I feel bad for me 4 years ago * turned into updates on my son's baseball
 

So 4 years ago my local baseball league for my son was just odd. Weird trades were occurring. Weird practice situations. Weird rule interpretations midgame. Weird roster choices. Just weird and I always left perplexed every season why things were happening as they were.

This past summer I'd had enough and volunteered to be commissioner, in essence, usurping the commissioner that had been in place. Fast forward 8 months and now I feel bad for the me of 4 years ago and all of the other REC parents who don't understand the manipulative, conniving, backstabbing, shit that goes on.

Broadly the league looks like this:

AB Baseball is where the 12-14 best players who come out for evaluation go on this team and get extra practice, extra games, some extra tournaments, and extra reps.

The B Team are the players who just missed this AB team but are better then REC and want to get extra work to develop.

Rec is for beginners and those who are trying it out.


Well if you don't go out for the AB evaluations you cannot play AB or B, just REC. It's a qualifier.

This season we replaced the AB coach (who's a nice guy but was unknowingly being manipulated by a guy over him that we are starting to believe has some sort of ulterior motives) with a great coach. This apparently riles up parents of kids who were shoo-ins for the AB Team under the previous coach. They don't come out for evals...

The previous AB coach volunteers to coach a REC team. Thank you, that's a thankless job. However, there's now a sinking feeling that the kids that skipped the AB evaluations AND the Rec Evaluations [their parents] were conspiring to hide their kids from coaches who might not know who the kids are so that the former AB coach can snatch up a bunch of them at the draft (which he did) and run roughshod over the entire REC division. Now there's been trade requests for carpooling issues etc. The kids on other teams don't get to be with that coach which means less good coaching at the median. If it was dumb luck that'd been one thing but the preplanning I learned about at a kid's party last night tweaked me enough to write this.

We're starting to think that this REC coach intends to beat up on rec and then take the team and kids to another league somewhere around. Not sure but things feel weird.

My son was the 24th kid and tried out for AB. So he should be on the B team. Cool. Well, I'm not one of the parents in the clique so the coach decides that instead of taking the normal 12 he's only going to take 11. The board (I'm not on the board) is irritated but there's nothing in the rules that says he can't. He says he only wants to field 11 for games. I have no objection. It is totally his choice and my son left it in the judge's scorecards and didn't make the cut. I just throw out the idea that my son simply gets to practice and be a reserve and if a kid on the team goes on vacation or gets sick, my son will be ready to come in and play whatever role he wants. No expectations just really the practice reps and extra practice work would do any kid well. Actually some board members think he should have 3 or 4 kids extra at practices in roles like this. He says that he thinks that having 1 extra reserve is a good idea and the board tells him to call me and explain the role (which I already know about and think it's great). No call.... days, no call. The board members are flabbergasted he hasn't called yet. I just feel a ton of anxiety for my son because the B coach is very good and I think getting that practice time with him and his team would be awesome for him. Games are minor in this regard and so much less valuable than the practices to my son.

I look back on myself 4 years ago and am starting to see how this garbage is toxic bleeding going on in this age group.

Just venting this morning after a sleepless night.

My son has next to no interest in team sports and shit like this makes me glad he doesn't. Our town is a factory. State champs in football, youth development leagues, etc...Its all so stupid. The parents ruin it.

He does American Ninja Warrior and loves it. My daughter does gymnastics. They both do rec indoor soccer because we make them. People even suck with that. The rule is no travelling team kids. Last night my sons team played against a team where the kids were obviously WAY better fundamentally. It was 3-0 four minutes in. My buddy, whos son is on my team, pointed to the other teams sideline and there were a bunch of bags from a local travel team. I don't get the point of them being in the rec league. all they learn is it is ok to crush kids who arent as good as they are. My son was pretty discouraged after.

I rattled the board members I know and they reached out and he finally called a few hours before the first practice. He laid out the expectations that he be a reserve player and not ready for game roster and I was agreeable if not ecstatic. I complimented him on his coaching that I've seen and mentioned that I've heard from others that he's a very good coach too. He was nice and I reiterated that there's no expectations beyond reps at practice and he said not to worry that he will get better. I was thankful and let him know that.

A lot of anxiety the last 5 days awaiting that call. I'm sure from his perspective a parent having their kid be a 'practice squad' player can be a recipe for disaster in that the pare3nt applies undue pressure to lift the kid to regular roster. I can't let him know that that's not me with just words. It'll have to be shown.

My stress level is so much lower that my kids really didn't have an interest in sports. Yeah, they played younger, gave them something to do, and see if they liked it, but when it came right down to it, they were happy just going on a day trip and family play in a park, than to deal with the formal games. I completely applaud your efforts, and attitude. It's the way that I approached my leadership in our HOA, even when other people were constantly trying to say what my 'ulterior motives' were, when there were none, just to make things better and right.



All that internal politicking is extra strain. If you've got a coach and parents who are pulling all that because they are loyal to a coach who got demoted, but things weren't on the up and up, then good riddance. Blast that all over town. I imagine that this is more the norm with sports now a days. If they can't see what was going on, and they want to support a corrupt system, then they get what they deserve.

Agreed, as a 14 year coach of soccer, parents ruin sports for kids. I also maintain that the select and travel teams do as well.

My own grading system for my success was not wins (although that was nice), but were the kids playing better at the end of the year than the beginning (which mean they learned something), and how many of them played again the next year (which means they enjoyed it).

I wish you lots of luck Flasch. I'm glad this worked out for your son.

I have lived this life with my daughter. First as the tournament director for our local travel softball program and now as the president of the softball booster club for my daughter's high school.

There are a lot of crazy parents out there.

Out of curiosity, what age group?

I've gone through it all as my son came up through the local rec T-ball league into Pony, into select, and then into national level travel ball. I went from parent/assistant coach to coaching, to coaching and being the vice president of our Pony League, to coaching a select team, to saying "screw it" it's time for someone else to coach my kid. This is my son's senior year and this summer will be my 5th summer as a parent only. I've been asked multiple times about a return to coaching and I have absolutely zero interest in ever doing so.

By far the worst age group, from my experience is the 8-10 range. For 90% of these parents there's no convincing them that their kid isn't the next best thing because X select team offered their child a spot. What they don't realize is that select team needs someone that's going to pay their player fee without challenging the core talent for playing time. The biggest parent red flag in this age group is parents that bring their mitt out to the first practice and are throwing with their kid before that first practice. Make mental note of these parents. There's more than a 90% chance they're going to be a pain in the ass.

10-12 is much of the same, but not as bad. This is the age group where those that are good enough have moved on to select and those pain in the ass parents that can afford it have been sold on taking the 13th roster spot on a select team and become someone else's problem.

Your average select program is still a nightmare with many of the same issues. It wasn't until my son was on a nationally ranked travel team that most of the politics and BS was gone. The kids are hand selected with no tryout and everyone is good enough to play and therefore everyone plays. I believe last year's team had 1 problem parent and they're not back this year. At that level it doesn't matter how good your kid is, if you rock the boat too much they'll find someone else.

In all, I think I've seen just about everything there is to see. I've seen the disorganized board that I volunteered to join, I've seen the shady coaches, I've seen the teams that try to stack rosters and then take those players to select, I've seen the nightmare parents.

We moved into a relatively exclusive upper-middle class neighborhood when my son was in the 8th grade and I watched him get cut from the 8th grade team because he was an outsider. High school has been a bit better, but not much. He hit nearly .600 with a couple of homers and averaged over an extra base hit per game as a sophomore on JV and didn't get a Varsity AB for a team that was struggle to score runs. Last year as a Junior he started the year hitting cleanup and got a hit in each of the first 5 games before being benched for no reason until the last week of the regular season. As it stands he has about 30 varsity plate appearances but because of his time on the nationally ranked travel team he's been fortunate enough to receive a scholarship to continue playing in college.

Youth sports sucks at all levels. The youngest levels are the worst, but anyone that tells you that politics don't exist at the high school level because those coaches are paid to win and can be fired are full of shit.

