New Chapter in my Life Starting

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

Hold on- what? So she said "no more divorce until you get a new job I can get more money out of"?

SI

Yeah, don't like the sound of that at all. Man, I feel for you Dan, tough situation all around right now for you and your kids. Hang in there.

[mauchow]

I don't know how it works but get shit figured out now for when it happens again later.

Come to legal binding agreements before hand..post nuptial agreement. Do those exist?

[cougarfreak]

Didn't catch this the first time around, hand in there and keep your head up.

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

Hold on- what? So she said "no more divorce until you get a new job I can get more money out of"?

SI

Well actually my lawyer even stated my wife and her attorney have no choice but to withdraw till [i] am employed. Hard to say if my next gig will be as well paying as this one. I remain optimistic but jobs paying mid 100K range don/t fall off trees.

[Solecismic]

So, why can't you file for divorce at this time? If your lawyer is decent, he might be able to use that to execute a better settlement than if you all wait until you're employed again.

She has, by beginning this process, eliminated any sympathy she would receive from a judge for your current situation.

In the meantime, you might want to ensure she doesn't do anything funky with bank accounts. Follow your lawyer's advice there.

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by Solecismic

So, why can't you file for divorce at this time? If your lawyer is decent, he might be able to use that to execute a better settlement than if you all wait until you're employed again.

She has, by beginning this process, eliminated any sympathy she would receive from a judge for your current situation.

In the meantime, you might want to ensure she doesn't do anything funky with bank accounts. Follow your lawyer's advice there.

Thanks. by continuing to file there literally won't be a financial settlement.

[Galaril]

So finally got some good news to report. My last day at the old job was January 2nd with a good severance package. Today I accepted a great offer from a real awesome organization for basically the same job I did at my last company Senior Director of IT Security. I have gotten a great first impression /vibe from the SVP who I would work for. Also, really like the others that would be my peers in the IT department. Lastly, compensation is 20% more than the last job so great news. On the divorce front it is still happening and my wife and I have a very fair settlement agreement worked out we are all happy with.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Galaril

So finally got some good news to report. My last day at the old job was January 2nd with a good severance package. Today I accepted a great offer from a real awesome organization for basically the same job I did at my last company Senior Director of IT Security. I have gotten a great impression / vibe from the SVP who I would work for. Also, really like the others that would be my peers in the IT department. Lastly, compensation is 20% more than the last job so great news. On the divorce front it is still happening and my wife and I have a very fair settlement agreement worked out we are all happy with.

On the whole, that's good news indeed.

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

On the whole, that's good news indeed.

Yes all things considered my divorce even is a good thing frankly both for my kids and myself.

[Galaril]

So not sure who cares to know but figured I would have some closure to this thread now 9 months have past. So, he is the update as to how everything panned out for me and my kids and ex wife too. My divorce was finalized and official early April. My kids 7 and 11 years old took it well and understand . My ex moved out and found a decent townhouse closer to where she wanted to live in Denver. She would up getting 33% of my net pay(take home after taxes) for the next 5 and 1/2 years and then another 7% in child support. She also got me to agree to pay for two years of college so she can go back to college to get a associates degree in X-ray tech or sonogram tech etc. That is capped at 15k total. Also kids will get two pay tickets per year for the next five years so my ex can take the kids to visit her family overseas (Korea). I got to keep my home and the title is in my my name. I also got to claim both my kids on my taxes as withholding deductions . I set up my taxes with my accountant so. I will get enough back each to cover the plane tickets for my kids......

So that is the money side of it all. Not great for me but better than I would have got if I decided to go to court and fight it which would have had the added negative consequence of emotional and mental stress on myself and kids. my ex and I have a great relationship though obviously I keep strict boundaries so as not to confuse things like no hanging out. She is doing well and has started to become a better mom I can see. My kids are doing fabulous.

As for me I had also gone through a layoff last year during this all and have know been in a great job for 8 months for the best company I have worked for . It is undoubtedly the best job of my life and that includes a hefty pay increase from my last position.

Now the juicy stuff. I was doing the online dating thing since. January and had a lot of activity and got back out there dating a lot but with no long term success. I am not looking to get remarried anytime soon, if ever but also was hoping to find a person to have a long term monogamous relationship with. Now if it ends In marriage long time down the road that is all the better. I kept meeting some great girls (women) but most either wanted to get "hitched" soon or were party girls more looking to play the field......Then along comes June and I meet this incredible woman the second to last day on Match before my six month membership expired. I had decide to throw the towel in on the online dating thing at that point and was reserved to the fact I was not going to find anyone.

We started to date and am happy to say she is very normal, a school teacher who is very attractive my age who loves football is a sweet southern girl who shares my love of football, exercise, Scifi/ a Trekkie and share similar political and religious views. She is very caring and is the opposite of my ex. She has three girls my kids ages that she has 50-50 custody with her ex which is the same as me and my kids. We have been 4 1/2 months so not all that long but both know this is very likely the beginning of the rest of our lives together. We have decided lets take it slow in a commitment longterm relationship and just play it by ear. So, neither of us is seeing anyone else and if all goes well after the holidays we will introduce our kids to the relationship.

