Your Worst Christmas Present - EVER!!

[RomaGoth]

Since this is the last day of the work week, and most of us have taken Monday off (if not, too bad for you), I decided to start this thread just to see what some of the worst presents are that we have given and received. I also will not be posting as much over the next 3-4 days because I will actually be home, and I have very little time to sit around and post on message boards like some message board loser . I know some of you are moderately angry at me for my posting output in the last few days, but hey, at least YOU have a life unlike me, so deal with it.

In any case, here is to a Merry Christmas and happy and safe New Year's. Enjoy your family and friends, enjoy good food and good times, and above all be safe.

I will get this started:

The worst present I have ever received is probably a scratched off lottery ticket. Yep, somebody actually scratched it BEFORE giving it to me for Christmas. What a schmuck.

The worst present I have ever given to someone else is the Michael Bolton CD I gave to my brother about 5 years ago. No he is not a Michael Bolton fan (for the record, neither am I). And yes, he was pissed about it.

So, let's see what the rest of you have to say. This ought to be good (although not as good as the 5 year old thread)....

[Pumpy Tudors]

The worst Christmas present I ever received was Daddy lighting the tree and all of the presents on fire.

On purpose.

At 11:58pm on Christmas Eve.

And then pissing on the presents to put the fire out.

Sober.

All the kids laughed at me a couple of weeks later when I wore my new charred, pee-stained Dalton Hilliard jersey to school.

[Cringer]

Worst present ever given (as mentioned in another thread in a way) is every present I have given my wife. She always returns them, unless I just happen to lose the receipt.

Worst I have received? I have no idea. The letter from my pathetic father last year or the year before was pretty bad. Not really a present, but it was pretty bad.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

The worst Christmas present I ever received was Daddy lighting the tree and all of the presents on fire.

On purpose.

At 11:58pm on Christmas Eve.

And then pissing on the presents to put the fire out.

Sober.

All the kids laughed at me a couple of weeks later when I wore my new charred, pee-stained Dalton Hilliard jersey to school.

If this story is true it is pretty damn funny. Hell, even if it isn't true it is pretty damn funny. Well played Pumpy, well played.

[CamEdwards]

The concept of "worst present" seems like an oxymoron to me. I mean, it's a freaking present.

Then again, I've never gotten a used lottery ticket as a present, so my frame of reference is probably a little different than yours.

[Toddzilla]

My mother-in-law got me one of those golf-tee pegboard games like you see on the tables at Cracker Barrel. I was 32.

[JPhillips]

I had a friend that got five dollars in Taco Bell gift certificates and nothing else.

She got them from her Mom.

[Dr. Sak]

My friend once gave a lamp he had in his dorm room. When you turned it on the water swirled and the beads looked like a tornado. He was a notorious for taking stuff out of his apartment and giving it as gives....the male version of Aunt Bethany.

[Radii]

One year on my dad's side of the family one of my uncles gave all the kids $3 in McDonalds gift certificates. I was 7 or 8, I learned later that my uncle worked in construction and had a horrible year and was barely scraping by. He just didn't want to not get the nieces and nephews anything at all, but it was a really awkward situation when grandparents and other aunts/uncles were giving out all these kickass games and new toys and then the first kid (we were all under 10) opened up his gift certificate from McDonalds.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by bsak16

My friend once gave a lamp he had in his dorm room. When you turned it on the water swirled and the beads looked like a tornado. He was a notorious for taking stuff out of his apartment and giving it as gives....the male version of Aunt Bethany.

I would never accept any bed sheets from him.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by JPhillips

I had a friend that got five dollars in Taco Bell gift certificates and nothing else.

She got them from her Mom.

That brings new meaning to the phrase "Think outside the bun".

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

My mother-in-law got me one of those golf-tee pegboard games like you see on the tables at Cracker Barrel. I was 32.

Did she gank it from a table at Cracker Barrel? I always had a suspicion that old people steal things from Cracker Barrel, I just never had any proof.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by Radii

One year on my dad's side of the family one of my uncles gave all the kids $3 in McDonalds gift certificates. I was 7 or 8, I learned later that my uncle worked in construction and had a horrible year and was barely scraping by. He just didn't want to not get the nieces and nephews anything at all, but it was a really awkward situation when grandparents and other aunts/uncles were giving out all these kickass games and new toys and then the first kid (we were all under 10) opened up his gift certificate from McDonalds.