Or they're part of the politics and don't even realize they're who represent the problem.

My son is about to start T-Ball and the local league is promising "free registration". The fine print is selling $200 dollars in raffle tickets at 10 dollars a pop. Can I just pay for registration instead?

It's 10U

We have a weird dynamic in here. There was a guy at 11U ahead of me who is addicted to the baseball field. Everyone bowed to him which is what the last 10U AB coach did and while the team lost (no big deal to me) he also got too many emails of bad feedback. When we interviewed for a new AB coach this fall even the guy's asst. coach, during his interview threw the AB coach under the bus. That asst is now my son's head coach for the B team. The AB coach is the one who's now pulling strings and conspiring on a REC team in my division I'm commissioner of. The Addict melted down this spring after a histroy of mini meltdowns. This spring, he disappeared with the player evals while everyone needed them to process the team selections, then he didnt show for his rec draft where he is a coach as required and his answer to texts chasing him down was, "I was busy." So they took all responsibility away from him other than his AB team and they're going to show him the door at the end of the season.

Mind you the coach I brought back to interview for the AB job that he got at 10U is one of the best coaches in the area. He is a great coach and connects with kids. The problem is he's a bit of a hothead with Umps AND he doesn't put up with other coaches garbage (like I saw time and again) and he calls people out. So he once got into a heated argument with the commissioner of the position I'm now in and left the league because at that time that commissioner hadn't exposed himself to the board and they believed his BS. The first thing I did, day 1 was call that coach and beg him to come back and that things would be different. Almost within 10 minutes of me calling him, the previous commissioner called me to throw his support to me and let me know that he's here to help me any way he can. Oh, and one thing to never ever do is bring back that coach that left. Ha.

To the personal story, Aiden went out to the B team practice and had the practice of his life. Not an A team like practice BUT showed the coaches that he could play on that team or at least be there to step in if a kid gets sick etc. He did it all right even his attitude was great. Afterward, the asst I know complimented Aiden's play with a He did great and the coaches were overwhelmingly effusive about his play at their coach's meeting after practice. The HC is very good. Very good and while he has orbited the bad guys the last few years you can tell he was around them because he had to because his son is very good and he's a very good coach. He's no-nonsense. Yes Sir no, sir. While he has a chip on his shoulder because his son was left off A team by one spot, he's going to really help the B team a lot my son on it or not.

It just sucks that there's so much politicking and conspiring going on behind the scenes that over the last 3-4 years has hurt the league and the reputation of the league suffered. Now we're building it back and adding that coach was a huge boon. This coach is a boon. We've added to the rep by boxing in the bad apple and I feel like it's turning around. I just wished I'd known what was actually happening 4 years ago but I was so naive. I just didnt know that this would go on in rec baseball.

I've been the VP of Operations for our local Little League for two years. Working with the president, we've setup a pretty good set of procedures and rules that everyone seems to be following (to prevent that kind of chaos). I will be off the board in the fall, and my hope is the next guy just follows what we have.

I've been involved with both Little league and Pony and think Little League is far superior. It may just be a result of our area, but there's such a better national infrastructure there. We are joining a Brazilian soccer team/league as well this spring and I will see how that goes. Youth sports is a minefield and the corruption/shadiness is pretty prevalent. Outside of joining a board or coaching yourself, I'm not really sure how you avoid it.

Little league has died off here a few years ago and every attempt to bring it back has failed except on the north end of Tacoma where they keep it rather exclusive. I like the organization that Little League brings, but parents in this area tend to want something more competitive. Tacoma PONY died off 5-6 years ago when their President was indicted for using the league as a personal bank account.

The PONY league I was VP of went from the brink of death to expanding and thriving before the local sports director at the city's parks and rec department decided he was going to create a competitive baseball league. Rather than work with the other leagues in the area he tried to undercut prices and leverage his access to city fields. He gutted our league, ran his league for 3 years, and his league was folded last year when he was promoted out of his sports director position and the guy that replaced him had no interest in maintaining a competitive baseball league.

What we're left with at this point is Rec level baseball in Tacoma (pop:215k) and Lakewood (pop: 60k) through 12u. After 12u your only real option is highly competitive select baseball based out of Seattle.

It sounds like things are working out for your kid and you're doing what you can to improve the league. You're doing what an incredibly small percentage of people are willing to do.

As for conspiring and politicking, I mentioned the Tacoma PONY president in the post above:

https://www.thenewstribune.com/news/...e32689899.html

So it could be far worse. What's frustrating reading that article is Ken Hawkins speaks about the damage that was caused to baseball in Tacoma.
Myself and our board President had a meeting with him prior to the shit hitting the fan because the (later indicted) Tacoma PONY President filed a complaint on our league because we refused to play his teams. Everyone knew what was going on, but regional PONY didn't care at the time because he had just taken a team to PONY nationals the year before. We were scolded and told to do a better job working with his league.

I feel bad for me 4 years ago
 

Side note, we combined 9u & 10u this year

My son, a big 10 yr old, was drafted by a guy that only knew 9u kids and drafted almost exclusively 9u outside of my son and one other so our team is going to get throttled. It’ll be good for him. He’ll get to understand losing lessons and then get the extra reps with the B team and their really good coach.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Aiden continues to put together good practices including winning the coach's top 3 award for today's practice.

The feedback about the A coach and the B coach has been great. The changes wer made to the league's coaching staff at 10U seems to be paying dividends for everyone in the league. I don't know where the MIA meltdown guy is but he seems to not be doing anything at the moment.

My son went through this process in the fall. The team he ended up only won one game. He was extremely frustrated on the rides home but he did learn a great deal about being a leader around the team.

I called my friend on the board to update him on how good this B coach is. He’s great. His practices are awesome and he really runs a tight ship that the kids live up to. When I was done the board member asked if I’d heard from the coach. I hadn’t. He told me not to say anything but about an hour before my call the coach has emailed him about Aiden...

Aiden, he says in his email that the coaches have determined, is in the middle tier of talent on the team and they intend to officially add him to the roster and make him available in games!

Those lowered expectations gave him some breathing room to exceed.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That's awesome. Way to go Aiden!

So Aiden has been practicing with the team and playing his part in games too. He hasn't been able to pitch well enough to get real reps but he doesn't deserve it either. He is leading the team though in avg. Obp. Obps. And slg which is cool.



Regarding the dude who's a cancer. He went behind everyone's backs to order uniforms from an outside company. When the board told him that they wouldn't pay for them he got mad and announced he's resigning at the end of the season and taking his team elsewhere. Good riddance. He's crappy for the association.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You're son has earned his time on a team that didn't offer him guaranteed playing time because you're on the board and involved with the league. That's something you don't see often. Credit to Aiden for putting in the work and to yourself for putting him in a situation that would benefit him in the long run.

I feel bad for me 4 years ago
 

We’re getting back at it and unofficially Aiden is practicing with a loose group of A team players and their coach while the B team seems to be less energized to get going but will when the county releases the fields officially.

Aides held his own in the practices but likely would be on their bottom tier just from observation. He’s gotten so much better though that he is definitely warranting a solidified spot on the B team when it gets going.

He finished the pre covid season leading the team in the categories above.

Excited to get going again and see where he can go with it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Oh brother, could I tell you some stories.

Aiden played a solid role in winning a tournament this weekend



And he continues to lead the team in hitting


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Flaschen RAKES!

Aiden had an unlucky state tournament where a kid closed his eyes and stole a triple from him and a couple of close plays at first went against him. It’s silly how often that happens. Team finished runner up in a field decimated by Covid and a lack of teams. Anyways one more tourney this weekend and then we begin 11u and I think he has a much clearer path to making the B team.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This shiteth has hitteth the fan

So to make a long story short an Atheltic Association made up of two local high school's ADs and baseball coaches has been created. They approached one of our competitor leagues about merging us and them under their umbrella. The competitor is a travel organization of about 300 kids and we're a Cal Ripken org. of about 1000 kids REC and All Stars. The travel organization didn't really have a choice and nested under the new Association without push back. Our association isn't going without a fight.

