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02-23-2010, 06:50 PM
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#51 | ||||
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Pro Starter
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Oakland, CA
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Find a little solace in knowing Karma will find her. It always does.
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02-24-2010, 01:15 PM
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#52 |
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College Starter
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Buffalo, NY
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Wow. So sorry to hear this. Let us know when you're back in town and we'll make sure RendeR takes you out for a night to blow off some steam.
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02-24-2010, 01:30 PM
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#53 |
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Coordinator
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Buffalo, NY
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What She said. We're here for you man.
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02-25-2010, 12:18 AM
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#54 |
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High School Varsity
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Oshkosh, WI
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Sorry to hear the bad news, good luck going forward.
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USFL: Charlotte Fightn' Squirrels |
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04-10-2010, 10:02 AM
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#55 |
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Coordinator
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Utah
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A few of you know what my initial decision was...
I was willing to take that step forward and work it out....and we were....I thought.... She went to Virginia for a "Training" for work....needless to say I found out she was in Florida with said Boyfriend...he left his car at my house, thinking they would beat me back from my work trip.. So the reason they didn't beat me back...he has severe kidney stones which forced him into surgery on their way back....he also has cancer of the kidney....everyone who said Karma...thank you...because it bit him bad. My sister has been out for the week and I told my wife we would discuss this when she leaves...wife pushed it last night....I uncorked 2 1/2 years of anger last night....verbally towards her and physically towards his car..he has no windows left (And before anyone chastise me on this, I found out last night he has known about our marriage for the entire time, so he is an idiot for leaving it there) So I am now officially in a hotel room, fly out tomorrow for work and come back next Saturday...I have a room lined up with someone when I get back...I have filed the paperwork for a legal separation and I am now moving towards the divorce.. My kids are torn, the wife uses my job as the reason and I honestly feel the kids will deal with her wrath and not mine, I will not speak ill of her in their presence...if she lets me see them..I think it will get to the court for that to happen now. I have spoken with her family and found out she has been lying to them to and it's not going to be a pretty picture when it all comes out for her.
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"forgetting what is in the past, I strive for the future" |
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04-10-2010, 10:07 AM
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#56 |
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assmaster
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bloomington, IN
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I'm sorry this happened, Dennis. Unfortunately, this sort of false reconciliation behavior is common. (Understand, I'm not saying "acceptable," just "common.")
You'll be in my prayers. I know how hard this is. |
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04-10-2010, 10:17 AM
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#57 |
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Hattrick Moderator
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Pintendre, Qc, Canada
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ouch man. Yeah, from what little I could read on your FB page, it looked like you guys were working it out, really sucks it was about the exact opposite.
Best of luck with the hard times that will come. You and your kids will be in my thoughts. FM
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A Black Belt is a White Belt who refused to give up... follow my story: The real life story of a running frog... |
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04-10-2010, 11:11 AM
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#58 |
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Coordinator
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: The scorched Desert
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This is just terrible Dennis, so sorry you had to go through this after putting faith in her to try one more time.
FWIW I respect you for making the effort, even though it turned out badly, you can now walk away knowing you put everything you could into to save things. You know from our talks that my situation was similar in my first marriage, right down the reconciliation disaster. She also has no right not to let you see your kids, just make sure you Lawyer up. Even if she asks to just work it out between the two of you, don't leave anything to chance. I wish you the best my friend! PS. I'd of busted all his fucking windows out too and pissed on the drivers seat for good measure. To leave his Car at your house is just plain arrogant and a slap in the face! |
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04-10-2010, 11:28 AM
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#59 |
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Pro Starter
Join Date: Feb 2004
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You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?
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04-10-2010, 12:02 PM
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#60 |
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Favored Bitch #1
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: homeless in NJ
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Sorry to hear Dennis...
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04-10-2010, 12:34 PM
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#61 |
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College Benchwarmer
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Austin, TX
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Ugh, Dennis so sorry. The odacity of them both to keep the car parked on YOUR property... ugh x-( bastards.
