Godzilla Blitz's "Poop on the Golden Helmets (Year 3)" - Page 2

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:38 PM

Originally posted by digamma:

Come on, now!!! How can it not be the Ron Powlus Scholarship?

Beano: "Ron Powlus will win three Heisman Trophys."

Powlus was bringing ND down before you, Blitz. He was your John the Baptist. The least you could do is name a scholarship after him.

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:38 PM

Originally posted by Kekkonen:

Whatever happened to Ron Powlus? My hatred of Notre Dame football stems largely from the early-to-mid 90's, when an European NBC affiliate (which may not exist anymore) sent all ND home games live here in Europe for about three years running, starting from Ron's freshman season. I just got REALLY fed up with the ND and Ron Powlus brown-nosing by the commentators; before the first season was half-way through, I found myself rooting for whoever it was that happened to visit South Bend.

Of course, the sad thing is, I had to watch each game. It was just about the only football I got here.

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:39 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

Let's go with The Powlus-Jones Scholarship! Yahoo! Compromise is fun!

In doing a quick search on the net something came up from '99 that said he got cut from Detroit in that year? Might be wrong here; the website was pretty disorganized and out of date.

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:39 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

Week 13
It’s a tie! Dead even! Both Neely and Sherman accepted the Rudy Scholarship at the same time! Somewhere back there I thought I mentioned what I would do in the case of a tie. Let’s see…nope…no such foresight. Humm. What to do? We’ll cut one in the fall, as I can’t axe anyone now, and two are too many. But who to cut? I know, let’s roll a Die of Doom! I have nearby a large red Las Vegas die. If it’s a 1,2,3, Sherman gets the axe; 4,5,6 Neely’s gone. Here we go!

2! Sherman gets hit with the Die of Doom, and will be summarily axed from the program next fall, after he arrives on campus with all his bags, after he buys all his textbooks, and after he registers for classes. Life is so cruel sometimes, and all this FOF2002 exitement and disappointment has got me in a bad mood. When you get the word next fall, don’t blame me, Shermie; it’s all EA’s fault. Just send email to their customer service if you’re not happy. They’ll get right in touch with you. Wait. Even though he is the dumbest student in the US, he’s can’t be dumb enough to believe that. I’ll have to come up with something better.

The Game
#102 Connecticut in New England. This is probably the last game we have to worry about winning, as the last two games on our schedule (BC & Penn State) should be easy defeats.

The Result
We led 10-0 going into the 4th quarter thanks to a long field goal drive and a Connecticut fumble that gave us an easy TD. Otherwise the game was dead even in terms of yardage and gameplay. But almost on que as the game entered the 4th quarter, Connecticut’s running game erupted for 17 unanswered points to take the game 17-10!!!! We lose again!

One of the hard things in finding a star in defeat is that you are looking for someone who either did stuff egregiously bad or didn’t do anything at all; while it’s easy to find the bonehead plays, the guys that don’t do anything all game are trickier to pick out of the stats. But after a while of looking I found our star. He had no carries, no blocks, and only one reception for a measly 3 yards. His name? Your friend and mine: FB Briggs!!!! Yes, he deserves it. Despite his game-winning rush a week ago, we will forgive him—-he was most likely affected by the concussion. We proudly hand him the QuikSand Game Ball for his efforts today.

Record 3-6; Rank #85

Well, another productive day of destroying Notre Dame football. We are up there with the big guys now and things are looking good on the field. Our last two games should be walks. But that sword of Damicles is wiggling, swaying slightly more with each loss we take. And soon, friends, we must walk under that sword. Monday is the day: our date with destiny. Yes, if all goes according to schedule, Monday is the day we should press that fateful “End Season” button. Will our plummeting rankings and rocketing loss totals cause that sharp blade to fall, sending us to the dark depths of the unemployment line? Or will the good god Gindin stay the blade one more time, and give us just one more chance, one more chance to bring this haloed institution to the promised land, one more chance to make babies bubble with glee when their mommies say, “Things have not always been this way, my dear son. Once upon a time, in a mythical land called Gindinland, the big bad ogre called Notre Dame football finally, yes, finally got its royal ass kicked.” It’s no longer just for us, fans; we’re doing it for all those cute babies. God, are you listening? It’s the babies that count, god! One more year. That’s all I ask.

BC tomorrow. Till then, Go Irish! Yee-haw!

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:40 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

Week 14
Report cards came in a couple of weeks ago, but so much has been going on with all that ESPN stuff that we didn’t get a chance to talk about them. Some news of concern: S Chapman, last year’s Rudy Scholarship Winner, is starting to flirt with disaster. His low grade is now a D+. Candy, our new team tutor, gives him emergency one-on-one time to help change his academic direction. RB Brock Gray is steady at a C- low. What a success story this man has become! Just his academic success alone is remarkable: the dumbest and least talented hs senior in the US in 2001 is now carrying a 2.26 GPA in his second year at Notre Dame! But take a look at these 2003 stats on the field: 9 of 9 starts, 112 carries, 582 yards, 5.1 avg, 2 TD’s. Wow! Not done yet though. Frost his cake with this: he’s happy as a pig in poop (95 rating) and got a stunning redhead named Danielle for a babe.

I think this proves it conclusively: if you are really dumb and suck at football, you can still be a tremendous success at Notre Dame. Apply now. In mass. Tell them Godzilla told you it was ok.

Elsewhere, the 35% study time has really brought a lot more A’s to our program; 25 students on the roster have a LOW grade in the A range. We sure are bright, aren’t we!

