Am I wrong?

[Ben E Lou]

Originally Posted by stevew

I would assume you aren't in the wedding party, so really there is no reason you should be going.

Bride's brother not in the wedding party?

[King of New York]

To get out of going on such a camping trip, I'd chew off my own foot.

You probably should've come up with a better excuse, but beyond that, I don't see that you're in the wrong.

[MizzouRah]

I agree with those who said a camping bachelor party sounds extremely boring. One night, no doubt about it, I'd be there, but not a whole weekend camping with people I didn't know.

You'll regret going and the whole time you'll be thinking of a way to go home.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by stevew

I would assume you aren't in the wedding party, so really there is no reason you should be going. Then again, I'm pretty tired and skimmed the first post. I can't believe they would want you to hang out all weekend with people you don't even know/don't care if you know/don't give 2 shits if you know.

I mean, you cowboy up if it's one day, but there's no way you can even feign interest in these people for that long.

this is my sister's wedding, so yes, i'm in the wedding party.

the tide has now turned and it think it's 70-30 that i'm not wrong. camping is such a bad idea. if it was strictly friends only, ok, maybe, if the group was a bunch of boring people. i think if you're asking outsiders though, something more normal like a nite at the gentleman's club or even just drinking till the groom pisses himself is acceptable.

[sabotai]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

Bride's brother not in the wedding party?

Is that a traditional thing? Because I've honestly never heard of the bride's brother automatically being in the wedding party. Hell, I wasn't even in the wedding party for my own brother's wedding.

Anyway, if you're in the wedding party, I'd assume that means you should go, as in that it would pretty much be expected that you'd go. If you weren't in the wedding party, I'd say to just blow it off.

As far as it being a camping "party", well, if camping is their "thing", or at least the groom's "thng", I get it. Then again, if I were to get married (heaven forbid), the last thing I'd want to do for a bachelor party is something that I normally do once or twice a year anyway.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Wow... A thread about men together... camping. Penis, masterbation & oral sex jokes. Not one Brokeback Mountain reference. I am impressed!

Why go just because a few guys here would. You don't want to waste an entire weekend with a group of guys who want to be around each other, the choice is easy. Don't friggin go. Let them go out in the woods together and be all manly for each other. You can sit back in Queens, drinking beer with better company and not getting eaten alive by bugs or killed by a psycho with a machete!

Everybody will get over it. Unless you bake them a tray of brownies for the weekend, telling them they are "special." Then, their weekend surprise will turn out to be that instead of the mary jane normally used in "special" brownies, you substituted chocolate laxative!

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by sabotai

Then again, if I were to get married (heaven forbid), the last thing I'd want to do for a bachelor party is something that I normally do once or twice a year anyway.

yeah, which is why i did midget tossing (among other things) for my bachelor party.

my wife is going to atlantic city for my sister's bachelorette party. only difference is she's met all the girls in the party and the maid of honor is a good friend of ours. plus they bonded already having spent time planning her bridal shower.

[Celeval]

Originally Posted by Izulde

I second the drinks and showing up for a few hours on Saturday night idea. It's a good compromise.

+1

This would have been my suggestion. Hell, get in touch by cell phone on Sat. afternoon, figure out what beers they're out of, and bring supplies when you show.

[Celeval]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

my wife is going to atlantic city for my sister's bachelorette party.

Are you sure the bachelor and bachelorette parties haven't been swapped?

[lynchjm24]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

i kinda got the impression that i was possibly only wanted for my financial contribution towards the weekend,

How will they get by without your $80?

[Maple Leafs]

You know, if I was going camping with my close friends for my bachelor party, I wouldn't want my brother-in-law to be there. I might invite him to be nice, but I'd be happy if he said no.

Are you sure he actually wants you there?

