience, so your situation may be different than mine. What I *can* tell you fifteen years down the road is that cheating on my ex-wife and marrying my girlfriend was the single worst decision I've ever made in my life. If it weren't for *my* kids, I'd have been out of this marriage a dozen times over because my wife is simply too immature, selfish and self-destructive to have a real adult relationship.

I'd spare you that misery if I could, panerd. You deserve better than she's capable of giving you.

Drake

11-08-2007, 07:47 AM

dola...

Just wanted to add:

You do realize that when her divorce is final and she has custody of her kids that the entire dynamic of your relationship is going to change, right? Are you ready to be a family man and give up things like weekend jaunts to Vegas? To pay for orthodontia, book rental, doctor visits, blah, blah, blah?

To this point, you've gotten the "fun" Beth who has no responsibilities outside of what she wants and when she wants it. Once the divorce goes through, the dating is over and you've bought yourself a pre-made family without the romantic run-up to kids and responsibilities. Since she's a mom, you don't get to have just her. She's a package deal.

Are her kids part of the package you want, especially since they're going to grow up with the full awareness that it was you who broke up their family? That's a heavy burden to shoulder.

molson

11-08-2007, 08:13 AM

You're pretty much thinking like a girl here, assuming that "things are going to be different with me because we're special together".

This is going to get way worse if you don't get out. And it has nothing to do with the other guy.

Toddzilla

11-08-2007, 08:15 AM

EVERYTHING about this situation screams "GET OUT NOW"

I suggest you run and don't look back before something very bad happens, or should I say something *else* very bad happens.

Bonegavel

11-08-2007, 08:51 AM

Not to be a black cloud over your tea party but no woman is worth it.

Think about it:

the married faithful couples are miserable
the married unfaithful couples as miserable
the single faithful daters are miserable
the single unfaithful daters are miserableCommon denominator = everyone is miserable.

Over time, any relationship starts to suck ass and suck it big after the "honeymoon" is over. And, if somebody here isn't miserable, I can guarantee you that your significant other is. It isn't all about compromise and such as we are constantly reminded. Relationships are all about taking the person you are and smashing it into a thousand pieces and flushing it down the toilet.

If you can do that and live with the shell of a human you've become, you'll be fine.

What was I responding to? Oh right, dump her ass and move onto somebody sans baggage. At least you'll be less miserable. :)

Kodos

11-08-2007, 08:51 AM

There are three people in this situation who are not acting rationally. Do yourself a favor and be the first one to become rational.

Noop

11-08-2007, 09:09 AM

This will not end good. Think with the one on your shoulders and not the one above your boys.

Jim G.

11-08-2007, 09:17 AM

Drama adds a little spice to life, no doubt. I think the fact that you're posting here and didn't call the police the second you knew he had been in your house indicates you're enjoying the situation to a certain extent.

There's nothing wrong with that. Turn on the Lifetime network, and, at any time of the day or night, you can find a movie that pretty much mirrors your current situation. Score one for the niche nature of cable television.

My advice is simply to keep your options open. As Drake pointed out, you're getting Fun Beth right now, not Beth and the kids. You'll need a lot of time to absorb Beth and her family into your life and make a decision as to whether that's worth it for anyone involved.

The situation with her husband presents an artificial urgency. Don't let that urgency act as a substitute for a rational decision.

As others have said, do not wave a gun at anyone unless you know you can use it. This guy is crazy enough to break into your house. You point a gun anywhere near him, it will provoke a fight or flight response, and he might have your gun within two seconds if you hesitate. At which point you'll be lucky to get away with a serious beating.

Remember, to him you are the guy who is breaking apart his family. And in that sense, this is not a movie. These stories typically do not have happy endings.

MizzouRah

11-08-2007, 09:24 AM

Want to borrow my dog? j/k..

Great advice by many already... I'd call the police.

King of New York

11-08-2007, 09:30 AM

EVERYTHING about this situation screams "GET OUT NOW"

I suggest you run and don't look back before something very bad happens, or should I say something *else* very bad happens.

+1

Avoid the looming train wreck while you still can.

Call the police and then begin to disengage, slowly but surely, from the whole situation.

Telle

11-08-2007, 09:31 AM

Call the police, and get a report on file. But you don't say "This guy broke into my house." You say "Someone broke into my house.. and I suspect this guy because of X, Y, Z." So it's not like you're actually calling the police on him.. you're just filing a report of the break-in, and giving them information about a potential suspect.

Eaglesfan27

11-08-2007, 09:46 AM

This is why you need to remove yourself from the situation. Your long term mental/physical health is what is potentially at stake here. No matter what the attachment is to this woman this is one of those times where you do what is best for yourself.