Pregame
Pass me my rocking chair, please; this season is over. We have no chance in our last two games. Victory laps. Cruise control. Movie credits. Today we play as 13-point underdogs against #34 (6-4) Boston College. Enjoy the feast BC! Happy to oblige! Local 5 will carry all the action…

The Result
Rollin rollin rollin, rollin rollin rollin, rollin rollin rolliiiin RAWHIDE! Boston College 55, Notre Dame 3!! Party time in Notre Dame! And have we got a stat for you! QB Barnes (2-7, 54 yards, 1 int) was lame. But that is not the stat. RB Gray (8 carries, 9 yards) was lame as well. But that is not the stat. This is the stat: QB Brady, who came on to play the second half, has this line: 3-11, -5 yards, 1 interception, and 1 fumble. How’s that for a productive passing attack? Yes, minus five yards passing in the second half! Add in sack and penalty yardage and it really gets good. Need we say more? Vaj Game Ball, here you are, Mr. Brady. Try not to drop it.

Once again we avoided a shutout though. These mental breakdowns annoy me so! Today’s Corn in the Poop Distinction falls on CB McAnus, whose interception and return deep into BC territory set up K Bart Cohen with a chipshot even he couldn’t miss. McAnus will be duct-taped to a PS2 and forced to play 100 games of Madden2002, All Madden level, Houston Texans against the All-Time All-Madden team. One Miller beer consumer per point given up, no bathroom breaks allowed. Eat that, High Life man.

But still, what joy is this…

Record 3-7; Rank #92!!!!

Thanks again for stopping by! Be sure to bring your seat warmers for tomorrow’s 2003 grand finale, as we entertain #15 Penn State on TV3, in front of 80,000 delirious Notre Dame faithful. Pssssst. Don’t worry: we are 30-point underdogs.

If we get our last recruit, we’ll show you the incoming laddies' stats as well. See you then! Go Irish!!! Yee-haw!!!

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:41 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

Week 15
Whoa! Somehow I missed an important event last week. Our starting QB, Everett Barnes, got rung up in the game last week. He’s got a dislocated shoulder, and will be out until the snow melts. That means that our hero from last week’s game, freshman QB Ron Brady, will get the start against #11 Penn State! Oh joy! Ron is one of our recruits from last year, and this guy is bad, let me tell you! I’ll spare you all the details, but this should say it well enough: in his all important passing categories, his highest red bar is a three for medium passes. All the rest are zeros.

Pregame
With QB Barnes out, the question floating around campus is whether we have a chance to break our all-time defeat record of 76-3 set earlier this year against Michigan. Penn State is slightly ahead of Michigan in the ratings, so that looks good. We have a lot more players hurt now, so that helps too. Plus, our 10% practice, 10% football study, and %10 weight lifting have got to have helped keep our development down this season. The Michigan game was quite a performance, but it is not a ridiculous thought to think that we could come close to that today. And wouldn’t it be something to break 100? Is that possible? The Michigan game was 59-0 at the half, so I would have to think that it could happen if we really wish it to be. Oh, goals in life add so much flavor.

The Result
Penn State 49, Notre Dame 12. A solid loss to be sure, but nowhere near the gargantuan defeat we had hoped for. Penn State ran the ball too often to generate megapoints, and they also had quite a few turnovers, penalties, and missed field goals. For our part, we must have had something in our Gatorade, because our defense and running game had inspired days. It was our passing game that saved the day for us though. Mr. Brady (3 for 35, 14 yards, 0 TD’s, 0 ints) had a day for the ages! Yes, you read that right! He completed 3 of 35 passes! Boy, do we love this guy! This of course leads us to the game ball award. We would love to give it to Brady, but he got his last week. However, we don’t have to search long. The other end of our passing game presents us with an even more hilarious and admirable performance: WR Joey Murray. Joey is a darkside receiver with lots of talent, but today he took a big step forward in committing to the forces of light. Replacing an injured WR Linville early in the first quarter, Murray was Brady’s target of choice 26 times today. That’s right, 26 of Brady’s 35 passes were aimed at Murray. And how many did Murray catch, you ask? I’ll tell you, but sit down first, ok? Two, I answer, before rolling on the floor in laughter! Yes, two. For a total of 7 yards! How’s that for Notre Dame passing? He managed to drop one, but otherwise, poor Joey had no clue out there in front of the 80,000 faithful that showed up today. For your All-Suck performance today, we gladly place in front of you, as you surely could not catch it, the Aubie Game Ball. Simply outstanding!

And just how far did our rank fall with this defeat? Did we cross #100…

Record 3-8; Rank #94

No! So close!

Well, that wraps up the regular season. I wonder if we will go to a bowl game? Ha ha ha ha ha! We are too funny.

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:42 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

Week 16
I am so sorry to say that we did not make a bowl game this year. Sigh. Such a pity. Oh well, maybe next year? With that sad news, our season ends.