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DON'T ITCH THAT NOSE! A Meditation Dynasty Last edited by Dodgerchick : 04-10-2010 at 12:44 PM. |
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04-10-2010, 12:53 PM
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#62 | ||
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Pro Starter
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Muskogee, OK USA
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Personally, I think you practiced some pretty good restraint. I would have set the damn thing on fire.
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04-10-2010, 01:10 PM
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#63 |
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High School Varsity
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: springfield, il
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Wow...I echo what others have said. It will be a tough time for a while but time will help to heal (you and your kids). Hang in there and move forward with your life when you feel able. BTW...I joined a small support group after my divorce and two things I learned were: 1) depending on the person, it can take 3-5 years to get over the feelings (anger, depression, grief, etc) and start "living" again and 2) don't let anyone try to rush this. Your timetable is yours and you'll know when you feel better. Best wishes to you.
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04-10-2010, 01:35 PM
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#64 |
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Coordinator
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Buffalo, NY
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*just shakes his head* Man, I knew she was uncorked and all, but this is just ridiculous. What is it with some folks that they can't see the train wreck coming and they funnel more trains into the mess? She's lied and lied and lied until she can't possibly know who she's lied to about what anymore.
We're here for you buddy, you can crash here anytime. You can bring the kids over too if needs be. Come june if not sooner I hope to have the brother in law gone and you have first dibs on the apartment upstairs. its small but its cheaper and its safe and comfortable. (not to mention having a 300lb guy downstairs to deal with any shenanigans *evil grin*) |
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04-10-2010, 01:46 PM
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#65 |
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Bonafide Seminole Fan
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Miami
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You should have had his car towed after you busted the windows so he would have to pay those ridiculous towing fees.
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Subby's favorite woman hater. |
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04-10-2010, 01:51 PM
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#66 | |
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Coordinator
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Buffalo, NY
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Quote:
Thats still VERY doable. |
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04-10-2010, 02:17 PM
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#67 |
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Coordinator
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego
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No shit, have that car towed. Pop the hood and put some shrimp in the air filter. And maybe I missed it, but, why is she staying in the house and not you? She's the one that should be staying in a hotel room.
And where were the kids while she was off in Florida????
__________________
I'm no longer a Chargers fan, they are dead to me Coming this summer to a movie theater near you: The Adventures of Jedikooter: Part 4 Last edited by JediKooter : 04-10-2010 at 02:18 PM. |
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04-10-2010, 04:30 PM
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#68 | |
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Coordinator
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Utah
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Quote:
That is part of the lie...I flew my sister out here to take care of the kids for the 1st week while we were both gone...I took care of them when I came back ... I wanted to post in your thread about the boyfriend issue because that's how this one started...He was her "gay" friend...I started putting 2 + 2 together pretty quickly and called her on it a while ago...then we started to work on things...then the no contact was requested and she agreed and broke that pretty quickly...then when I left after this post she showed she wanted to repair but obviously we now know how that all ended. I just took my boys out to How to Train Your Dragon...it was awesome...but I can only sit here in my hotel room and hug them and cry....my 9 yr old son asked me why this happened....my parents divorced when I was the same age, but I made sure to tell him this has nothing to do with them..it's between your mother and me. No one did that for me when my parents divorced and I always thought it was my fault, because it happened after the worst ass whipping I have ever had and they blew up over that and the next thing I know my dad was gone. I have been having severe anxiety attacks to the point I thought they were heart attacks over the past 6 months...thats gone...I feel, relief....although i just start crying for no reason or when I think about the good times... Don't mind me stepping back into this thread to vent, mourn, share feelings because family is 2000 miles away, I will be on the road with work and sharing a room with a co-worker for the next week so this will be needed.
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"forgetting what is in the past, I strive for the future" |
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04-10-2010, 04:36 PM
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#69 |
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Coordinator
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: The scorched Desert
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You have a lot of ears/eyes on the board that will always be there for you to vent buddy.