Wise words. Panerd asked earlier if these things have to work out sometimes, and the answer is no they don't. I think Panerd desperately wants this to work out, but from what we've heard here, I think the only logical choice is to get away from this situation as fast as possible.

panerd

11-08-2007, 02:00 PM

Kodos

11-08-2007, 02:27 PM

panerd

11-08-2007, 02:36 PM

To be honest, I don't think you can believe a word she says on anything.

And the husband likely doesn't deserve to be called crazy. I think many of us would lose it if we found out our wife was cheating on us. Breaking in was crazy, but in general, he has every right to be upset and a bit irrational.

I see what everyone is saying about somebody who cheats on their husband (and does so by lying about their living arrangements) but I am not so sure that I am that jaded to not know reality. Like I posted earlier I have worked with her for 3 years and due to that fact the last year I see her like 18 hours a day and sometimes for long stretches. So while every adulturer definitely has some moral problems I am not sure that she is just compulsive. Again though maybe I am being completely bamboozled.

JonInMiddleGA

11-08-2007, 02:44 PM

And she works with me and was with me that afternoon so I know that she wasn't in my house that day

But that /= the estranged husband did it (not automatically at least).

Just offhand, how does he know where you live?
(could be as simple as "he knows my name & I'm in the phone book", but seems worth asking)

Further, out of curiosity, do you have a spare house key that either she has or has access to (knows what flower pot it's under, etc)?

TroyF

11-08-2007, 02:45 PM

Great advice, I would love to keep up the discussion because it is giving me more prespectives than my friends and family who have a very jaded view of the situation. Obviously I would love to go with astrosfan advice because it fits what I want to hear, but you guys seem to be overwhelmingly against my staying with her. Let me try one more point, but I realize I am not being totally rational...

Sad reality: I am an internet gamer/addict. I have had girlfriends throughout college and my professional life, but maybe every 4-5 months and they last 1-2 months and then more time off. I think that here I am experiencing something I haven't before and even though it is obviously flawed it is better than being alone. I don't know that Beth is as bad as everyone thinks, and I am aware that she isn't as great as I think. But I hate to cut it off with her due to her husband being a loon. I am not scared of him really, but kind of scared what will happen to her if I turn him into the police. I know how fucked up this might sound, but the evidence is so flimsy that I know nothing will happen with the cops. So he just gets crazier as a result. I guess I can't really see the benefit of turning him in. (I sound like an abused wife I guess, but I just don't know what the point is of involving the cops) She says to go ahead and turn him in for whats it's worth. (And she works with me and was with me that afternoon so I know that she wasn't in my house that day)

I figured I'd be married by now. A couple of kids. The picket fence. For a variety of reasons, it hasn't happened yet. I'm 35 and still searching for Ms. Right.

I'm not really great with relationship advice. I leave that to the "cocky and funny" guys who seem to know what they can get anytime they want it.

What I CAN tell you is that being in a bad relationship is far, far worse than being by yourself. Destructive relationships impact every part of your life in a negative way. The depression and loneliness don't get replaced by love and affection, but by drama and in this case possibly violence.

Eventually the drama turns back into depression and loneliness. Now you are not only lonely and depressed, but you don't even know why the hell you did it. At least if you find someone with potential that breaks your heart, you can look back and realize why you gave it a shot in the first place.

I know what you are going to do, so it isn't really worth giving you advice on it. You want to try it and you want to see if you can make it work. Nothing I (or anyone else here) can say will prevent you from doing that.

With that in mind, I'm just going to offer this to you: Good Luck. Keep your eyes open. If at any point your brain starts a silent scream in your head saying "this isn't right" LISTEN TO IT.

bulletsponge

11-08-2007, 03:02 PM

bail out Panerd

Vinatieri for Prez

11-08-2007, 03:06 PM

Jump ship. If she eventually leaves the guy and moves on with her life, consider a reunion a couple of years down the road. And I mean only "consider" it. More than likely, you will have moved on, found someone nice and sane and all this will be a distant memory.

CU Tiger

11-08-2007, 03:34 PM

I have a gun, though I am not sure I could ever use it on somebody. I am not real intimidated by the guy either but this is still a step above crazy. I just wonder if the report will do anything but get him interviewed and her in deeper shit and in the end accomplish nothing. (Or worse)

A few points:
1) Having a gun that you aren't willing to use is MUCH worse than no gun.
2) You may not be intimidated but what if he sneaks in while you sleep, or has a bat,knife or pistol?
3) Do not wave a gun for fear. He may have one himself, he may never had intended to use it only to scare you, but when faced with live or die he may react.
4) File a report, NOW!. If it was him. And IF he does come back. And IF a confrontation ensues. And IF he is injured or killed, you will look much better in the eyes of the law, if you were already fearful of this person and he had repeatedly harassed you in your own home. Nothing bad comes of a Police report, unless of course he didnt do it.
5) Im not ging to offer relationship advice, we all get a lil crazy over the P, Im just going to say that make sure the P is worth what it costs. And try to look at this woman with an objective eye. Simple question, is she sane. You know the answer. you may hide it from us, you may hide it fromm yourself, but if she is batshit crazy (as I truly suspect) then save yourself the pain.