Recruiting
Our recruiting wraps up in week 16, so let’s take a look at our incoming freshmen:

2003 Notre Dame Recruiting

  Player                  Pos   ST   Visit Cost  Dist.   Fit Score

##Schwartz, Herb          QB    TX   832         978     79            

##McDonald, Kris          RB    PA   426         595     87            

##Bartell, Stan           RB    TX   824         1175    89            

##Stewart, Willie         RB    GA   538         741     81            

##Aniston, Ryan           TE    DE   474         581     77            

##Cook, Wayne             WR    NC   505         659     79            

##Thacker, Isaac          WR    KS   518         634     90            

##Bulger, Grady           C     IN   299         198     68            

##Keen, Rusty             G     TX   742         1125    76            

##Neely, J.J.             T     VA   418         564     83  Rudy Scholarship Winner

##Backes, Geoff           T     IN   244         32      90            

##Bishop, Todd            DE    IN   246         38      98            

##Reid, Sammy             DE    IN   234         0       94            

##Sherman, Heath          OLB   CA   1150        1818    66            

##Parker, Bennie          CB    AZ   973         1512    68            

##Rosano, Harry           CB    WI   295         186     88            

   

  Player                  Scout   Phone   Visit   Emphasis    Status

##Schwartz, Herb          1+      5       2       Acad/Dist   Committed *      

##McDonald, Kris          4+      4       19      Acad*/Dist  Committed *      

##Bartell, Stan           1+      4       4       Acad*/Prest Committed *      

##Stewart, Willie         1+      5       3       Dist/Prest  Committed *      

##Aniston, Ryan           5+      5       3       Acad*/Dist  Committed *      

##Cook, Wayne             3+      12      6       Dist/Acad   Committed *      

##Thacker, Isaac          1+      3       3       Prest/Acad  Committed *      

##Bulger, Grady           0+      3       3       Acad*/Dist  Committed *      

##Keen, Rusty             0+      4       3       Dist/Acad   Committed *      

##Neely, J.J.             7+      35      20      Dist/Prest  Committed *      

##Backes, Geoff           1+      3       2       Acad*/Prest Committed *      

##Bishop, Todd            10+     1       2       Prest*/Dist Committed *      

##Reid, Sammy             2+      3       3       Prest*/Acad Committed *      

##Sherman, Heath          4+      35      20      Dist*/Prest Committed *      

##Parker, Bennie          1+      5       4       Acad*/Dist  Committed *      

##Rosano, Harry           0+      2       3       Acad/Prest  Committed *  



Academic View

   

  Player                  Pos   HT   WT   ST   NRank GPA    Test

##Schwartz, Herb          QB    6-2  192  TX   ---   3.93   1484     

##McDonald, Kris          RB    5-10 178  PA   ---   3.89   1493     

##Bartell, Stan           RB    5-10 186  TX   ---   3.62   1154     

##Stewart, Willie         RB    5-9  186  GA   ---   3.36   1390     

##Aniston, Ryan           TE    6-4  239  DE   ---   3.16   1348     

##Cook, Wayne             WR    6-0  179  NC   ---   3.88   1502     

##Thacker, Isaac          WR    6-4  194  KS   ---   3.70   1394     

##Bulger, Grady           C     6-4  255  IN   ---   3.55   1137     

##Keen, Rusty             G     6-3  265  TX   ---   3.50   1314     

##Backes, Geoff           T     6-6  295  IN   ---   3.84   1436     

##Neely, J.J.             T     6-5  264  VA   ---   1.82   595      

##Reid, Sammy             DE    6-4  224  IN   ---   3.07   988      

##Bishop, Todd            DE    6-2  237  IN   ---   2.39   876      

##Sherman, Heath          OLB   6-5  231  CA   ---   1.97   581      

##Parker, Bennie          CB    5-10 177  AZ   ---   3.82   1236     

##Rosano, Harry           CB    6-0  171  WI   ---   3.75   1381

Well, there they are. Much brighter than before, and not as many zeros, but they are the future of this bright institution!

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:43 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

Final Weeks
Well, not much to do now. We watch the December bowl games from home, happy to be there amidst the egg nog and brandy. But the day is drawing closer now. The day of the all important “End Season” click. I have to be concerned, especially with all the scrutiny on our performance this year, that the end may be near. I do my best to enjoy the holidays, and repeat my positive affirmations every day before bed, but the haunting thought that the Penn State game could have been our last game invades my fitful holiday sleep. Only time will tell. Is this dynasty over? Or do we get another year?

In thinking about this the past few days, I have decided that I will abide by the game’s decision. I will not keep hitting the “End Season” button till I get the result we all want. Neither will I try to drive on and use the “ignore the firing and continue with the career” bug. I will press the button once, and the result is the result. Also, I have not played ahead; I have no idea what the result will be as I write this. I have been playing one game each day and writing one installment of this thread each day for the past two weeks or so. In short, our fate will be shared together. I will report it as it happens.

In minor news, grades come in. 2002 Rudy Scholar Chapman is in trouble; he’s got two D- minuses now as he heads into the home stretch. I wonder why that tutoring time with Candy didn’t help? Humm. Maybe he needs more time. Candy! Go do your thing! We’re relying on you!

Elsewhere, Geogia beats Oklahoma 34-7 to win the National Championship.

Well, that does it for today’s installment. Well be back tomorrow with season stats, our performance review, and our year-end awards. It does look like Monday, the day after tomorrow, will be the “Day of the Season Ending Click”. Remember to think positive!

GO IRISH!! Yee-haw!!!

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:44 PM

Originally posted by Kodos:

I just want you to know that, whatever the result of that fateful click may be, fired or not fired, you will go down as one of the great men in history who stood against pure evil and cried "NO MORE!" when nobody else dared to. God bless you, Godzilla! And may your noble quest last one more year!

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:45 PM

Originally posted by Vince:

We're all with you in spirit 'zilla. Gindin be with you as you make your fateful click...

