Murphy's Law

[Dutch]

I bought some new jeans today. Walked up to the registers. Two are open. A man in one line with 6 items (or so). A mother and daughter in the other with 3 items.

Nobody else is around. I choose the ladies with the 3 items. Good choice right?

Wrong.

I walk up behind them and almost as if awaiting my decision, the bar code scanner at my lane's register stops responding. Three employees start messing with it. Yes, there were other cashiers just chilling out, shooting the shit with my lane's cashier.

"No problem, this happens from time to time." They say.

Somewhat uncomfortable, I work up a nod and a smile in case they were talking to me. But they weren't.

I glance at the other line, maybe I'll change lanes? Nope. Somebody else walked in behind the guy with 6 items. So I wait. Put my new jeans down on the counter.

2 minutes in line.

The bar code is fixed (it's a handheld and the connection was loose, apparently). But she's having trouble scanning this key chain the lady wants to buy. The guy with 6 items says "Thanks, have a good day." to the other cashier and walks away. A lady walks in and stands behind me.

4 minutes in line.

Again, I look at the other line, two other people in that line. One of the employees that "fixed" the bar code reader (that works now, but apparently can't scan the keychain bar code label) opens up lane #3. "I can help somebody over here."

I turn to walk over and forgot the lady behind me...she walks over there. "Fuck." I think to myself. And then some family of 3 step in right behind me. The key chain is scanned in. And the lady is ready to pay for her shit. 3 fucking things, a key chain, a beer mug with tits (one of these bavarian Oktoberfest things I guess) and something else...some sort of souvenir.

It slowly dawns on me that this isn't just any ordinary mother and daughter combo...this is a daughter who's mother is visiting her from the states. A tourist, basically.

"That will be $100.60" says the cashier.

Out comes this wallet/purse thing that the mom opens up and the $20 are almost oozing out of it. She starts thumbing through them.

"What the fuck lady, just use the first five $20's you see and hand it to the cashier." --Okay, I didn't say that...but I was thinking it.

6 minutes in line.

I look back behind me, the family now has me trapped. The other cashier that was open the whole time must've helped 3 or 4 people already. The other guy that just opened up was on customer #3.

Finally I realize why the lady was thumbing through the 20's....she wasn't going for those at all. She pulls out travellers checks.

"Can I use these here?"

"Yes."

WTF? Travller's checks? Who the fuck uses travellers checks anymore?

Then the cashier needs to borrow the cashier who's churning out the customers in the first line. "Debbie, how do I ring up traveller's checks on this system? I've never done it before."

8 minutes in line.

"Just a sec", responds 'Debbie'.

She shuts her line down and comes over to help. "She needs to sign these, show her ID card, you need a SSN here....make two copies and don't forget to staple these to the receipt..."

Now all three lines are backing up as the customers that just fucking got in line are scrambling to figure out what line is best. Most of these "newbies" just kind of glance at the family and then at me and move to lane #3 which is now full but at least the cashier is churning out customers. Some stragglers stick around in lane #2 with me and the family.

I am getting frustrated now and remember lane #3 cashier saying, "I can help somebody over here." It's been like 9 or 10 minutes now...and it seemed like forever ago that he said that.

The mom then looks at me while 'Debbie' is explaining the traveller check procedure to my cashier.

"I'm sorry...tee-hee...the bank was charging a service fee to cash them, and there isn't a fee here."

Emotionless, I immediately turned away as to not make eye-contact, afraid I might say something that wasn't warranted. I mean, really, it's only been 10 minutes and she has every right...but it seemed like it was forever. And I was already pissed at myself for choosing the wrong fucking lane in the first place.

What's that you ask? "Why didn't you just cut out of your line, they were churning out customers at a lightning pace in lane #3?"

Oh no. Murphy's Law states that if you change lanes, that lane will be the slow lane. I was holding my ground. I knew what was up. Changing lanes would have resulted in me seeing the tourist mom say, "Thanks! Have a good day!" in lane #2 while I was 4 or 5 customers back in lane #3. No way...I'm staying put.

