Vent Time

[GrantDawg]

You should have written a dynasty.

[Samdari]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

manage to get your daughter there on time

How long do you typically have to wait for these morons to get there?

Does your laptop have wireless internet? We need updates as the kids arrive delivered by stupid parents. I am actually to the point where I eagerly look for updates to this thread, it is so funny.

I wish I lived in Georgia (an unfamilar and uncomfortable feeling for me) so that I could show up in the parking lot and sign medical forms for $100 a pop.

[Ben E Lou]

Originally Posted by Samdari

How long do you typically have to wait for these morons to get there?

Does your laptop have wireless internet? We need updates as the kids arrive delivered by stupid parents. I am actually to the point where I eagerly look for updates to this thread, it is so funny.

I wish I lived in Georgia (an unfamilar and uncomfortable feeling for me) so that I could show up in the parking lot and sign medical forms for $100 a pop.

If it wasn't going to be such a zoo at the bus, I live ALMOST close enough to THS to actually do this. I'd imagine that the wireless network in my home could be accessed within 200-300 yards of where the buses will be sitting.

[SplitPersonality1]

Folks don't understand the kinds of problems and pressures taking 90 kids on a Colorado trip come wit'!

Sorry. It just needed to be done again.

[Ben E Lou]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

I don't have time to type this, but I'm going to type it anyway. I'm so frustrated right now that I can't get anything done for a few minutes anyway. A parent just left my office. I told her THREE TIMES (and my assistant confirms that I said exactly what I thought I said) that the forms she needed (yes, the ones that we mailed back in March, called to remind her of their tardiness, and re-mailed 2 weeks ago) were in an envelope in my mailbox at home, and she could grab them, fill them out, and bring them to my office. She walked in and we had the following conversation:

OBTUSE MOTHER: "Ben, I didn't see any forms anywhere near your back door!" I picked up the mat, looked all around, and even checked all over the yard to see if the wind had blown them away."

BEN: "Um, they are in my mailbox."

OBTUSE MOTHER: "Oh, I didn't know they were in the mailbox. {Her daughter's name} didn't tell me that."

BEN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: "Well, I told your daughter on the phone last night when she called me at 11:30pm letting me know that you couldn't find the forms that I'd put them in my mailbox for you. Plus, I told YOU on the phone less than two hours ago at least three times that they were in my mailbox, because I specifically called you this morning wondering why when I left the house that the forms were still in the mailbox. You said were going to get them last night, remember??? Furthermore, if you were under the impression that the forms were somewhere outside my house, why in the name of Zeus's BUTTHOLE didn't you think to look in the mailbox??????!!!!!!!"

(Yes, I had time to think all of that as I stared at her in stunned silence for several moments.)

BEN: "Well, I have them on the computer here. I can print them out, but you'll still need the doctor's signature on the health form. "

OBTUSE MOTHER: "What??? I didn't know anything about any doctor's signature. We don't have time to do that by tonight!"

NOTE: At this point she is standing in front of my desk holding in her hand the document I've mentioned before in this thread. You know, the one that specifically talks about Colorado state law...

BEN: "Well, it is a Colorado law. She was a cheerleader, so she had to have a physical this year. If you run by Tucker, they'll have proof on file with a doctor's signature. That will suffice."

OBTUSE MOTHER: "Well, you really should have let us know that the form needed a doctor's signature."

BEN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: #%*@$%&@(&$%!#($!!#$(%@*$%(@*$

BEN: "Well, we mailed a letter back in March with that information, and details about a pre-camp parent meeting that took place two weeks ago. We sent a follow-up letter to everyone who wasn't at that meeting, and it had a handout in it that also mentioned it. I'm sorry."

NOTE: She is still holding that very handout in her hand....

OBTUSE MOTHER: "Oh, I must have missed that. Well, I'm in a hurry now, 'cause we've got to pack and now we have to get this stupid form filled out. We'll see you tonight."

BEN: "OK, see you tonight!"

BEN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: "...if you can manage to get your daughter there on time, which is definitely a huge question-mark in my mind, considering what I am observing right now."




Oh, and yesterday when I got home from the office, there was a car sitting in my driveway. It was a mother and son. They needed to pay their balance and turn in their health forms. The mother commented, "I'm sorry this is so late, {her son's name} mentioned this morning that he wanted to start packing. I didn't realize y'all were leaving so soon!"

