The Mental Health Thread

[Kodos]

I’m so sorry, GrantDawg. That sounds awful.

[GrantDawg]

My poor father in law is just miserable. He can't stand watching her in pain. It just seems so wrong somehow even though I understand the legalities and the fear of providing her relief. What's amazing is how lucid we can be at times. When I came in the room yesterday she knew who I was. She told me about talking to my son on face-time earlier, and how is dealing with being up in the cold" (Massachusetts), and about my nephew being in Texas for a wedding. She talked about being excited to see everyone on Thanksgiving, and that just ripped my heart out.

Hospice care is coming in to start taking care of her soon. Interestingly, they are going to be able to keep her at the hospital and hospice just takes over her nursing and doctor duties. I don't think she could handle a move. I am just glad she is not going to die at home. It is like my wife said, her dad could never live there if she dies there. He obviously could stay with us or her brothers, but he is so independent he would be miserable. Of course, his last 15 years has been just taking care of her, so I think he is going to be miserable regardless.

The whole thing is just so depressing.

[GrantDawg]

Good news. They have her on a morphine drip now that hospice has taken over. Her pain has improved, so at least that. She should be moving from ICU step down to a regular room today. It so tough going to see her for me, especially since this the same hospital I spent a month watching my dad die 24 years ago. My wife so far is handling it pretty well considering. Much better than I expected. I worry about what it is going to be like when she is finally gone.
Sorry if my blogging all this on here is too much.

[miami_fan]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

Good news. They have her on a morphine drip now that hospice has taken over. Her pain has improved, so at least that. She should be moving from ICU step down to a regular room today. It so tough going to see her for me, especially since this the same hospital I spent a month watching my dad die 24 years ago. My wife so far is handling it pretty well considering. Much better than I expected. I worry about what it is going to be like when she is finally gone.
Sorry if my blogging all this on here is too much.

That is good news. I hope the fact she is in less pain is somewhat comforting to you and the rest of the family if that is possible in such a difficult situation.

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by GrantDawg

Good news. They have her on a morphine drip now that hospice has taken over. Her pain has improved, so at least that. She should be moving from ICU step down to a regular room today. It so tough going to see her for me, especially since this the same hospital I spent a month watching my dad die 24 years ago. My wife so far is handling it pretty well considering. Much better than I expected. I worry about what it is going to be like when she is finally gone.
Sorry if my blogging all this on here is too much.

So glad she is getting some relief, this is just a horrible situation all around, I feel for you and your family my friend.

[thesloppy]

I started a new job today, and it has kicked my nervousness/anxiety into top gear.

[Kodos]

Always a stressful situation. Hang in there.

[spleen1015]

Originally Posted by thesloppy

I started a new job today, and it has kicked my nervousness/anxiety into top gear.

Good luck, man!

[thesloppy]

Thx guys! It was of course nowhere near as bad as I had built it up in my mind, but I can't give myself a sleep/stress refund.

[GrantDawg]

My mother in law passed tonight. It is one of those times you know when the phone rings, it is over. Now it's 2:30 in the morning and we are sitting here with our daughter watching "Little House on the Prairie" which was her favorite show. Feeling you should be doing something, but there is nothing to do.

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[Edward64]

Sorry to hear this, wishing you guys the best.

[miami_fan]

Sorry to her this news GrantDawg. I hope that you and your family find peace and strength through this tough time.

[Kodos]

I’m sorry for your family’s loss.

[GrantDawg]

Thanks everyone.

[SirFozzie]

I hope folks don't mind, but I'm going to talk about music and depression. Well, music and MY depression.

I've noticed there's certain songs that are guaranteed to send my mood into a spiral (especially if I've forgotten to take my meds). There's also songs that I have to play when I need a lift, mentally. Doesn't always work, but sometimes.

First, the downward songs. I'm not saying that you shouldn't listen to them, but for me, they're something where if it starts playing, I need to hit the next button pretty quickly. Because I'll get into the song, and feeling the lyrics. Which is the last thing that someone with depression needs with these particular songs:

Tha Crossroads - YouTube

Tha Crossroads. It's a beautiful, melodic song.. about how everything you ever have or will be will die. No matter what. This song has pulled me in a couple times, just because of how beautiful the lyrics are presented, that you don't think about what the lyrics mean until you're hooked.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGuPViQChR0

I actually prefer this version to the Ozzy/Lita version. This one feels more, raw, unpolished, but that just makes it hit harder. The sense of loss sometimes when hearing this song, just.. raw gaping wound.