And finally the transaction is done and they leave. (Actually, the daughter had left a few minutes earlier). What seemed like 4 million customers and 10 minutes later, it's my turn.

I stand there and look at the cashier and out of sheer disbelief let out an exasperated, "Oh My God!" as I pull out my debit card to pay.

The cashier smiles sympathetically, "Sorry about that."

"No, it's not your fault. It was just my bad luck."

She shrugs, "No, that's not bad luck, bad luck would be me telling you the debit card machine is down."

"You're kidding?"

Thankfully, she was and almost immediately I lightened up.

But 10 minutes trapped in a line, no big deal, right? Sure, it was supposed to only be about 45 seconds, but shit happens. I was just amazed at how fast I went from oblivious to the people around me to wanting to strangle that lady.

Murphy's Law? Absolutely.

[CamEdwards]

That's a good line she used. You don't tip cashiers but I might have given her an extra couple of bucks just for lightening the mood. I definitely would have told her supervisor so they were aware of her good customer service.

[Dutch]

Originally Posted by CamEdwards

That's a good line she used. You don't tip cashiers but I might have given her an extra couple of bucks just for lightening the mood. I definitely would have told her supervisor so they were aware of her good customer service.

Agreed, her good attitude is probably why the other two cashiers were hanging out with her to begin with.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Was the cashier hot? Why has nobody asked this yet?

[korme]

Dutch has a wife, he is not allowed to judge women

[bhlloy]

I could make a career out of chosing the wrong line/queue to be in. My wife has learned to ask me which one to go to, and then instantly go to the other one.

I had an experience just like yours at a Victoria's Secret a few months back, but my all time best must be getting stuck behind a pair of young foreign tourists in the ticket machine line at the Gatwick Express train station heading into london. 20 minutes and no speak English, after a day of 24 hour travelling made me very grateful I didn't have a weapon on me, because I would have killed the fuckers.

[Groundhog]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

Dutch has a wife, he is not allowed to judge women

Being on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Dutch

I bought some new jeans today. Walked up to the registers. Two are open. A man in one line with 6 items (or so). A mother and daughter in the other with 3 items.

Nobody else is around. I choose the ladies with the 3 items. Good choice right?

Wrong.

I walk up behind them and almost as if awaiting my decision, the bar code scanner at my lane's register stops responding. Three employees start messing with it. Yes, there were other cashiers just chilling out, shooting the shit with my lane's cashier.

"No problem, this happens from time to time." They say.

Somewhat uncomfortable, I work up a nod and a smile in case they were talking to me. But they weren't.

I glance at the other line, maybe I'll change lanes? Nope. Somebody else walked in behind the guy with 6 items. So I wait. Put my new jeans down on the counter.

2 minutes in line.

The bar code is fixed (it's a handheld and the connection was loose, apparently). But she's having trouble scanning this key chain the lady wants to buy. The guy with 6 items says "Thanks, have a good day." to the other cashier and walks away. A lady walks in and stands behind me.

4 minutes in line.

Again, I look at the other line, two other people in that line. One of the employees that "fixed" the bar code reader (that works now, but apparently can't scan the keychain bar code label) opens up lane #3. "I can help somebody over here."

I turn to walk over and forgot the lady behind me...she walks over there. "Fuck." I think to myself. And then some family of 3 step in right behind me. The key chain is scanned in. And the lady is ready to pay for her shit. 3 fucking things, a key chain, a beer mug with tits (one of these bavarian Oktoberfest things I guess) and something else...some sort of souvenir.

It slowly dawns on me that this isn't just any ordinary mother and daughter combo...this is a daughter who's mother is visiting her from the states. A tourist, basically.

"That will be $100.60" says the cashier.

Out comes this wallet/purse thing that the mom opens up and the $20 are almost oozing out of it. She starts thumbing through them.