Yes, her 15-year-old son is going over halfway across the country for a week, and she didn't even know when he was going.

People amaze me.

I was doing a search for something else and came across this thread, and this post in particular had me, uh, reminiscing about that day. Let's have a little one-question multiple choice test, shall we????


Q: Which of the following statements are true about the child of Obtuse Mother mentioned in the "I-didn't-know-anything-about-any-doctor's-signature" incident above???

A. The student was late arriving to the bus.

B. The student did not have a doctor's signature on her form.

C. The student did not have a copy of her physical for cheerleading, which I told Obtuse Mother would have sufficed, despite the fact that we left from the parking lot of the very building where Obtuse Mother could have obtained a copy of said physical.

D. As the student and Obtuse Mother approached the bus, I noticed that Obtuse Mother was carrying.....you guessed it boys and girls......a sleeping bag.

E. During the week, the student came up to me and said, "Is there a way my mom can wire some money to me? You didn't tell us that it would be cold*, and I need to buy some clothes in the shop."

F. All of the above.


*--Another excerpt from the oft-mentioned, but apparently-unread document that mom was holding in her hand while bitching at me in my office:

WEATHER

Crooked Creek Ranch is located approximately 9,000 feet above sea level. Therefore the weather is extremely unpredictable, adn will often change rapidly. Be prepared for shorts-and-t-shirt wethaer, as well as jeans-and-sweatshirt wetaher. Yes, snow is a possibility.

[Shkspr]

I don't understand. How on earth was the student able to find you during the week from all the way across the country when you left her behind in Georgia because she didn't have a doctor's signature on her form or a copy of her physical?

The worst part of all of this is that Obtuse Mother will be the first one to badmouth your leadership skills because you did such a piss-poor job of preparing these kids for their trip.

[sterlingice]

This is one of my comedy highlights for the weekend.

(And anyone want to put odds on how many parents will have been strangled by the end of the week just through Ben's mind choking powers?)

SI

[stevew]

For some reason, this

D. As the student and Obtuse Mother approached the bus, I noticed that Obtuse Mother was carrying.....you guessed it boys and girls......a sleeping bag.

was freaking hilarious to me. Too bad this was a church trip and you couldnt tell her exactly where she needed to shove that sleeping bag.

[SunDevil]

1. People are idiots.

2. Because of number 1, you might want to post on the form next year in bold, that the student does not need a sleeping bag. Also you might want to provide a FAQ with the most common questions asked over the last two or three weeks. Not saying that is a guarantee that it will be read.

Have a safe trip.

[stevew]

This trip happened a couple of months ago?

And next year on the banned list, you should include

Fireworks
Cell Phones
Tobacco Products
Sleeping Bags
Pagers
Pornography

etc.....

[Ben E Lou]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

I was doing a search for something else and came across this thread, and this post in particular had me, uh, reminiscing about that day. Let's have a little one-question multiple choice test, shall we????


Q: Which of the following statements are true about the child of Obtuse Mother mentioned in the "I-didn't-know-anything-about-any-doctor's-signature" incident above???

A. The student was late arriving to the bus.

B. The student did not have a doctor's signature on her form.

C. The student did not have a copy of her physical for cheerleading, which I told Obtuse Mother would have sufficed, despite the fact that we left from the parking lot of the very building where Obtuse Mother could have obtained a copy of said physical.

D. As the student and Obtuse Mother approached the bus, I noticed that Obtuse Mother was carrying.....you guessed it boys and girls......a sleeping bag.

E. During the week, the student came up to me and said, "Is there a way my mom can wire some money to me? You didn't tell us that it would be cold*, and I need to buy some clothes in the shop."

F. All of the above.


*--Another excerpt from the oft-mentioned, but apparently-unread document that mom was holding in her hand while bitching at me in my office:

WEATHER

Crooked Creek Ranch is located approximately 9,000 feet above sea level. Therefore the weather is extremely unpredictable, adn will often change rapidly. Be prepared for shorts-and-t-shirt wethaer, as well as jeans-and-sweatshirt wetaher. Yes, snow is a possibility.

I was so out of it when it happened last night that I forgot to mention it, but thought I would now.

Approximately 10:45pm yesterday, there's a knock on our side door. I'm in bed, asleep. SWMBO is in her pajamas, and about to come to bed. She decides to ignore the knock.

15 seconds later...another knock.

15 more seconds....another knock.

SWMBO comes to wake me up

SWMBO: "Honey, someone is knocking at the side door, and they keep knocking."

