05-07-2012, 04:48 PM | #501 |
Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Here
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Used the lavatory.
A couple of law clerks came in to pee. They exulted in their inexperience using computers. One also used "bro" in a non-ironic manner. This is the first time I can recall hearing "bro" without irony. I just thought it was a term of derision for young twenty-somethings us older folk use. Needless to say, I felt old... and I had the urge to reprimand him. |
05-07-2012, 04:59 PM | #502 | |
General Manager
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Mountains
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Quote:
At least he didn't say "brah". |
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05-29-2012, 09:19 PM | #503 |
College Benchwarmer
Join Date: Nov 2003
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Stopped at a Rest Stop on way back home over the Holiday weekend. Dude walks to urinal two down from me with a styrofoam cup in one hand. He then proceeds to pee while continuing to drink from his cup. I think perhaps he's taking the "replenish your fluids" thing a bit too seriously. I mean really... he couldn't wait one minute to enjoy his beverage?
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12-13-2012, 12:15 AM | #504 |
Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: the yo'
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Was pissing in a one bowl open room toilet and I noticed a potential mythical creature today...the shit dam. Someone had laid simultaneous brown cucumbers with no TP. They merged forces to create a mythical "top kill" the likes that deep water horizon needed. I pissed off to the side as to not violate the integrity of the shitstruction.
When I was done, I eagerly awaited the results. Would this flush? It did not. The identity of the shit brick layer will never be known. But I salute him. |
12-13-2012, 07:00 PM | #505 | |
Coordinator
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here and There
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Quote:
Totally should have bro |
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10-21-2013, 04:40 PM | #506 |
Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Here
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Why do I get better 4g reception in the bathrooms at work than at my desk? I could understand if they were at the edge of the building, but they're right in the middle.
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10-22-2013, 08:07 AM | #507 | |
College Prospect
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: High and outside
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Quote:
Check Tobin's Spirit Guide. Was your building built by an insane architect who started the cult of Gozer? |
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10-23-2013, 02:03 PM | #508 |
Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Appleton, WI
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10-23-2013, 02:23 PM | #509 |
Hockey Boy
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Royal Oak, MI
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The toilet in the handicap stall* on my floor at work has a flushing mechanism that's simply too powerful. When you flush after taking a dump the water violently churns. Sometimes it's so strong that brown water flies out of the toilet and onto the seat.
It's gross. * I always use the handicap stall if it's available, regardless of location.
__________________
Steve Yzerman: 1,755 points in 1,514 regular season games. 185 points in 196 postseason games. A First-Team All-Star, Conn Smythe Trophy winner, Selke Trophy winner, Masterton Trophy winner, member of the Hockey Hall of Fame, Olympic gold medallist, and a three-time Stanley Cup Champion. Longest serving captain of one team in the history of the NHL (19 seasons). |
10-23-2013, 02:33 PM | #510 | |
Coordinator
Join Date: Sep 2003
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Quote:
+1. Normal toilets are too short for me.
__________________
Why choose failure when success is an option? |
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10-23-2013, 10:06 PM | #511 |
Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Massachusetts
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11-24-2013, 05:12 PM | #512 |
Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Here
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So we are breakfast at a restaurant this morning. My tummy immediately started to hurt, so when we were done, I excuses myself to the bathroom. I was in there for about 3-4 minutes when I hear someone come in. I'm currently unloading, but after about a minute he starts to huff and kind of whine that I'm still shitting.
Then he says "are you still alive in there?" I say "yes sir, I'm sorry, in really trying to hurry." About 30 seconds later he just says"what kind of person just sits in a stall, then he storms out." Now I'm frantically wiping, even though I'm not really done, but I'm trying to be nice. I mostly clean up, flush, and wash my hands. I exit the bathroom and he's standing at the end of the hallway and just eyes me. Turns out he's probably in his mid to late 70s. I pass and say sorry. Then his wife is about 15 feet further standing next to some tables. As I walk by, she says,"pfft, jerk." I stop and say, "sorry, I was going to the bathroom" but not sarcastically. She then says, "next time don't just sit there." I responded, "would you like to go in there and check, I can show you what I did." This was definitely said sarcastically/assholishly. I then turned and went to leave. Then, I see them behind me. They don't even bother going to the bathroom, they just go to pay. The only saving grace is I didn't say to her what I wanted to, which was "just die already if this is how you live, the world would be much better." That probably wouldn't have endeared me to the people sitting nearby. Are there really people who just sit in stalls? Believe me, I didn't want to be sitting in that stall, it's not like I was having a good time. Those asses just ruined my day before it really started. |
11-24-2013, 07:49 PM | #513 |
Coordinator
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here and There
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I think you set your self up when you responded to his whining. Most you'll ever get out of me is "occupied." He should know toilets are no conversation areas.