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04-10-2010, 04:38 PM
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#70 |
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College Benchwarmer
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Lexington, KY
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Aw man, Macro. Reading this thread just breaks my heart. You sound like too nice of a guy to have this done to you. But it sounds like better times are ahead, so hang in there.
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04-10-2010, 05:13 PM
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#71 |
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Pro Starter
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Burke, VA
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Mac, you've got a network of people all over the place that love you and support you on this. Any time, any place, we're there for you.
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04-10-2010, 05:18 PM
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#72 |
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Pro Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Las Vegas
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prayers are with you. If you need a vacation get over here to Hawaii and I'll make sure you have a good time. Work is going to be tough, but can help keep the mind at ease. but sometimes a vacation is needed. TAKE care and be safe. PS. you went easy on the car bro. lol Aloha.
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Xbox Live Gamertag: k0ruptr My Favorite Teams : Chicago White Sox - Carolina Panthers - Orlando Magic - Phoenix Suns - Anaheim Ducks - Hawaii Warriors - Oregon Ducks |
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04-10-2010, 05:27 PM
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#73 |
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Coordinator
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Maassluis, Zuid-Holland, Netherlands
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Good luck, MacroGuru. Can't think of anything constructive to add, but I just wanted to show some support.
__________________
* 2005 Golden Scribe winner for best FOF Dynasty about IHOF's Maassluis Merchantmen * Former GM of GEFL's Houston Oilers and WOOF's Curacao Cocktail Last edited by MIJB#19 : 04-10-2010 at 05:28 PM. |
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04-10-2010, 05:31 PM
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#74 | |
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Coordinator
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Jacksonville, FL
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Quote:
damn dude. I hate this shit for you. Im feeling for you. My prayers go out to you.
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Jacksonville-florida-homes-for-sale Putting a New Spin on Real Estate! ----------------------------------------------------------- Commissioner of the USFL USFL |
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04-10-2010, 06:05 PM
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#75 | |||
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Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Ashburn, VA
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Quote:
Wow. How stupid do you have to be to take that kind of a risk? It almost sounds like they wanted to get caught. That's seriously screwed up. Quote:
Hopefully this won't have any ramifications for any charges, but I don't think I'd have been able to restrain myself from doing it, either. As others have said, I'd probably have done more. Seriously, so messed up. Quote:
I have no words. It's one thing to lie to someone you don't love anymore, for whatever reason. It's another lie to your family. What an awful situation, I'm sorry that anybody would have to go through this. I'll be sending good vibes your way, and like most of us here, am here if you need anything. Yowza. /tk
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GO TERPS! https://www.flickr.com/photos/terpkristin https://twitter.com/terpkristin |
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04-10-2010, 06:11 PM
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#76 | ||||
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Coordinator
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego
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Quote:
That right there I'd be asking for custody of the kids and have her pay child support. She's putting her hornyness before the kids, that's an automatic 3 strikes in my opinion. Quote:
Yup, "He's just a friend" is one of the great lies and then to add the gay part is the cherry that tops it all off. She just wants to keep her situation all the same without making any compromises at all. She knew that you would be out of town and that it would be easy for to do so. Quite frankly, I seriously would be telling her she needs to be the one that is out of the house, not you. She made the mess not you, she has to accept all the responsibility for her actions and if that means she's out on her ass, oh well. Quote:
Totally cool to cry. That is very good that you told your son that. Kids have active imaginations (as you know) and as hard as it is not to say something about his mom, it is between you and her. My parents got divorced when I was 5 or 6 and I remember walking into their room and they asked me who I wanted to live with. WTF? So, yes, parents, please explain to your kids what is happening. I'd go see more movies, sounded like it was fun.  Quote:
That's good that is gone, that gray dark cloud isn't following you around anymore. Man, that was one of the hardest things, thinking about all the good times from the past. That just added to me just not understanding why she did what she did. I cried for a good month and a half, I think, and got some depression medication that helped a lot, but, took a while to kick in. Hey, step in as much as you want. Vent as much as you want too, believe it or not it does help. Totally understand about the family being far away. My dad is on the east coast, mom is Montana and I'm out here in California, so, the only place I had to go was work or my place. Just be cool man and when you talk to her, don't shy away from being cold hearted if she is having 'issues'. Just say, "Sorry, you created the situation, deal with it". Don't even except an ounce of blame from her, because there's nothing that you've done that even comes close to justifying what she did. Oh, if you can, on Monday, I'd try and separate your banking from hers and if she's on any credit cards, ask for them back or cancel the ones (just hers) that she's a joint person on your account.
