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Ksyrup
05-10-2005, 02:54 PM
Enraged Attleboro worker: Make way, goslings, or else!
By Franci Richardson
Sunday, May 8, 2005 - Updated: May 9, 2005 01:35 AM EST

A mother goose leading five of her fluffy little yellow goslings around an Attleboro business property will wake up on Mother's Day childless, as a Columbia University graduate stomped her babies to death.

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0><TBODY><TR><TD height=8><SPACER height="8" width="8" type="block"></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE> ``In several cases, the intestines were ripped from their small bodies,'' said Attleboro police Lt. Barry Brewer. ``In one case, the eyes were forced from the goslings' small head and those too were stomped. One of the goslings killed in the parking lot was squashed almost flat.''

John Sanders, 33, of North Kingstown, R.I., a programming consultant working at Texas Instruments, told police about 4 p.m. yesterday that he became angry after falling on a path outdoors after the adult goose hissed at him.

A witness told officers he saw Sanders grab and kick the goose across a 30-yard parking lot. Police determined he chased the goslings across a grassy area, where he killed three, and then stomped two others to death on either side of the lot.


``These are the fluffy little yellow things that Boston police will stop traffic for,'' Brewer said. ``They ain't hurting nobody.''
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0><TBODY><TR><TD height=8><SPACER height="8" width="8" type="block"></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
The mother goose was taken to an animal shelter for treatment.

Sanders, who has no criminal record, remained in jail last night on $600
bail. He will be arraigned in court tomorrow.

``I wish he hadn't done that,'' said Sanders' father, Bill, last night. ``He's a nice guy and it doesn't seem like something he would do. It sounds bizarre.''

A Texas Instruments manager visited Sanders, who has an MBA from Columbia University, in jail last night and fired him, Brewer said.

DeToxRox
05-10-2005, 02:56 PM
He shoulda' just went home and played Duckhunt.

Desnudo
05-10-2005, 02:57 PM
What does any of that have to do with him going to Columbia?

rkmsuf
05-10-2005, 02:57 PM
that is the definition of stress ladies and gentlemen.

Surtt
05-10-2005, 02:58 PM
Lucky he didn't work for the post office.

judicial clerk
05-10-2005, 03:19 PM
Often times, we as a society never know what pushes a person over the brink. When the person looks into the abyss, we often don't know what act hurls them down into the inky blackness that makes up the most depraved corners of our being.

But in this case, I think we can identify the straw that "broke the camel's back":

he became angry after falling on a path outdoors after the adult goose hissed at him

Its a nice touch that his boss went out of his way to visit him in jail to shit-can him.

Ksyrup
05-10-2005, 03:20 PM
Maybe he was taking a walk after watching Falling Down, then he fell down and just snapped.

Maple Leafs
05-10-2005, 03:29 PM
A mother goose leading five of her fluffy little yellow goslings around an Attleboro business property will wake up on Mother's Day childlessThat... is... freaking... brilliant.

Ksyrup
05-10-2005, 03:30 PM
Actually, given the way that's written, "five of her... goslings," the suggestion is that there are more than 5, so she should still have gotten breakfast in nest and flowers from the remaining goslings.

QuikSand
05-10-2005, 03:53 PM
``I wish he hadn't done that,'' said Sanders' father, Bill, last night. ``He's a nice guy..."

Way to go, paw.

Desnudo
05-10-2005, 03:58 PM
Clearly he didn't get the memo on the TPS reports.

VPI97
05-10-2005, 04:11 PM
http://www.fof-ihof.com/upload/VPI97/duck.jpg


Sorry.

Desnudo
05-10-2005, 04:13 PM
Only the strong survive.

judicial clerk
05-10-2005, 04:42 PM
They should have stayed with the Swingline's.

Shepp
05-11-2005, 11:24 AM
In Georgia animal cruelty is a felony. This dude better hope that the laws aren't the same there.

I would love to have just gotten to prison have have to tell my 6'5", 250 pound cellmate, named "Blue" that I'm there for the murdering goslings.

Surtt
05-11-2005, 12:10 PM
He sould have waited a few months, then he could have used a 12 gage on them.

Arles
05-11-2005, 12:15 PM
two words come to mind: "anti" and "social".