Oh yeah, my last 2 words of wisdom.
1) Always fire a warning shot, after the fact it is hard to tell whether it came first or last, but ALWAYS fire a warning shot.
2) Dead men dont testify

gkb

11-08-2007, 04:28 PM

A lot of posters in this thread are guys I respect and I'll just echo what they've said (Todzilla, EaglesFan27, Kodos, etc)...you need to end this relationship and distance yourself from her right now.

Let them get their divorce, let them get the kid situation straightened out, and let some time pass. Then if you want to start seeing her again, fine...she needs to deal with her fucked up relationship before she jumps into another one. It sounds like, based on one of your earlier posts, that maybe you need to deal with some issues as well.

Being in a bad relationship is worse than being alone. Suddenly being thrust into a serious relationship with an angry husband (not even an ex-husband yet) and kids is not a good place to be. Yes I speak from experience here and I would never, ever do it again.

Atocep

11-08-2007, 04:51 PM

Let them get their divorce, let them get the kid situation straightened out, and let some time pass. Then if you want to start seeing her again, fine...she needs to deal with her fucked up relationship before she jumps into another one. It sounds like, based on one of your earlier posts, that maybe you need to deal with some issues as well.

This is outstanding advice. You need to let their relationship have the finality that it obviously doesn't have at this point in time. This isn't a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, its a 10 year marriage and its going to take time.

At a minimum you need to let her know that she needs to sort things out with her husband/exhusband and when everything is final you can explore a relationship again. This removes a lot of stress from the situation and makes everyone's life easier.

Apathetic Lurker

11-08-2007, 05:18 PM

Great advice, I would love to keep up the discussion because it is giving me more prespectives than my friends and family who have a very jaded view of the situation. Obviously I would love to go with astrosfan advice because it fits what I want to hear, but you guys seem to be overwhelmingly against my staying with her. Let me try one more point, but I realize I am not being totally rational...

Sad reality: I am an internet gamer/addict. I have had girlfriends throughout college and my professional life, but maybe every 4-5 months and they last 1-2 months and then more time off. I think that here I am experiencing something I haven't before and even though it is obviously flawed it is better than being alone. I don't know that Beth is as bad as everyone thinks, and I am aware that she isn't as great as I think. But I hate to cut it off with her due to her husband being a loon. I am not scared of him really, but kind of scared what will happen to her if I turn him into the police. I know how fucked up this might sound, but the evidence is so flimsy that I know nothing will happen with the cops. So he just gets crazier as a result. I guess I can't really see the benefit of turning him in. (I sound like an abused wife I guess, but I just don't know what the point is of involving the cops) She says to go ahead and turn him in for whats it's worth. (And she works with me and was with me that afternoon so I know that she wasn't in my house that day)

Oooo-Kaaaay.. This scares me. You are a internet gamer addict.That is not a problem. The problem is having a relationship with someone who cheated with you. If Your current drama works out and you get hitched down the road do you seriously think Beth will be thrilled with you glued to the Computer? She will want your undivided attention for herself and the kids. You will not be able to provide said attention due to your addiction. Sooner or later YOU will be the crazed ex- husband breaking into her new lovers crib looking for stuff.

astrosfan64

11-08-2007, 05:31 PM

Great advice, I would love to keep up the discussion because it is giving me more prespectives than my friends and family who have a very jaded view of the situation. Obviously I would love to go with astrosfan advice because it fits what I want to hear, but you guys seem to be overwhelmingly against my staying with her. Let me try one more point, but I realize I am not being totally rational...

Sad reality: I am an internet gamer/addict. I have had girlfriends throughout college and my professional life, but maybe every 4-5 months and they last 1-2 months and then more time off. I think that here I am experiencing something I haven't before and even though it is obviously flawed it is better than being alone. I don't know that Beth is as bad as everyone thinks, and I am aware that she isn't as great as I think. But I hate to cut it off with her due to her husband being a loon. I am not scared of him really, but kind of scared what will happen to her if I turn him into the police. I know how fucked up this might sound, but the evidence is so flimsy that I know nothing will happen with the cops. So he just gets crazier as a result. I guess I can't really see the benefit of turning him in. (I sound like an abused wife I guess, but I just don't know what the point is of involving the cops) She says to go ahead and turn him in for whats it's worth. (And she works with me and was with me that afternoon so I know that she wasn't in my house that day)

The real question is this. Is your your soul-mate? Like do you really love her. If the answer is yes then screw everyones advice and go for it. If it is just for kicks, then get out it might not be worth the drama.