[Toddzilla]

Originally Posted by Senator

Camping?? Whatever happened to goin to the bada bing and having some fun for a couple of hours? A whole weekend of this bonding crap with a bunch of jagoffs you don't even know much less like, blows like a streetcorner crack whore. Tell em to go f themselves. And tell nature boy best man if he ever bust your balls in front of anyone again, you will shove his computer up his ass...

+1

[wade moore]

A few things..

A) I don't think HA is wrong for not wanting to go. I think he could have maybe handled it better, but him not wanting to go makes sense.

B) Those railing on a camping trip for a bachelor party are being assholes in my book. If it's something that the groom would enjoy and want sto do with his closest friends, more fucking power to him. I don't drink, I'm not a partier, and have no special affinity for strip clubs... I don't think LS will be taking me to get drunk at a strip-club for my bachelor party...

[King of New York]

Originally Posted by wade moore

A few things..

B) Those railing on a camping trip for a bachelor party are being assholes in my book. If it's something that the groom would enjoy and want sto do with his closest friends, more fucking power to him. I don't drink, I'm not a partier, and have no special affinity for strip clubs... I don't think LS will be taking me to get drunk at a strip-club for my bachelor party...

No question, guys can do anything they want for a bachelor party (with the possible exception of midget tossing ), or not have one at all (I didn't). I think the problem is more the length of the trip and the fact that HA does not know these guys well, or even at all.

As long as your bachelor party with LS ends up at the Chickahominy House at 6 in the morning, everything will be cool

[wade moore]

Originally Posted by King of New York

No question, guys can do anything they want for a bachelor party (with the possible exception of midget tossing ), or not have one at all (I didn't). I think the problem is more the length of the trip and the fact that HA does not know these guys well, or even at all.

As long as your bachelor party with LS ends up at the Chickahominy House at 6 in the morning, everything will be cool

Yeah.. the length for a stranger is an issue, i think that whole thing is weird.. but for him and his buddies it seems fine if they're close..

Hah - I think we're going to Atlantic City actually ...

[oykib]

Originally Posted by wade moore

A few things..

A) I don't think HA is wrong for not wanting to go. I think he could have maybe handled it better, but him not wanting to go makes sense.

B) Those railing on a camping trip for a bachelor party are being assholes in my book. If it's something that the groom would enjoy and want sto do with his closest friends, more fucking power to him. I don't drink, I'm not a partier, and have no special affinity for strip clubs... I don't think LS will be taking me to get drunk at a strip-club for my bachelor party...

A... You're absolutely right.

B... Absolute Bullshit. It's not that the guy wants to go camping-- it's that he expects someone who doesn't owe him shit to give him a whole weekend. What's next? Is the wedding scheduled for Superbowl Sunday?

Totally agree with Skydog and Senator. "Bachelor Party" is the well-known term. That is, it's one night and a hangover in the morning. If they wanted that one night at the opera, that's fine. But expecting a whole weekend is absurd.

That's not even mentioning that going camping is strange. He should expect that some people wouldn't be comfortable with that. Not repsonding at all to the prior e-mail justifies HA not wanting to go even more.

[Karlifornia]

I thought that you should go....until I got the "camping" part. Camping for a bachelor party? Where are these people from? Buttfuck, West Virginia? Are they gonna bring along the coon hounds and practice their crossbow skills while blasting Hank Williams? Come on, man. The only time you should ever go camping is when you're going in a co-ed group, where you're trying to get some one-on-one with a cute girl you haven't connected with yet. Maybe she'll even wind up getting in your sleeping bag.

A bunch of dudes sending off one of their best mates by going into the middle of nowhere? They should be apologizing to YOU for such a shitty idea.

[14ers]

I have done a 7 day Scuba trip to Florida, a 4 day fishing trip to Alaska and a 3 day golf trip to florida for Bachelor parties. My friends are all in their 30s now and all of us still fortunate enough to be single enjoy spending money on these Guys night out trips. The Scuba trip was someone's 2nd marriage.


Now that our 20s are behind us, we can afford to spend a little more money and not have to be throwing a Bachelor party in someone's garage.

