OT: Funny stories about kids....

[Ben E Lou]

I usually don't even bother to READ forwards, but this one snuck up on me, and actually made me laugh out loud twice. Enjoy!

WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him
if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." She was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know, "explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and
it didn't move."
_______________________________________

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....
"Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......
"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
_______________________________________
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in
and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
_______________________________________

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked
with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she
said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at
last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
_______________________________________

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One
little girl
was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the
pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty Easter dress."
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
_______________________________________

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her
tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
_______________________________________

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two
plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a
bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that
son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
_______________________________________

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,
"The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then
asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little
girl raised her hand and said,
"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

[Vince]

Wow, that was priceless SkyDog...maybe it's because it's 3:30 AM, but that was some great stuff.

[Kevin]

Those were great. I remember listening to Art Linkletter's radio show where he interviewed kids. I would kill to have all the out-takes from that series. Noone is as brutally honest as a four year old.