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:45 PM

Originally posted by Vaj:

'Zilla, I've never gotten more unadulterated pleasure out of reading a dynasty thread. I hope you get to continue on your mission of spreading joy to all the Notre Dame haters of the FOF/TCY community. And, needless to say, I was deeply touched being associated with a game ball.

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:46 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

Kodos, Vince, Vaj: Thanks for the support! I have purified my computer with sumo salt, sprinkled it with holy water, and placed a dream catcher above for the night. I think it is as ready as it can be for tomorrow's big click. I have to admit, I haven't been this nervous since Omaha beach back in '44.

Vaj: No problem on the game ball. I just hope I get a chance to give one to everyone who's posted here.

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:47 PM

Originally posted by Marmel:

*crossing my fingers*

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:47 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

I am standing at a press conference, answering questions about the Penn State defeat, when Bibi Gunn, that damn ESPN reporter, appears out of nowhere. She is frantically waving her hand and trying to get me to pick her, but she finally just blurts out, “Blitz’s been fired!!!! It just hit the news!!!” A roar of joy goes up from everyone there. They stand up and frantically strip off their suits and dresses. Underneath they have gold Notre Dame sweatsuits. The Notre Dame fight song starts to play somewhere in the background. One of the reporters screams, "Let's get him!" and they surge forward towards me. Suddenly I realize that I am standing in the middle of the stadium field on what is a cool, clear, beaufitul autumn afternoon. 80,000 fans are roaring and pouring onto the field, screaming for my blood. Cries of “Kill Blitz!” and “Get him!” fill the air. My players, led by Eggers, Stephens, Goodwin, and others I have abused, are rushing forward as well. The reporters are the first ones to me. They start sticking me with their pens, try to pummel me with their notebooks. I recoil in pain and try to protect myself but there are just too many of them. Then the players and fans hit the mob around me, and push the now kicking and punching reporters into me. We all go down into a pile, me on the bottom. The weight is unbearable, the noise deafening. And the pain--everywhere there is pain. I can feel my nose snap, the blood rush back into my mouth. My ankles twist, bones crack and snap with violent, ripping pain. I start to lose consciousness, the pain and the weight pressing me further into an onrushing darkness. With a rush, the din subsides, and I find myself floating in a pitch black void. My heart pounds. I gasp for air. I can feel the blood running down my face, the stings of the pens, the ache of the blows; I can still smell the autumn turf and the chalk on my body. I taste sticky sweet blood in my mouth. But there is no light. I am suspended in ebony nothingness. Suddenly a door clicks opens below me, there is blinding light from behind it, the world swivels so I come level with the door. I can see the siloettes of three persons standing in the door. I can tell from the shapes that they are men and they are wearing old football uniforms; the distinct shape of the helmets gives them away. Tough men, wide shoulders, gangly arms, thick legs. They are walking towards me now, unseen eyes on me, their slow swagger suggesting grim purpose. The click of their cleats the only sound. With the light behind them, I cannot see faces. But I know who they are: Hornung, Gipp, Rockne. Upon reaching me, the Gipper, in the middle, looks left then right, quietly asks “Shall we?” to the others. The others nod. A frantic fear washes over me, and I make the effort to struggle, but I cannot move a muscle—the fly in the web. They step forward, their thick arms encircle my head, I cannot breathe, everything is going black again. I try to scream, to free the arms around my neck and head, but my lungs grasp no air, my arms no hold on their iron grip. Suddenly, my head twists violently, white light explodes inside my skull, I feel the snaps shoot down my spine. A silent scream…

I wake up. I am at home, in bed. It is the middle of night. I am covered in sweat. That's what I get for moving that damn dream catcher.

The pressure is getting to me, guys.

One more day to “The click”.

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:48 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

Marmel: Thanks!!!

Awards
Trying to function on things to take my mind of tomorrow! Let's do our annual presentation of team awards. That should help.

The 2003 Darkside Award
Given to the player who most hinders our cause. 2001 and 2002 saw the award go to running backs, but this year it was our defense that kept us in the three games that we won. And a previously unmentioned player, senior CB Nicky Holton, was the quiet star of that unit. Nicky led the team in tackles with 68, had two interceptions, one for a TD, and was the glue that kept our defense from completely disintegrating. Here’s your award Nicky. Now, graduate and leave us!

The 2003 Most Valuable Loser
What a joy to give this one out! And what a joy to have so many candidates to choose from! But this one was an easy pick this year. No one else comes close to this guy. Yes, of course, this year’s distinguished MVL award goes to none other than QB Everett Barnes! His consistent poor play could have earned him a half dozen game balls if we didn’t have a team rule limiting each player to one per year. He went 67-174 (38.5%), 5.14 yards/att, 2 TD’s, with 8 interceptions on the year. Yes, only two TD passes all year! We even were #125 in the nation in a bunch of passing categories!!! What graceful ineffectiveness! Once he replaced Briggs, our master plan started to click and our train started to roll. Way to go Barnesy!!! We look forward to two more years with you at the helm. Be sure avoid exercise during the spring and summer!