On the bright side, you all could get a happy meal or some stuff off the dollar menu. It really sucks when someone just doesn't have the money to buy presents for people but they still make the attempt. I mean, it is noble and all, but you can't help but feel bad for them and just a little embarrassed. :o

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by CamEdwards

The concept of "worst present" seems like an oxymoron to me. I mean, it's a freaking present.

Then again, I've never gotten a used lottery ticket as a present, so my frame of reference is probably a little different than yours.

The worst part of it was that the ticket wasn't even a winner.

[Mustang]

I got a piece of PVC pipe painted green and yellow with a bag of green and yellow foam peanuts. The idea was that when you were watching the Packer game and got mad, you could spit foam peanuts at the tv screen.

The next year from the same person I got a potato oven mitt cooker. (You were supposed to put the potato in it and then microwave it. I guess it was designed because the mere act of just putting a potato in the oven needed to be rethought)

And then the next year from said same person, I received a XXL Gray striped t-shirt (I'm 5'7 and 155 lbs) and a pair of gray leather tennis shoes with velcro straps that appeared to be from 1985.

I can't wait for this years gift.

[Warhammer]

I got some cheapo onyx ring from my aunt one year. First, I was never one to wear rings. Second, why the hell get an onyx one? Third, why the hell do you get a guy a ring?

[Flasch186]

not X-mas, since Im Jewish, but for graduating college I received a pen from an uncle. That sucked....

[Pumpy Tudors]

I think I told the story of this on FOFC before, but this thread reminds me about it.

I once got a Dalton Hilliard jersey for Christmas. It was the best Christmas present I ever got. I think my dad gave it to me.

[rkmsuf]

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

I think I told the story of this on FOFC before, but this thread reminds me about it.

I once got a Dalton Hilliard jersey for Christmas. It was the best Christmas present I ever got. I think my dad gave it to me.

the only one I recall is the one where you got anal for christmas one year

[Pumpy Tudors]

Originally Posted by rkmsuf

the only one I recall is the one where you got anal for christmas one year

It was anal training.

[st.cronin]

I once got a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label. I poured that shit down the toilet... seriously, who drinks BLENDED Scotch?

[korme]

Dalton Hilliard omfg wtf garbage

[Pumpy Tudors]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

Dalton Hilliard omfg wtf garbage

I grew up in New Orleans. You took what you could get.

[rkmsuf]

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

I grew up in New Orleans. You took what you could get.

Interesting that the dalton hilliard jersey is more shocking than the anal.


Oh, anal training, sorry.

[Lorena]

Where's the dola etiquette RomaGoth?! Yous gots lots to lern.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Dodgerchick's calling him out.

[Lorena]

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

Dodgerchick's calling him out.

I am!! Kodos... err.. RomaGoth should know better!!

[Pumpy Tudors]

Originally Posted by Dodgerchick

I am!! Kodos... err.. RomaGoth should know better!!

wow just wow :o

[path12]

When I was about 18 my crazy uncle Larry got me a used record from "some guy who was in Fleetwood Mac when they first started out". A used record with a huge-ass scratch in it.

Gee, thanks Larr!

[Radii]

Originally Posted by RomaGoth

On the bright side, you all could get a happy meal or some stuff off the dollar menu. It really sucks when someone just doesn't have the money to buy presents for people but they still make the attempt. I mean, it is noble and all, but you can't help but feel bad for them and just a little embarrassed. :o

Yeah I wouldn't' so much call it an awful present as I would an awful situation knowing that the kids wouldn't understand and would make it embarrassing.

Lots of other stuff about how I hate Christmas and what it does to people deleted :P

[Axxon]

Ok, I'll play. There is only one gift I've EVER gotten that I hated. It was given to me by a relative that I really didn't even expect a gift from or even know. It was an old old and distant aunt that really was not trying to be obnoxious but...

A "Best of the Village People" 8 track.

Top that one. Go ahead. That one was wrong on so many levels but unfortunately, yes, I did still have an 8 track player.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by Axxon

Ok, I'll play. There is only one gift I've EVER gotten that I hated. It was given to me by a relative that I really didn't even expect a gift from or even know. It was an old old and distant aunt that really was not trying to be obnoxious but...

