Life Stuff

[MikeVic]

I'm truly saddened and sorry about all of this. You'll be in my thoughts.

[MIJB#19]

That's one sad story, H_B.
I feel sorry for your loss. It's encouraging to read that you're dealing with it the best you can.

[cougarfreak]

That's a horrible story. Man, you are very strong. You've picked up the pieces and and moved on better than I could ever imagine. This board serves as a great sound board.

[Desnudo]

Goddam that's terrible. My wife miscarried at 20 weeks last Christmas. I can't imagine losing her as well. I'm sure you'll always carry it with you, but best wishes for finding happiness.

[BillJasper]

I am at a loss for words. Honolulu_Blue, you are a far stronger person than I am.

[hoopsguy]

H_B, I'm pretty amazed that you are able to present this coherent a narration of events after what you've been through. Been thinking about this every day since you've posted, and hope that you get the long-term outcomes that you deserve.

[AlexB]

Stay strong HB. I'm sure I'm like everyone who has read this and hope you continue to deal with it as well as you appear to be so far.

[stevew]

Thinking of you.

[cubboyroy1826]

Really not sure what to say HB other than I am very sorry. Takes a really strong person to go through what you have been through. Sorry for your loss and remember we are all here should you need someone to chat with. I think we probably have most of the time zones covered here as a community as well. So don't worry about what time it is if you need a release.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Thanks again, guys. I do appreciate this.

A few more random stray thoughts:

I have all of these past times and hobbies that I love and have been engaging in since I was 6 years old or so: video games, board games, and role playing games. On some level, they are all sort of pure escapism, but I've never really seen them that way, because I never really felt the need to escape from anything. I just enjoyed the story-telling aspect of things, being with friends, getting lost in other worlds, contemplating strategies, roster moves, or drafts, and all of that. Now, however, I think they are serving that other purpose. I suppose it's a good thing to have right now. It's really allowed me to deal with a lot of this in bite-sized chunks.

[Logan]

Reading this for the first time. No better way to say what others already have about what you have gone through, so I'll just say that your perspective on this is truly astounding, and frankly, inspirational...although certainly something none of us would ever aspire to be apart of.

Continued good health and good thoughts.

[Honolulu_Blue]

I figured I would provide a brief update as to where I am now with all of this.

Monday marked the six month anniversary of my wife's death. Thursday, Thanksgiving, would have been our 10th wedding anniversary. On top of all of that, for the last four years my sister-in-law has organized a massive fundraiser on the Saturday after Thanksgiving to raise money for pediatric cancer research in honor of my nephew. It's a great event, a fancy dinner/silent auction thing. Me, my wife and two of our friends always ran the wine raffle. So, needless to say, the last week or so was a bit more emotional than others. I just felt things more acutely.

Similarly, the last week or two in September and the first week or so of October were a bit rougher for me too. My wife's due date was around then, but we were told that twins never go full term, so about two weeks ago the idea that, but for what happened, I would currently be the father of two little girls really started to sink in a bit, which made things more raw. This part of what happened is still a bit confusing to me on some levels. I don't think I've fully parsed it out and I am not sure I ever will.

All that being said, overall, I am still doing very well. I still miss her very much, I always will, and I still get sad at times, but it tends to pass as quickly as it comes more often than not.

I finally decided to get back into the dating scene. It's weird, because it's never something I thought I'd ever do again and it's not like I was all that active in the "dating scene" before I was married. Still, it's been pretty interesting so far and I've met a few really cool people. I guess there is an entire thread here dedicated to that stuff, so maybe I'll chime in there at some point. So, between all of that, football, hockey, friends, family, my dog, and video games, I've kept pretty busy.

My general view is probably best summed up by the famous Andy Dufresne quote: "It comes downs to a choice: Get busy living, or get busy dying." I've had my fill of the latter for a while, so I am focusing on the former.

Thanks again.

[DaddyTorgo]

Hey - PilotMan and I mentioned your situation in passing when we met up this weekend H_B.

I am still amazed, and grateful for you, at how well you seem to have recovered.

Just wanted you to know that we were thinking of you.

[Lathum]

Sorry you are dealing with this. I say embrace the sadness briefly then move on, it will keep you more connected.

[Butter]

Thanks for sharing. That sounds sarcastic, but it's not meant to be.