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:48 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

Final Stats
Much more fun to look over than last year’s…

2003 Summary for Notre Dame

   

Record: 3-8

Rank: 78 (99th on ranking screen)

   

Notre Dame              Team      Rank  

Rushes                  402       66          

Rushing Yards           1647      55          

Yards Per Carry         4.09      40          

Pass Attempts           269       98 (T)      

Completions             93        125         

Passing Yards           1108      125         

Yards Per Attempt       4.11      125         

3rd Down Conversions    23.7      124         

Points Per Game         10.8      123         

Turnovers               25        87 (T)      

Turnover Margin         -4        84 (T)      

   

Opponents               Team      Rank  

Rushes                  424       95 (T)      

Rushing Yards           1893      109         

Yards Per Carry         4.46      106 (T)     

Pass Attempts           319       51 (T)      

Completions             193       98 (T)      

Passing Yards           2155      34          

Yards Per Attempt       6.75      38          

3rd Down Conversions    38.5      84 (T)      

Points Per Game         34.3      116 (T)     

   

Primary Formation: Wishbone Formation

   

Week  Team  Versus        Oppnt  

1     17    LAMN (75)     14      

2     6     PURD (58)     21      

3     3     at MICH (19)  76      

7     13    UTST (89)     10      

8     17    at NAVY (119) 19      

9     7     SFLA (46)     51      

11    3     at TYST (62)  45      

12    28    CFLA (121)    21      

13    10    at CONN (85)  17      

14    3     at BOST (25)  55      

15    12    PNST (10)     49      

   

Passing             Pos   Att   Comp  Yards Y/Att TD    Int  

10 Barnes           QB    174   67    895   5.14  2     8       

3 Brady             QB    47    6     9     0.19  0     1       

7 Lyon              QB    33    11    117   3.54  0     4       

Team                ---   269   93    1108  4.11  3     13      

   

Rushing             Pos   Att   Yards Y/Att TD    Stff  YdLst  

21 Gray             RB    129   660   5.11  3     16    10      

45 Littleton        RB    74    325   4.39  1     10    8       

10 Barnes           QB    63    18    0.28  0     27    144     

15 Briggs           FB    41    252   6.14  1     10    9       

42 Andersen         RB    33    196   5.93  2     5     7       

29 Weisz            RB    30    156   5.20  1     7     3       

Team                ---   402   1647  4.09  8     86    230     

   

Receiving           Pos   Targ  Catch Yards Y/Ctc YAC   TD  

86 Linville         WR    132   44    716   16.2  145   3       

88 Murray           WR    45    9     94    10.4  12    0       

92 Farr             TE    19    9     121   13.4  19    0

45 Littleton        RB    15    7     40    5.7   16    0       

82 Caron            TE    15    5     53    10.6  14    0       

Team                ---   269   93    1108  11.9  253   3       

   

Defense             Pos   Tack  Asst  Sack  TFL   Ints  Defn  

24 Holton           CB    68    12    0.0   3     2     5       

43 Raymond          OLB   63    29    0.0   10    1     5       

44 McAninch         CB    51    13    0.0   6     2     4       

46 Hartman          ILB   45    14    0.0   7     0     2       

93 Woodard          ILB   40    10    0.0   3     0     2       

50 Wallace          ILB   39    12    0.0   6     0     1       

23 Gordon           S     35    13    0.0   4     1     6       

71 John             DE    34    14    5.0   6     0     0       

95 Meadows          DE    34    8     6.0   12    0     0       

67 Winslett         DT    31    17    6.0   8     1     0       

56 Crane            OLB   21    11    0.0   2     1     3       

41 Chapman          S     18    5     0.0   1     1     5       

74 Rogers           DT    17    9     1.0   1     0     1       

2 Landdeck          ILB   15    3     0.0   0     1     2       

86 Linville         WR    13    0     0.0   0     0     0       

48 Sherman          ILB   11    4     0.0   0     0     0       

98 Allamon          DE    11    2     6.0   5     0     0       

Team                ---   649   185   28.0  80    11    41

Well, that will do it for today. I had hoped to add the performance ratings today but realized that they all come with the “End Season” click. One more day. Our destiny hangs in the balance. See you tomorrow. Bring all your talismans. We’ll need them.

Till then, GO IRISH!!! Yee-haw!!!

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:49 PM

Originally posted by Kekkonen:

[Kekkonen tinkers with his rosary beads]

"Dear God,
forget about that World-peace-and-an-end-to-hunger stuff I asked for last night. Please, let Coach Blitz continue for just _one more season_.
Amen."

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:50 PM

Originally posted by Kodos:

Kodos, coming off of a fitfull night of little sleep and waking nightmares, has a vision of himself standing alone on a battlefield. A mass of warriors in silver and blue and gold garb have descended upon him. Looking up from the body of his fallen comrade Godzilla Blitz, now nothing more than a crumpled mass of pulp and blood on the ground, Kodos sees that the end can not be far off. "Custer!" he gasps! "I'm General $#%@ing Custer!"

Unable to endure the stress, he snaps under the burden of waiting for far too long to know the answer:

"I've had all I can take; I can't take it no more! What is the fate of Coach Blitz?!? I HAVE to know! Am I left to fight this battle alone?!! OH, CRUEL FATE, IT CANNOT BE! TELL ME THAT COACH BLITZ LIVES ON TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY! DEAR GOD, I CAN'T WIN THIS WAR ALL ALONE!"

In the darkness, Kodos screams to the heavens for answers, but he is all alone, and no answer is heard...

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:51 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

Kodos, Kekkonen: LOL!

Here we go...