[wade moore]

Whatever.

[stevew]

Originally Posted by 14ers

I have done a 7 day Scuba trip to Florida, a 4 day fishing trip to Alaska and a 3 day golf trip to florida for Bachelor parties. My friends are all in their 30s now and all of us still fortunate enough to be single enjoy spending money on these Guys night out trips. The Scuba trip was someone's 2nd marriage.


Now that our 20s are behind us, we can afford to spend a little more money and not have to be throwing a Bachelor party in someone's garage.

All of those things sound a lot better than frigging camping.

[sunflowermic04]

My fiance is not a very social person believe me on that one... but he has always done a lot of things for me that has made him very uncomfortable, i.e. he has gone to the bar for with me with my friends, he has gone fishing alone with my dad and brothers, which at first he was uncomfortable but then he got use to it. you really should go and make the best of it... seriously whats the worse that could happen... you might actully have some fun you never know unless you go!!!

[st.cronin]

There is zero chance that I would have said yes to the original invitation. The problem is with the way HA is trying to back out - its a really transparent excuse, and its hard to believe he's not coming off like an enormous dick.

I think if he had just said "hell no" in the first place, he'd be in a better spot.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by sabotai

Is that a traditional thing? Because I've honestly never heard of the bride's brother automatically being in the wedding party. Hell, I wasn't even in the wedding party for my own brother's wedding.

Every wedding I've ever been in or gone to, the siblings were all part of the wedding party, whether they wanted to be or not. And in a couple of cases I can think of, there probably would have been spilled blood if the bride/groom hadn't made the offer.

Thinking back to my own bachelor party, which I didn't really want to begin with, my wife's brother either wasn't invited or just declined. I just know he wasn't there, and my wife didn't care. In fact, she was probably happy he didn't go. But I don't think it ever crossed any of our minds that he "had" to be there by virtue of his relationship. If anything, the "brother of the bride" relationship could put the brother in an uneasy position given the typical bachelor party. But even at a camping trip, stories could come up that would cause some tension or questioning. I don't know...seems like if there wasn't a relationship there before, no need to start one in that kind of setting.

[sunflowermic04]

both of my brothers are going to be in the wedding!!! unfortunatly with that so our their wives... but my fienace airhog likes them both so it is ok. alot of times out of respect for their soon to be husban/wife they will include all siblings

[VPI97]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

Stuff

Interestingly, I'm in a very similar situation as you. Sister getting married in July and the bachelor party means deep sea fishing with a bunch of Jersey boys I don't know.

Do I want to drive to Jersey for this? No.

Will I? Yes.

It's all about welcoming the guy to the family, IMO.

[rkmsuf]

There is zero chance I would go on a camping bachelor party unless forced to.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by rkmsuf

There is zero chance I would go on a camping bachelor party unless forced to.

So you're saying there's a chance?

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by st.cronin

There is zero chance that I would have said yes to the original invitation. The problem is with the way HA is trying to back out - its a really transparent excuse, and its hard to believe he's not coming off like an enormous dick.

I think if he had just said "hell no" in the first place, he'd be in a better spot.

you're probably correct. it's my fault for agreeing to go. like i said going forward if i'm ever in a similar situation i'm gonna just respectfully decline but ask to be kept in the loop. that way i reserve the right to change my mind and tag along.

i think my bro in law to be should have initiated some type of communication between his friends that are in the bridal party and myself at least several months ago, there would have been more time to get to know each other (as much as you can over email). the way it was done is that i go from not knowing who any of these people are to being emailed the plans to spend a whole weekend with them in the wilderness. i mean, yeesh, you gotta take me out to dinner first before you can get me in the sack. i'm not that kinda guy.:o

[rkmsuf]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

So you're saying there's a chance?

If this so called camping involved me getting covered in whip cream and assaulted by hot strippers then perhaps.