The Pres, VP, and Treauserer all have kids heading into these schools and want to play baseball so they're feeling a lot of pressure whether explicit or implicit to push this merger through. The Pres. was for it out of the gates. The VP and Treasurer not so much. They asked a lot of deep questions and want to be sure that any decision is right for our association and the pressure built up. This has been in discussion for 4-6 months as they continue a deep dive into the intracacies, making them ask questions of it, preparing stuff on paper, etc.

Anyways, so the Pres. is outgoing anyways and watched the discussion of this go over like a lead balloon but then reported back to the take over guys that the VP and Treasurer were standing in their way. Thrown under the bus. Well yesterday, under insurmountable pressure the VP, quit and stated that he wouldnm't run for president either. Then through a series of events the treasurer quit too and wont run for a board position.

I learned this morning that the reason for the mass quittings was that some of the other smaller positioned people viewed this as an opportunity to mutiny the board and take over. The current board members (about 30 years of experience collectively for no pay) threw their hands up and said you want it, fine, here you go. The issue I foresee is not that new blood is needed. It is as these guys kids were all graduating out of the league. The issue is not there'll be little to no transition and I don't know that the new guys will be able to keep this thing going.

What a shit show. No, I'm not doing anything higher than commissioner of my 2 age groups. I don't know that I'd have the votes anyways as I didn't politick much.

bump to add, looks like the power has switched in our REC league to the ALL - Star teams from the REC divisions. Voting is tonight but that seems to be what's in the works. In the meantime I signed my son up for the competitor's Fall Camp (Tuesday and Thursday) AND our Fall Camp (Wednesday & Friday). Since it's his only sport it should be fine but I'll have to keep an eye on it. I guess we're going to look at transitioning to the other league where you get more eyeballs on you from the high school guys even though its 4 years away. Apparently that's how early they start watching kids. Who knew.

There's needs to be an 'The Office' style show based on the inner workings of a youth baseball league.

High school coaches want to know who's coming into their program and 4 years is about the time they start to pay attention. With limitations on practice time, ect the better coaches use tryouts as extra practice time rather than for selecting a team.

There's a certain HS coach in this area that's probably one of the 25 or so best in the country and the biggest complaint I've heard from parents of his players is he knows who's starting and by which year by the time these kids are in 7th grade. This means late bloomers face a huge uphill battle making the team and competing for playing time.

On one hand we can express our frustrations about the insanity of parents positioning their kids for high school athletics 4 years before high school, but at the same time in a lot of cases it's the only way to put your kid on even footing with others. So, yeah, the politics of high school baseball starts well before your kid is in high school and good high school coaches swing far more political leverage than many realize.

This would be amazing.

You have the guy that means well, is doing his best, but is in over his head. You have the guy that never played beyond little league, is 40 pounds over weight, but shows up to every meeting in baseball pants and spikes. The guy who's on the board because his kid is the best player in the league and he wants to get him every advantage he can. The mom that doesn't really understand baseball but just wants to help and be involved.

You could really go on and on.

We could sprinkle in some sports drama too. For example we could have a subplot involving one of the late-bloomer 7th graders trying to make the team. Maybe throw in a troubled home situation and the audience would be rooting like nuts for the kid.

I'm surprised there hasn't been a reality tv show that follows a team or a group of teams in a youth sport environment. If you picked the right team, it would be better than Dance Moms.

I want this and a show about the inner workings of the HOA so badly. It would be my appointment TV shows!

10 years ago I seriously wanted to pitch a reality show based on central KY travel softball. Really, it could be anywhere, but there was a perfect storm of talent, crazy parents, rivalries, etc. It would have been a train wreck of epic proportions to the point where MTV probably would have bid on it.

The fall advanced camp / A&B advanced team's tryouts were held last night. Teh coaches use an app now (thank god) to evaluate so the process is definitely more democratized and transparent. Aiden had a great tryout and I've been hearing rumblings today that it's possible that he might be 'called up'. Nothing to say until its official but I'm over the moon. Now... The fall is more like spring training so in the Spring he may be back on B but it is another step in the right direction. :) The app we use is "team genius" and the families, coaches and the league as a whole love it.

Side bar, the local competitive organization that is our sister league (travel). Is trying to get the parent organization over us all to force us to merge so that they can take our all star teams and best players. This is to make themselves better and also is a money grab because they're dying as a league. Parents aren't thinking the extra price they charge for travel is congruent with the coaching. So dramatic here its nutso. I posted about it a few posts ago but it's come to the boil. They want our allstars. We're a Call Ripken org. so they can't have them because they're not but they don't understand it. They just want them all and the money that comes with the kids.

The coach just called

He’s been called up to the A team for the fall

I keep waiting for it to be official like there’s something more and something could change but he called so I think that that is pretty official.

Wow


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So Aiden is on the A team and developing well. We found out fairly early on that he doesn't really know how to run the base paths in games well. Just never learned. So they're working on leading off and I had to get a slip-n-slide for home to practice sliding. That was miserable at the fields and much more enjoyable practing together at home.

Yesterday he had a triple header. First against the B team and that was fun. Aiden was solid. Then the rest of the games he got a SF, SH, 2 HBP's and some walks. He's got a better OBP then avg at this point but I'll take it. He leads the team in QAB at the moment which apparently someone said they like as a stat. Shrug.

He's basically playing 5 days per week which seems like a lot but at this school, the teachers he has shun homework so it's baseball vs Fortnight/Roblox so any time we're at the field is good to me.

'splain the dynamics of something to me, if you don't mind.

Up the thread I saw what seemed to be an emphasis on impressing the HS coaches / positioning a player for HS ball ... but HS ball has kinda been dying off here for top players for a number of years now, with the emphasis on year-round travel ball. I figure that Florida is even more geared in that direction with more opportunities to play baseball year-round due to weather.

So why do what HS coaches want seem to have so much sway there? Did I read it wrong / misinterpret what I read? Or am I missing something?

So great question

Here there isn't a tremendous travel/showcase system... YET. Plus my son isn't good enough to make that sort of team and not risk epic failures and meltdowns. Baseball, from what I've learned and been told is about incremental building blocks of confidence which has worked for Aiden thus far. It just seems timing wise that he may be more geared towards landing at a HS (I Hope) and going on from there. I'm just not sure that without some epic explosion in evolutionary skills he'll be showcase or Travel ball material. It could happen, I guess. I'm not counting on it.

I think HS baseball (and team sports generally) make HS a much better experience academically, socially, etc and that's what I want for him as long as baseball is his sport of choice. A lot of Baseball players get to HS and switch to Football which perhaps explains some of the slower evolution to showcase ball here. I'm not sure why but perhaps that's a part of it.

I think you're emphasis there is probably happening in S Fl, and C Fl, even W FL but it seems to just not have gotten here yet. There also seems to be a new travel team created every year somehwree up here ubt after a few seasons they meltdown, mutiny, split up and that can't help.

Hopefully Aiden gets good enough (it's been leaps and bounds since his initial eval debacle that started his placement on the B Team practice squad) to have choices of teams but right now we're just lucky to have coaches that believe in him and see potential and are willing to put him out there and in positions to succeed and fail forward.

All perfectly legit answers that I considered, but I couldn't tell for sure if those were the case or not.


Bsed on what I've seen for several decades now I'd say peer pressure plays into that, as well as athletic department pressure.

Football simply has a higher cachet in most cases, so there's a natural push for the most promising athletes (and often the not-so-promising) to invest their talents there at least in addition, if not in lieu of, anything else.


Hmm, just a shot in the dark here: are your HS on average maybe a bit smaller than some of those other areas? Mega schools in Georgia largely cluster around Atlanta, smaller ones in south South Georgia, is that somewhat comparable there? Not to the extent that Atlanta dominates the megaschool area here but to lesser degree maybe?

If so, sheer body count can be a factor. There's only so many spots to go 'round, more bodies mean more 1% athletes, more viable travel teams, etc.
Purely a wild ass guess on my part, but it seems plausible as a partial explanation.