Just wanted to come back to this as lots of these things in life never turn out well . For me life is good real good and love my new life and the future is bright for all concerned even my ex. I know other guys are going through similar things or sad to say will in the future and it is important to let them all know there is life after this stuff and life goes on. People here told me the same things when I was going through it and the support was a big boost:-)

Dan

[Lathum]

Awesome to here!

[SegRat]

Great to hear.

[thesloppy]

good to heer

[cuervo72]

so my ex can take the kids to visit her family overseas (Korea)

I would just say to be careful with this, if there's much you can do about it. Stories of kids staying abroad and all that.

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by cuervo72

I would just say to be careful with this, if there's much you can do about it. Stories of kids staying abroad and all that.

She is a citizen of the US and is aware that doing anything crazy would well get her ass in trouble. But yes not much anyone can do without some sign or reason to assume she would kidnap the kid or something like that.

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

Congrats, Dan! Very excited for you!

[Umbrella]

Honestly, I don't think the settlement was too bad for you. I've seen much worse.

As far as the new woman, I'm not trying to be a buzzkill here, but take your time. After my divorce, when I decided to start dating, I met a woman who I was convinced was the one.

Fast forward a few months, and I start to see that she is a bit psycho, and certainly wasn't the one. Luckily, I hand't done anything too crazy at that point, but looking back, even though I thought I was back to normal, I realized I wasn't 100% healed from the divorce. It was the classic rebound relationship. Not saying this is the case with you, but don't be afraid to take your time, even if she is pressuring you to advance further in the relationship than you are comfortable with.

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by Umbrella

Honestly, I don't think the settlement was too bad for you. I've seen much worse.

As far as the new woman, I'm not trying to be a buzzkill here, but take your time. After my divorce, when I decided to start dating, I met a woman who I was convinced was the one.

Fast forward a few months, and I start to see that she is a bit psycho, and certainly wasn't the one. Luckily, I hand't done anything too crazy at that point, but looking back, even though I thought I was back to normal, I realized I wasn't 100% healed from the divorce. It was the classic rebound relationship. Not saying this is the case with you, but don't be afraid to take your time, even if she is pressuring you to advance further in the relationship than you are comfortable with.

Thanks for the advice and totally agree.The divorce overall for me was pretty easy. I couldn't get divorced fast enough. No hurt feelings on my part. I did a counseling session or two and my kids but in the end not much going on in that area. It was amicable to the extreme. Yes this new woman is great but I recently told her straight no way no how I am getting married in the next 5 years till I am done paying my ex off and would only consider it if. Prenuptial was signed. She saw where I was coming from and seemed to be fine with it. If in the end she pushes into that get married mode I am ok cutting her loose if need be.......and yes I do think I got off better than many. even though she is getting $3400 a month out of me that includes child support the no long term emotional or mental stress damage to me and my kids was worth paying.

[sterlingice]

Good news

SI

[BYU 14]

Good news, glad you have found happiness and come through as unscathed as one could expect.

Best of luck in the future

[Galaril]

So recent update things have been going great all around and then today my ex wife drops a bunch of rant texts curse me out that I screwed her on taxes as I claimed both my kids. The reason I did that was in Colorado as I did get to keep my marital home after the divorce (that was about it frankly) and it was the kids home prior to the divorce I can claim both.
Anyways my ex sent me a text first saying she is going to quit the part time job she got as a fitness instructor that pays her $6k a year (she is getting 45k from me per year for 6 years!) and then be a student so she can get more child support. She actually said this in a text that I saved and snapshot for use in case I get dragged back to court. Also she sends me a text saying she is going to tell both our young kids I am no good etc... This at least in COlorado is a crime contempt of court as anyone who gets divorced with kids agrees to not talk shit about the other person and if it is proven you did can be trouble.
She is forcing my hand on this but she sent a text a while back (two months ago) saying she was going to kill herself and some friends called me too about it. I don't have that text anymore damn it but pound have witness stating it. It sucks she is heading down this path but oh well. I am in a better situation to fight back with her in court over things than in the past. Plus, she wants to take my kids to visit relatives of hers outside the country but fortunately their passports expired and to get new ones she needs my notarized signature which will never happen now. Just venting I guess and strangely enough Fofc has been a sounding board for great advice over the years.

[sabotai]

Sorry your ex took a turn for the crazy.

Originally Posted by Galaril

Anyways my ex sent me a text first saying she is going to quit the part time job she got as a fitness instructor that pays her $6k a year (she is getting 45k from me per year for 6 years!) and then be a student so she can get more child support. She actually said this in a text that I saved and snapshot for use in case I get dragged back to court.

Good move. A friend of mine went through a nasty divorce and received a similar threat over text. I don't think it did anything, because she did not quit her job, (and I'm sure it depends on what judge you get), but from what I heard about what his lawyer said about it, that is a massive no-no. The courts will most likely laugh at her if she did that and tried to get more support.

Make sure you send that text along to your lawyer if you haven't.