[timmae]

Thanks so much for the additional updates. At times my thoughts wander to your (and others') situation(s) here on the boards and it helps me center my own life. I have a few construction projects in Michigan through the middle part of next year so if you ever need a reason to get downtown send a PM. Or I can always use a reason to swing by Love and Buttercream for some Macarons. Those things are awesome! Thanks again H B!!

[BYU 14]

Thanks for the update, it is heartwarming to see your progression and also how you still manage to stay connected to the emotions.

Keep getting busy living friend

[JPhillips]

Nothing I want to say seems to have words to say it. Take care and God bless.

[Buccaneer]

I am sorry to have missed this the first time and I can only offer up my prayers to you in finding lasting peace and continue to have your life filled with positive things. Take care.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Thanks again for all of the support, fellas. I really appreciate it.

[Honolulu_Blue]

I figured I'd update this at least one last time.

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of my wife's passing.

It's very weird to think it's been over a year now since I last saw and spoke with her. Over the last week, I kept ticking things off - it's been a year since our last dinner out together, it's been a year I last got a text from her, it's been a year since she last wrote me an email, it's been a year since I last saw her, etc. I'm not sure why, but I did.

Despite it being a year now, she is still very much a part of my life. Her voice is strong in me. She is the primary voice of change, motivation, and just trying new things. Hers is the voice that breaks me out of my routines and helps me overcome my inertia (I love my routines and inertia is a powerful force).

Overall, I'm doing well. I can even have a FOFC member vouch for me, since, after 15+ years here, I finally met one of us in person. I had dinner with Butter_Of_69 a few weeks ago when he was in town for business. It was good times.

I think everything I've said prior on this still holds true 1 year/6 months later. I've continued to live my life. I still love my job. I still have incredible support from my family and friends. I have the scars from this and always will. I'm not sure if this whole thing has made me stronger, as the famous saying goes, but it certainly has made me more aware of a lot of things.

After six months or so of getting back into the dating game - still odd to think about - my general impression is that there are quite a few good women out there - even for a geeky (yet terribly charming and handsome) guy like me. It's run a bit hot and cold, with some ups and downs, but overall it hasn't been that bad. At the moment, I have that's been pretty great so far, but it's early yet, so we'll see what, if anything, materializes.

I wanted to thank you all again for all the support, thoughts, prayers, messages, and what not that you've given me over the past year. I feel very fortunate to be a part of this weird, oddball mix of people that is FOFC.

[PilotMan]

You're the man, and you're still in my thoughts on a regular basis. I'm happy to hear that you continue to heal.

[Edward64]

Glad to hear you are doing okay. Continue to take care of yourself.

[Chief Rum]

It's all part of the process, man. I think you continue to handle everything great. I completely get that how truly hard it must be can't even begin to come across on screen, too.

Keep it up. I hope to be able to meet you myself some day soon as well.

[Flasch186]

Best part of FOFC is the times we help eachother out through good and bad times.

[Lathum]

Glad to see you are doing as well as can be expected, and better than most would be doing.

[Butter]

Originally Posted by PilotMan

You're the man

Having visited him, I can confirm this is true. Was also really nice of him to end a long work day with driving out to Livonia to chauffeur me around from my hotel to a local Irish pub. Enjoyed it on my end also, H_B!

[albionmoonlight]

It makes sense that y'all would go out to a pub since a Honolulu Blue and a Butter of 69 each sound like a custom cocktail.

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by albionmoonlight

It makes sense that y'all would go out to a pub since a Honolulu Blue and a Butter of 69 each sound like a custom cocktail.

Glad to hear that you are doing well HB!

[Kodos]

I think you've shown incredible resilience. Something like this would sink a lesser man.

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Kodos

I think you've shown incredible resilience. Something like this would sink a lesser man.

Agreed. Horrible circumstances and you have been remarkably resilient. I'm glad to hear that you sought out therapy and even happier to hear that you found a good therapist for you right away.

[Chief Rum]

Rooting for you, H_B. Glad to hear things are looking up.

[Vince, Pt. II]

Glad to hear that things are on the mend!

[cartman]

Great update. Keep up the good fight!

[timmae]

You are a good dude HB.. I was thinking about ya when I was in Detroit earlier this month. Keep your head up!!

[CraigSca]

Nice to read these updates and good to hear you keep on progressing. Keep it up and best wishes for you!

[PilotMan]

It's very good to hear that you were able to find and accept help through therapy. I can't imagine not doing that, considering what you've been through. You're a strong man. Keep fighting the good fight.

[Subby]

If I could give you a big, awkward man-hug through the intertubes right now, I so fucking would.

