What to do for a broken heart?

[IlliniCub]

Don't worry I won't take her back. My friends and family have been very clear to me on that one. I got to keep some dignity out of this thing.

[Neuqua]

The key is to not force the "getting over her" phase. You're human and it's ok to be sad and let yourself be sad as long as you know you're now doing the right thing. Too many people try to rush from one relationship to the next because they don't know how to be single and those kinds of relationships hardly last very long.

I was with someone for 5 years and after things didn't work out, it was only after taking time to myself and finding productive things to do that I finally found the person I'm with now. Now I'm able to look back and realize why things didn't work out with the first girl and have no regrets.

Give yourself time.

[IlliniCub]

Any good break up Album recommendations? I've been hitting Beck''s Sea Change a lot, also today discovered Pete Fij broken heart surgery which is great. Plan on sipping some bourbon while watching Swingers and listening to music tonight.

[JediKooter]

I always just masturbate instead.

[stevew]

Kid Cudi Man on the Moon

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

Originally Posted by IlliniCub

Any good break up Album recommendations? I've been hitting Beck''s Sea Change a lot, also today discovered Pete Fij broken heart surgery which is great. Plan on sipping some bourbon while watching Swingers and listening to music tonight.

Best breakup song ever:

Weird Al: "One More Minute"

[IlliniCub]

Man just when I think I'm starting to feel pretty ok again. I'm driving around and see her driving him in her car and feel like crud, is that normal to feel that way in these situations haha. I'm just so confused I was always good to her, had a great job took good care of her, but she leaves for the lowest rung of the ladder of society. I wonder if that makes me look like a joke to people sometimes. I don't know just struggling with it a bit today but still trying to stay smarter tan my heart.

[JediKooter]

I would be very surprised if anyone thinks of you like that. She's the one that messed up, not you. As long as you know you were good to her, that's enough in my opinion. Don't text her, don't call her, don't email her and don't respond if she does any of those. You are free from one big headache, celebrate it.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by IlliniCub

but she leaves for the lowest rung of the ladder of society. I wonder if that makes me look like a joke to people sometimes.

Nah. Ain't nobody, male or female, not seen a woman do stupid shit like that. Bad choices are just hardwired in some people.

[jeff061]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Nah. Ain't nobody, male or female, not seen a woman do stupid shit like that. Bad choices are just hardwired in some people.

This. No one is going to be looking at you negatively.

[SportsDino]

It is nothing you did. Women get bored, our society seems to sponsor being dissatisfied with your boyfriend unless he is regularly 'thrilling'. Even if you have everything in your favor in the looks/personality department, if you generally have a feeling of 'safe' and 'comfortable' about you it can play against you simply because of the absence of drama.

Usually women grow out of this phase in their late 20's as the appeal of the 'adventurous men' wears off as it becomes obvious they are just variants of the same old loser. Literally the same reasons she is bored of you right now becomes the reason she will be bored of the thug, the concept of 'same-ness', not any rational factor like 'happiness', 'safety', 'pleasure', and in one case with a friend even 'looks'. (At least our group and most ladies seemed to think our good guy made the thug look like a troll).

It seems the absence of drama or attention can be the problem, the good guy stops trying to flirt with her because he doesn't really have to anymore, so someone else wanders by flirting up a storm and the girl longs for the dating infatuation phase again.

If your unlucky enough to be an ugly dude like myself, even the illusion of someone different flirting with your girl can lure her away. In that case she ended up hitting on my coworker and he was so disgusted he wanted nothing to do with her (so basically she threw away our relationship and her friendship with my coworker, just because I was safe and boring and she thought she had a chance at an 'upgrade').

Finally, women are more ruthless than guys, they will lie in the scuzziest ways. If you did not play into her lie what would happen is she would constantly find faults with you and act like you are the worst man alive. I went through months of this while she was flirting with my coworker, she had to demonize me to justify her actions, I went from being a knight in shining armor to the worst man alive who was pure evil, simply based on what I needed to be to justify her own lies.