Also she sends me a text saying she is going to tell both our young kids I am no good etc... This at least in COlorado is a crime contempt of court as anyone who gets divorced with kids agrees to not talk shit about the other person and if it is proven you did can be trouble. She is forcing my hand on this

Yes, she is forcing your hand. Don't be the nice guy in this anymore. If she keeps this shit up, absolutely go after her.

Make sure you send that text along to your lawyer as well.

Plus, she wants to take my kids to visit relatives of hers outside the country but fortunately their passports expired and to get new ones she needs my notarized signature which will never happen now. Just venting I guess and strangely enough Fofc has been a sounding board for great advice over the years.

I've occasionally seen those new reports (on 20/20, Dateline, etc.) on women who illegally flee back to Japan or Korea with the kids and not return. I'm sure it's scary to be in that position. Those governments do dick about it.

[Galaril]

Thanks Sabotai. Agree on all your points. Fortunately as one of my kids parents and guardians I am not required to approve them to get passports and as they are American citizens they would need those to leave the US. There is zero chance of me ever letting them both leave with my ex at present. Maybe some day but not now. I think in Korea this happens quite frequently with Korean women married to foreigners they go back to see their families with the kids and never return.

[Galaril]

So, just to come full circle after my separation and divorce 4 years back. The woman I met two and half years ago has turned out to be a real keeper. She has turned out to be the exact opposite of my ex and has made feel much more valued as a person and a partner. I was not looking to remarry when I met her and was primarily focusing on my kids. That being said we were the proverbial soulmates if ever there have been. I will be proposing to her this week. It is more or less a formulate as we have discussed getting married hypothetically. She has three kids that get along with my two real well.

My Ex is going no place and has not moved on, but is not an issue and she still has three years of full support coming to her via my agreement with her.

My kids are well adjusted, after I got them a bit of counseling.

Even my mom who had been going thru cancer; is in full remission. In fact, at 85 she is getting her second wind.

The new job I had been forced to move onto two and half years ago has become the best in my 25 year career.

Life is good. Hopefully, others who have recently gone thru something or are going to go thru tough times can see it is possible to hang in there till times get better. I know lots of people here told me years ago and did not believe that.

Dan

[spleen1015]

Good for you!!!

[Eaglesfan27]

Great to hear!

[EagleFan]

Glad to hear it.

I seriously have to read these a little better. First was glancing and saw the paragraph start with "My ex" and then saw "at 85 she is getting her second wind" had to slow down and reread that one.

[claphamsa]

good shit man!

[Edward64]

Congrats. Good job on the kids.

[Honolulu_Blue]

That's fantastic. Really good to hear. It's odd how our lives take these completely unexpected turns at times and you sit there thinking this is never how I expected my life to unfold.

[Kodos]

Glad to hear things are going well for you and the kids.

[BYU 14]

Great to hear and glad that path to happiness found you again!

[Subby]

Sweet!

[Solecismic]

Congratulations. I think we make better decisions the second time around, especially when kids are involved.

[Galaril]

Proposed and all went as expected. She said yes and we are now engaged . The wedding will be not till next year in the summer of 2017.

[chesapeake]

Congratulations!

[NobodyHere]

Are we invited?

[Ramzavail]

nice!

[Flasch186]

congrats

[Galaril]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Are we invited?

Haha sure!

[Galaril]

So how 5 years life can change. Tomorrow is the big day when I get remarried. All is great we have already blended our families together and they are great. My Fiancée had to step up and more or less take over as my kids real mom as my ex wife has done nothing since we separated 5 years back and ultimately divorced 4 years ago. Still no job, has not taken advantage of the free college money as part of our agreement and had started to verbally abse our teenage daughter to the point she had suicidal thoughts . I just hired a lawyer who has presented a motion to modify our custody arrangement so my daughter can stay with us 100% of the time till she wants to reconnect with her mom.

I just wanted to close this out on happy note as back years ago many here encouraged me to look to the horizon that future has now arrived. If anyone is going through this now or in the future remember that and this story. Cheers to my fellow FOFCers- Dan

[stevew]

hey man, that's fkn awesome. Best wishes, and hope your ex gets her shit straight ffs.

[JediKooter]

Awesome man! Things seem to change fast and then you realize it's been 5 freaking years!

[Kodos]

Glad things have turned out well for you. It's tough to imagine things getting better when you're at the beginning of something like this. Sounds like you made the right choice to break things off.

[nilodor]

Dude! I'm genuinely happy for you. I hope things keep getting better for you.

[BYU 14]

Great to hear, very happy for you and best wishes as you start the next chapter of your journey.

[Eaglesfan27]

That is great! Best of luck in the next chapter of your life!

[Chief Rum]

This is great. Congrats Galaril! I'm thrilled for you.

[Galaril]

Thanks all.

[Toddzilla]

Congratulations, brother. It's impossible to overstate how incredibly hard going through a divorce is, no matter how good or bad the situation may be. But it's equally impossible to overstate how good it is when you come out on the other side a complete person again.

I'm so very happy for you, Gal. Peace be with you.