Went Too Far?

[tyketime]

So tonight, my son played a hockey game. A kid on the other team was a little chippy with him, but that's OK. I don't mind that on the rink. But after the game as my son went up to the refreshment stand, the kid came up to him and said "If you touch me again, I will knock you out". This kid is a year older and easily has a foot on my son. I was angry when my son told me what happened. I decided to mention it to the kid's father. The other kid's father was coaching another game, so I waited 30 minutes for that game to end. During that time, I rehearsed my speech (I'm generally not good with confrontation).

After the other game ended, I stepped up and asked the father could I speak with him. I told him how his son threatened mine. He said he would talk to his son. Do you think I could have left it there? No, like an idiot, I continued with my very rehearsed speech. I told him I considered what his son did harassment & intimidation. He said he would talk to his son. Did I shut up then? I had one more line to deliver... I said if his son did it again, I would take it up with the board. The father was clearly angry at that point, and said "if you have a problem... take it up with the board". End of conversation.

I feel like such crap. He said exactly what I wanted to hear... namely that he would handle it, but I didn't leave it alone. I NEVER confront coaches, parents, etc. This was out-of-line for me, and so as soon as I got home I sent him an EMail (I don't have his phone number), and apologized for my over-reaction.

Now I am beating myself up over it. I have been sick to my stomach for the past few hours, because... the father is the Commissioner of the League And this coming week is tryouts for the travel team. I KNOW I made a mistake (for which I've apologized without making any excuse for). He has not returned my EMail. I can even deal with that, but what I don't want to have happen is that my son pays the price and doesn't get selected because of me. I want him to make it or not solely on his abilities (it so happens he has been on the travel team for 2 straight years).

I can't undo my over-reaction (no matter how much I wish that I could). But I'm not so trusting that my son won't pay the consequences for my mistake. My wife has said at this point I need to drop it... and if my son doesn't get selected... that will be that and we will never know whether my blunder had any part in it or not.

Why can't I let it go at this point? And more importantly... why didn't I shut my mouth before I took it too far?

I'm really just disappointed in myself...

[MikeVic]

That sucks dude. I think you're just worrying that it'll affect your son. Maybe next time you see the guy, explain that you shouldn't have kept talking (maybe say that you're bad with confrontation, etc.?)... and then ask that his son not be treated differently because of it?

[Groundhog]

I think your wife is right. You need to just try and let it go. I wouldn't have sent the e-mail and I don't think your overreaction was all that much of an overraction. I've seen parents react much worse to much less.

[Flasch186]

sorry man, I overthink things too and ended up on Buspirone, FWIW

[DeToxRox]

Eh you did the right thing. You may've also been been wise to tell the kid's coach (unless the kid's dad coached that team as well) about it, because as I tell the kids I coach, you're making your team look bad when you do something stupid like that.

I wouldn't feel too upset, you had a right to be mad.

How old are the kids, by the way?

Let him get to 16 and mix it up. It's what we did.

God I miss a good hockey fight.

[DeToxRox]

Dola, as far making the team goes. If he is that big a d-bag to let politics get in the way of his travel teams success (which does happen) then it's not even worth it.

These kids aren't going to the show, so it isn't worth the hassel of walking on egg shells around the arena.

[st.cronin]

I don't think you were out of line at all at any point. If anything, the apologetic email was the wrong move.

[st.cronin]

Agree 100% with DTR.

[tyketime]

Originally Posted by DeToxRox

How old are the kids, by the way?

My son is 11, older kid is 12.

[Marc Vaughan]

I didn't think you over-reacted at all, I'd have done much the same to be honest ...

[tyketime]

Originally Posted by DeToxRox

Dola, as far making the team goes. If he is that big a d-bag to let politics get in the way of his travel teams success (which does happen) then it's not even worth it.

These kids aren't going to the show, so it isn't worth the hassel of walking on egg shells around the arena.

I hear ya. I'm sure I'm projecting my disappointment on what my son would feel like if he didn't make the travel team. I would just like for it to be purely on his abilities... no more no less.

[tyketime]

Originally Posted by Marc Vaughan

I didn't think you over-reacted at all, I'd have done much the same to be honest ...

The thing is... my wife said, "What else did you want him to say?" - meaning after he said he would talk to his son. I don't really have a good answer, so I've chided myself into thinking I over-reacted. While I do truly think his son was harassing and intimidating mine, I guess I'm questioning whether I needed to "point out the obvious". I don't know...

[DeToxRox]

Originally Posted by tyketime

I hear ya. I'm sure I'm projecting my disappointment on what my son would feel like if he didn't make the travel team. I would just like for it to be purely on his abilities... no more no less.