"What the fuck lady, just use the first five $20's you see and hand it to the cashier." --Okay, I didn't say that...but I was thinking it.

6 minutes in line.

I look back behind me, the family now has me trapped. The other cashier that was open the whole time must've helped 3 or 4 people already. The other guy that just opened up was on customer #3.

Finally I realize why the lady was thumbing through the 20's....she wasn't going for those at all. She pulls out travellers checks.

"Can I use these here?"

"Yes."

WTF? Travller's checks? Who the fuck uses travellers checks anymore?

Then the cashier needs to borrow the cashier who's churning out the customers in the first line. "Debbie, how do I ring up traveller's checks on this system? I've never done it before."

8 minutes in line.

"Just a sec", responds 'Debbie'.

She shuts her line down and comes over to help. "She needs to sign these, show her ID card, you need a SSN here....make two copies and don't forget to staple these to the receipt..."

Now all three lines are backing up as the customers that just fucking got in line are scrambling to figure out what line is best. Most of these "newbies" just kind of glance at the family and then at me and move to lane #3 which is now full but at least the cashier is churning out customers. Some stragglers stick around in lane #2 with me and the family.

I am getting frustrated now and remember lane #3 cashier saying, "I can help somebody over here." It's been like 9 or 10 minutes now...and it seemed like forever ago that he said that.

The mom then looks at me while 'Debbie' is explaining the traveller check procedure to my cashier.

"I'm sorry...tee-hee...the bank was charging a service fee to cash them, and there isn't a fee here."

Emotionless, I immediately turned away as to not make eye-contact, afraid I might say something that wasn't warranted. I mean, really, it's only been 10 minutes and she has every right...but it seemed like it was forever. And I was already pissed at myself for choosing the wrong fucking lane in the first place.

What's that you ask? "Why didn't you just cut out of your line, they were churning out customers at a lightning pace in lane #3?"

Oh no. Murphy's Law states that if you change lanes, that lane will be the slow lane. I was holding my ground. I knew what was up. Changing lanes would have resulted in me seeing the tourist mom say, "Thanks! Have a good day!" in lane #2 while I was 4 or 5 customers back in lane #3. No way...I'm staying put.

And finally the transaction is done and they leave. (Actually, the daughter had left a few minutes earlier). What seemed like 4 million customers and 10 minutes later, it's my turn.

I stand there and look at the cashier and out of sheer disbelief let out an exasperated, "Oh My God!" as I pull out my debit card to pay.

The cashier smiles sympathetically, "Sorry about that."

"No, it's not your fault. It was just my bad luck."

She shrugs, "No, that's not bad luck, bad luck would be me telling you the debit card machine is down."

"You're kidding?"

Thankfully, she was and almost immediately I lightened up.

But 10 minutes trapped in a line, no big deal, right? Sure, it was supposed to only be about 45 seconds, but shit happens. I was just amazed at how fast I went from oblivious to the people around me to wanting to strangle that lady.

Murphy's Law? Absolutely.

Your absolutely key mistake: never, never, EVER, choose to get behind a woman in a line where you can get behind a man. Six items? Sheesh, who cares? It's just a fact--men always seem to be trying to get somewhere. Women, not so much. Men hate waiting in lines and will do anything to move it along faster. Women don't mind so long as they're doing something they enjoy (in this case shopping) and have someone to talk to (you mentioned the daughter).

Sexist, you say? Do some people watching some time and tell me what you see.

Corollary: homosexual men act more like women in this respect, so they are exceptions to the rule. If your gay-dar is effective, be sure to weigh that into your choice.

[MizzouRah]

I would have cussed that woman out at least 15 times in my mind, then bitched to my wife after I got back on the road and called her.

[DeToxRox]

Vicky Crown!!

.. Oh .. wrong Murphy's Law.

[Radii]

Originally Posted by Dutch

I bought some new jeans today. Walked up to the registers. Two are open. A man in one line with 6 items (or so). A mother and daughter in the other with 3 items.