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11-24-2013, 07:51 PM | #514 | |
Retired
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Fantasyland
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Quote:
The correct course of action is to lob shit grenades over the stall door. |
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11-24-2013, 08:05 PM | #515 |
Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Back in Houston!
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Speaking of poo related items:
Amazon.com: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag: Grocery & Gourmet Food SI
__________________
Houston Hippopotami, III.3: 20th Anniversary Thread - All former HT players are encouraged to check it out! Janos: "Only America could produce an imbecile of your caliber!" Freakazoid: "That's because we make lots of things better than other people!" |
11-24-2013, 08:45 PM | #516 | |
College Prospect
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Buffalo,NY
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Quote:
At that point I make it a point of just chillin' a bit longer..No reason to inconvenience myself..... |
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05-15-2014, 06:34 PM | #517 |
College Benchwarmer
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Austin, TX
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Yeah so, someone peeked as I was doing my business in the stall. When she realized I was in there, she sighed and went to another one. For the love of Christ, if you wanna use that stall, pull on the damn door to see if it's occupied, DON'T FUCKIN LOOK IN THERE!!11!!
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05-15-2014, 06:46 PM | #518 |
College Benchwarmer
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Austin, TX
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dola,
There's a lady who habitually doesn't wash her hands. She does her thing, flushes the toilet and walks out... eww. I started looking at people's shoes so I can find out who this person is. Today I found out who it is and I can never see her the same again. One thing's for damn sure, I ain't eating any of her food at pot lucks anymore!! That's some nasty shit. Pun not intended. |
05-15-2014, 06:49 PM | #519 |
College Benchwarmer
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Austin, TX
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double dola,
The women's restroom fuckin' wreaks. I swear, every time I leave the restroom I can smell the nasty on me. Gross ass shit. There's a girl who brings Lysol with her every time she goes in the stall it smells so bad. Last edited by Dodgerchick : 05-15-2014 at 06:53 PM. |
05-15-2014, 07:31 PM | #520 | |
Pro Starter
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Not Delaware - hurray!
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Quote:
How can you tell someone hasn't washed their hands by looking at their feet?
__________________
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! She loves you, yeah! how do you know? how do you know? |
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07-28-2015, 01:48 AM | #521 |
Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: the yo'
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Norwegian golf course plagued by serial pooper - The Local
Stavanger Golf Club in south-west Norway has, for the last ten years, been the victim of an unknown culprit who has been using several of the course's holes as a toilet. Greenskeeper, Kenneth Tennfjord, is the man tasked with dealing with the perpetrator’s deposits. “He has a couple of favourite holes,” he told Norwegian newspaper, Rogaland Avis. “And we know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman,” Tennfjord says. |
07-28-2015, 03:33 AM | #522 |
Coordinator
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: NJ
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How sexist.
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07-28-2015, 05:59 AM | #523 | |
Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Quote:
By recognizing their shoes. |
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07-29-2015, 08:52 AM | #524 |
Coordinator
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Early, TX
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See, if the Random garbage thread had existed at the time, we wouldn't even have this thing of beauty.
__________________
Just beat the devil out of it!!! - Bob Ross |
07-30-2015, 07:10 PM | #525 | |
Coordinator
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Seattle, WA
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Quote:
I'm spending Christmas week in Stavanger. I'll keep an eye out.
__________________
We have always been at war with Eastasia. |
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07-30-2015, 11:49 PM | #526 |
College Prospect
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bryson Shitty, NC
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This would make a fantastic Coen Bros film.
'Greenskeeper' Starring Paul Giamatti as caddy Roy Baker John Goodman as course owner Leland Cartwright III Steve Buscemi as groundskeeper Pete Wrigley William H. Macy as semi pro golfer Charlie "Slice" Martin and Tom Cruise with a cameo as homeless lunatic and heroin junkie Pooper Jenkins With quotable lines like "Dammit, Roy.. I told you to check the hole before I shot. Both my balls are covered in shit now! It's gonna play hell with the trajectory!" and "Does this guy even wipe?" and "My daddy built this place with his own hands, and I will be damned if I am letting some midget with... digestive issues.. ruin the biggest tournament we have ever held here!" and this memorable exchange: "I'm not doing it." "Not doing what?" "I'm not cleaning the giant turd on hole 16." "Well goddammit Pete, why not??" "I have dignity to uphold Mr. Cartwright. I have a wife and kids!"
__________________
Recklessly enthused, stubbornly amused. FUCK EA
Last edited by Julio Riddols : 07-30-2015 at 11:59 PM. |
08-24-2015, 12:21 PM | #527 |
Head Coach
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NYC
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Guy a couple stalls down from me is eating in there. I can tell there are at least two different wrappers involved and he's also burped. Is this guy getting bullied in our small eating space everyday and he had to escape?