I can speak from experience here. My wife and I got together during the seperation and then divorce from her husband. He hasn't a bad guy, they just weren't compatible. She was a bit of a emotional during it and I had to go through some things.

But in the end, I've been with her over 12 years and we have a kid. She is my best friend and I trust her completely. We are totally open and honest with our feelings and lives.

Just because someone cheats, doesn't mean they will cheat on you. That is a crappy advice and I'm surprised that so many people gave it.

The question is does she make you happy? Or is she using you? Do you have alot in common?

Do you know why they are splitting up?

StarBuck

11-08-2007, 05:32 PM

Panerd, take it from a woman, this is not good.
Not now and not in the future.
I can tell you that it is a rare person who cheats and never does it again. In my experience and those who I know and have known the cliché "once a cheater" is pretty much true.

To be able to cross that line of personal integrity (especially with kids involved!) there are personality traits, personal issues and an emptiness inside one must have. And they will continue to have them.

"I'm different" No one knows her like I do. Our relationship is better, the other one is bad, so she won't cheat on me. He is ____ (fill in blank) and therefore she gets a pass for crossing that line. Sorry, but your not the one who's love will fill the bottomless well of emptiness.

Sorry, but I really have to be blunt with you, because I have experience with this on a personal and professional level.

This sounds like your first big love and so you have nothing really to compare it to. Your somewhat inexperienced (because if you were you would not have crossed the two lines those who know better: not with a coworker and not with a married person) But she is experienced. She is the one married with kids. Believe me personal integrity regardless of how incompatible they might have been is everything. Don't settle for someone who doesn't have it because you think you won't ever feel like this again. Everyone has an excuse to justify an act of selfishness, which are what affairs really are.

Right now you see the best of her, everyone puts on their best face for snatched moments and weekends/evenings. The fantasy is not the reality. Your high on her and what your feeling because of her right now, but the high is not on terra firma.

However if we are all off base, do this one thing. Let her settle things with her husband, disconnect until they are divorced. Step back until they are divorced, then give her some space to get herself centered and THEN come together again. She should not go from the marriage strait to you. Especially with kids. Those kids are reeling and need adjustment before your in the picture.If she does, then that says a lot about the emotional healthiness of her, you and the relationship in general.

astrosfan64

11-08-2007, 05:42 PM

Let her settle things with her husband, disconnect until they are divorced. Step back until they are divorced, then give her some space to get herself centered and THEN come together again. She should not go from the marriage strait to you. Especially with kids. Those kids are reeling and need adjustment before your in the picture.If she does, then that says a lot about the emotional healthiness of her, you and the relationship in general.

I agree with this.

JHandley

11-08-2007, 05:49 PM

The real question is this. Is your your soul-mate? Like do you really love her. If the answer is yes then screw everyones advice and go for it. If it is just for kicks, then get out it might not be worth the drama.

Won't they still be soul-mates in 18-24 months? The time it takes for her to get her shit straight and come to him ready to be serious?

astrosfan64

11-08-2007, 07:16 PM

Won't they still be soul-mates in 18-24 months? The time it takes for her to get her shit straight and come to him ready to be serious?

I wouldn't put a time-frame on it. But, yes they should probably cool off the romance part of their relationship till everything else is settled in her life. But, he is probably one of the closest people to her right now, so it would definately be hard for both of them to completely cut off contact.

Warhammer

11-08-2007, 07:36 PM

As Dr. Forester said in Pod People, "It isn't about pods, it's not about people, it's about hurting."

This situation isn't about panerd, it's not about Beth or her husband, it's about hurting.

StarBuck

11-08-2007, 08:15 PM

No disrespect meant to Panerd, but let's be honest, in the end no matter what advice people give, most people will do what feels good, not what is best.

Racer

11-08-2007, 08:49 PM

My only advice is to call the police.

molson

11-08-2007, 09:02 PM

No disrespect meant to Panerd, but let's be honest, in the end no matter what advice people give, most people will do what feels good, not what is best.

It definitely takes great courage to do otherwise, but sometimes people just need to make their own mistakes.

Chief Rum

11-08-2007, 09:30 PM

Rational doesn't seem to be working.

...

...

...

(ahem)

...

FOR GOD SAKES, MAN! FILE THE FREAKIN' POLICE REPORT!!!

...

...

(straightens tie...)

...

...