(Knock, knock, knock)

Ben: {Mumbles something incoherent}

(Knock, Knock, knock)

Ben: "Don't worry about it. They'll go away. It's probably {Obtuse Mother's Name} anyway."

(Knock, Knock, Knock) (I'm not exaggerating here. The rate of knocks increased to about 3-4 every 10 seconds.

SWMBO: "They're still knocking. It could be a kid with an emergency with a kid or something. You might want to answer it."

{Ben gets up, throws on clothes. Answers door.}

Obtuse Mother: "Oh hi, Ben. Oh, you look tired. I didn't wake you up, did I??? I'm sorry!"

Ben's Inner Monologue: Nah. You only knocked at my door, what, 10-15 times in a 2-minute-or-so period.

Ben: "Oh, It's ok. Is everything ok?" (thinking that SURELY she wants something urgent, considering how long she knocked)

Obtuse Mother: {Long and way-too-detailed story about why she didn't turn in a sign-up form for a trip that we're taking this summer in time to meet the deadline for the early-bird price break THREE weeks ago.}"... So, I've come to sign up {Little Precious's name}for the trip."


Hmmmm...you missed the price break deadline, and the next deadline isn't until April 1st, yet you thought it necessary to repeatedly bang on my door at dang near 11pm to get her signed up RIGHT NOW, even though you live, what, two, two-and-a-half minutes away from me?


Unfathomable. "Little Precious" is a really a sweet kid who could use lots of guidance (I guess that's obvious, considering her mom is a Grade-A fruitcake.) Part of me worries about her heading off to college next year. However, another part of me is very, very happy that, being the youngest and out of the age range to be involved in my ministry, she is my last link to Obtuse Mother.

[WSUCougar]

And thus the mystery of who jbmagic really is came to an end at last.

[kcchief19]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

Unfathomable. "Little Precious" is a really a sweet kid who could use lots of guidance (I guess that's obvious, considering her mom is a Grade-A fruitcake.) Part of me worries about her heading off to college next year. However, another part of me is very, very happy that, being the youngest and out of the age range to be involved in my ministry, she is my last link to Obtuse Mother.

I'd worry about her heading off to college too, but at the same time it sounds like she needs to get away from Obtuse Mother and spread her wings.

Fly, Little Precious! Fly!

[kcchief19]

Originally Posted by WSUCougar

And thus the mystery of who jbmagic really is came to an end at last.

Could jbmagic be Little Precious and Obtuse Mother be Jennifer Winter?

[Drake]

Heh. I'm moving to Georgia when my kids are old enough to be one of Ben's kids.

[She Who Must Be Obeyed]

I would just like to add that the same young lady in question is the one who was deeply confused when she learned that we were not getting off our raft at the same place that we launched from in the morning for our day of white water rafting. The rafting guide looked at me with bewilderment in his eyes as if to say, "is she serious?" I just smiled and nodded. Pretty stunning. I am not sure how much college is going to help.

[Ben E Lou]

Originally Posted by She Who Must Be Obeyed

I would just like to add that the same young lady in question is the one who was deeply confused when she learned that we were not getting off our raft at the same place that we launched from in the morning for our day of white water rafting. The rafting guide looked at me with bewilderment in his eyes as if to say, "is she serious?" I just smiled and nodded. Pretty stunning. I am not sure how much college is going to help.

Heh. I hadn't told 'em that story, honey.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

Heh. I hadn't told 'em that story, honey.

Saving it for the book?


(Seriously, between the book about your job & the book about my job, we could make a mint ... except that everybody would insist that we had to be making this stuff up 'cause it couldn't really happen)

[Apathetic Lurker]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

We try to give as "first-class" of a look as possible when kids arrive at camp. A bare mattress isn't nearly as appealing as a made-up bunk, done with hospital corners, with a blanket neatly folded at the foot of the bed. It makes a *much* better first impression. We want kids to know that we believe that they're very special in God's eyes, and that's one of many little things we do to attempt to communicate that truth.

Ah, I see now. A SISSY camp.

[Ben E Lou]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Saving it for the book?


(Seriously, between the book about your job & the book about my job, we could make a mint ... except that everybody would insist that we had to be making this stuff up 'cause it couldn't really happen)

I've got some doozies, that is for sure. Put about 5 or 6 youth ministry veterans in the room together and let them tell stories, and your sides will be hurting very quickly.