Flash - awesome to hear. There's nothing better than reading or hearing about a kid's continued development. And yes, baseball development is about building blocks and its good to remember that development is never a linear line. There's guaranteed to be peaks and valleys along the way and keeping perspective of where the journey started is a key to getting through those valleys.


Jon - regarding HS ball. It's 100% true that it's dying off and being minimalized, but a lot of those coaches still have strong connections and can make or break a kid with a recommendation if that coach has the right connections. The funny thing is that fact plays a role in both kids not completely abandoning it while also pushing them to focus more and more on summer ball. I'd say the politics of HS baseball (which that falls under) would be right up there with the lack of detail and attention that summer baseball and offseason training bring that HS cosches can't compete with as the primary reasons kids just aren't as interested in HS ball anymore. The politics have always been there, but HS coaches had a monopoly on opportunity that they don't necessarily have anymore.

To give an example, Marc Wiese is a legendary baseball coach in this area and he has connections all across the country. He's placed kids at probably every Pac12 school and is a USA baseball coordinator. Kids line up to play for him, parents move their kids to play for him, and his kids play summer ball for 1 of 2 programs he has his hands in.

I think that aspect is largely lacking within 50-75 miles of me (and probably closer to 100-150). Ironically, the most connected guy around these parts is probably former UGA head baseball coach Ron Perno ... who is currently coaching HS _FOOTBALL_ locally.

Jon

Def. re size of schools. We don't have mega schools here. I'd guess most schools 9-12 are just around 2k. There's more schools around, a few within 4-5 miles of eachother.

So last night Aiden hit his first out of the park home run to 200' Right Center in BP off of a machine!! It was crazy! That's him with his head coach. He really looks up to him and well deserved. That's the guy at the top of the thread that I went out and got to come back to the league when he was run off by a misdirected person back in the day.

Well he topped me. I had the glowing OBP like him but the closest I ever got was hitting the pipe railing at the top of the fence.

God, I hope he doesn't screw up his swing chasing the long ball now.

;)

Aiden is struggling to adjust to the A team imo, most evidentally today. He is tentative at the plate and nervous a lot. Luckily today he hit a bomb double but his lack of taking practice seriously and lack of being 'focused during practice and lessons' I think is coming home to roost. I've tried not to be a taskmaster and allow him to 'goof around' but so much conversation during practice and lessons wherein I let him 'express himself' by asking questions and joking around with coaches and using imagination (ie. while he's pitching in bullpen he's saying, "there's 2 out, 2 tunners on...") instead of focusing and being dialed in. This is leading me to believe that while he's on the mound today in a rec game (failure) and today during A games (striking out 3/4 times swinging and hitting one bomb double) he's not talking to himself and getting himself in the right frame of mind. I hope he straightenes it out because spring tryouts are in November and if he doesn't get on plane he'll be back on the B team (which isn't so bad but no one likes regression).

This thread is amazing. I have just googled travel baseball and I now want this show made. It seems nuts.

We have nr 7 year old and an 8 yr old playing football (soccer) on Saturdays and Rugby on Sundays.

The football (soccer) has some of the traits that you describe with secret cabals of parent coaches who have streamed the 8 yr old kids from the village into 5 teams with innocent sounding names (Tigers, Sharks, Pumas etc). My 8 yr old has made the 3rd or 4th best of the 5 teams (you can sense how much I am worried about it) and is having a great time with other boys who all seem nice lads keen to play football as hard as they can. The top team is rife with talent, egos and bad attitudes. Some of the parents are not much chop either. Being British it does seem all a little bit more polite than what Flasch described with the baseball, but it is still there. One lad has been picked up by the Tottenham youth development squad programme which sounds somewhat like the travel ball in that it is a heavy investment in time and money for the parents and kids.

The rugby couldn't be more different. There are about 50 kids in the age group with a strict no streaming policy until they get a lot older. Contact rugby starts next season and that will naturally drop the numbers as kids decide they prefer football (soccer). The coaches are nearly all the dads (25 coaches for 50 kids) and we all get on well with a love of rugby and beer knitting us together. Totally different environment so far. It may change and probably will, but for now the hope is that it doesn't. And that the boys give up football (soccer) to focus on rugby. And fencing.

That raises an interesting parallel/non-parallel scenario I'd never thought about before.

My very limited understanding of the English youth development system makes me wonder how comparable it would be. Does Tottenham (or anyone) develop some sort of actual (like, contractual) eventual signing rights by virtue of having someone in the program? Or does it only give them an inside track through familiarity, better insight into the player's potential, etc?

With travel teams (whatever the sport) in the U.S. there's officially only an opportunity for exposure and higher levels of competition to be seen against, you'd remain a "free agent" to be drafted, pick a college program, etc. (UNofficially, there's certainly some shenanigans that can occur to influence players toward a future destination)

So, educate me: how strongly _legally_ tied to Tottenham is that player you mentioned? How far does that commitment extend for the player?

You think this is good, check out this doozy:

Awkward - Front Office Football Central

A 10/11yo meltdown last night during BP. "I'm terrible" and other negative things about himself. Luckily perhaps that we were the last ones there cleaning up and the coach took an opportunity to talk to Aiden for about :40 minutes and it lifted his spirits but he;s really gotta give himself some breathing room in regards to failing. Side note which applies: Aiden's been diagnosed gifted which means a lot of things to a lot of different people but for him it manifests in perfectionism, a need to learn the intricacies of a process, a desire to meet expectations AND wild mood swings about himself. The only thing I really struggle to manage (and there's a lot so this sentence doesn't make a ton of sense) is the negative words about himself. I struggle to know what to do when that's happening other then to try to counter them with positive words but it doesn't seem to equal things out.

To me, that is a sign of a kid that cares. My daughter is 17 and we still have these moments from a kid who has hit walk off HRs to win state playoff games and struck out 13 against a lineup of all D1 committed kids.

I can't explain it other than it is just pent up frustration. I think a lot of players go through situations like this.

I actually know how you feel. I grew up that way, and my middle son is the same way. The worst is when he prepares really hard, and fails. It's a completely crushing moment as dad, and knowing that I tend to respond the same way doesn't help.

Check out this book


What to Do When Good Enough Isn't Good Enough: The Real Deal on Perfectionism: A Guide for Kids - Kindle edition by Greenspon Ph.D., Thomas S.. Health, Fitness & Dieting Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.

I've been around young athletes in various guises for about 40 years and the single most disturbing/distressful/unnerving experience I've had was standing just near enough to hear the running monologue that a young (HS) female tennis teammate of harangued herself with through every match. I don't think I've ever been more concerned about the ... emotional well-being(?) of a kid that was not my own. No major off-court issues afaik, but it genuinely frightened me.

I say that simply to TRY to say this: it IS a hard thing to hear, exponentially worse I'm sure if it's your own child. So struggling with it as a parent is certainly reasonable afaic. Don't let not knowing the perfect one-button solution get you down, there's great value in simply making the effort. Like most all things parenting, there's on the job training involved.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, development isn't a linear path upward. Perspective of where you started is really important.

It's been 8 and a half years since I wrote my dynasty about coaching my son's 10u team and I went through a lot of thr things you've experienced. One of the final straws that convinced me to coach was when he played on a team at 9u that failed to win a single game he finished the year completely frustrated with himself and down on his own ability. It was tough to see.

My Experience Coaching a 9-10 Year Old Baseball Team in a Rigged League - Front Office Football Central

I learned quite a bit from that season and 2 years later I found myself coaching a travel team while learning from ex pros. My final year coaching was 13u, but I've seen my son go through ups and downs all along the way. From the winless 9u team, to winning the league at 11u, to getting cut from the 8th grade team, to hitting over 500 on the jv team a year later and getting a late season call up as a freshman, to being the favorite to be an the all conference catcher as a senior, to covid shutting things down, and then finally signing with a top JC in the area that expects him to start next season.

I'll echo this. It's not easy at all and it's really difficult to watch your kid struggle. Especially when you don't have the answers right then and there.