Yeah

Mustang

11-08-2007, 11:44 PM

Just because someone cheats, doesn't mean they will cheat on you. That is a crappy advice and I'm surprised that so many people gave it.

No but, it is sure a red flag.

Big difference being separated and while being separated, dating someone else. That didn't happen because the husband didn't even know they were separated. (Sounds like she made the decision mentally and didn't tell her husband)

All sorts of factors of why someone cheats and they might never do it again but, in the end, they cheated so, if they cheat on you, it shouldn't be any big shock.

sabotai

11-09-2007, 01:03 AM

I guess I can't really see the benefit of turning him in.

And if he breaks into your house again, then what? Will you call the cops then? What do you think the cops will say when you tell them "This is the second time, but I didn't report it the first time."?

What if he makes threats to you? What do you think the cops will say when you tell them "He's broken into my house in the past, but I never reported it."?

Seriously, if this situation escalates (HE BROKE INTO YOUR FUCKING HOUSE! Of course it will escalate if he thinks you won't go to the cops), the earlier you get the police involved, the faster they will respond and the better they'll be able to protect you and your girl. That is the benefit.

Not to mention he'll learn that you will go to the cops, and it might get him to stop being such a fucking psycopath, at least towards you and your property.

Mr. Wednesday

11-09-2007, 01:42 AM

This may be a stupid question, but given that all of the advice in the thread (related and unrelated to the break-in) is being cheerfully ignored, what was the point of posting the thread in the first place?

Bonegavel

11-09-2007, 05:50 AM

Since you are only going to despise her later, it would behoove you to move on now and save yourself the hasslehoff.

Drake

11-09-2007, 06:20 AM

All sorts of factors of why someone cheats and they might never do it again but, in the end, they cheated so, if they cheat on you, it shouldn't be any big shock.

Strangely enough, even as someone who had an affair in the past, I agree with this statement. I had all sorts of bullshit reasons for cheating on my first wife -- almost all of which revolved around me being selfish and immature. But once you give yourself permission to do something so destructive to someone else, you can't take that permission back. No matter how hard you work on your personal boundaries (and I'm conscious of mine every day of my life) and how much you introspect and/or change your behaviors to avoid opportunity, the possibility of cheating again always remains in the back of your mind.

Me, I still wear my wedding band from my first marriage as a visual reminder to myself of what an asshole I can be and the potential I have for destroying the life of another human being if I don't constantly pay attention to what I'm doing.

I think of infidelity like being an alcoholic. I can be a recovering cheater and work hard on myself to be a recovering cheater -- to stay on the wagon, so to speak -- but I will always be a cheater. Once you cross that line, you can't ever go back. Once you give yourself permission to do it the first time, it becomes easier to get over the hurdles of things like integrity, honesty, honor in the future.

Like I said, I've been married for fifteen years to my second wife, and I've never come close to cheating again, but that's because I stringently avoid situations where I might screw up and consciously avoid women to whom I feel an attraction.

Not cheating doesn't have anything to do with how much I love my wife or because we're soulmates or any other bullshit reason that involves my feelings for another human being. Not cheating has everything to do with me and respecting myself and trying to be the sort of man I want to be.

As you said, Mustang, having a history of infidelity doesn't mean that someone *will* cheat in the future, but it is a massive red flag. If that red flag isn't accompanied by a history of personal effort to get at the root of why and how you let yourself sink so low in the first place and a concrete plan to avoid both opportunity and the selfish thought processes that lead to the self-creation of opportunities in the future, then you've got something to worry about.

I think the best advice in this thread that panerd has been given is to back off for awhile. Let Beth work out her current relationship and finalize her divorce, then give it a go when she's single and clear of her current emotional entanglements. It will also give him the perspective to see if she's doing the sort of work on herself that will make her a partner worthy of the trust and love he wants to give her.

I'm wishing you the best, panerd.

PilotMan

11-09-2007, 11:00 AM

what Drake says +1, his perspective is astounding

Radii

11-09-2007, 11:41 AM

Drake is awesome, listen to him!

dime

11-09-2007, 05:14 PM

we should make this a poll.

oliegirl

11-09-2007, 06:20 PM

I agree with Starbuck, and with Drake. You need to back off and let that situation with her and her husband calm down. If, after they have settled thing and are DIVORCED, and she has had some time to get her head straight and her life calmed down, then you can revisit the relationship. If the feelings are true and real, they will still be there.