Two upward songs to counteract the down spiral:

Phoebe Ryan - Mine (Audio) - YouTube

This is a "Continuing to fight song". It helps when the mind gets stuck on "what I've lost" or "what I can't do anymore". It reminds me not to focus on what I can't do, but what I can. Find the "Gold in the wreckage". Because what I have, its mine. Her voice is... unique as well, which really helps the message.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49tpIMDy9BE

Lzzy Hale again, this time in the upward bound section. This song actually was written by and also stars the world's first "Dubstep violinist" Lindsey Sterling. Imagine her dancing on stage like crazy while playing the violin, and that's only half of what her energy is. The song is about Stirling's battles with mental illness herself (anorexia). To me it's about breaking through, and one of the things that makes this a good "upper song" is again, how raw Lzzy's voice is when she hits the "SHAAATTTER MEEEE!" and then into the violin section. I find good upper songs have something you can scream (in your head, or out loud if you don't mind weird looks from people around you).. "Somebody make me feel alive and SHATTER ME!" is one of those lines. It's kinda a line from the front lines in the battle against depression.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A4xBp2rizQ


Pat Benatar "Invincible"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A4xBp2rizQ

Hello, song from the front line of battle? Check. Screamable at the top of your lungs? Check. Positive vibe throughout? Check. Basically all the upper registers of a song that has the ability to give you that endorphin rush. One line I always use when dealing with depression "The first rule of getting yourself out of a hole. STOP DIGGING! Rule #2: Look up, someone may be throwing you a ladder. This song is a ladder.

Also very good, for the same reasons: Shadows Of The Night (Remastered) - YouTube

Finally, for now (I may do more of this if folks want)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17svtURunUk

Some of you may know this song as the theme from Civ 4, and this is a completely acapella version of the song by Peter Hollins and Malukah (they provide all the vocal tracks, layering over them, so while it's two people, it's something like 10-12 or more vocal tracks overlaying each other, so it's like a perfectly timed chorus. ANd the song message is positive too (It's the Lord's Prayer, in the Swahili Language)

[Warhawk8492]

I myself have a long battle with depression and other mental health issues, I am on the Autistic spectrum via Asperger's Syndrome. I had a bad fall out with some online friends who where close and had another one vanish on me. I then had a very bitter break up with an online GF who was for a long time supportive of me. I did not know what I had until I lost her. All this and me fixating on it because of my autism caused a long downward spiral. I later lost some in person friends due to personal reasons and went through a lot of drama and anxiety because of that. One mocked my misfortune after turning on me, essentially kicking me while I was still down. I also had more online drama at this time. I have for years now been a mess of depression and anxiety. I hope I can begin finally recovering.

[GrantDawg]

Sorry to hear Warhawk. Depression is tough.

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[Qwikshot]

My brother's father in law is in hospice care due to COVID. He is unvaccinated and is also refusing any medical treatment. I guess his plan is to die to spite the libs. He's refusing oxygen and ventilator support.

He's been a staunch Trumper and has been in the past gleeful about supporting all conspiratorial ideas and Fox News threads at any family gathering.

Of course my brother and my sister in law are dismayed and beside themselves with sadness. I don't know if my nieces know the seriousness of things.

Cut to my mother calling me about (another Trumper) and then spouting whataboutisms when I viewed how a complete disregard of common sense and self-preservation over the idea of being proven wrong on viewpoint. She countered that she's vaccinated but I countered that she like I worked for a vaccine pharmaceutical company. She's basically a conservative outlier.

She had to point out some people that are liberals who are also refuting vaccinations. I said that's not the point. I said anyone who refuses vaccination over common sense is stupid but a 70 year old man who has probably been small pox vaccinated, polio vaccinated now refuting a COVID vaccine over conservative principles is just beyond the pale (the libs she pointed are 20 something and not dying in hospice).

Add that my new job has been an unholy terror (I want to revert back to my old position, I'm thinking of doing so in the new year).

Add that my adopted daughter's mother has now imposed herself into her daughter's life the past two days to critique her dating habits and how she's been mistreated by her while basically ignoring her for 7 years. I've had to run interference on that to keep my daughter from falling into depression.

It's been a tough 72 hours.

[PilotMan]

I feel for you Qwikshot. All of it taken together is a lot. I think as much as I miss a lot of close family around, that there's a benefit to it too. You get to focus much more on your own life and there's not much need to placate extended family with that stuff. The amount of patience that I've had for all of it would have seen me at least pull back substantially. It's ok to have and enforce boundaries.