Aiden had a good weekend of baseball and played solidly. He got some hits and scored some runs and committed no errors. Only two real mistakes that come from just not having enough experience. While in left he backed up on a throw from home that got past the 3rd baseman but Aiden had come up too close to third instead of straight down the line and was too close to react and ave the bad throw. Then another time while on second with no one on first a grounder to the SS and Aiden left for 3rd. He just didn't know or react properly to think he didn't need to run. He should've tempted the throw or feigned the go but stayed. That will come with situational coaching that happened right after that. More importantly his confidence ticked up a bit and his stats as well. He has some serious coaching coming his way for the next month and a half with A team ball, middle school ball and private lessons. You might say, woah...that's a lot! For some silly reason at our school he gets no homework. ZERO. So its baseball or fortnight or reading which isn't going to happen in the hours necessary to fill the idle hands so baseball it is.

Side note

I’m still the Rec commissioner and we had to shut a team down for two weeks due to a covid confirmation

Crazy times


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Aiden's a mess with his swing. He's got a hitting coach that doesn't mind a steeper attack angle which requires a bit of a tilt and shoulder drop while his AB coach wants a flatter swing, shorter turn, and almost know shoulder drop (Mike Trout drops, Josh Donaldson very little). Couple that with being on the new team and seeing faster pitches and he's kind of a wreck. He's fouling off a ton, striking out more than ever, and not barrelling the ball any more. I'm going into overdrive to get him back on plane. It really sucks watching him struggle to do what he does well. :(

It takes a little while to get used to faster pitching. He'll be alright!

Aiden started his A team experience with only getting 3 hits in 11 games & 6 strikeouts.

Now hes had 8 hits in his last 9 games still with 5 ks though.

His confidence is starting to come back and his last game he hit two to the fence. One was a loud single played right and one the cf made a delicious catch on.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Really weird time in the league. MAny kids playing Flag football which has hamstrung the team. Aiden is showing up to all practices and we do have some games and tourneys coming up but it's kinda messy. All the BIG plans about team organized training programs etc through the fall for a lead up to big spring season seem to have been pie in the sky. Aiden and I will be doing some on our own like the Camwood 30 day program for hitting.

Speaking of hitting.

Aiden hit his second dinger out in BP on Sunday...



Additionally, he started therapy today for his anxiety and self-esteem issues which, for the sake of this thread, does affect him in baseball.

Update, appropriate considering the other thread:

1st lets get Aiden out of the way... He's strugglin'. Stepping in the hole by about 6-8 inches on every swing, looking at too many strikes, filled with anxiety (that he won't make the team in the spring). Playing fine in the field and has been hit and miss pitching. His head is a mess (we're only 2 sessions into therapy but the kid is filled with self-doubt and no matter what I say to try to lift him up I'm just lying - the therapist gave us a sheet on self-esteem issues and this is one of them, the inability to think people complimenting are telling the truth). Most importantly he has given every reason this season especially in practices for the coach's not to trust him.
The coaches don't trust him so he's not getting reps at any positions outside of LF & RF usually and he's batting bottom of the lineup. The season ends this weekend so we're hoping for a miraculous connection in the games this weekend leaving him something to build upon.

Now to the league, holy shit.

So the head of the competitive division is a guy named CT. Our coach of 11uA is TJ. TJ has a 9yo son that would play on CT's team (the A team) except that TJ doesn't like the style of coaching of the head coach nor his assistant coaches so TJ has to take the kid to another league nearby so that another coach will coach him and TJ will help out, assist when called upon. Well CT ain't havin' it.

CT harbors a vendetta right away and insinuates that TJ shouldn't coach 11u here if his youngest is over on 9u somewhere else even with him assisting a different Head Coach. The board doesn't have an issue with it, just CT.

This past weekend CT's youngest is playing as a guest player on a team and is catching when CT and his team show up. They decide to sit behind the backstop and talk/razz/heckle TJ3 to the point where one of CT's Assistant Coaches tells the kids to stop to which CT says something to the effect of, "I'm done taking the high road and being good. Go ahead boys and do what you want." This doesn't sit well with a bunch of papers that know about the vendetta.

Now, let me describe TJ. HE's passionate, loves the kids, loves baseball and can be justicey. When an ump makes a bad call TJ can sometimes be animated. No cursing, just animated and sometimes can get under umpire's skin. The parents love him for the most part although dad's that want to coach can disagree with him at times. For example, a parent this fall was having his injured kid 'run poles' and TJ was upset because the kid was hurt. So we had all of the kids run with the injured kid. Apparently, texts were exchanged later wherein the parent expressed frustration that TJ intervened in his disciplining of his son.

Anyways, about a month ago TJ was ejected from a game and I defended his actions when the board asked me about it in that the umpire was really bad (it happens) BUT when TJ tried to avoid tension with the umpire the umpire would seek it out by walking to our dugout, one time into our dugout, always pressing TJ looking for more instead of walking away. Regardless it wasn't a good look but nonetheless not the end of the world.

Well, this past weekend TJ was ejected by the worst umpire, who is known as a bad umpire, for being a bad umpire. The umpire did the following:

After directing coaches to call for time wouldn't grant time
Wouldn't confer with the other umpire when ask to get help
Missed an obvious Balk that would've scored our runner from 3rd
Called a player out for stepping on home plate to bunt with a runner on 3rd suicide squeeze (it was close on the replay - too close to call IMO)(same runner)
Called a ball fair when it was foul clearly (allowed other team to score)(was overturned by other umpire)

all of which went against us. In the meantime during the suicide squeeze 'out' TJ was so upset he left the field to get the Tourney director who witnessed it all. On the way, the umpire explained to the inquiring Asst coach what the call was and TJ, approaching the tourney director called out "Show me the footprint!" since the plate was dirty. The umpire pointed at a footprint (our player had touched home when he came and scored before being returned to 3rd) and yelled, "You're out of here... don't even come back to this field!" The tourney director, adjacent to TJ, called the Head Umpire on the phone and received permission to reinstate TJ. Then after the game, we learned that that particular umpire was so bad they suspended him for a month.

So CT learns of this and texts me for my opinion which I give to him that night via text and his final insinuation is that TJ did something wrong "and needs to be held accountable." I texted him back that I disagreed with his arbitrary insinuation amid what I considered incredible evidence by the tourney dir. and head ump that TJ was justified somewhat, that TJ was solely to blame. Then I called him out on his vendetta. He lost it via text eventually telling me to mind my own business.

I took it to the President who apparently knows it all and sees through the cloud of crap. They know what he's doing.... but wait there's more.

He begins to collect info to try and lay the groundwork to get TJ fired. HE has his wife text a mom from the team that she knows from church to try to get dirt. Of course, they come to me and I tell them what is going on and instead they write an effusive missive supporting TJ. Then, because CT, said that the parents who left for another league (the pole runnin' dad and another kid who's step-dad is the actual coach of the team at the other league) spoke to him about bad things with TJ, I got the mom who's husband is the coach at the other league to write a great missive about TJ supporting him wholely and explaining that they left so that the family could be together more and that's all.

Then I got copies of behind the scenes text messages CT has written about kids (8 & 9yo) stating things like, "Well kiddo is going to play for me or not at all," type stuff. The guy is bad bad bad and he's a board member and person in a position of authority.

HE came to the board meeting Tuesday looking amend the bylaws to try to get TJ fired but instead the board told him that the bylaws will be reviewed by a subcommittee for possible changes after the spring season. Who's on the subcommittee thus far? X, Y, & CT... "Anyone else want on?" I raised my hand for sure and you could here his exhale.

He's really shown a bad side of himself and we'll see if he keeps his position on the board. Luckily all of the coach positions including TJ, for the spring were passed via vote today so he's not going anywhere but this guy CT will be doing his damnedest to try and do bad stuff to him I presume. :(

God I fucking hate some people. That CT guy sounds like a little dick motherfucker for sure.