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:51 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

2003 Final Reportcard
Team Performance: 6
Academic Performance: 66
Recruiting Performance: 0
Television Income: 59
Alumni Donations: 4
Attendance: 83
FINAL GRADE: 34

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:52 PM

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:

2003 Season End
In any dynasty, full of thousands of mundane mouse clicks, there are a handful of critical clicks on which the destiny of your dynasty hangs. Ladies and gentlemen, we have come to the Mother of All Clicks: the 2003 “End Season” click. Having run our team to a #4 rank in 2002, then ripped it to shreds in the glorious swandive to #99 in 2003, we have set ourselves up for the infamous “great year then bad year then bye bye” reality that we all know is TCY football. We have done our best to mitigate the damage. We beefed up our study time to produce outstanding grades in an effort to prevent our overall score from dropping too much. We have hired a syndicate coordinator with a Midas touch. We sold out the stadium’s 80,000 seats before the first ball was snapped. But in the all important win column, we dropped from 11 to 3, our precipitous plummet in rank has been well documented, and our final grade fell 41 points. But that is all behind us now, all roads have led to this moment, us standing just short of the gently swaying, brilliantly sparkling sword of Damicles that is master of our fate this day. The road beyond is filled with squirrels dancing in sunlit fields, little birdies warbling gentle melodies, large breasted women partying in hot tubs. And today, right now, we find out whether the sword falls and our journey ends here in darkness, or we get to play on that road beyond, with all the naked ladies. With our next step, our next click, we shall learn our fate. Will all our effort, all our toil, go for naught? Doom or delight? Gloom or glory? Hell or heaven? If it must end here and now, I am determined to die bravely. I resolutely step under the sword, place my hand firmly on the mouse, wink at all the naked women beyond, and click…

(to be continued?)

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:52 PM

Originally posted by Marmel:

*holding breath*
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*turning blue, but still holding breath*

Co-D'ohs · 02-28-2003, 06:53 PM

Originally posted by Kodos:

This is NOT fun!!! Let us know your fate!!!

tucker342 · 03-01-2003, 02:11 AM

What a dynasty, classic. Godzilla Blitz, where ever you are, thank you for fighting the good fight by trying to take down Notre Dame. I salute you!

Kodos · 10-03-2014, 02:24 PM

Bumping one of the all-time great dynasty threads.
Part IV

02-28-2003, 06:52 PM	#71
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: 2003 Season End In any dynasty, full of thousands of mundane mouse clicks, there are a handful of critical clicks on which the destiny of your dynasty hangs. Ladies and gentlemen, we have come to the Mother of All Clicks: the 2003 “End Season” click. Having run our team to a #4 rank in 2002, then ripped it to shreds in the glorious swandive to #99 in 2003, we have set ourselves up for the infamous “great year then bad year then bye bye” reality that we all know is TCY football. We have done our best to mitigate the damage. We beefed up our study time to produce outstanding grades in an effort to prevent our overall score from dropping too much. We have hired a syndicate coordinator with a Midas touch. We sold out the stadium’s 80,000 seats before the first ball was snapped. But in the all important win column, we dropped from 11 to 3, our precipitous plummet in rank has been well documented, and our final grade fell 41 points. But that is all behind us now, all roads have led to this moment, us standing just short of the gently swaying, brilliantly sparkling sword of Damicles that is master of our fate this day. The road beyond is filled with squirrels dancing in sunlit fields, little birdies warbling gentle melodies, large breasted women partying in hot tubs. And today, right now, we find out whether the sword falls and our journey ends here in darkness, or we get to play on that road beyond, with all the naked ladies. With our next step, our next click, we shall learn our fate. Will all our effort, all our toil, go for naught? Doom or delight? Gloom or glory? Hell or heaven? If it must end here and now, I am determined to die bravely. I resolutely step under the sword, place my hand firmly on the mouse, wink at all the naked women beyond, and click… (to be continued?) Last edited by Co-D'ohs : 02-28-2003 at 07:20 PM.

10-03-2014, 02:24 PM	#75
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	Bumping one of the all-time great dynasty threads. Part IV __________________ Author of The Bill Gates Challenge, as well as other groundbreaking dynasties. Last edited by Kodos : 10-03-2014 at 02:27 PM.

02-28-2003, 06:38 PM	#52
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Kekkonen: Whatever happened to Ron Powlus? My hatred of Notre Dame football stems largely from the early-to-mid 90's, when an European NBC affiliate (which may not exist anymore) sent all ND home games live here in Europe for about three years running, starting from Ron's freshman season. I just got REALLY fed up with the ND and Ron Powlus brown-nosing by the commentators; before the first season was half-way through, I found myself rooting for whoever it was that happened to visit South Bend. Of course, the sad thing is, I had to watch each game. It was just about the only football I got here.

02-28-2003, 06:39 PM	#53
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: Let's go with The Powlus-Jones Scholarship! Yahoo! Compromise is fun! In doing a quick search on the net something came up from '99 that said he got cut from Detroit in that year? Might be wrong here; the website was pretty disorganized and out of date.