I'm sure that you talked a lot to your daughter to help her keep things in perspective and that's the right thing. Hang in there, and try to save parts of the day for things that you enjoy and can do to keep yourself afloat.

[Brian Swartz]

Stuff I learned in the last couple of days:

** My mother has become a full-fledged anti-vaxxer. Happened a few years ago apparently prior to the pandemic, we were all vaccinated as children and this has occurred since then.

** My brother is fully on team COVID Zero and appears to believe anyone not actively dictating to everyone they know how they must live/interact/etc. with regards to the virus is being irresponsible.

Suffice to say this will make Christmas less joyful, even though people have made the decision to not be in the same physical location. It's a strange place to be in where the results of my COVID test are not even remotely my largest concern. It would be far easier to handle contracting the virus than it would be to deal with the unavoidable family fallout.

[Brian Swartz]

Also, my condolences Qwikshot for whatever their worth. I've had only person close to the family, and no family members, die from COVID. That would be incredibly difficult even without all the extra added elements described

[Edward64]

Well folks, its been about 2 years since this started.

We were in Hawaii for Christmas in Dec 2019 and remember reading about a virus in China then. NYT and WaPo really warned us in early Feb 2020 (when I started the other thread).

Think I am cautiously optimistic for 2022 for countries that have been using Moderna/Pfizer. I am more pessimistic for those using the China vaccines (read those Sino vaccines/boosters don't work near as well) which is a large part of the non-western world.

Best case in 2022 is new normal in western countries. In non-western countries, getting incrementally better as more vaccines become available and also therapeutics. The additional incremental deaths (largely for the unvaccinated) become acceptable.

Worse case in 2022 is the next omicron which is more infectious and lethal, and Moderna/Pfizer not working as well.

[Edward64]

Son is all recovered from his bout with Covid. No long covid symptoms. Wife's teaching job was remote last week but its going to return to in class next week. Daughter is back in school doing her thing. My project work is still 100% remote.

So from a scale of 1-10, i'd say I'm 7. Somewhat "normal" with some concerns about another deadlier outbreak and inflation/markets but somewhat optimistic about being able to travel to some countries with high vaccination rates (e.g. Spain and Portugal).

[spleen1015]

Son came home to visit on Friday, staying about a week. Spent last week with my inlaws who were sick. The Dr. gave them a Z pack so my wife says there's nothing to worry about. Told my wife he has COVID and I don't want him to come home.

Son starts having fever last night, tests positive for COVID this morning with a rapid home test. The test showed positive almost instantly. Don't know if that means jack.

Daughter spent the weekend with him, one of her college teammates spent the weekend with us as well before school started today.

My anxiety is through the roof right now even though I'm boosted, wife is boosted, daughter got boosted on Saturday, teammate is boosted.

The. Fuck.

[Kodos]

It sure feels like you can do everything right and still get it at this point.

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by Kodos

It sure feels like you can do everything right and still get it at this point.

This is really starting to mess with me. We are very careful, both vaccinated, wife boosted and I rescheduled mine to Thursday because I had symptoms last week, which thankfully were only allergies from running outside, but my wife wore a mask in the house for several days because of it, which I get, but it drove me nuts.

We have condensed the friends we see again and limited those interactions to pretty much just other couples at a time. The only place I go beyond that is to the gym every day and a couple of our fav eateries, where we always sit outside.

At this point I almost want to get it and get it over with because I feel safe being fit, vaxxed and boosted this week, but there is always that intangible and I also don't want to give it to anyone else. It has become a mind fuck at this point and it kills me how reckless some folks are getting, but I also get the fatigue from it all. SMH

[molson]

When my girlfriend and I work a combined 80-90 hours a week around other people (and in her case, a LOT of other people in a grocery store), I'm starting to resent society telling me that I should skip out on weekly hours 90-95 around people outside of work, with friends and experiences, those things that help keep me sane.

Those hours 90-95 are so important to me that the threat of COVID just doesn't seem like a big deal at all.

[JonInMiddleGA]

I wasn't going to say anything until I had the full epilogue, but Molson's phrase "I'm starting to resent" so perfectly hit home with me that I'm gonna start this story now and fill in the blanks later. And I'll try to keep it manageable.

Last Monday, Will started feeling poorly, with the common new variant symptoms. By Tuesday night, me too.

He wavered about testing (cause who wants to do a 3 to 10 hour wait when they feel like crap?), on Wednesday we finally got him an appointment (rather than enduring walk up) for Saturday evening.