Season ended today. Couldn't end soon enough for me. Aiden finished batting sub .250 and finished the season in the throes of the fear/stepping out bucket. I'm not sure how to fix it and I've heard everything from "it takes time" to "hit him with the ball a few times." I've bought striding stuff and will try some RNT work with bands but it's really gotta be him that figures this out with his coaches. It's too draining for me to try to explain it to him, what's happening, have him be unable to unwilling to make a conscious effort to fight the urge and then have him crying to me later that night or in the week about his troubles hitting. So so often he comes to me crying looking for help and then when I try it devolves into an argument or he seems to make progress in the cage or off the tee but it doesn't translate to his ABs in a game. It's as if we did nothing at all. I'm hopeful that he can fix it before the next spring season's tryouts or else he may be back on the B team or not on either team at all at this rate.

If it's not fun for him, and it's not benefiting him anymore.....

It's a very hard decision to make for your kids, and it's impossible for them to make themselves. I hope you will find the sweet spot where he can believe in himself and get back to the good times again.

We're in 4 alarm fire mode:

Hitting coach working daily on building up the confidence again
New pitching coach converted to hitting coach on those days to attack the same problem
at night the wife and I along with him are doing some of the videos we see online: Tennis ball throwing to the back, tee work, RNT work, you name it...

Strange to see him lock up like this and potentially risk not even being able to play the game anymore if he can't come to grips with it.

It sounds like he is getting burnt out. I work with kids and it is relatively common when they spend too much time on one activity because (like anything else) there are typically a lot of quicker, easier gains up front and then, making a little bit of improvement can require a lot of time and effort. Hopefully you guys can find some middle ground between him completely giving up the sport and being full bore.

Maybe it would be a good idea to take a "holiday" from playing and try to get into something else for a few months or establish a set amount of time per day/week to do drills.

Here is an overview on burnout in youth sports - it is definitely a thing:
Burnout In Kids Sports | Children's Hospital Colorado

It does read like some of the things in there. It's problematic in that some of those overlap with his 'gifted' status but it is something I'll need to keep an eye on.

The season has ended and the team's on hiatus so now it's just practicing and trying to get rid of the 'fear of being hit by the ball' until the end of January when Try-Outs begin again.

Only playing a singular sport is new to us since he had always done Wrestling too until 1 year ago but now it's just baseball which is fortuitous because we'd have quit anything that was indoors.

FWIW, today he was a new kid. Enthused and focusing on the Virtuous cycle I had talked to him about wherein proper effort and prep before a rep can result possibly in a good outcome which will encourage him to do the same next time. He was caught in an obsessive vicious cycle with the HBP stuff and that happens with him in school on studies too when he's struggling on something. He didn't seem to be scared by a pitch at all and prior to his BP the coach was not going to pitch but use a machine but when I walked in with about :15 minutes left he was throwing to him and the kid was barreling. The coach commented that it was like the kid he knew had somehow come back today.

He also sounds like he's a "type A perfectionist" which I'm familiar with. He will put himself under incredible amounts of pressure to reach not only the high standards the team sets, but to exceed those, to meet his own, which may be completely unrealistic and unattainable. He probably feels like he should be doing well on the "A" team and he's being extra hard on himself and coming to grips with his own struggles just isn't something he is mature enough to face, so he keeps pushing, while crumbling inside. Which leads to the loss of self confidence that you're seeing as well. There is a way to get the most out of that personality, but from my own experience with myself and the son of mine who is like me, is that counseling and therapists are going to be a necessity. He can still break through and find success, but he's just bringing in some of this extra baggage that is going to throw a few more roadblocks up when he does hit rough patches.

Catching up, had to re-read a few past posts.

Random thoughts solely fwiw ... outside coaching & its potential impact outside the lines is probably underestimated at times. Will's tennis instructor eventually became an influence as much off the court as on it, an honest ear as well as voice. Not saying this instructor is that person for your son but hopefully somebody will be at some point in his life. I think a voice that isn't related to them, that they don't suspect is saying nice things because they "have to", etc, has tremendous value.

-- Surprisingly (I suspect) I'm not in the "needs a few HBPs" school of thought. I had some fear issues with the fastest couple pitchers I ever saw, I couldn't K fast enough against the fastest, just wanted out of the box. But getting plunked a few times didn't improve that.

Mostly improved (never did shake it against that one guy) through surviving other scary stuff that occurred in the normal course of play & life, and learning broadly how to manage fear.

-- I'm also a bit middle ground about one sport vs multi sport, falling into the "YMMV" camp more than most I seem to run across. I've seen younger athletes who thrived with both approaches, I've also seen burnout (or physically wear out) with both approaches, leading me to believe that's best course is a case by case thing. My unsolicited advice would be let him plot that course (or at least you mark the course based on the cues you pick up from him). Kids almost always tell us - one way or another - what they really want.

We started counseling about 2 weeks ago, 3rd session was Tuesday. You hit the nail on the head there as that's part of his gifted diagnosis. Way too hard on himself and anything less than near immediate success is really tough to watch in how he reacts to it.

FWIW he was great after I posted last night too. A really positive attitude about just about everything which was a nice relief considering what I thought the day was going to be like after a rough counseling session in the morning where we discussed new boundaries and time limits to his access to recreational technology.

If even half of what you've written is true then I'm horrified at how your youth league operates.


Did you ever consider just letting your son play for a REC team?

He's driven to play Advanced ball and loves the game. He's just hard on himself and obsessive apparently about being HBP but perhaps he'll work through it quickly.

Cool. I hope everything works out well for the two of you.

Do you mind going a little more in depth about the new athletic association? That thing seems fishy to me. What benefits did they tout as reason for joining their association that made your league decide to join up with them?

Our league didn’t join up with the other association. We said no.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I think he's OCD or Obsessive at the very least. Some practices or BP's he's fine and now, others, he dives down a well of "I can't stop stepping out" which in turn he steps out... I am too scared so he inevitably just works himself up into a frenzy of fear. My wife and I also believe there's a bit of "show" to it too. Ie. I'm going to fail so let me make sure that everyone sees the reasoning now for my eventual failure. This would include being so skittish after a BP session that an underhanded toss from the coach who's trying to reason with him (again) is met with 'jumpiness' and a show of fear to a semi-ridiculous nature. Therapy.

Anyways, I'm just along for the ride and have tried to create an atmosphere for him and other kids where they can hopefully thrive in. Shrug. In the end, as the coach says it just takes time.

His escalation when he's in that situation is his response to his feeling of a lack of control about the whole thing. Part of it is 'look I can't stop' to show you that he's trying, and the other part is his genuine alarm that he can't seem to find the 'right' solution to keep from doing it and he's panicking and doesn't seem to be able to deescalate.

He's definitely in his own head. Does he struggle with deescalation in other situations in his life? Are there other situations where he does seem to be able to get control and overcome that stress and panic? If there is, I'd try and recreate what he is able to do in those situations, and try to get him to apply those to this one. It's a place to start. If it seems like things aren't going anywhere, removal from the environment, such as a room, or outside, just away from that one, and take the time to talk and listen can be helpful. It's not a fast process and it takes a lot of patience. Sometimes your sessions will be cut, and if he's got a problem with that, tell him that BP isn't as important as he is, and that once HE is squared away and ready, then you can go back and hit some more.

I think it sounds like you're doing the right thing here. The therapist will have other helpful ideas and plans too, of course. There's no 'quick fix' here.

This is a good book for kids that struggle with OCD:

https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Bra...s%2C152&sr=8-1

It's also helpful for parents in understanding it.

PM is a daily struggle. After the rough night the coach invited Aiden to a one on one bp today at the field. I didn’t go but the wife took him and he hit one out off the hc on overhand... so today’s he’s a rocket.

Its just so troubling to not be able to flatten it all out to a middle. We talked about that to the therapist today. We really just want his road to eventual inevitable success to be less pained.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The Jerkwad CT sent out his Bylaw proposal to the subcommittee with an email that he'd like to have it approved (ostensibly via an email reply). I replied no to the whole of them and said it needed to be discussed and debated and that there were bullet point items that were:

"There are things in them that are nebulous, arbitrary, subjective, unnecessarily punitive and unfair to parents that need to be fleshed out in my opinion"

I also emailed the chairperson and told him a brief history on why I feel that there is a vendetta and it is exposed via the added bullet points CT tried to slip into the upcoming bylaw proposal:

no post-season reviews of coaches by their parents
Only a subjective interview by a subcommittee that he would control and sway via his power and barter
an explicit discouragement that any All-Star coach be strongly discouraged from coaching any team elsewhere at any age (see above why this is a direct attack on my son's coach)
Any ejections come to his subcommittee for discipline (again a power play)

The chair wrote back that nothing will be passed now and this will be discussed in the spring for a vote for Fall.

