Fritz
03-02-2004, 09:10 PM
Wig kills the MAN
From ALLAN HALL in WigNation
THE MAN who lived in his own “zoo” of misanthrops was fatally bitten by Wig — then eaten by the other Wigciples.
Police broke in to THE MAN's apartment to find Wignasty along with 200 others of the WigNation had gorged on his body.
Neighbours alerted police after becoming alarmed by the stink - several weeks before the uprising.
And horrified officers were met by a nightmare scene.
A police spokesman said: “It was like a horror movie. THE MAN's corpse was over the sofa with a Schlitz Ice still in his hand.
“Giant strands of dot candy draped him, and Wig was all over him. His fingers jammed in THE MANS nose and his mouth.
“There was everything there one could imagine in the world of Wigs.
“Larger pieces of flesh torn off by the Wigs were scooped up and taken back to the throngs of Wigciples and other members of the WigNation.”
Hungry like a woman with child... WigNeedy ate at the body.
THE MAN, 30, never invited people back to his home, a small duplex in the heart of WigNation.
Police described it as a cross between a garden apartment and plush condo.
One Wigciple had built a fort from an old plasma TV box.
Wig expert officer Gabi Bayer said he kept creatures “that should never be allowed”.
She said: “He had Wigs so aggressive they are the equivalent of a serial spammer with a wearhouse full of viagra to move.”
The Wigs were allowed to roam free in the flat.
The rotary units on the mini microwave used to make that popcorn that fed the wigs exploded and dislodged the metal tops allowing them to escape.
THE MAN is thought to have been dead for between seven and 14 days.
A post-mortem will be carried out in the next few days. But authorities believe Wig alone was responsible for THE MAN’s death.
From ALLAN HALL in WigNation
THE MAN who lived in his own “zoo” of misanthrops was fatally bitten by Wig — then eaten by the other Wigciples.
Police broke in to THE MAN's apartment to find Wignasty along with 200 others of the WigNation had gorged on his body.
Neighbours alerted police after becoming alarmed by the stink - several weeks before the uprising.
And horrified officers were met by a nightmare scene.
A police spokesman said: “It was like a horror movie. THE MAN's corpse was over the sofa with a Schlitz Ice still in his hand.
“Giant strands of dot candy draped him, and Wig was all over him. His fingers jammed in THE MANS nose and his mouth.
“There was everything there one could imagine in the world of Wigs.
“Larger pieces of flesh torn off by the Wigs were scooped up and taken back to the throngs of Wigciples and other members of the WigNation.”
Hungry like a woman with child... WigNeedy ate at the body.
THE MAN, 30, never invited people back to his home, a small duplex in the heart of WigNation.
Police described it as a cross between a garden apartment and plush condo.
One Wigciple had built a fort from an old plasma TV box.
Wig expert officer Gabi Bayer said he kept creatures “that should never be allowed”.
She said: “He had Wigs so aggressive they are the equivalent of a serial spammer with a wearhouse full of viagra to move.”
The Wigs were allowed to roam free in the flat.
The rotary units on the mini microwave used to make that popcorn that fed the wigs exploded and dislodged the metal tops allowing them to escape.
THE MAN is thought to have been dead for between seven and 14 days.
A post-mortem will be carried out in the next few days. But authorities believe Wig alone was responsible for THE MAN’s death.