__________________
I'm no longer a Chargers fan, they are dead to me Coming this summer to a movie theater near you: The Adventures of Jedikooter: Part 4 |
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04-10-2010, 06:12 PM
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#77 |
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College Benchwarmer
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Austin, TX
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Wow, she's in serious need of a conscience. Karma's a bitch, she'll get hers
__________________
DON'T ITCH THAT NOSE! A Meditation Dynasty |
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04-10-2010, 06:39 PM
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#78 |
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Coordinator
Join Date: Apr 2005
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So sorry to hear Marco. A "gay" friend"? I don't think I've heard an affair using that line before. I'm guessing this guy is rather young (at least compare to you two) and is nothing more than a "boy toy". Get a good lawyer.
If you need anything, let me know. Last edited by Galaxy : 04-10-2010 at 06:42 PM. |
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04-10-2010, 06:41 PM
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#79 | |
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Coordinator
Join Date: Apr 2005
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Quote:
Knowing you, I wouldn't want to break into your house. |
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04-10-2010, 06:42 PM
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#80 | |
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Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: New Jersey
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Quote:
Big plus 1. Best of luck, MacroGuru. |
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04-10-2010, 08:59 PM
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#82 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Really sorry that you have to go through this, Macro. Hang in there.
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04-10-2010, 09:58 PM
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#83 |
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lolzcat
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: sans pants
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Just seeing this for the first time. Really sorry to hear this and I think you are to be commended for working so hard to make the marriage a success.
__________________
Superman was flying around and saw Wonder Woman getting a tan in the nude on her balcony. Superman said I going to hit that real fast. So he flys down toward Wonder Woman to hit it and their is a loud scream. The Invincible Man scream what just hit me in the ass!!!!! I do shit, I take pictures, I write about it: chrisshue.com |
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04-10-2010, 10:02 PM
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#84 | |
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Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Massachusetts
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Quote:
damn Dennis - sorry to hear all this. That fucking sucks man.
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Get bent whoever hacked my pw and changed my signature. |
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04-10-2010, 10:58 PM
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#85 |
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High School Varsity
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Western NY
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You deserve better, man. Keep your chin up.
I pray you get through the worst of this as quickly as possible. |
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04-10-2010, 11:24 PM
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#86 |
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High School Varsity
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Oshkosh, WI
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Stay strong for your kids.
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USFL: Charlotte Fightn' Squirrels |
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04-12-2010, 11:07 AM
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#87 |
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College Prospect
Join Date: Oct 2001
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Get your money and property straight, make sure you got a lawyer so you can get custody of your kids, and ignore any damn thing she says. She'll do everything she can to try and make you miserable or play on your sympathy, sometimes all at the same time (women can be that stupid)... its all just an angle for her to get something.