That was hell, and I think it is probably exactly what happened with you in a way. Maybe she used the other guy to attack you, although I bet you can recall instances where she acted off during the time you were living together, or you thought you were doing the right thing but no matter what you did it was always wrong.

The people that matter are going to think that she is the joke. If anything when I was in this spot most of my group eventually was on my side (despite her best attempts to demonize me publicly after the reveal, character shines through in the end, and she really only swayed some of the ladies in our group that thought I was an ugly bore anyway). If you do have a shared group of friends be prepared for her to try to make you look bad, if any look like they are buying her crap, just keep calm and stick to the truth of who you are. Eventually they will do the math and realize that you are the same person you were before, but that she has changed and become bitter. Even the ladies in your group of friends which normally tend to side with the girl will realize what is right and wrong.

As for moving on, it is best to just find things you are interested in and do them. Take the trips you couldn't before, do the activities you never had time for... you don't need a woman to be happy. Rebound date for a fling all you want, but deliberately do not look for the one while you are still hurting. It might turn out while you are having fun you find the girl by accident, don't force anything, she'll stick around if she is the one.

And don't mention your past girlfriend, even if they ask keep the answer short and to the point, as even though you were wronged I think the ladies use it against you.

Eventually you will find someone better. And over 30 at least to me it is easier to find someone who is over the head games and drama.

[IlliniCub]

Thanks man that's really good advice. I actually had a fantastic first date last night, very beautiful and sweet girl. Going to take it slow, but it definitely helped put things in perspective for me. Most of the mutual friends say she messed up and she'll beg to come back one day (which I wont take her back). I've kind of taken the high road in this thing and people see that and have been supportive, but yeah a lot of what you said is spot on she was nitpicking a lot at the end over silly, trivial things that wouldn't matter to a normal person.

[IlliniCub]

Well as a quick update I'm doing very well. A lot of the advice you guys gave did wonders. When she tried to crawl back I said no. He plead guilty finally this week, and is facing up to 3 years in prison. I can't wait to break my silence and give my statement at sentencing. It will be nice to see the look on his and her face when the sentence is handed out and I can be done with the whole mess. I've had an awesome few months though and have just in general had a great time so all is well

[Flasch186]

Nice

[flere-imsaho]

[SegRat]

Awesome

[SportsDino]

Score one for the good guy.

[Kodos]

[IlliniCub]

Well thanks for all of your support and advice guys. It's amazing how months later I look back on this as one of the best things to happen to me in a way. I got out of a crappy relationship and got on with my life. Sometimes you don't realize how much someone is sucking your life away until they're gone! It all ended in court this week. I gave my speech, and the judge gave him 2.5 years in the Illinois department of corrections. She and him both cried and it was quite cathartic for me, honestly I felt pity more than anything else.

[PilotMan]

Good to hear. That was some scary, unhinged shit. Glad to hear you got your day and it went well.

[RainMaker]

Holy shit, that's great. Did he have priors or something? That seems like a big sentence for a punch but there is probably more to it.

Glad you got out and are going in the right direction. It always feels good in retrospect.

[IlliniCub]

Yes he had a lot of priors. Also he happened to catch a judge who had dealt with him a lot in the past and was not amused. Also the charge was Assault and Battery in a public place which is a class 3 felony.

[BYU 14]

Great news and so glad you can close this chapter completely now.

[Karlifornia]

Good stuff. Sucks to be dragged down into the muck, but the fact that you trusted yourself and got out will reward you tremendously going forward. Cheers!

[Kodos]

Great news.

[Lathum]

I am always curious about stuff like this. Do you think the guy will come looking for you for retribution in 2.5 years?

[lighthousekeeper]

awesome! best possible outcome from a shitty situation. on the bright side, you can now trump anyone who tries to tell an interesting break-up story.

[IlliniCub]

Honestly the thought has crossed my mind Lathum, but I'd rather he did come after me rather than me not take action due to fear he may one day. I can't live my life in fear. Surprise wouldn't be on his side this time as I now know who he is as well. With that being said I'll play it safe, I've signed up to be notified of any change of status in his incarceration and will stay cautious to an extent for a while.