02-28-2003, 06:40 PM	#55
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: Week 14 Report cards came in a couple of weeks ago, but so much has been going on with all that ESPN stuff that we didn’t get a chance to talk about them. Some news of concern: S Chapman, last year’s Rudy Scholarship Winner, is starting to flirt with disaster. His low grade is now a D+. Candy, our new team tutor, gives him emergency one-on-one time to help change his academic direction. RB Brock Gray is steady at a C- low. What a success story this man has become! Just his academic success alone is remarkable: the dumbest and least talented hs senior in the US in 2001 is now carrying a 2.26 GPA in his second year at Notre Dame! But take a look at these 2003 stats on the field: 9 of 9 starts, 112 carries, 582 yards, 5.1 avg, 2 TD’s. Wow! Not done yet though. Frost his cake with this: he’s happy as a pig in poop (95 rating) and got a stunning redhead named Danielle for a babe. I think this proves it conclusively: if you are really dumb and suck at football, you can still be a tremendous success at Notre Dame. Apply now. In mass. Tell them Godzilla told you it was ok. Elsewhere, the 35% study time has really brought a lot more A’s to our program; 25 students on the roster have a LOW grade in the A range. We sure are bright, aren’t we! Pregame Pass me my rocking chair, please; this season is over. We have no chance in our last two games. Victory laps. Cruise control. Movie credits. Today we play as 13-point underdogs against #34 (6-4) Boston College. Enjoy the feast BC! Happy to oblige! Local 5 will carry all the action… The Result Rollin rollin rollin, rollin rollin rollin, rollin rollin rolliiiin RAWHIDE! Boston College 55, Notre Dame 3!! Party time in Notre Dame! And have we got a stat for you! QB Barnes (2-7, 54 yards, 1 int) was lame. But that is not the stat. RB Gray (8 carries, 9 yards) was lame as well. But that is not the stat. This is the stat: QB Brady, who came on to play the second half, has this line: 3-11, -5 yards, 1 interception, and 1 fumble. How’s that for a productive passing attack? Yes, minus five yards passing in the second half! Add in sack and penalty yardage and it really gets good. Need we say more? Vaj Game Ball, here you are, Mr. Brady. Try not to drop it. Once again we avoided a shutout though. These mental breakdowns annoy me so! Today’s Corn in the Poop Distinction falls on CB McAnus, whose interception and return deep into BC territory set up K Bart Cohen with a chipshot even he couldn’t miss. McAnus will be duct-taped to a PS2 and forced to play 100 games of Madden2002, All Madden level, Houston Texans against the All-Time All-Madden team. One Miller beer consumer per point given up, no bathroom breaks allowed. Eat that, High Life man. But still, what joy is this… Record 3-7; Rank #92!!!! Thanks again for stopping by! Be sure to bring your seat warmers for tomorrow’s 2003 grand finale, as we entertain #15 Penn State on TV3, in front of 80,000 delirious Notre Dame faithful. Pssssst. Don’t worry: we are 30-point underdogs. If we get our last recruit, we’ll show you the incoming laddies' stats as well. See you then! Go Irish!!! Yee-haw!!!

02-28-2003, 06:41 PM	#56
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: Week 15 Whoa! Somehow I missed an important event last week. Our starting QB, Everett Barnes, got rung up in the game last week. He’s got a dislocated shoulder, and will be out until the snow melts. That means that our hero from last week’s game, freshman QB Ron Brady, will get the start against #11 Penn State! Oh joy! Ron is one of our recruits from last year, and this guy is bad, let me tell you! I’ll spare you all the details, but this should say it well enough: in his all important passing categories, his highest red bar is a three for medium passes. All the rest are zeros. Pregame With QB Barnes out, the question floating around campus is whether we have a chance to break our all-time defeat record of 76-3 set earlier this year against Michigan. Penn State is slightly ahead of Michigan in the ratings, so that looks good. We have a lot more players hurt now, so that helps too. Plus, our 10% practice, 10% football study, and %10 weight lifting have got to have helped keep our development down this season. The Michigan game was quite a performance, but it is not a ridiculous thought to think that we could come close to that today. And wouldn’t it be something to break 100? Is that possible? The Michigan game was 59-0 at the half, so I would have to think that it could happen if we really wish it to be. Oh, goals in life add so much flavor. The Result Penn State 49, Notre Dame 12. A solid loss to be sure, but nowhere near the gargantuan defeat we had hoped for. Penn State ran the ball too often to generate megapoints, and they also had quite a few turnovers, penalties, and missed field goals. For our part, we must have had something in our Gatorade, because our defense and running game had inspired days. It was our passing game that saved the day for us though. Mr. Brady (3 for 35, 14 yards, 0 TD’s, 0 ints) had a day for the ages! Yes, you read that right! He completed 3 of 35 passes! Boy, do we love this guy! This of course leads us to the game ball award. We would love to give it to Brady, but he got his last week. However, we don’t have to search long. The other end of our passing game presents us with an even more hilarious and admirable performance: WR Joey Murray. Joey is a darkside receiver with lots of talent, but today he took a big step forward in committing to the forces of light. Replacing an injured WR Linville early in the first quarter, Murray was Brady’s target of choice 26 times today. That’s right, 26 of Brady’s 35 passes were aimed at Murray. And how many did Murray catch, you ask? I’ll tell you, but sit down first, ok? Two, I answer, before rolling on the floor in laughter! Yes, two. For a total of 7 yards! How’s that for Notre Dame passing? He managed to drop one, but otherwise, poor Joey had no clue out there in front of the 80,000 faithful that showed up today. For your All-Suck performance today, we gladly place in front of you, as you surely could not catch it, the Aubie Game Ball. Simply outstanding! And just how far did our rank fall with this defeat? Did we cross #100… Record 3-8; Rank #94 No! So close! Well, that wraps up the regular season. I wonder if we will go to a bowl game? Ha ha ha ha ha! We are too funny.