Be cold blooded towards her, because regardless of her tears, screaming, or 'feelings' she is ten times more cold blooded than you. Best to get away from her and find a situation that makes you happy instead of anxious. |
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04-12-2010, 11:14 AM
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#88 | |
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Coordinator
Join Date: Oct 2000
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Quote:
With all due respect, I think this is awful advice. Despite what they are going through now, she is always going to be the mother of his children and they are always going to have that role in common. I'm sure they will each have their emotional moments in the coming months and years, but his goal needs to be to do whatever is best for his children and him and that is almost certainly not to have a long-term, antagonistic relationship with their mother. I think more of a business-like, respectful but distant relationship with her is a much better idea. Last edited by Swaggs : 04-12-2010 at 11:14 AM. |
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04-12-2010, 11:54 AM
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#89 | |
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College Starter
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Somerville, MA
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Quote:
I agree with this. I forget who said it, but "Just because husband and wife failed, does not mean mother and father must also fail." puts it perfectly I think. |
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04-12-2010, 11:59 AM
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#90 |
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College Prospect
Join Date: Oct 2001
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I'm mostly referring to divorce preceedings or potential 'lets get back together for the _____' situations. You can be civil and cold blooded, I guess my point is you don't need to be sympathetic to her pain. She knifed you in the back and will do so again if she sees a gain in it. Protect yourself and your kids.
You don't need to be antagonistic, but you don't need to be a pushover either. I'm only mentioning this because she's already did the classic redirect blame trick on him, which means she'll likely pull the other old tricks out of the bag. |
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04-12-2010, 01:26 PM
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#91 |
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assmaster
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bloomington, IN
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*shurg*
My wife was a horrible mother while she was cheating. She'll tell you now that I should have taken the kids away from her because what she put them through constituted abuse. In many ways, she's still cleaning up that mess long after we've dealt with the damage to our marriage. I subscribe to the notion that when people cheat on their marriage, they're cheating on their entire family, because the entire family will be dealing with the fallout for years and years to come. At the very least, she's sent the message to her children that she's willing to destroy their home and happiness to meet her own needs. They'll never again look at her as someone who will do anything for their safety, happiness and well-being, and a small part of them may forever suspect that if push comes to shove, she's going to choose herself over them every time. So, I'd say that an unfaithful spouse doesn't have to *remain* a bad parent, but they certainly are one in the period during which they're being deceitful, and the subsequent timeframe when they're rending their family apart. |
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04-12-2010, 01:57 PM
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#92 |
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Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Massachusetts
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never been there, so i can't speak from experience, but in your second-to-last paragraph there drake didn't you just say that she'll *remain* a bad parent? If a small part of them knows that she's willing to do that and she'd choose herself over them, then isn't she (almost by definition) a subpar parent? (I guess the definition of "bad" varies from person to person).
Just playing devil's advocate - certainly don't want to pretend like i have better experience than those that have dealt with it firsthand. |
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04-12-2010, 02:37 PM
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#93 |
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Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: DeKalb, IL
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Macro, take care of yourself mentally and emotionally, that's what's important right now. If you need anything and I (and I figure most here would say the same thing) could help, just ask. This is a rough time and you'll come out of it for the better. I know it's hard to see that now but I firmly believe that. Hang in there.
Brad |
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04-12-2010, 02:56 PM
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#94 | |
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assmaster
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bloomington, IN
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Quote:
No, it just means that they've got to process the emotional trauma they endured, not that their perception of her based on that time period remains accurate. I don't want to threadjack Dennis's thread any more than this, so if you want to talk about this in more depth, DT, feel free to PM me. |
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04-12-2010, 09:14 PM
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#95 |
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Coordinator
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Utah
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I am civil with her, very business like now...and Render and Galaxy can attest to my accumen that way.
She is the same with me. Here is the thing that shocked me yesterday......I'm Happy, it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, I don't have the stress of worrying about this anymore. Today in our workshop one of my co-workers asked me what happened this past week because they haven't seen me this relaxed and smiling in a long time. I didn't tell them what happened because I do know sometimes a divorce is death with our company. But if they knew...I think they would cheer....it's helped me out on the sales side of work today to where I killed it and did better than I have in a long time.