***MAN-HUG***

[MalcPow]

Late to seeing this, and digesting the range of what you've been through in one read really resonates. Add another voice to the echo of those here applauding your willingness to embrace new joy while holding onto everything that's happened with empathy, understanding, and a deeply human courage.

Truly happy for you and, like Subby, full of the same impossible to communicate range of emotions that can only really be conveyed through mutual burliness and awkward huggery.

[Marc Vaughan]

Originally Posted by Honolulu_Blue

It actually forced me to seek therapy, something I hadn't yet done. I'm glad I did. It's been incredibly helpful. I think I was pretty lucky to find a therapist that really worked for me right off the bat. I still see once every two weeks and it's been incredibly helpful just being able to work through some things and talk about things that I can't really talk to anyone else about.

Glad you found the bravery to go to therapy (and I think for many men it does take guts to do) ... I've been in therapy for over a year myself because of some life events which kicked the sh*t out of me and I found it helped me hugely.

Glad you seem to be doing well - keep fighting the good fight

[MIJB#19]

Originally Posted by Subby

If I could give you a big, awkward man-hug through the intertubes right now, I so fucking would.

***MAN-HUG***

Is it okay to make it a group hug?

[Dutch]

I would feel pretty awkward having a group hug that involved Subby, but I'll take one for the team...and H_B.

[Dutch]

Originally Posted by digamma

Wow. My thoughts and prayers certainly go out to you.

Many times you may hear people say "stay strong." I offer the opposite advice. Stay vulnerable. There is a danger in becoming hardened. Feel as much as you can.

And all my best.

Be strong by being aware of the weakness and challenge
at all times? Perhaps...

Originally Posted by Kodos

I think you've shown incredible resilience. Something like this would sink a lesser man.

On a lesser scale, an Ole Miss running back suffered a pretty terrible injury that required a year of rehab that only gave him a chance to play again...his name escapes me, but he was playing this year. He said, "Sometimes what defines you is what you do when the sun isn't shining." ...or something along those lines...but very true indeed and profound.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by Dutch

I would feel pretty awkward having a group hug that involved Subby, but I'll take one for the team...and H_B.

How about just football game with beer and hot dogs?

HB, its great that you knew you wanted help and went to see a therapist. Hang in there, I'm sure it'll be a journey.

[digamma]

Originally Posted by Dutch

I would feel pretty awkward having a group hug that involved Subby, but I'll take one for the team...and H_B.

I'd hug the sh*t out of Subby and H_B.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Fellas, as always, thanks for all of the incredibly kind words of support. It really means a lot to me.

And I'd gladly man-hug each and every one of you, group hug or otherwise.

You're good people. Very good.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Huh.

Well, it's been almost two years since I last updated this. A lot has happened. All of it pretty amazing.

Things did not end up working out with the woman I met two years ago. I eventually broke it off with her for a whole host of reasons. It was definitely the wise move.

I ended up dating a woman I had met a couple of years ago. We had a thing for a while, but it was right around when I was bottoming out over everything, so I had broken it off. Turns out that was a massive mistake and I have had the amazing fortune to get a second chance.

We ended up getting back together in January of 2017. Things went amazingly well. She's a fantastic person and the perfect partner in every way. I far, far out kicked my coverage.

To make a long story short, we ended up moving into a new house together in June of this year. The new place is less than two miles from my old house. She has a seven year old son and we wanted to stay in their neighborhood, so he could be close to all of his buddies and not have to switch schools. We originally thought about building her house out, but ended up finding a place that we both loved.

We just got married a week and a half ago and went to New Orleans on our honeymoon.

So, now, about four and a half years since this thread started, I am married to an amazing woman, have a seven year old stepson, who is really great, a new dog (my old dog passed away in the summer of 2016), who I adore, and a new home.

While this is not the path or journey I would have chosen, the destination is pretty remarkable.

[Butter]

Congrats, H_B. So glad to hear. Let me know if you ever get down this way, into dirty, dirty Ohio. My son is up at Bowling Green, so it wouldn't be a total stretch to get together for a dinner in Detroit at some point in conjunction.

[Vince, Pt. II]

Hell yeah!

[Honolulu_Blue]

Originally Posted by Butter

Congrats, H_B. So glad to hear. Let me know if you ever get down this way, into dirty, dirty Ohio. My son is up at Bowling Green, so it wouldn't be a total stretch to get together for a dinner in Detroit at some point in conjunction.

That would be great!