CT is such a dick. If I wasn't there fighting back against his Machiavelli BS I'm not sure what things would look like.

Update:

No real controversy regarding CT. Hes quited down and his only move was he had all the coaches sign refreshed ethics guidelines which should be done anyways.

Regarding Aiden he’s been playing well especially hitting in practices and has seemed to have gotten over the fear of being hit albeit not with live pitching yet. Hes not obsessing though so that’s good.

He was going to try out for his middle school team in addition to hopefully making the A team for his little league all stars but he has a rocky mental couple of practices leading in and we got them all stars coach involved and he recommended that Aiden not play middle school ball as well. Aiden would’ve been on the field with 12-14 year olds for practices and a new coach and Aiden still had his break downs at the field. It would be a bad look and one they potentially affects the way he’s treated back at school if a melt down goes noticed. So we pulled the plug on it before he tried out.

We think it was the best especially for pretty low quality baseball and an incredibly busy spring of all stars.

The plan this spring, assuming he makes the A team, is to play in some “majors” tournaments. If we do well in those apparently it means something like playing in something special or something. I dunno but it sounded cool. I’m not sure we’re ready but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I feel bad for me 4 years ago
 

Aiden tried out tonight for spring all stars and it was a very odd night.

His glove and arm were his weakness and hitting his strength. Well tonight it was opposite. Fielding and arm was good hitting not so much.

It was such a rough night at the plate that he was crying afterwards that he won’t make the team. It was that bad at the plate. That being said, last Wednesday night he was incredible at the plate in front of the coaches so...

They let me know that they kept him on the A team

Whew, back on the grind now.

He’s gotta fix his confidence at the plate though. He’s just gotta believe in himself and when he does he crushes.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I feel bad for me 4 years ago
 

Aiden went to the field with me today and we bunted a bucket and he did great as he really hasn’t done that that much. Then he received at first base for another kid Who’s dad was hitting him grounders at 3rd and he did great. Then back to the machine where he started hitting and was doing pretty well. His all stars coach showed up with his HS son and had Aiden swing with the heavier wooden bat before going back to his -8 and BOOM! 4 dingers! It was a very very good day in regards to that although when the coach threw live bp at the end he let some of his doubts creep back in and he found a way to view the day with some Gray in it as he likes to do. It was incredible though.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

We're switching therapists to a Sportshealth Therapist that does the following:

​I work consistently with my clients to:
Create and modify winning habits, behaviors, and routines.
Overcome mental barriers that limit performance.
Maintain focus and discipline in the face of adversity.
Foster consistent motivation and energy.
Develop unshakeable confidence.

​Clients learn to accomplish this through:
Positive self-talk
Managing emotional energy
Relaxation skills
Managing distractions
Calming the inner mental-audience members
Consistent present moment awareness
Rehearsed visualization for performance


He played well last night in a scrimmage (2) games, pitched very well but made one minor mistake at first, and ended up crying slightly about it. Then at the plate he was frozen again. HE walked twice but just couldn't swing (again). On base he's fine, stole a bunch of bases, slid, scored but at the plate he's just fearful again [which is nuts after hitting 4 homers the day before].

I feel bad for me 4 years ago
 

I think it was PM above who mentioned the perfectionism thing. Yesterday was a terrific example of it and the pain he and we are going through.

He has struggled to hit in games and he knows it obviously but he’s on the A team and getting better all of the time.

They held a dbl header yesterday and he was good in the field, caught a ripped liner and did everything else well.

At the plate he hit a sharp grounder to SS that caused the kid to bobble and Aiden beat it out and then he ripped another grounder past that SS for a single in addition to a walk and he showed hesitancy intermittently throughout them all but fought it. He Stole a bunch of bases and scored as well.

I complimented him on his effort his willingness to give himself his best chance and his willingness to forgive himself on one error he made because he was playing SS for the first time in his life and covered the bat at serving on a stolen base attempt and got discombobulated on the catch and tag because he’s a lefty.

Anyways I saw a lot of progress and at home he absolutely melted down. In the worst, I’m stupid, I can’t hit in games, my hits were grounders and not lovers or home runs, I don’t deserve anything, I should be kicked off of the team, I’m at the bottom of the lineup because I suck, etc etc

Anyways just posting out here for those in it with me. Ashley and I meet the new sports therapy coach (therapist) today to cover everything to her. She’s three times as expensive as the first girl but this is more tailored towards confidence building, tool building, etc and she works with professional athletes like gardener minshew etc.

I really think everything he’s dealing with currently in baseball and his head translates perfectly to life so I see it as attacking one by attacking the other. I just hope that he can enjoy all of this because he’s so gifted but just torments himself so. He loves the game so much but anything less then perfection is a failure. We have to allow him to love him someone and enjoy this. Writing isn’t an option as that would set the tone for the rest of his life and he says he wants a career in and around baseball (I think he’d be a great player agent) so it’s not that there isn’t the desire there it’s just that he’s wired through us etc to take the harder road I guess.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Aiden had an interesting weekend

Still seems tentative but it hinges upon his mental space power at bat.

He went 1-2 across 3 games and walked twice as well.

Played good in the field and really only got down on himself when the team fell apart in game 3 and that was more of an overall getting down versus just himself and he wasn’t down on himself on the way home. One if his teammates spent the night so that they wouldn’t even think about the 19-1 drubbing they took.

I wish I could figure out the things that work for him and don’t to keep him mentally in it but it just seems so random and fragile.

Alas we plod on 2 team practices this week, 1 lesson, 1 therapy session and homework (he gets straight As thus far). Bought a few books on the mental aspect of things that got good reviews and he continues to say he loves the game and wants a career in and around it so that’s good and I’m supportive of course.

In the meantime our girls have started softball and that’s hilarious at 6 & 4.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So for this week Aiden has been a new kid

Dedicated to listening, yessir and no sir and really putting in the work with no melt Downs or attitudes. He’s been so on point that his coach even said to him that if he can keep this head space he’ll be one of the best kids playing ball. We play on a tournament this weekend and I’m excited to see if this weekend is the weekend where he can keep his head in the game. He’s been absolutely dewatering the ball in the cage and his fielding has been off the charts. His pitching had been serviceable and he’s one of the fastest kids on the team. Just looking for him to allow it to happen versus fighting against the current all of the time.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Tourney weekend

Saturday the bad Aiden showed up. Down unhappy depressed about his performance so we had another talk that night and I begged him to try some of the mental tools everyone is giving him, namely fill his head with a repetitive saying, "See the ball." Or something to not allow negative thoughts to come in.

Well, Sunday he was much better, and got a critical 2 out line drive single to CF and scored a game-tying run. Later in the game, he grounded out to the 2nd baseman moving the runner on second over. Importantly his attitude was great.

He pitched servicably too.

Practice tomorrow and we keep on chugging.

Aiden got taken to the proverbial woodshed last night in practice. He started to get down on himself on an infield drill and it became evident that the HC was going to try a new tactic with him...toughness. I like it. He had him doing push-ups every time he quit on a ball or half-assed something. He said, "Son, you're either going to give me all you got without negativity or quit half-assing it or you're going to have a bigger chest than me and stronger leg muscles from running poles."

At the plate during a live hitting session against one of the kids, he was tentative, no-load, and stepping out. Eventually striking out looking. He's still scared of being hit so he doesn't load and steps out because he's not committed to hitting. He sulked off to the dugout where he cried.

Then at BP after fieldwork, he was negative about himself and unwilling to give it his all without being challenged. The coach literally sat in his cage and if he didn't swing with everything he had on a swing he had to do 5 pushups. At the end of practice, he gave him another "come to Jesus" talk but this one less loving and more matter-of-fact.