A "Best of the Village People" 8 track.

Top that one. Go ahead. That one was wrong on so many levels but unfortunately, yes, I did still have an 8 track player.

Unfortunately, I think I would rather take that one than a used lottery ticket. I mean, WTF??? What the hell kind of person gives an already scratched off lottery ticket as a gift? That is like giving someone an already eaten chicken for dinner.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by Dodgerchick

I am!! Kodos... err.. RomaGoth should know better!!

Good grief I am not Kodos. I don't know who he is or why you would confuse me with him. Of course, he would probably say this too so I am screwed and there is no way I can prove that I am not Kodos. Unless....

No, no....never mind....that is definately NOT a good idea. Besides, that is illegal in 37 states anyway.

[Mustang]

Originally Posted by RomaGoth

Unfortunately, I think I would rather take that one than a used lottery ticket. I mean, WTF??? What the hell kind of person gives an already scratched off lottery ticket as a gift? That is like giving someone an already eaten chicken for dinner.

At least a scratched off lottery ticket you could send away for a 2nd chance drawing.

[Fidatelo]

I've had some doozies from my in-laws:

1) One year I got the dustbuster that my wife had asked for. She got some other clothes and stuff she'd like. So basically, I got nothing.
2) My birthday falls four days after Christmas (29th), and that same year for my birthday I got a set of Bocce Balls. Not terrible except that when my wife asked them where they thought we could use them without our 80lb Sheep Dog eating them, her mom admitted that they had just seen them cheap at Costco and got them so they could scratch another present off the list. Niiiiice.
3) On my most recent birthday (almost a year ago now) they didn't give me anything, saying they weren't sure what to get (even though my wife feeds them ideas constantly). 6 months later on my wife's birthday they gave me some kind of meat thermometer that again they had picked up from Costco. Really, it took 6 months to come up with the idea of buying a random display item from Costco? I was honestly more ok with just getting nothing rather than a random item I don't want 6 months after the fact that they didn't put ANY thought into anyways.

[Mustang]

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

her mom admitted that they had just seen them cheap at Costco and got them so they could scratch another present off the list. Niiiiice.

Ohhh.. the 'buy a bunch of stuff and then pull it out when an event comes up' gifters. My in-laws are like that too. I get the post Christmas sales stuff 1 year later - Hot Sauce, Jelly, Cologne.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by Mustang

Ohhh.. the 'buy a bunch of stuff and then pull it out when an event comes up' gifters. My in-laws are like that too. I get the post Christmas sales stuff 1 year later - Hot Sauce, Jelly, Cologne.

I hope not all mixed together...

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

I've had some doozies from my in-laws:

1) One year I got the dustbuster that my wife had asked for. She got some other clothes and stuff she'd like. So basically, I got nothing.
2) My birthday falls four days after Christmas (29th), and that same year for my birthday I got a set of Bocce Balls. Not terrible except that when my wife asked them where they thought we could use them without our 80lb Sheep Dog eating them, her mom admitted that they had just seen them cheap at Costco and got them so they could scratch another present off the list. Niiiiice.
3) On my most recent birthday (almost a year ago now) they didn't give me anything, saying they weren't sure what to get (even though my wife feeds them ideas constantly). 6 months later on my wife's birthday they gave me some kind of meat thermometer that again they had picked up from Costco. Really, it took 6 months to come up with the idea of buying a random display item from Costco? I was honestly more ok with just getting nothing rather than a random item I don't want 6 months after the fact that they didn't put ANY thought into anyways.

Wow. I am assuming your family reunions are a real good time as well.

[RomaGoth]

I was just told yesterday by my wife that the futon her mother gave us a month ago is now our Christmas present. Niiiiiice.

Gotta love inlaws.

[DanGarion]

Originally Posted by Radii

One year on my dad's side of the family one of my uncles gave all the kids $3 in McDonalds gift certificates. I was 7 or 8, I learned later that my uncle worked in construction and had a horrible year and was barely scraping by. He just didn't want to not get the nieces and nephews anything at all, but it was a really awkward situation when grandparents and other aunts/uncles were giving out all these kickass games and new toys and then the first kid (we were all under 10) opened up his gift certificate from McDonalds.