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08-24-2015, 12:25 PM | #528 | |
College Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Chicago
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Quote:
Multi tasking of course, lol! He's also updating facebook status and picking his nose most likely.
__________________
Interactive OOTP 15 Dynasty (Single Season) CHAMPION!! Oh yeah... Happy New York Day everyone! |
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08-24-2015, 12:28 PM | #529 |
Coordinator
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: NJ
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Eating in a public toilet. I'd like to take this guy in this years death pool.
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08-24-2015, 01:15 PM | #530 |
"Dutch"
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Tampa, FL
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I waited to flush while some dude was in the shitter ending a conference call. Worst decision I've made in a while in hindsight. No pun intended.
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08-24-2015, 01:45 PM | #531 |
Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Newburgh, NY
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Last year I was in a restroom and watched a student go into a stall with a Subway sandwich.
__________________
To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.. - Mr. Rogers |
10-09-2015, 02:10 PM | #532 |
College Starter
Join Date: Oct 2000
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__________________
... |
10-09-2015, 02:13 PM | #533 | ||
Favored Bitch #2
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Here
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I often wonder if I am the only one who has a "regular" time of day that I take a dump. I believe it is around 1pm...
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Quote:
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10-09-2015, 02:29 PM | #534 | |
Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Where Hip Hop lives
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Quote:
A+! I'm the Piss CHampion.
__________________
. . I would rather be wrong...Than live in the shadows of your song...My mind is open wide...And now I'm ready to start...You're not sure...You open the door...And step out into the dark...Now I'm ready. |
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10-09-2015, 02:31 PM | #535 | |
College Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Chicago
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Quote:
Thankfully this was posted at 1:13 and not 1:01. Does it finish at 1:10?!
__________________
Interactive OOTP 15 Dynasty (Single Season) CHAMPION!! Oh yeah... Happy New York Day everyone! |
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10-09-2015, 03:06 PM | #536 |
Head Coach
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NYC
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10-09-2015, 03:47 PM | #537 |
Pro Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Lisboa, ME
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2:15 for me. Clockwork.
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10-09-2015, 04:55 PM | #538 |
Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Here
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Mine is, whenever the cleaning ladies are most likely to knock on the door to clean. I could go at any time of day and I'm still assured of them knocking. I just assume they have a tracker in me.
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10-09-2015, 06:15 PM | #539 | |||
Favored Bitch #2
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Here
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Quote:
Nah, it's the government. Do you REALLY believe those women are just cleaning ladies?
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10-09-2015, 06:15 PM | #540 | |||
Favored Bitch #2
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Here
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Quote:
Actually, that was 12:10 my time. I feel much better now though.
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Quote:
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10-09-2015, 09:00 PM | #541 |
Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: the yo'
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10-10-2015, 07:54 AM | #542 |
Head Coach
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NYC
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10-10-2015, 08:02 AM | #543 |
Pro Starter
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Northern Kentucky
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This is how I've always felt.
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The Confederacy lost, it is time to dismantle it. |
10-10-2015, 10:48 AM | #544 |
Pro Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Lisboa, ME
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Exactly.
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Come On You Irons! West Ham United | Philadelphia Flyers | Cincinnati Bengals | Kansas City Royals FOFC Greatest Band Draft Runner Up FOFC Movie Remake Draft Winner FOFC Movie Comedy Draft Winner |
04-22-2016, 02:15 PM | #545 |
College Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Chicago
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Someone painted the bowl a good one this morning... not me but I did stand back to admire... err... pick the next stall. I don't even want to know the urgency of that event..
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Interactive OOTP 15 Dynasty (Single Season) CHAMPION!! Oh yeah... Happy New York Day everyone! |
11-10-2016, 05:53 PM | #546 |
College Prospect
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: TX
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When a guy 6 foot 8 comes out of stall cleaning restroom you make for sure you hit the urinal so not even splash back gets on the floor.
__________________
I try to open things I probably have no chance of opening. |
01-24-2017, 02:17 PM | #547 | |
Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Here
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Quote:
I went to use the single bathroom at lunch so I could change into running clothes. I lifted the lid to pee before I went out, and every square inch under the toilet seat was splattered with crap. I mean it was everywhere, like in one of those bad comedies where someone walks into a stall with crap everywhere. I'd never seen anything like it in real life. I still peed in it, but I stood an extra foot back. Somehow, there was no smell in the bathroom. |
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01-24-2017, 02:25 PM | #548 |
Coordinator
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: NJ
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Maybe it was a lady. Ladies don't have smelly poo.
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12-21-2017, 09:34 AM | #549 |
Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: the yo'
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05-21-2018, 10:11 AM | #550 |
Head Coach
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: North Carolina
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The bathrooms on our floor are being renovated, so we have to take the elevators to another floor to use the restroom.
This is as annoying as it sounds. |
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