Honestly? We forgot about it til they texted him Saturday night. His symptoms had steadily subsided, leaving only a dry cough by then. I convinced him to go, just to know one way or the other. He tested postive, doctor literally did the timeline and said "here's some cough medicine, otherwise you have no restrictions ... but please try to avoid getting a booster (for Miami purposes), it literally serves ZERO purpose for you right now"

I've got an appointment to be tested late tomorrow (Tues), entirely on the basis of "screw it, I'll admit that I'd just like to know one way or the other". I still have very minor symptoms, no fever, etc.

In the meantime, I had to take my wife to Emory on Friday for her next PET scan. Details for another thread, but suffice to say here that it was VERY important that she be scanned (briefly, at least one of the tumors is almost certainly back, God forbid maybe more than one)

And that's where the "starting to resent" thing hits home for me.

I had some REALLY BIG issues in my head Wed night/Thursday day. "Resentment" is the perfect description. I've spent two years being beat over the head about how dire Covid is ... but if I'm capable of being vertical, then there are certain things I have little to no choice but to DO.

Isolate? Quarantine? (internally here I mean) How the fuck does she get food? She can't get a delivery from the door inside the house, is barely able to get to the bathroom much less traverse the house, bend over, pick up, and carry while hobbling on a cane.

It's literally life threatening for her to go unseen (and therefore untreated) with this cancer shit ... and I'm basically it. (for predawn departures and 730a appointments that take 2+ hours to reach). We don't have family here, we don't have friends available for that sort of trip (other people have lives too ya know).

I don't resent the shit that I need to do ... but I resent being beaten over the head with something that's so "important" and yet it doesn't change a single damned thing about what is my responsibility to do. If I'm able to be vertical, I have shit to do. My resentment is largely summarized by "for the love of fuck, just shut up* about this shit already, there's other fish that still need to be fried too"

*(not FOFC, I mean the world in general).

[Kodos]

Sorry things are such a shitshow, Jon. Hang in there. Keep doing what you can to support her.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Kodos

Sorry things are such a shitshow, Jon. Hang in there. Keep doing what you can to support her.

It's been a rough day.

I should probably put this in the other thread -- and will once we know something definitive -- but, atm, fuck it .. she's hospitalized tonight, we're waiting word from a CT scan but right now it's suspected that she had a mild stroke this afternoon as Will took her in for her second try at a PET scan (which didn't happen Fri 'cause they forget to mention the need to fast beforehand, and we simply forgot that was a thing)

No lingering effects, vitals are normal and stable within three hours of the incident (which involved her starting to get out of the car and instead just sort of sliding to the floorboard and then to the ground)

And the real shitty part is that a mild stroke is better than some other things that might cause sudden loss of control of the left arm and leg.

Will and I are here, praying that she's resting/sleeping, and knowing that tomorrow has more bad possibilities than good ones.

Yeah, it's a rough day, for all of us. Mental health? WTF even is that at this point?

[Kodos]

Will pray for a good outcome tomorrow.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Kodos

Will pray for a good outcome tomorrow.

Thank you.

Won't lie,I'm scared.

And she's down to low phone battery & no charger :/ But so help me, I can feel how scared she is on this one too.

Gonna be a long night, and a nervous morning.

[spleen1015]

Best wishes, Jon.

[Solecismic]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

My resentment is largely summarized by "for the love of fuck, just shut up* about this shit already, there's other fish that still need to be fried too"

I think there are a lot of people, especially online, who have the luxury of not having to fry any fish.

Sorry about your wife. Nothing worse than what you're dealing with. Makes everything else seem trivial. I hope you get good news.

[rjolley]

Prayers and best wishes to you and your wife, Jon. I hope you get good news.

[flere-imsaho]

Best wishes, Jon. And best wishes everyone else on continuing to try and slog through this whole societal mess.

[flere-imsaho]

From the first page of the thread, which I missed because I've been away from FOFC for a while:

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

"Death by a hundred papercuts" was how I described it to one friend.

And being constantly agitated, right on edge, is fucking exhausting. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. And exhaustion feeds agitation & all the other emotions. And that's a nasty treadmill.

This. So much. I was listening to the Bill Simmons podcast last night while waiting to pick up Sam (13) from soccer practice and Sal was talking about how every morning it feels like he & his wife have to have a conference to work out all the details on which kid needs to get tested to day (and where), which kids can go to school, which are being sent home, who's got to get results from where, etc... and I was like "yep, that sounds familiar".

Last week Sam sits in the same car with a kid who tests positive a day later. We happen to have a rapid test in the house so we do it and he's negative, but with a booster coming up, we need to get him a PCR test. Hold that thought.

