Best use of Excel...ever?

[Suburban Rhythm]

Pouty Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Detailing Sex-Life Dissatisfaction (http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/pouty-husband-sends-wife-spreadsheet-detailing-sex-life-1607350830)

[flere-imsaho]

I'm surprised this hasn't happened before, tbh.

Well, I'm sure it's happened before. I'm surprised it hasn't been turned into a new story until now.

[Lathum]

kind of a douche move by the husband. If you and your wife aren't having enough sex maybe try talking about it with her.

[Blackadar]

kind of a douche move by the husband. If you and your wife aren't having enough sex maybe try talking about it with her.

For all you know, he has and she's denied there's a problem. Given that she posted this online, I'd say it's far more likely she's the problem.

[sterlingice]

What's the over/under on the next 50 entries now? 4?

SI

[chesapeake]

What's the over/under on the next 50 entries now? 4?

SI

One. And I'm taking the under.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Sort of upsetting that he didn't put a little more effort into it...


The spreadsheet I mean. Not with the wife. That ship has probably sailed long ago. But he could have at least added a graph depicting most frequent responses.

[cartman]

How To Fudge An Excel Spreadsheet?

[Schmidty]

kind of a douche move by the husband. If you and your wife aren't having enough sex maybe try talking about it with her.

Ditto.

If you can't make it happen, you are the problem.

I can't believe people are backing this; however, I didn't even read it, so I suck. :)

[CU Tiger]

Shit around the 4th "No" he should have added an additional column :D

[molson]

Sort of upsetting that he didn't put a little more effort into it...

The spreadsheet I mean. Not with the wife. That ship has probably sailed long ago. But he could have at least added a graph depicting most frequent responses.

That's my problem with it to. It's just a list. He could have used Word. On a notebook.

[Logan]

Seeing the responses of "I feel gross and need to shower (didn't shower until next morning)" tells me this is a wife issue.

[cuervo72]

Ditto.

If you can't make it happen, you are the problem.

You want a crack at my wife then?

[Draft Dodger]

You want a crack at my wife then?

you know I thought of you almost immediately when I saw this the other day

[whomario]

I can´t be the only one wondering what exactly happened when the response was "non-verbal" ;)

[Draft Dodger]

my take, by the way...Spreadsheet? Yeah, kind of lame but not totally outrageous. But the big issue is the way he sent it to her - a nasty email as she left on a ten day trip. That's beyond childish.

[cuervo72]

you know I thought of you almost immediately when I saw this the other day

Yeah...funny how that is.

I've thought of logging it before, but frankly it's not that hard to track mentally.

[stevew]

Immediately knew what thus was going to be about by the thread title.

[Lathum]

I can´t be the only one wondering what exactly happened when the response was "non-verbal" ;)

My guess is just rolling over and going to sleep. My wife has that one down to a science.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Ditto.

If you can't make it happen, you are the problem.

I can't believe people are backing this; however, I didn't even read it, so I suck. :)

Maybe I'm giving the guy too much credit, but my assumption is this isn't a new thing, but going on months (years?) before the list was compiled.

Also, maybe showing my age and length and state of marriage, but is 3 times in 27 days that horrible?

[sterlingice]

Maybe I'm giving the guy too much credit, but my assumption is this isn't a new thing, but going on months (years?) before the list was compiled.

Also, maybe showing my age and length and state of marriage, but is 3 times in 27 days that horrible?

Wasn't it 3 times in 7 weeks and he had tried 27 times?

SI

[Matthean]

Seeing the responses of "I feel gross and need to shower (didn't shower until next morning)" tells me this is a wife issue.

He could have gone from 3 to 5 if they had cut down on drinking. I'm guessing drinks might have been involved the other time as well.

[sabotai]

Maybe I'm giving the guy too much credit, but my assumption is this isn't a new thing, but going on months (years?) before the list was compiled.

I read the original reddit post (because I've become quit addicted to reading the relationships subreddit and saw this a few days ago). Apparently their sex life had taken a dive, according to her, over the past few months, but before that they were doing it fairly regularly (a few times a week).

And for people argueing over whether it's the problem of the wife or the husband, I'm reminded of a line I heard several times while watching Sports Night. "Like it can't be both?"

[korme]

He could have gone from 3 to 5 if they had cut down on drinking. I'm guessing drinks might have been involved the other time as well.

Wouldn't drinking increase the odds substantially?

[Izulde]

My suspicion is that she's fucking somebody else.

[Lathum]

My suspicion is that she's fucking somebody else.

Why is that?

[Matthean]

Wouldn't drinking increase the odds substantially?