Lorena

11-09-2007, 07:44 PM

Sad reality: I am an internet gamer/addict. I have had girlfriends throughout college and my professional life, but maybe every 4-5 months and they last 1-2 months and then more time off. I think that here I am experiencing something I haven't before and even though it is obviously flawed it is better than being alone. I don't know that Beth is as bad as everyone thinks, and I am aware that she isn't as great as I think. But I hate to cut it off with her due to her husband being a loon. I am not scared of him really, but kind of scared what will happen to her if I turn him into the police. I know how fucked up this might sound, but the evidence is so flimsy that I know nothing will happen with the cops. So he just gets crazier as a result. I guess I can't really see the benefit of turning him in. (I sound like an abused wife I guess, but I just don't know what the point is of involving the cops) She says to go ahead and turn him in for whats it's worth. (And she works with me and was with me that afternoon so I know that she wasn't in my house that day)

http://www.fullsizebronco.com/images/smilie_slap.gif

panerd, snap out of it man!! I think in the end you're gonna read all this great advice and take it with a grain of salt. Does she know you're a gaming addict? Does she share that passion with you? Has she spent the night at your pad and seen you with your games? How did she react? How do you think she'll react when she finds out? What if she wants to watch "The Notebook" and you wanna play... World of Warcraft or whatever you play. How will she react if you wanna spend all Saturday/Sunday watching football games... does she share those interests as well? And finally, take your own advice:

I don't know if the other posters who say to go for it are posting from experience or not, but here goes. Stay the hell away. I just wasted away 5 months of my life chasing after a seperated but not divorced woman with a kid. Is your potential date legally seperated or just seperated? There is a HUGE difference.

At the beginning of the affair (there is no other word for it) I had control. Not that I wanted to have control but this became important later on. My friends all told me to either take it for what it is (sex) or I was going to get screwed over. But I thought that I would be able to fill the void in her life that her husband couldn't fill and be her prince charming to come and save the day. As the months went on it became apperent that I wasn't meeting her kid any time soon (this makes sense) but also that she wasn't leaving her husband either. She was very happy sleeping with me and enjoying his financial security blanket. Finally she told me that I am pressuring her too much. :confused: I am single, she is married with a kid and I get dumped???

It sounds like you are like me, a single guy looking to get into a serious relationship. If this is true than don't do it. If you are the type of guy that can have a sexual relationship with no strings attached than go for it. But be careful and really think about it, because I thought I could do the no strings attached and didn't think I would get attached and I got screwed over big time.

Moral of my story: Don't think you are smarter than every single friend that you have that says to stay away.

JonInMiddleGA

11-09-2007, 08:02 PM

Helluva find there Dodgerchick, nice job.

panerd

11-09-2007, 08:05 PM

http://www.fullsizebronco.com/images/smilie_slap.gif

panerd, snap out of it man!! I think in the end you're gonna read all this great advice and take it with a grain of salt. Does she know you're a gaming addict? Does she share that passion with you? Has she spent the night at your pad and seen you with your games? How did she react? How do you think she'll react when she finds out? What if she wants to watch "The Notebook" and you wanna play... World of Warcraft or whatever you play. How will she react if you wanna spend all Saturday/Sunday watching football games... does she share those interests as well? And finally, take your own advice:

Good find. :) I knew I had posted in a thread a couple months back about "Beth" but wasn't sure what I had said. I tried a month off and then she got legally seperated and we kind of just started seeing each other again. I know people are getting pissed that I am not taking anyone's advice, but I guess I came on the board looking for an answer to a different question than everyone is answering.

I want to know what to do about the guy and whether to get the cops involved. Almost every poster is telling me what to do about Beth. I really don't plan on doing anything different with Beth. I realize I may crash and burn but am willing to take this chance. I also don't feel like I am dodging adivce (and believe me, I think you guys are probably all correct) when I say this. I wanted to know whether to call the cops and sadly I haven't yet. So rag on me for ignoring the advice on the cops (I am) but I don't agree with the advice on her. I think the fact that I have known her for 3 years makes a huge difference than the "normal" affair.

If it's any consolution the dude (while admitting nothing) has taken a whole different tone towards me and actually filed divorce papers this week. My theory is he is scared shitless that he really fucked up, but who knows? But I feel like this thing is going to end one way or another in the next month or so. Should I take the next month off from any romance/sex? Probably. Will I? Probably not. :(

panerd

11-09-2007, 08:14 PM

Dola:

My post from last summer also shows how much easier it is said than done. I was more than willing to give out the advice, but when it comes to doing it (and turning down what is legit attraction and companionship) it is a lot harder.

JonInMiddleGA

11-09-2007, 08:17 PM

So rag on me for ignoring the advice on the cops (I am)

At the risk of being accused (or even guilty) of kicking you while you're down, I can't help it: Why should we bother to rag on you for ignoring the advice? You'd just ignore that too.