Nobody else is around. I choose the ladies with the 3 items. Good choice right?

Ok, I haven't read the rest of the post or any replies yet(I will in a minute), but I had to just stop here and say WTF. item count only matters when you're talking about a difference of 10x or more. If the woman has 2 items and the man 20, I think you're in the right line. Otherwise, ALWAYS get in line behind the man who is by himself. Virtually guaranteed to be 2 times faster than any woman, and 4 or 5 times faster than any woman with a kid.

[Radii]

haha I see Chief Rum found your mistake first, great minds think alike.

[korme]

I like that Radii has formed the same consensus without reading any of the replies

[cuervo72]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

Men hate waiting in lines and will do anything to move it along faster. Women don't mind so long as they're doing something they enjoy (in this case shopping) and have someone to talk to (you mentioned the daughter).

Actually, not *always* the case. If my wife was in Dutch's position, she'd have been like a caged animal - antsy, very irritated, and probably cursing. If she even stayed there that long. She gets like that in traffic too.

But, she's an exception rather than the rule.

[KWhit]

Originally Posted by cuervo72

Actually, not *always* the case. If my wife was in Dutch's position, she'd have been like a caged animal - antsy, very irritated, and probably cursing. If she even stayed there that long. She gets like that in traffic too.

But, she's an exception rather than the rule.

Nah. She's just like that when you're around to make you think she's different. I bet she pretends to like beer around you too, right?

When she's away from you she's just like all the rest of them.

[stevew]

Never pitch to bitch.

Always avoid getting behind females in checkout lines, unless you are trying to get with them, or they are nice eye candy. Otherwise you've just filed paperwork for spending overtime in line.

[stevew]

dola

One of the main reasons I go to Aldi's is that their checkout lines are super fast. I don't feel as if I'll be waiting forever in line. Even if the person ahead of you has a whole cart or two full of food. If you get behind someone at wal mart with that much food, you can probably solve mario brothers in the time it'll take you to be able to pay.

[cuervo72]

Originally Posted by KWhit

Nah. She's just like that when you're around to make you think she's different. I bet she pretends to like beer around you too, right?

When she's away from you she's just like all the rest of them.

Nope.

[mrsimperless]

All stores should have a single check-out queue where the next person in line is sent to the next available register as it comes open.

[Ksyrup]

Back in college, when I worked a register at a grocery store during the summer, I was so fast that the "regulars" would wait in my line, even if there were 3 or 4 more people in my line than another, because they knew I'd be done before the other cashiers.

I WAS THE FUCKING MAN

[lordscarlet]

Originally Posted by mrsimperless

All stores should have a single check-out queue where the next person in line is sent to the next available register as it comes open.

+1,000,000

[rkmsuf]

Originally Posted by mrsimperless

All stores should have a single check-out queue where the next person in line is sent to the next available register as it comes open.

what fun is that?

pick your line like generations before and like it

[stevew]

If I do venture into the cesspool of Walmart, I'll often not commit to a line in busy times. And I'll just wait for a cashier to come to the front and open a new lane. I'd say I come out ahead at least 80% of the time that way.

[Dr. Sak]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Back in college, when I worked a register at a grocery store during the summer, I was so fast that the "regulars" would wait in my line, even if there were 3 or 4 more people in my line than another, because they knew I'd be done before the other cashiers.

I WAS THE FUCKING MAN

[Pumpy Tudors]

I still want to know if the cashier was hot.

[14ers]

Originally Posted by Dutch

And the lady is ready to pay for her shit. 3 fucking things, a key chain, a beer mug with tits (one of these bavarian Oktoberfest things I guess) and something else...some sort of souvenir.

"That will be $100.60" says the cashier.

I have to know what was that other item? You have a keychain, a coffee mug, and a mystery Item that cost over $100.00, so what was the souvenir?

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by cuervo72

Nope.

So you have her watched, eh, psycho?