If true, then he's screwed in a bad way.

[MizzouRah]

My suspicion is that she's fucking somebody else.

That's my initial thought as well..

[Suburban Rhythm]

Wasn't it 3 times in 7 weeks and he had tried 27 times?

SI

I just counted rows. You are correct, looks to be about 6 weeks.

I read the original reddit post (because I've become quit addicted to reading the relationships subreddit and saw this a few days ago). Apparently their sex life had taken a dive, according to her, over the past few months, but before that they were doing it fairly regularly (a few times a week).

And for people argueing over whether it's the problem of the wife or the husband, I'm reminded of a line I heard several times while watching Sports Night. "Like it can't be both?"

Makes me think of the story...

A couple goes to a marriage therapist. During the first session, they each meet with the therapist separately.

The therapist asks the husband about their sex life. "Oh...it's horrible. We hardly ever do it. Once a week...maybe twice a week if I'm lucky!"

Then the therapist meets with the wife, asking the same question. "Ugh...it's ALL THE TIME. At least once a week, sometimes twice!"

[Lathum]

I'm curious why you guys think she is cheating. Is it frequency or the way he or she reacted?

I think it is hard to make that conclusion without knowing more information.

[Bobble]

If true, then he's screwed in a bad way.

I see what you did there...

So, in a way, maybe he WAS screwed 27 times in 27 attempts!

[Danny]

I don't agree at all with the cheating assumptions. The total probably would have been 0 and I especially don't think she post it for her cheating partner to see she's still sleeping with her husband . A couple with some serious communication problems.

[Suburban Rhythm]

I'm curious why you guys think she is cheating. Is it frequency or the way he or she reacted?

I think it is hard to make that conclusion without knowing more information.

Yeah...seems like quite a leap. There's probably a enough blame to go around.

But I do find it amusing that he tracked it all. His delivery might have sucked, but the data itself is solid.

[Logan]

I'm curious why you guys think she is cheating. Is it frequency or the way he or she reacted?

I think it is hard to make that conclusion without knowing more information.

This is the internet, we don't need any more information to make conclusions.

[Blackadar]

I'm putting this mostly on her, based on her original post (which is now been hidden/removed from Reddit).

They were having sex 3-5 times a week. She got weight-conscious and life got "hectic". Their sex life tapered off and her post indicates she didn't think this was a problem. She then rejected her husband enough that he started keeping track of this (which didn't happen overnight). When he finally kept track of it, the facts showed that she rebuffed him about 90% of the time. When you get rejected by the one you love 90% of the time over the span of months, you're not likely to appreciate it much or react well.

I don't think we can trust her word that she didn't know anything was wrong. That sounds too convenient and makes her too oblivious. Maybe she is, but that's not a really good excuse either.

Now it's possible the husband's email and actions were immature. But there's a fundamental lack of communication here and instead of dealing with her husband, she chose to post this on Reddit. Does anyone really think that is the sign of a mature adult who is looking to resolve this situation? Or more the actions of an immature bitch?

---

On a personal note, I once read my wife the riot act via an email. Talking to her wasn't working - it was going in one ear and out the other or she would derail the conversation into a fight about something else. So the best approach was in writing, where I could lay out my concerns. My wife realized that she had been taking me for granted and things changed. So this guy sending his wife an Excel spreadsheet isn't necessarily the worst way to communicate with her. It may be his last ditch attempt to communicate before he seeks a divorce from his clueless and immature wife.

[Radii]

I'm curious why you guys think she is cheating. Is it frequency or the way he or she reacted?

I think it is hard to make that conclusion without knowing more information.

Reading this thread makes me think that this is just some unusually formed Rorschach test. People are seeing what they want to see based on their own relationship history, or maybe based on how they grew up and how dug in they are on gender stereotypes, I dunno. People who have had more bad experiences in relationships blame her. People who lack those bad experiences/are in very successful marriages blame him. People who have been cheated on assume she's cheating.


I think the only thing any of us amateur relationship counselors can safely do with this is to feel pretty certain that this relationship isn't in the best place right now. I love Reddit, but seeing the leaps being made here and extrapolating that out into the god awful advice it would lead to over on reddit is the reason I stay far, far away from any sort of relationship sub.

[Arles]

Everyone goes through dry spells. I think his mistake was his persistence and not understanding how to achieve the goal he wanted. You get rejected Monday and Tuesday night - don't ask Wednesday and Thursday, you're just being an ass then. Give her a few days off, set up a nice romantic dinner on Friday and if you still don't get some - you have a strong case when you talk on Saturday. :D

Honestly, it looks like both these people are miserable. She feels he's super pushy and isn't interested for whatever reason (self image via weight, his attitude, stress, ...). He's pissed because it went from 2-3 times a week to 2-3 times a month (fair initial response), but he's handled it like a child instead of just talking to her. Tells me he's tapping out mentally and is probably getting some on the road. Then, when she catches him, he can whip out the spreadsheet as a justification.