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"forgetting what is in the past, I strive for the future" |
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04-12-2010, 09:34 PM
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#96 | |
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Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Ashburn, VA
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Quote:
Without purposely trying to compare your wife to an infection, that kind of makes sense. When I had my tonsils out (chronic tonsillitis), I found I had a bit more energy after the surgery/recovery, since being chronically infected for so long, my body was used to spending energy that way. I think it's the same in your boat. It's not fun, but that emotional energy isn't being wasted now, and you can move forward. /tk
__________________
GO TERPS! https://www.flickr.com/photos/terpkristin https://twitter.com/terpkristin |
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04-12-2010, 09:38 PM
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#97 |
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Hall Of Famer
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Massachusetts
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my business partner has just begun his divorce proceedings (or had them begun on him), and he's the same way.
__________________
Get bent whoever hacked my pw and changed my signature. |
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04-12-2010, 10:05 PM
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#98 | |
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Coordinator
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego
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Quote:
That is good to hear that you are happy man! Sounds like the sales trip is doing some good as well in addition to your sales prowess.
__________________
I'm no longer a Chargers fan, they are dead to me Coming this summer to a movie theater near you: The Adventures of Jedikooter: Part 4 |
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04-12-2010, 10:40 PM
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#99 |
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assmaster
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Bloomington, IN
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That doesn't surprise me overmuch, Dennis. I spent much of the duration of my wife's affair wondering what the hell I was doing wrong. I knew our marriage was falling apart, but I couldn't see any reason for it. I assumed it was all my fault (i.e., I wasn't being attentive enough, caring enough, in focus enough, etc.) Finding out, as painful as it was, was also something of a relief. It was an enormous weight of stress off my shoulders because I finally understood *why* things were falling apart...and none of it was my fault.
Understanding that it wasn't my fault--that the damage being done to the marriage wasn't because I was somehow an awful spouse who couldn't do marriage right no matter how hard I tried to please my wife--gave me an enormous sense of empowerment. It was the beginning of healing for me. Don't get me wrong: I still got plenty angry, and there was still a ton of pain to sort through. But it wasn't my fault. I hadn't blown up the ship. I was a decent guy and a good spouse after all, which meant that my options were wide open. I didn't have to feel like I was somehow damaged in a way that no woman would ever want me again...which meant I didn't have to settle for what I could get. I could choose what I wanted. Ultimately, that choice was my wife (though it took me a couple of years to finally make that decision...and she helped the process by being remorseful and seeing a therapist to work through her issues, including her newly diagnosed bipolar disorder), but by the time we got to that point, I'd long since realized that I would be just fine on my own if that was the way things worked out. It sounds like you're making good strides. Just hold on to the things you're feeling now to get you through the hard times to come. I'll keep you in my prayers. |
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04-13-2010, 04:57 AM
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#100 |
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Pro Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Toledo - Spain
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Ouch Macro, how the fuck did i miss the thread until now? I'm so sorry mate, but at same time happy to see you are getting over it and in fact feeling better than before.
Others have said that, but don't feel guilty at all, you just worked you ass off for your family economy, and it was your wife who destroyed it all, cheating on you and your kids with that stupid boy. If she had issues with your work, there are better ways to try to solve it than looking for an adventure to pass the time. I'm usually impartial towards divorces, as i think there isn't always a bad person but just a couple that can't live together for several reasons (my parents also divorced on a civilized way and are still in friendly contact also with their respective new couples). But in your case, there was cheating and lying that is even worse, as it's not just a single mistake but trying to hide it for a long time. Revenge is wrong in books but...I would probably go as far as possible (legally) to leave her without anything besides all that your kids would need in case they stay with her. Hope her family won't be blind and will learn the true and the kind of woman she is. About the kids, try to keep the contact as much as possible, you have done well already explaining them that it's not their fault. Again i'm so sorry, you are a good man and a hard worker and you do not deserve this. Stay strong and try to enjoy your new life away from that bitch, soon then pain will be gone and a new life awaits for you and your kids.
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