02-28-2003, 06:43 PM	#58
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: Final Weeks Well, not much to do now. We watch the December bowl games from home, happy to be there amidst the egg nog and brandy. But the day is drawing closer now. The day of the all important “End Season” click. I have to be concerned, especially with all the scrutiny on our performance this year, that the end may be near. I do my best to enjoy the holidays, and repeat my positive affirmations every day before bed, but the haunting thought that the Penn State game could have been our last game invades my fitful holiday sleep. Only time will tell. Is this dynasty over? Or do we get another year? In thinking about this the past few days, I have decided that I will abide by the game’s decision. I will not keep hitting the “End Season” button till I get the result we all want. Neither will I try to drive on and use the “ignore the firing and continue with the career” bug. I will press the button once, and the result is the result. Also, I have not played ahead; I have no idea what the result will be as I write this. I have been playing one game each day and writing one installment of this thread each day for the past two weeks or so. In short, our fate will be shared together. I will report it as it happens. In minor news, grades come in. 2002 Rudy Scholar Chapman is in trouble; he’s got two D- minuses now as he heads into the home stretch. I wonder why that tutoring time with Candy didn’t help? Humm. Maybe he needs more time. Candy! Go do your thing! We’re relying on you! Elsewhere, Geogia beats Oklahoma 34-7 to win the National Championship. Well, that does it for today’s installment. Well be back tomorrow with season stats, our performance review, and our year-end awards. It does look like Monday, the day after tomorrow, will be the “Day of the Season Ending Click”. Remember to think positive! GO IRISH!! Yee-haw!!!

02-28-2003, 06:44 PM	#59
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Kodos: I just want you to know that, whatever the result of that fateful click may be, fired or not fired, you will go down as one of the great men in history who stood against pure evil and cried "NO MORE!" when nobody else dared to. God bless you, Godzilla! And may your noble quest last one more year!

02-28-2003, 06:45 PM	#60
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Vince: We're all with you in spirit 'zilla. Gindin be with you as you make your fateful click...

02-28-2003, 06:46 PM	#62
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: Kodos, Vince, Vaj: Thanks for the support! I have purified my computer with sumo salt, sprinkled it with holy water, and placed a dream catcher above for the night. I think it is as ready as it can be for tomorrow's big click. I have to admit, I haven't been this nervous since Omaha beach back in '44. Vaj: No problem on the game ball. I just hope I get a chance to give one to everyone who's posted here.

02-28-2003, 06:47 PM	#63
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Marmel: crossing my fingers

02-28-2003, 06:48 PM	#65
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: Marmel: Thanks!!! Awards Trying to function on things to take my mind of tomorrow! Let's do our annual presentation of team awards. That should help. The 2003 Darkside Award Given to the player who most hinders our cause. 2001 and 2002 saw the award go to running backs, but this year it was our defense that kept us in the three games that we won. And a previously unmentioned player, senior CB Nicky Holton, was the quiet star of that unit. Nicky led the team in tackles with 68, had two interceptions, one for a TD, and was the glue that kept our defense from completely disintegrating. Here’s your award Nicky. Now, graduate and leave us! The 2003 Most Valuable Loser What a joy to give this one out! And what a joy to have so many candidates to choose from! But this one was an easy pick this year. No one else comes close to this guy. Yes, of course, this year’s distinguished MVL award goes to none other than QB Everett Barnes! His consistent poor play could have earned him a half dozen game balls if we didn’t have a team rule limiting each player to one per year. He went 67-174 (38.5%), 5.14 yards/att, 2 TD’s, with 8 interceptions on the year. Yes, only two TD passes all year! We even were #125 in the nation in a bunch of passing categories!!! What graceful ineffectiveness! Once he replaced Briggs, our master plan started to click and our train started to roll. Way to go Barnesy!!! We look forward to two more years with you at the helm. Be sure avoid exercise during the spring and summer!

02-28-2003, 06:49 PM	#67
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Kekkonen: [Kekkonen tinkers with his rosary beads] "Dear God, forget about that World-peace-and-an-end-to-hunger stuff I asked for last night. Please, let Coach Blitz continue for just _one more season_. Amen."

02-28-2003, 06:50 PM	#68
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Kodos: Kodos, coming off of a fitfull night of little sleep and waking nightmares, has a vision of himself standing alone on a battlefield. A mass of warriors in silver and blue and gold garb have descended upon him. Looking up from the body of his fallen comrade Godzilla Blitz, now nothing more than a crumpled mass of pulp and blood on the ground, Kodos sees that the end can not be far off. "Custer!" he gasps! "I'm General $#%@ing Custer!" Unable to endure the stress, he snaps under the burden of waiting for far too long to know the answer: "I've had all I can take; I can't take it no more! What is the fate of Coach Blitz?!? I HAVE to know! Am I left to fight this battle alone?!! OH, CRUEL FATE, IT CANNOT BE! TELL ME THAT COACH BLITZ LIVES ON TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY! DEAR GOD, I CAN'T WIN THIS WAR ALL ALONE!" In the darkness, Kodos screams to the heavens for answers, but he is all alone, and no answer is heard...

02-28-2003, 06:51 PM	#69
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: Kodos, Kekkonen: LOL! Here we go...

02-28-2003, 06:53 PM	#73
Co-D'ohs H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Jan 2003	Originally posted by Kodos: This is NOT fun!!! Let us know your fate!!!

03-01-2003, 02:11 AM	#74
tucker342 Pro Starter Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Iowa City, IA	What a dynasty, classic. Godzilla Blitz, where ever you are, thank you for fighting the good fight by trying to take down Notre Dame. I salute you!

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