Understandable. Your kid is at an age where they do not understand there is more to it then that, but the Coach seems level headed enough from how he responded to you that he probably won't hold it against you.

Had the guy been a real prick, I can see a reason for worry, but truthfully, if he's a stand up guy it won't matter at all.

[judicial clerk]

Tyketime, I think your analysis was right on. I think you did overreact a little bit based on the other dad's initial receptive attitude. I also think, though that it is okay that you made things clear to the other parent. It reads like maybe the other kid was doing a little bullying and its good to nip that in the bud quick.

I probably would have taken a friendlier tack, but I am a walk softly and carry a big stick kind of guy.

[DanGarion]

Next time, tell your son to tell off the other kid and to stop taking his sloppy seconds...

[tyketime]

Originally Posted by DanGarion

Next time, tell your son to tell off the other kid and to stop taking his sloppy seconds...

That's not right...

[Marc Vaughan]

Originally Posted by tyketime

The thing is... my wife said, "What else did you want him to say?" - meaning after he said he would talk to his son. I don't really have a good answer, so I've chided myself into thinking I over-reacted. While I do truly think his son was harassing and intimidating mine, I guess I'm questioning whether I needed to "point out the obvious". I don't know...

If its someone I don't know then I tend to 'point out the obvious' that way if the same thing occurs again then I know that there was no grey area and that the person involved is purposely being obstructive/annoying ... otherwise they have that area of 'doubt' which keeps you restrained.

As such I think you did the right thing entirely.

[MizzouRah]

Send in Tony Twist next game.

[bbor]

I have been a hockey coach for 15 years....the first rule i tell all my parents is to observe the 24 hours rule,meaning....if you have a greivence to air NEVER do it right after a game.Take 24 hours to cool off/think about it and then approach the problem.

I have to tell you...the last thing i need after a game when i'm all jacked up is a parent in my face complaining.I'm jacked up...they are jacked up....it could lead to bad things.

[klayman]

Originally Posted by bbor

I have been a hockey coach for 15 years....the first rule i tell all my parents is to observe the 24 hours rule,meaning....if you have a greivence to air NEVER do it right after a game.Take 24 hours to cool off/think about it and then approach the problem.

I have to tell you...the last thing i need after a game when i'm all jacked up is a parent in my face complaining.I'm jacked up...they are jacked up....it could lead to bad things.

bbor also has a 24 hour rule regarding Taco Bell...do not speak to him 24 hours after eating Taco Bell. This is for your own safety.

[bbor]

Originally Posted by klayman

bbor also has a 24 hour rule regarding Taco Bell...do not speak to him 24 hours after eating Taco Bell. This is for your own safety.

LOL...too true

[Atocep]

I don't think you crossed the line at all and I wouldn't have sent the email. Regardless of what the guy's reaction may have been, you made it clear that what his kid did was uncalled for it and you're going to make sure it doesn't happen again. It didn't escalate beyond words and the guys seemed to take it fairly well, even if he was annoyed, so I don't see the problem.

[Mustang]

You overreacted. You bought it up, he agreed to talk to his son yet you continued to bring up your preplanned comments to him that pretty much ended up in you threatening him when you haven't even given him the opportunity to do what you requested in the first place which was talk to his son. If I was the other coach, at some point I would have just tuned you out.

[Anthony]

you overreacted, but what made it worse was the email. its ok to be angry, i don't apologize for getting mad when someone shits on my lawn (not literally). by sending the email you diminish your point. sometimes its best to overreact, you make people think twice before crossing the line with you.

if i were you i would've requested the coach resolve it right then and there. "i'll talk to him" could be code for "i'll say what i need to say to get your whiny bitch ass away from me and never bring it up to that kid". make the kids shake hands or something. that's resolving things.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Anthony

you overreacted, but what made it worse was the email. its ok to be angry, i don't apologize for getting mad when someone shits on my lawn (not literally). by sending the email you diminish your point. sometimes its best to overreact, you make people think twice before crossing the line with you.

if i were you i would've requested the coach resolve it right then and there. "i'll talk to him" could be code for "i'll say what i need to say to get your whiny bitch ass away from me and never bring it up to that kid". make the kids shake hands or something. that's resolving things.

Every now and then freak boy here has a solid answer. Live and learn. This is how it should have been handled, it would have been over and done with. There is merit in bbor's 24 hr rule as well.

Also realize that if the kid felt so threatened by your son's play as to have to confront him and try to intimidate him after the game then your son is doing his job on the ice.