What we are talking about here sounds more like Cabin Boy and Alex Baldwin might show up.

[Ksyrup]

No, it sounds like a beer or jeans commercial.

"It doesn't get any better than this!"

[Dr. Sak]

HA I am not sure if anyone said this or not but I think if you just give your future brother in law a call and explain the situation he will understand. Tell him that you weren't being a dick like it seemed in the email. You just thought it was best if you didn't go because it might put him (and you) in some akward situations if certain stories were to come up because of his past.

I think he will respect your decision and maybe even be a bit relieved since no one has to feel like they should hold anything back.

[Anthony]

i was all on board for this too. the best man apparently is an actor/comedian (no it's not Flasch) from Jersey. i was like "cool, at least one of these guys won't be a dud". maybe he felt threatened/intimidated by my cocky and funny personality.

[st.cronin]

Originally Posted by bsak16

HA I am not sure if anyone said this or not but I think if you just give your future brother in law a call and explain the situation he will understand. Tell him that you weren't being a dick like it seemed in the email. You just thought it was best if you didn't go because it might put him (and you) in some akward situations if certain stories were to come up because of his past.

I think he will respect your decision and maybe even be a bit relieved since no one has to feel like they should hold anything back.

I agree with this completely, its the best move at this point.

[korme]

Originally Posted by VPI97

Interestingly, I'm in a very similar situation as you. Sister getting married in July and the bachelor party means deep sea fishing with a bunch of Jersey boys I don't know.

Do I want to drive to Jersey for this? No.

Will I? Yes.

It's all about welcoming the guy to the family, IMO.

Plus deep sea fishing is fun as hell!

But really, what it boils down to HA, is you don't want/need to be hearing about how well your sis can take a dick.

[DanGarion]

I'd say don't go, but take your bro in law out for drinks. And then one of they are camping (if it's close) drive out there with strippers and some hoagies/subs and tell them the story about you jerking off with one that will go over well.

In all honesty I think you handled it pretty well Tony.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

Plus deep sea fishing is fun as hell!

But really, what it boils down to HA, is you don't want/need to be hearing about how well your sis can take a dick.

my sister is pure and virginal, so i need not worry.

[RendeR]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

my sister is pure and virginal, so i need not worry.

Not sure wether to laugh for cry at this statement

[Ksyrup]

I thought that said "pure and vaginal" at first.

[Desnudo]

You should have sucked it up, said yes, gone camping, and kept your mouth shut.

[MalcPow]

You're fine. I read the whole thing as they felt obligated to invite you because you're in the wedding party, you expressed interest then bowed out, and the best man is just trying to give some good natured but not entirely sincere pushback. I don't get the sense he really cares, that's just what you say when somebody cancels, which is also why he didn't reply to you individually. If he had sent you a private email he would've been calling you out, the reply all was just an extension of your joke and the group's way of feigning disappointment. You were only going to play one of two roles from their perspective here: the awkward outsider, or the wacky and crazy guy who does nutso things to impress and entertain us when we're drunk. They may be slightly disappointed they'll miss out on your potential antics, but on the whole I don't think they're that upset.

Like others have said though, if this has somehow escalated to a point where your sister is upset, you need to do something to fix the situation. The bride's all that matters.

[MalcPow]

Dola

If they don't all live in the same place (like most of my friends at this point), then the weekend 'bachelor party' is becoming a lot more common. If most people have to fly in from some place, it's usually a few days worth of stuff for the last few I've been to.

[flere-imsaho]

Originally Posted by SkyDog

Bride's brother not in the wedding party?

What do you define as wedding party? Groomsmen? Groomsmen & ushers? If it's the former, then I can definitely see the bride's brother not necessarily being part of the wedding party, especially if it's a small one. I understand your surprise, but I don't think it's outside the realm of possibility.

Originally Posted by st.cronin

There is zero chance that I would have said yes to the original invitation. The problem is with the way HA is trying to back out - its a really transparent excuse, and its hard to believe he's not coming off like an enormous dick.