At home, he tried the, "I'm not stepping out." talk so I showed him a video of his ABs and he couldn't argue it but admitted he's scared.

So with temporary fire lit, he asked me to go to the cages with him today after school/work and I'm going to hit him a few times with the ball since others have said that that needs to happen.

It sucks that he's put himself in this position of getting known as tentative and fearful and quitting when that was the opposite of what he was known for on the B team. Even the B team coach (who is a tougher master chief chap) has ventured to me that he can't understand what happened and why this is happening. I don't know either but it's a toxic mix of perfectionism, indescribable fear, and a lack of willingness to 'give up' to the coaching/training and try new things when it counts.

Another day hopefully something will snap free. I told him last night that this is a binary choice in Baseball. He's either going to figure this fear at the plate thing out or quit the game. In some sports there are things that happen rarely that you don't really have to worry about happening but in baseball, you're going to see pitches...every AB. So he's either going to work on this, hard, or he's going to have to truly consider picking up a different sport.

Boy, that sounds really hard. It's such a tough spot to be in. He's so young, and you guys have been working so hard with him. Is his behavior affecting his pecking order among the other players on the team? Are they getting frustrated with him? How did he respond to the coach giving him tough love? Did he feel like he was being singled out and 'punished'?

I get the feeling that you guys are right up against the wall here. I think you're right on the money that you're at that point where he either breaks through or moves on. I know that a perfectionist would rather run through a wall than admit any sort of failure, especially if they feel like they have a lot to lose from it. Whether it's from the label that he gets from the rest of the team, the coach, his parents, or the things he tells himself inside, those things all feel very personal to him and the fear of that, the fear of failing is such a strong drive to keep going, but it also holds him back too. I think that for perfectionists, it's a good thing to fail this way. It forces you to process what happened, and how you felt as you go through that acceptance, and as time goes on, you process the feelings that you have after the fact. Learn to accept that it's better to fail when it's just not meant to be, and to move on, and grow, rather than to continue to beat yourself up outside and inside and tell yourself that you're too good to fail. That sort of 'too good to fail' mentality can spill out as a teen and adult. As a teen you see kids that keep secrets, harm themselves, drink, or simply hang around with kids who allow them to feel like they are good enough to be around, and who give them outlets that are far from the 'perfectionist' image. As a grown up, you see adults that find bad relationships and allow people to drag them into bad situations where they don't allow themselves to leave from because they can't admit that they can't fix it, or that they are somehow responsible for the relationship, and if it's bad, they need to try harder.

And I'll tell you again, I come at this from all sides, I've been in that situation, I've done the therapy in college (and beyond) to deal with the scars I drug myself through growing up, and I've dealt with it as a parent of my own son, and as someone with a background in Psych. I am sure that you and your wife are really reaching the end of your rope. You guys have been so patient and loving through all this and have tried to give him every opportunity to succeed. I'm just not sure that he's developed enough to be able to work his way out of this, or you'd have seen more progress by now and I'm not sure that he feels like he can work any harder. It's ok to tell him that it's ok to walk away, and I'm sure you have. You can paint a picture of life for him that doesn't include baseball and you can show him that life will go on, and he can still enjoy baseball even if he's not out there playing it. Saying and talking about those things give him alternatives to think about and give him an alternative narrative inside that he can use to accept alternative outcomes and he can give himself permission to move on to do other things and for a perfectionist, that allowing, giving the self permission, is critical to growth and healing.

This echoes several conversations that I (in particular) had with Will over the years. There comes a point where you have to decide whether you're in or you're out. (Typing that, I'm reminded of pets who want the door opened but then stand in the threshold half in & half out).

And I won't lie: more often than not, the ultimate decision was "out". But that's okay too I think, because you can't be master-of-literally-ALL-things. You DO have to pick and choose where to devote time & energy, we all do.

Being a kid is tough.
Being a parent is tough.

And though it doesn't do anything to feed the proverbial bulldog, I really am sorry that he/you/your family is going through this Flasch.

heard.

Last night it was often brought up that if you don't want to do this then fine lets do something else but you're going to play team sport (philosophically the wife and I think a lot of good comes from team sport participation). He expresses a strong desire in many ways that he does want this but the fear of getting hit is a big problem. The perfetcionism and then effort fade is another.

He says all the things that lead you to believe that he does in fact want this. He has admitted the problem verbally so I'm hopeful that that will again allow us to peel back some of this in a trust fall kind of way. I just think two things... he's gotta grow up as you mentioned and he's gotta get hit so he can see that he wants to hit the ball much more than he gives a shit about whether he gets hit or not.

Strange days man strange days.

I spoke with his private coach for a long while today on the phone and he basically said that it is age v reps v being a 'thinker'. We're all just going to keep working on it as long as Aiden expresses a desire to want to do it.

I guess this has become more of a therapy thead for me, sorry but I'll pst kind of like a journal just to get it out.

I talked with Aiden, the wife and I did, and asked him if he really wanted this...baseball, competitive, this team, this group, or just rec, and he really vehemently through tears expressed his desire to want to do this.

So we ended up in the garage working through the mentality of being more aggressive, loading more aggressively - shoulder to chin which will naturally encourage the body to stay closed for longer and physically make it harder to step out as dramatically as he is.

We talked about the battle, the desire to hit/move the lineup along has to be greater than the fear of getting hit. I hit him a few times with a softer tee-ball while going through the process of load etc but in the end, this is his own mental battle.

I've given him the tools and framework to fight, his coaches have expressed a desire to want to see him succeed, his therapist has worked on it & we'll see if he joins in the fight.

He has practice tonight and it's live bp/hitting.

We had a midseason tryout for Summer all Stars on Wednesday and Aiden finished 6th out of about 30+ kids that tried out and it was verbally stated that he'd be on the team again. Hopefully, he starts s maturing and stops with the histrionics.

Missed some of the earlier discussion, but man does it resonate with me about my younger daughter.

She is an incredibly gifted athlete. One of those kids with completely effortless athletic movement. Loves sports, loves watching and talking about college, pros, etc. But on the field/court, she can't get out of her own head. She's afraid to mess up, she doesn't have confidence in herself so she goes out of her way to be a spectator more than a participant, and she seems scared of the ball.

She a point guard in basketball, and most of the time it looks to me like she goes out of her way to pass the ball and just watch. When there's any contact, she shies away - even on layups, she allows the defender to guide her away from the rim.

In softball, she bails on every pitch. Occasionally she'll snap out of it against slower pitchers and hit the ball squarely, but most of the time it's just off the end of the bat because she's bailing. Luckily, she can slap and that forward motion can cure some of the issue. In the OF, the same thing - if there's a pop-up just behind the IF or in the gap, she won't take charge and go get it. She's happy to let someone else get it for fear or screwing up (my take on it).

Now, she's 5'7" and 118 lbs and has a long history of injuries, including several concussions. So I think a good bit of it is related to that legit fear - especially in basketball, because they treat girls like buffoons who don't have the skill to play the game so they allow them to beat each other up rather than call fouls - but I also think she's just missing that competitive gene. She's a natural athlete without the mindset to maximize her potential. It's so frustrating to watch and not be able to fix - it's not like it's a mechanical swing issue, or that she needs to practice dribbling, etc. It's in her damn head.

About a decade ago, if you had told me Caitlin would have the college career and Mackenzie would top out as an average HS player, I would not have believed it. Caitlin's largely unathletic, but she mastered one skill (pitching), knows how to compete and can handle the pressure of the position. Mackenzie hasn't developed skill-wise like she can because she won't free her mind enough to allow it to happen. And now she's finishing her junior year in HS, so it's almost over.

The only thing that/s helped Aiden stay in on the pitch is an absolute target to aim the ball at LC when hitting (he's a lefty). With that target in mind, he almost has to stay in.

That's kinda the same mindset as a slapper. She gets a running start and is basically trying to put it into the 5/6 hole or power slap it into the LC gap.