Am I in the wrong?

[thesloppy]

Tanx again for the opinions/insight. It was a helpful vent, and I did apologize to dude (and church lady) already, if that wasn't clear. I pretty much said my piece, and he got to sweat my mighty wrath for a couple days, so I might as well drop it with a little grace.

Perhaps most helpful or interesting were the opinions of children/relatives of clergy. Thanks! Aside from just the personally interesting aspect, when I thought about it for a half-second I realized the obvious implications of this guy being a Catholic priest, and having (little or) no family. I'm sure that probably contributed to his lack of empathy.


...oh, and I learned I should never dictate the word 'profusely' to anybody again, nobody seemed to like that very much (except me).

[Abe Sargent]

Heheh

[cuervo72]

Originally Posted by mckerney

Clergy Killers offers remedial strategies for pastors and congregations who want to protect themselves against the abuse of parishioners with personality disorders, mental illnesses, and mean streaks in situations that go well beyond mere church conflict.

Was kind of hoping the guy was claiming to be a trained assassin.

I was kinda hoping Clergy Killers was a rap song.

[King of New York]

You and the Monsignor are both wrong

First, you: the email was sort of nuts, and when I receive an email like that, I ignore it--and while I think it was tactless for the Monsignor to insinuate that you are a lunatic and deranged, that email certainly gave that impression

Still, the monsignor ought to have replied--given that he chose to reply--that he understood that your family was dealing with grief, and that emotions were running high, which would explain the stridency of the email.

I was an altar boy who attended something like 300+ funerals. Some priests did a nice job with their eulogies, personalizing them and reaching out to the bereaved. Some had a single, canned sermon that they gave over and over and over again, and even as a 13-year-old, I found those to be disheartening.

Best solution: a family member should deliver the eulogy at a funeral; or, if the family member is too stricken with grief to speak, a family member should write a eulogy and have a family friend deliver it.

[Toddzilla]

Originally Posted by molson

If the priority is smooth presentation, that would be a smart move. A pastor can mean well, can be sincere, can have his heart in it, can do his best, but still flub a line or two (and piss a few people off) over 100+ funerals/weddings a year.

What have you read or picked up on in this entire thread that gives any indication whatsoever that the pastor in this case had even a shred of sincerity or heart, or even tried to do his best?

That dick phoned it in.

[thesloppy]

Originally Posted by King of New York

Best solution: a family member should deliver the eulogy at a funeral; or, if the family member is too stricken with grief to speak, a family member should write a eulogy and have a family friend deliver it.

For whatever it's worth, this particular Monsignor/church recently stopped 'allowing' personal eulogies at their funeral services.

[ISiddiqui]

I'll echo that both of you were wrong. However, I can understand your sense of anger at the flubbing of your aunt's name. I mean its a traumatic time and sometimes our passions get the best of us, even if it is in an email written slightly after the event.

However, the monsignor's email starting with the "Clergy Killers" book was definitely out of line. I can understand the frustrations that clergy must feel when they flub something, but the response should be an apology, even when its not fully sincere (though God knows it should be - but God also knows that we fall short of His Glory all the time) with no snark.

As for the discussion of 12 year old understanding of faith being sufficient, I think the issue is that we must have the faith of children, but the reason and intelligence of adults and they should exist in tandum and bounce off each other to further glorify God (when studying God with adult reason and intellect we must remember to have faith in His design and purposes). This is, of course, IMO.

[Chief Rum]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

Fuck that smug asshole.

I would press the issue, hard, until either he relents or he calls the police.

That prick does a million services, so he doesn't give a shit. Your Grandfather only gets one, so it should have been perfect.

Your

Am I the only one that read this like Monsignor Rambo threw a big knife through Toddzilla to stop his post? Or have I seen too many action films recently?

[molson]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

What have you read or picked up on in this entire thread that gives any indication whatsoever that the pastor in this case had even a shred of sincerity or heart, or even tried to do his best?

That dick phoned it in.

Really, "dick", and "smug asshole"? I don't know if you attend church but I think there's a chapter about you in that clergy killers book.

Being in the clergy is such a shitty job, I know they're having huge problems filling vacancies with young pastors in the Lutheran church. Low pay, angry parishioners. The ones 70+ should really cut back on their obligations, but if they turn anyone down, they're assholes for that too.

[thesloppy]

Now I think I have to buy that book, if only out of a pure Pavlovian reaction. Just to be clear, there is at least one chapter about nunchucks, right?

[thesloppy]

Originally Posted by molson

Being in the clergy is such a shitty job, I know they're having huge problems filling vacancies with young pastors in the Lutheran church. Low pay, angry parishioners. The ones 70+ should really cut back on their obligations, but if they turn anyone down, they're assholes for that too.

Yeah, it is an interesting career, that's for sure, and must take a huge emotional toll on pastors and families. I can almost understand the Catholic concept of removing even the option of a family from the picture, and saying you have to commit fully to this life in order to take the roll, because you're going to be affecting so many people's lives....but it seems antiquated and ridiculous (to outside eyes) at the same time.

I think the term 'shitty job' covers it pretty well....partly because that's probably exactly what it must be for the majority of the mundane work (though it must carry great reward as well), and maybe partly because you're not even allowed to really acknowledge that fact.