Instead, we'll wait & just say "I told you so" on down the road.

panerd

11-09-2007, 08:22 PM

At the risk of being accused (or even guilty) of kicking you while you're down, I can't help it: Why should we bother to rag on you for ignoring the advice? You'd just ignore that too.

Instead, we'll wait & just say "I told you so" on down the road.

True, but probably the only way this thread ever gets bumped (unless one of you guys has a really good memory) is if things go really well after divorce and then I will say I told you so.

I think I was looking for some middle of the road advice, not neccesarly don't do anything but also not get the hell away. Again I realize you guys are right, I was just hoping that maybe there was a less painful way out. I do appreciate the advice that I am not following if that is any consulation. :)

Lorena

11-09-2007, 08:28 PM

I want to know what to do about the guy and whether to get the cops involved.

panerd, panerd, panerd... the advice was given many times and you still haven't acted on it. So let me see, Beth has had issues with him since the summer, the guy breaks into your house 2 days ago, and he recently changed his attitude towards you? I dunno panerd.. I dunno.

At the risk of being accused (or even guilty) of kicking you while you're down, I can't help it: Why should we bother to rag on you for ignoring the advice? You'd just ignore that too.

Instead, we'll wait & just say "I told you so" on down the road.

Somehow I doubt we'll get an update. Come to think of it, how many times have we gotten updates on any advice threads?

Pyser

11-09-2007, 08:28 PM

may as well lock the thread then.

molson

11-09-2007, 08:34 PM

At the risk of being accused (or even guilty) of kicking you while you're down, I can't help it: Why should we bother to rag on you for ignoring the advice? You'd just ignore that too.

Instead, we'll wait & just say "I told you so" on down the road.

It makes you wonder why somebody would even post a thread asking for advice if they'd ignore the overwhelming response.

Panerd, it's almost like you're a friend I've known for a while, and it's exasperating to see you do this to yourself.

sabotai

11-09-2007, 08:36 PM

What if she wants to watch "The Notebook"

That would be grounds for an immediate breakup, regardless of the situation.

st.cronin

11-09-2007, 08:56 PM

Like Jon, I am not at all convinced the husband is the one that broke in. It seems much, much more likely to me that "beth" is somehow behind it.

DaddyTorgo

11-09-2007, 09:02 PM

IMHO...DC FTW!!

StarBuck

11-09-2007, 09:31 PM

Strangely enough, even as someone who had an affair in the past, I agree with this statement. I had all sorts of bullshit reasons for cheating on my first wife -- almost all of which revolved around me being selfish and immature. But once you give yourself permission to do something so destructive to someone else, you can't take that permission back. No matter how hard you work on your personal boundaries (and I'm conscious of mine every day of my life) and how much you introspect and/or change your behaviors to avoid opportunity, the possibility of cheating again always remains in the back of your mind.

Me, I still wear my wedding band from my first marriage as a visual reminder to myself of what an asshole I can be and the potential I have for destroying the life of another human being if I don't constantly pay attention to what I'm doing.

I think of infidelity like being an alcoholic. I can be a recovering cheater and work hard on myself to be a recovering cheater -- to stay on the wagon, so to speak -- but I will always be a cheater. Once you cross that line, you can't ever go back. Once you give yourself permission to do it the first time, it becomes easier to get over the hurdles of things like integrity, honesty, honor in the future.

Like I said, I've been married for fifteen years to my second wife, and I've never come close to cheating again, but that's because I stringently avoid situations where I might screw up and consciously avoid women to whom I feel an attraction.

Not cheating doesn't have anything to do with how much I love my wife or because we're soulmates or any other bullshit reason that involves my feelings for another human being. Not cheating has everything to do with me and respecting myself and trying to be the sort of man I want to be.

As you said, Mustang, having a history of infidelity doesn't mean that someone *will* cheat in the future, but it is a massive red flag. If that red flag isn't accompanied by a history of personal effort to get at the root of why and how you let yourself sink so low in the first place and a concrete plan to avoid both opportunity and the selfish thought processes that lead to the self-creation of opportunities in the future, then you've got something to worry about.

I think the best advice in this thread that panerd has been given is to back off for awhile. Let Beth work out her current relationship and finalize her divorce, then give it a go when she's single and clear of her current emotional entanglements. It will also give him the perspective to see if she's doing the sort of work on herself that will make her a partner worthy of the trust and love he wants to give her.

I'm wishing you the best, panerd.

You managed to eloquently say what I tried to, and I agree with this post 100%

cartman

11-09-2007, 09:42 PM

Is this the same Beth from "Dog the Bounty Hunter"? I'm late to this discussion, so sorry if it has already been covered.

Bra, if it is the same, GET DA FUUUUUUDGE OUT!!!!!