[Lathum]

Everyone goes through dry spells. I think his mistake was his persistence and not understanding how to achieve the goal he wanted. You get rejected Monday and Tuesday night - don't ask Wednesday and Thursday, you're just being an ass then. Give her a few days off, set up a nice romantic dinner on Friday and if you still don't get some - you have a strong case when you talk on Saturday. :D
.

This

My wife and I both work full time and have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. We both acknowledge this time in our lives in likely the worst it will be with regards to sex. During the week we are both exhausted, on the weekend we are always with the kids, my 4 year old climbs in our bed most mornings and is an early riser, so that is out.

If I initiate a couple times in a row and get shot down I flat out tell her let me know when she is ready, and she always does.

Now I have no clue where they are at in their lives, kids, etc...but tracking that, then sending it in an email and saying he won't miss her on her trip is pretty shitty. If all he cares about is sex, and he won't miss her because of that then the relationship is nuked. IMO.

[CU Tiger]

I guess each person and each relatonship has a different priority regarding sexual frequency and quality. Got into a rather long discussion about this a few weeks ago at a (multi gender) poker night. Based on that I am not sure anyone else can say what is going on in their house, but I feel its pretty apparent they place different levels of emphasis on sexual contact in their relationship and thats a pretty big hurdle to over come in my opinion.

If he sees their frequency as a problem, it is a problem for the relationship whether she thinks its a problem or not. I think far too often we fall into a trap of valuing the other person's feelings too much. In Arles example above. On each attempted night each of the partners has a desire/need. The initiator has a desire for physical intimacy with their partner and the other partner does not share that desire or has a different desire (laziness, alcohol, sleep, etc). Each of these desires is valid AND equal.

The wife and I have had discussions over this in the past, and this is the basic conclusion we reached for our relationship. If you take 100 "attempts" by either partner. Lets assume 50 are mutually desired so we are working with 50 unrequited attempts. Occassionally one should give in and do without, and occassionally one should relent and proceed even if they may not be 100% on board. If the pendulum always swings in 1 direction (hubby always wants it wife always doesnt in the spread sheet example) she is then valuing her desire to not have sex over his desire to do so. In this case a compromise is in order and they can both achieve what they want (he can have sex and she can abstain) if she isnt willing to concede this, nor willing to "take one for the team"...then she is being a selfish beotch IMHO. :D

just kidding on the conclusion a bit...but I think the sentiment is still there.

[sabotai]

Now it's possible the husband's email and actions were immature. But there's a fundamental lack of communication here and instead of dealing with her husband, she chose to post this on Reddit. Does anyone really think that is the sign of a mature adult who is looking to resolve this situation? Or more the actions of an immature bitch?

In her original post, she said that after getting the email, she tried calling and texting her husband the rest of the day, and the next morning, but he wasn't responding.

[bryce]

I just had to google "what is reddit" and I'm still not sure I really understand.

[molson]

I just had to google "what is reddit" and I'm still not sure I really understand.

It's like FOF if we had about a hundred million posters and thousands of sub-forums.

[flere-imsaho]

It's like FOF if we had about a hundred million posters and thousands of sub-forums.

I was going to say something witty here in disagreement, but then thought about it and figured you've gotten it right.

[sabotai]

FWIW, here's a screencap of her post before it was deleted.

http://i.imgur.com/Zreanes.png

[sterlingice]

Can we all agree that sending a spreadsheet and not answering your phone is probably the wrong move and that then turning around, posting it to reddit, and then asking for advice there is /also/ a wrong move?

SI

[sabotai]

Also

(Linked because language - NSFW)

http://i.imgur.com/aLBKMrr.jpg

[Lathum]

If nothing else her comments validate a need for communication in their relationship. She clearly thought nothing was wrong, and he clearly did. For it to get to this point there is enough blame on both, but the husband comes off as pretty immature. IMO. As does she for posting it on a forum.

FWIW 26 and no kids they should be doing it more often.

[sterlingice]

Also

(Linked because language - NSFW)

http://i.imgur.com/aLBKMrr.jpg


You could always use the spoiler tag for something like that

SI

[Blackadar]

Can we all agree that sending a spreadsheet and not answering your phone is probably the wrong move and that then turning around, posting it to reddit, and then asking for advice there is /also/ a wrong move?