I think if he had just said "hell no" in the first place, he'd be in a better spot.

I agree.

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

I thought that said "pure and vaginal" at first.

Same here. I thought HA was implying that he was OK with his sis having sex as long as it wasn't anal. It either says a lot about HA or me that I thought this was a reasonable thing to think. Hoo boy.

[Warhammer]

Best solution:

Learn the banjo.

Find out where they are camping.

Saturday night show up, playing the banjo in the middle of the night.

Then teach the groom how to squeal like a pig.

[Hammer755]

I want to say that you're wrong, but the fact that he got paid to not spend the weekend with you feels so right.

[JHandley]

Walter: Am I wrong?
The Dude: No, you're not--
Walter: Am I wrong?
The Dude: No, Walter, you're not wrong, you're just an asshole!
Walter: Okay, then.

Probably has no relation to the problem at hand, but everytime I read this thread title from someone like HA, this quote pops in my head.

[ctmason]

It still wasn't clear to me whether this was a group of people from out of town, or if the wedding was out of town. Regardless, I agree with the earlier post about these sorts of weekends not being unusual anymore.

I face a similar problem in that my gf and I are going to be getting married in her hometown in SoCal and I have no relatives nor friends there. Most of her friends will also be flying from all over the country.

While we've mutually agreed to not have wedding parties, just a maid of honor and best man, we do need to set up something for the boys and girls to do as a group. Just common courtesy I figure for having them come all that way.

To get back to the original question, I think both parties are wrong here. HA probably should have sucked it up and gone...Lord knows we've all gone to wedding-related parties and events that are mind-numbingly boring and filled with people we neither know nor care to know...but the response from the best man was juvenile and completely unnecessary. All of you should also have your mouths washed out with a bar of American Family soap, too...but that's neither here nor there.

[Anthony]

update:

my sister is angry at me. she sent me a long email. i didn't read the whole thing but i picked up a couple words here and there, like "selfish", "livid", "only look out for yourself", "pissed off". needless to say i didn't need to see that whole movie to know how it ends.

my future bro in law also emailed me, but told me not to sweat it and if anyone was bothered it was my sister. he said there'd be plenty of times for the two of us to hang out with each other and jack each other off. i respect that.

personally, i don't think the details of a bachelor party need concern the bride, in terms of who is or isn't going, what the festivities are gonna be (as long as it's within the guidelines that have been mutually agreed upon by bride and groom), etc. kinda outta character for my sister, to be honest. i guess she's more of a woman than i've given her credit for. it's a standstill - i have every right to not go as she has the right to expect me to go. if the groom isn't bothered by it, i don't see how the bride needs to be, regardless of whether she's my sister or not. she's basing her gripes more on the fact that i said i would go and am now backing out. again, lesson learned. going forward everything will be "no", and if i can make it then all the better. i hate to disappoint her, but again, i don't think this is something she needs to worry about. life is full of disappointments, as we all know, but it's all about whether we let the small disappointments weight the same as the big ones. some things just aren't the end of the world.

[flere-imsaho]

Weddings make women do weird things. She's still your sister, she's just... temporarily different. Kudos to your brother-in-law for saying things are cool. I guess if I were you, I'd follow-up his email by saying "my sister sounds pissed, though. What can I do to make it up to you two?" and then maybe take them out as previously discussed.

[Young Drachma]

This thread was like a good sitcom. A few laughs, a conflict and hopefully some resolution.

I'll tune in next week.

[st.cronin]

Originally Posted by JHandley

Walter: Am I wrong?
The Dude: No, you're not--
Walter: Am I wrong?
The Dude: No, Walter, you're not wrong, you're just an asshole!
Walter: Okay, then.

Probably has no relation to the problem at hand, but everytime I read this thread title from someone like HA, this quote pops in my head.

Actually I think that sums it up perfectly.