CamEdwards

11-09-2007, 10:52 PM

I'm kind of with JiMG in not wanting to kick you when you're down Panerd, but consider this tough love.

I expect this type of behavior from a teenage boy who's never dipped his wick before, but not from a grown man, no matter how game-obsessed and date-deficient he might be.

You can't even stand up to your own conscious. That's sad.

If/when you call the police, you might also let them know that in addition to Beth's pictures and other items that have gone missing, you seem to have misplaced your nutsack as well.

Sadly, this won't sink in either. Some people are just too enthralled with their own impending trainwreck to get the hell off the tracks.

Sorry if this rises to the level of trolling, but watching this kind of self-destructive behavior really pisses me off.

cartman

11-09-2007, 11:14 PM

...

NRA... YO!!!

Vinatieri for Prez

11-10-2007, 02:02 AM

If/when you call the police, you might also let them know that in addition to Beth's pictures and other items that have gone missing, you seem to have misplaced your nutsack as well.

Good one. I prefer for myself the "Hey, Sears called, they said your balls are in, why don't you go pick them up."

astrosfan64

11-10-2007, 03:14 AM

Anyone ever think he just wanted a place to talk about the issue? He really didn't want our advice, but who ever really wants advice in these situations?

All people really want is a place to talk about the issue. It could be a group of friends over some beers, or some friends at work.

He just happens to enjoy talking to people here. So why don't we all make him feel like shit about it?

You guys are really getting a bit insulting toward him and that is harsh. Leave the guy alone, if you don't like the thread move on.

We are all going to die one day, do you really want to live with regrets? So he likes the chick and she is a bit of a freak. Assuming he doesn't get killed, (unlikely) at the worst, he probably has some drama, good sex and a great story to tell one day.

But, if the dude goes physco and he dies thats life.

Panerd, go on with your bad self. I think half of the people here wish they were in your situation. :) bunch of haters.

SnowMan

11-10-2007, 05:48 AM

But, if the dude goes physco and he dies thats life.
I don't know why, but that just makes me giggle.

PilotMan

11-10-2007, 07:11 AM

Certainly this is a tough spot. The rationale that you shouldn't go to the police will just bring you into question later if this situation should escalate any further down the road.

The problem is that sometimes you find yourself in a situation and the reality of it is bigger than you think it is (or really that you want it to be.) If you do nothing, you reinforce whoever it was that broke into your house that it's ok to keep screwing with you. By not acting you are encouraging the behavior. Like middle school bully, whoever it is, is going to keep messing with you, because it certainly creates a situation and there is no fear of retribution.

If you turn the cheek this time, you are much more likely to turn away the next time time it happens. Before you know it, there will be a real situation, and you will have no legal recourse, and the police are going to lay some of the blame at your feet for failing to act.

It seems that you just simply don't want to do what you know you need to, and are rationalizing to cover yourself. It is immature on your part to know what needs to be done, and simply not act on it.

This is tough love. I don't condone any namecalling here, it serves nothing. However, there has been plenty of great advice in this thread. Right now, the easiest thing that you can do is get the police involved and go from there.

Jim G.

11-10-2007, 08:16 AM

Panerd, it's almost like you're a friend I've known for a while, and it's exasperating to see you do this to yourself.

One nice thing about message boards is that the medium makes all of this voluntary - what you choose to share, how much you choose to listen.

In so-called real life, it's a lot more frustrating. A couple of years ago, I lost the friendship of someone I had been close to for more than 20 years.

He was one of those guys who was absolutely clueless about relationships. He got hooked on those Russian dating sites, even went as far as to travel to Moscow to meet one of those women.

He got scammed a couple of times, after I gave him fairly accurate and full explanations of how the scam worked (which required only about an hour or so of Googleresearch). After he called me, in tears, from Moscow because the woman wouldn't speak to him after she realized he didn't bring any expensive "presents," I came down fairly hard on him for not listening to advice.

He just didn't want the advice. Some people don't. And they get very angry when they hear it anyway. At least panerd wants to hear from us.

The bottom line is that when it comes to women, most of us are idiots. Some, like myself, manage get lucky enough to find "the one" before we do too much damage to the dating world. Others, like my friend, are at an extreme, and can somehow fall in love from a standard email form sent from Russia.

My only real problem with what panerd's doing is his commentary about guns, because he could really get himself hurt.

Cap Ologist

11-10-2007, 08:25 AM

So, this is how people end up on Springer. Always wondered.

astrosfan64

11-10-2007, 09:37 AM

So, this is how people end up on Springer. Always wondered.

LOL :) You blew my cover as a Springer Rep trying to find new people for the show.

SHHHHHHHHHH

CamEdwards

11-10-2007, 11:40 AM