3 Bucks probably could have feed a kid for 3 meals back then...

[Mustang]

Originally Posted by dangarion

3 Bucks probably could have feed a kid for 3 meals back then...

I seem to remember value meals being $2.99 when they started them.

[DanGarion]

Originally Posted by Mustang

I seem to remember value meals being $2.99 when they started them.

Remember this was for the kids, I said kids. Hamburgers were like $.39 when I was a kid and children eat very little anyway.

[path12]

I wonder how many 5 year olds could take out a McDonalds?

[Toddzilla]

Originally Posted by RomaGoth

Did she gank it from a table at Cracker Barrel? I always had a suspicion that old people steal things from Cracker Barrel, I just never had any proof.

THAT acutally would have made it pretty cool. After I opened it, I spun around and dropped it right in the trash. My wife was horrified so I asked her "Do you want it? Take it out." She didn't.

[Toddzilla]

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

6 months later on my wife's birthday they gave me some kind of meat thermometer

Dude! Read between the lines! Rowr!

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by dangarion

Remember this was for the kids, I said kids. Hamburgers were like $.39 when I was a kid and children eat very little anyway.

You haven't seen my 6 year old son eat. Good grief, you would think we haven't fed him in 3 years or something.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

THAT acutally would have made it pretty cool. After I opened it, I spun around and dropped it right in the trash. My wife was horrified so I asked her "Do you want it? Take it out." She didn't.

Now was that one complete spin move or did you pause at any time during the motion? If you paused, then you should have not thrown it away at that moment due to conspicuousness...

[Draft Dodger]

I don't know if I'm going to be able to describe this properly...

my mom has given me some doozies of wtf gifts, but the best has to be this thing she saw on QVC one time. It was a blue molded plastic mask, like a scuba mask except that the front wasn't transparent. There were two holes where in front of your eyes, and in those holes where these little colored discs that spun. There was also a little mouthpiece, which vented to the discs. So, you'd put this on, blow into the mouthpiece, and it would make the discs spin, letting you see all kinds of gnarly patterns (until you passed out from asphyxiation, or something). Kind of like a portable kaleidoscope, for people who's arms are too weak to turn a cardboard tube.

It was completely ridiculous, to say the least. I kind of wish I'd kept it, because I'm sure some day it'll be a collectors item or something. I think I tossed it, though.

although it does beat the time I got arrested on Christmas Eve.

[SteveMax58]

This thread reminds me of a buddy's Christmas present from a few years back.

He was dating a girl for quite a few months at the time, but certainly not for a long time. He wasnt normally the kind of guy to have long relationships and basically had a new "girlfriend" every few weeks or so at that time(very early 20's). This is the kind of guy that really did not understand women(even less than me, and I'm no expert), and had some real issues with trust & insecurity when he actually tried to have a relationship in those days.

Well...about a couple of days before Christmas his girlfriend is supposed to meet us at his house and we(my wife & I) and him & her were going to go out that night. So, we're waiting there for quite a little while longer than she said it would take her to get there. And with every few minutes that my buddy would call her, she would continue to say she was just about 5 mins away. She actually lived about 30 mins away from his house, so my wife & I just assumed it was taking her longer to get ready than she thought.

So...after about an hour and a half after her first "I'll be there in 5 mins" she finally walks through the door. My buddy, being unable to control his frustration, makes a smartass remark saying, "Where did you disappear to, and why do you smell like cheapass men's cologne?"

She opened her purse and handed him a wrapped gift saying,"Merry fuckin Christmas asshole." And walked out.

[EagleFan]

My wife is LOUSY at getting presents but I just smile and go along with it. She fixates on things for no reason.

I used to go golfing a couple times a year tops (before my eye problems got to where it wasn't worth it) so suddenly she gets me all sorts of things that have to do with golf (shirts, stuff for the desk, calendars, etc...). I played it occasionally and very casually, not obsessed with it.

Same goes for NASCAR where I cheered for Tony Stewart (but it's just NASCAR so it doesn't really bother me one way or the other, plus I have probably seen one full race in the last 5 years) and if it wasn't something related to golf it was something related to Tony Stewart.

I have been trying to make hints for her at ideas but based on the past she will not just take the ideas as suggestions but will get those exact items (which is okay but kind of kills the surprise) but I guarantee that there will be something either with a number 20 on it or something about golf as well.


Hmmm, hopefully she doesn't read this...