When boosters get approved for 12-15s, my wife manages to snag an appointment at a school vaccination clinic for the 17th. Later, I manage to get one at CVS for this Wednesday (tomorrow). Later, she manages to get one at another site about 30 minutes away for yesterday (spoiler alert, he got the booster and is now sleeping instead of going to school).

So, we hunt around for where to get a PCR test. Finally get one by getting up first thing on Saturday and waiting in line. But when will we get the results? On pins and needles for that when it randomly arrives first thing Monday morning just hours before the booster appointment.


I'm tired of all the restrictions and conflicting guidance and the fact that none of it appears to matter much anyway given how transmissable omnicron is. I empathize with folks who are done listening to/following guidance because let's face it, there have always been a large number of people from the beginning who never intended to follow any guidance and at this point it feels like we're just adding more misery on people who tried to be compliant, and ignoring the free-riding elephants in the room. And I'm really tired of the people who won't get vaccinated as that's literally the one thing that could have measurably slowed this thing down, especially when it comes to collateral damage like hospitals getting filled up with unvaccinated COVID cases.

[albionmoonlight]

My thoughts are with you, Jon.

[GrantDawg]

Prayers for you and your family, Jon.

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[Edward64]

Best wishes to you Jon and the missus.

[Lathum]

Just saw this Jon, hoping for the best for your family. As always hit me up on FB is you wanna vent.

[Breeze]

Jon, sorry to hear this. Praying for you guys.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Those who have been so kind as to listen to my stuff here last night can check the Fuck Cancer thread for the latest update.

Literally got hit with more stuff WHILE I was composing that post

[JonInMiddleGA]

Since I'm just about 'round the bend anyway ... amid everything else, the albatross around our neck property we've been stuck with for over a decade suddenly moved to closing ... this week. With less than 24 hours notice. After being at a standstill for nearly two months.

Between 850a and 1050a today my phone registers a total of 17 calls in or out. 2 of those were medical related, the other 15 were trying to unfuck that closing.

Oh, have I mentioned that I'm not generally involved in that property shit, that my wife deals with it (and all the various participants)?

I'm heading to a corner to babble incoherently for a while now.

[SirFozzie]

Jon, my thoughts are with you and your wife, here's hoping you can take at least thirty minutes (preferably thirty hours) to mentally reset and deal with everything.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by SirFozzie

Jon, my thoughts are with you and your wife, here's hoping you can take at least thirty minutes (preferably thirty hours) to mentally reset and deal with everything.

How about thirty months?

[Edward64]

I'm hoping to travel internationally this year (e.g. Portugal, Spain have high vaccination rates). I know airlines/countries require a negative antigen test within X days before travel.

Wondered what happens if you test positive 24 hours before? Will airlines allow you to cancel, fees etc. involved.

Below is a link from Dec so it's probably not up to date but the basic gist is you can probably cancel for free. If you get a later flight, you just pay the difference in flight fee. So other than for the inconvenience, no real $ impact.

What to do if you need to cancel your trip because of COVID-19 - The Points Guy

[Edward64]

Mental health wise, I'm done with Covid. I'm fully vaccinated + booster and will continue to take whatever future booster is required, but I'm ready to travel again.

The concern has been what happens if I'm in country X and there is a lockdown and I cannot return to the US as scheduled. Or if I test positive just before my return to the US and I have to quarantine for 5-14 days.

All of that matters will matter less this year. Wife and I are still on track to retire sometime this year. Only thing that will cause us pause is if the stock market really, really tanks. Otherwise, going to find a highly vaccinated country, find the cheapest flight (even if there are 2+ stops, 30+ hours of travel etc.) & cheapest acceptable hotel, and go have fun.

Right now, the 4 destinations under consideration are Portugal, Spain, Italy, Phuket (sandbox program). They seem willing to take tourists. I would love to travel China, Vietnam, Japan but they are currently not welcoming tourists.

FWIW, here's a list of vaccination rates by country.

Coronavirus (COVID-19) Vaccinations - Our World in Data

[tarcone]

I am so stressed out and just done with this new reality. Im one drugs but they are not doing the job. My job is absolutely killing me. I hate how I feel and feel like my brain is being crushed and my head is about to implode and I feel like I have a damn squirel is in my stomach.

I hate my job and I have a less than a year and a half of it. I hate my bosses because they have no respect for me.

I tried to get ahold of my doctor, but they dont work late on fridays. I am not looking forward to this weekedn.

[NobodyHere]

Vent my FOFC brethren, vent. Get it all out.