SI

Yes, 100%.

Saying "I'm watching my show and I don't want to miss anything" to avoid sex should be grounds for an immediate divorce.

[Blackadar]

FWIW 26 and no kids they should be doing it more often.

Like RABBITS.

[cartman]

Yes, 100%.

Saying "I'm watching my show and I don't want to miss anything" to avoid sex should be grounds for an immediate divorce.

I can think of at least a couple of ways both activities could be combined. :D

[CU Tiger]

Like RABBITS.

On X


26? no kids?

Any less than 3x a day is probably an issue :D

[Blackadar]

I can think of at least a couple of ways both activities could be combined. :D

And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch X-Files

:banana:

[Logan]

Yes, 100%.

Saying "I'm watching my show and I don't want to miss anything" to avoid sex should be grounds for an immediate divorce.

I'd divorce my wife if she refused to get a DVR also.

[DanGarion]

Why is that?

Because he's not married.

[sabotai]

This is why I've become so addicted to the /r/relationships subreddit

My(23m) gf(23) is acting as a surrogate for her sister(31) and bil(32). Her sister changed her mind and now she wants to keep the baby. What the fuck? : relationships (http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2bfmg6/my23m_gf23_is_acting_as_a_surrogate_for_her/)

tl;dr - The guy's girlfriend is acting as a surrogate for her sister and brother in law, however, the baby is biologically the girlfriend's and the brother-in-law.

In the comments, someone mentioned that they are doing just such a thing right now, and they went to the clinic, signed all kinds of contracts covering all situations and then she had the fertilized egg implanted. So, why didn't the girlfriend get her sister's fertilized egg? Was there a problem with her eggs and the clinic said she couldn't have children at all? No....


It feels like fiction but this is my life. We didn't use a clinic. They bought a kit off of amazon and did it. Her sister said since they were family they had trust and didn't need any expensive clinics. That way they could help my gf out more and put more money towards the baby. My gf had no desire to be a mother now and agreed with their feelings on fetal defects and all that. But most of all, she really trusted her sister- naively. I am cynical, but I didn't discourage her from it. It seemed on the up and up. Why work so hard for a baby just to give it up? Clearly the government knows better, because this is a mess.

....bought a kit off of Amazon....didn't need expensive clinics....seemed on the up and up.... (And yes, they do sell "at home insemination kits" on Amazon)

[BillJasper]

(And yes, they do sell "at home insemination kits" on Amazon)

I find this really, really disturbing for some reason. :lol:

[molson]

....bought a kit off of Amazon....didn't need expensive clinics....seemed on the up and up.... (And yes, they do sell "at home insemination kits" on Amazon)

What the fuck.

I wonder how much a family lawyer would pay to get that customer list.

[sterlingice]

I find this really, really disturbing for some reason. :lol:

My wife upon me reading that quote: "No, I don't think there's much ambiguity about the reason he's disturbed by it"

SI

[MizzouRah]

FWIW, here's a screencap of her post before it was deleted.

http://i.imgur.com/Zreanes.png

Well that makes a big difference. Guy needs to learn to jerk off more.

All that said, I've been there, done that. Communication goes a long way.. no spreadsheets.. just pretty much saying, things need to change or I'm leaving.

[CU Tiger]

the more I think of it dude is totally a passive aggressive punk. If not the 1st time then at least the second time you hear the Im hot and sweaty excuse you go run a bath and lead your woman by the hand to the tub and offer to wash her back. Add candles, incense, music to her taste.

If she rebuffs that then its time for a straight up talk right then and there not a spreadsheet entry.

I mean she isnt carrying her end of the bargain but he aint trying too hard either.

They need a unicorn to solve the problems.

[BillJasper]

the more I think of it dude is totally a passive aggressive punk. If not the 1st time then at least the second time you hear the Im hot and sweaty excuse you go run a bath and lead your woman by the hand to the tub and offer to wash her back. Add candles, incense, music to her taste.

If she rebuffs that then its time for a straight up talk right then and there not a spreadsheet entry.

I mean she isnt carrying her end of the bargain but he aint trying too hard either.

They need a unicorn to solve the problems.

+1

[flere-imsaho]

Wow, learning they're 26 with no kids. Upon hearing about it originally I was thinking mid-30s at the youngest, and definitely kids. And honestly I was thinking a couple in their 50s.

[Lathum]

Wow, learning they're 26 with no kids. Upon hearing about it originally I was thinking mid-30s at the youngest, and definitely kids. And honestly I was thinking a couple in their 50s.

I was thinking 30s with kids.

[Desnudo]

I'm going with both should just walk away