The Mental Health Thread

[Edward64]

Yup, agree with the others.

[BYU 14]

Definitely hoping this works for you Radii. wishing you all the best

[Swaggs]

Originally Posted by Radii

Thanks for sharing this, I'd seen it on my recommended videos in youtube countless times but never clicked. Definitely very powerful, and the right time as I am hopefully at the final rock bottom currently. It's hard to imagine there being much lower and still staying alive, to be blunt.


I asked earlier about experiences with a couple treatments. I'm starting Spravato next Monday (also known as Esketamine). It's a nasal spray, approved for those who don't respond to regular anti depressants. I've been through 7 of those now and while there are ebbs and flows the overall trajectory over the last 6 years is straight down at a rather steep angle. So hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones that this does work wonders for.

Hope the treatment works for you!

If not, you may want to consider TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation). There is some pretty good data on it for folks that struggle with medication-resistant treatments.

[Radii]

Thank you guys, apologies as I don't check in here daily. First treatment was yesterday, there's a high that's different for everyone immediately after it, but whether it is going to work on depression is unrelated to that. Next one is early Friday. I've got 12 appointments scheduled and medical leave came up at work for the first time at the end of last week, though I'm still hoping that's not going to be necessary.

Some people feel different in a very short time (1-3 treatments) but for most it's months before they know if it really worked or not.

If not, you may want to consider TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation). There is some pretty good data on it for folks that struggle with medication-resistant treatments.

That'd be the next course of action if this doesn't work. After researching on my own I decided I was comfortable with either. My psychiatrist office does the Spravato (the brand name med for the esketamine), so that was the path of least resistance. A couple offices in Fort Wayne do TMS but my psychiatrist doesn't get involved in any way and I'd be running it down on my own.

[Lathum]

I made an appointment today to see a psychiatrist on Friday. Losing my dad has really made me reflect on a lot of things. I look back at a lot of my behavior which can be very impulsive and generally without though of consequences and question why I would act that way. I really want to get to the bottom of it. Lucky for me it hasn't resulted in anything bad happening, but thats likely a combo of privilege and luck.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Take this fwiw I guess, or something.

Not bitching/moaning really, commenting about it more in the sense of "hey, maybe somebody else will recognize this and at least know they aren't alone or the only one" or something.

Progress -- toward clearing the house, getting me to the point I can finally leave here, etc -- is glacial. Maybe it'll pick up when the kid comes home for a few weeks this summer (he's got summer classes but they're online only), maybe it won't.

But since I've returned from my own trip to Miami I've finally maybe put my finger on something that's hindering things. Something between "malaise" and being "mentally lethargic", several weeks worth of it.

It resembles one of the common manifestations of depression but, as a veteran of both that battle AND that specific symptom of it, it feels ... different.

This is like the synapses don't fire slowly, they just really don't wanna fire hardly at all. I don't want to think, as much or more than I can't.

My working theory is that my brain (and nerves, and heart, and body, and everything) is just fatigued. Not by exertion but from the constant day to day stress about "everything". The constant need to both mentally and emotionally process all that's happened, not in hindsight but rather in how Every. Single. Thing. in my life is different.

in all the various things I've heard, read, been told, about grief I don't know that I've ever come across this particular thing ... but right now I'm inclined to say it's pretty darned real.

I don't quite have a truly satisfying description of what I'm talking about here to be honest, but for whatever reason I felt like I needed/wanted to put it here.

If you find yourself battling something that sounds similar, at least rest assured that you're neither crazy nor lazy, I'm pretty sure it's a very real thing.

[Lathum]

Sorry you are going through this Jon. I am seeing this with my mother in a really bad way. She is borderline not functioning.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Lathum

Sorry you are going through this Jon. I am seeing this with my mother in a really bad way. She is borderline not functioning.

I remember many days where I just ... couldn't. I believe that just takes the hardest thing of all: time. My only "advice" fwiw is to try to be patient, not really so much you but HER. It's soooo easy to beat yourself up about those days but in the end doing so accomplishes nothing, only adds to the misery. I think it's almost a thing like, I dunno, having a blown acchiles tendon or something. You can "want" or "wish" it was well all you like but it takes time to heal and resume activity.

This current thing for me feels more like ... I don't wanna. Which I guess is marginally better but the end result is the same low productivity.

[Edward64]

I know I can't appreciate the depths of emotions you are going through but wish you well.

Tossing it out there ... if not already, would you consider some grief counseling?

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Tossing it out there ... if not already, would you consider some grief counseling?

Considered, yes.

Problem was, crazy as it seems, every local grief specialist recommended time & again (three in total) turned out to all be people that we had prior existing relationships with to at least some extent.

Neither Will nor I felt comfortable with a situation where pre-conceived notions about us -- positive or negative -- were going to be unavoidable.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Considered, yes.

Problem was, crazy as it seems, every local grief specialist recommended time & again (three in total) turned out to all be people that we had prior existing relationships with to at least some extent.

Neither Will nor I felt comfortable with a situation where pre-conceived notions about us -- positive or negative -- were going to be unavoidable.

Yeah, I get the idea. When I had to pick a primary care physician, I purposely avoided one that live in my neighborhood. It was too personal.

I found out my optometrist also lived in the neighborhood but that didn't have the same level of intimacy (and was after the fact).

Well, please consider reaching out to other counselors you don't have a connection with. Always help to talk with a friendly someone that has a lot of background on these matters.

[CrimsonFox]

help

i really need job help

[Edward64]

What do you do, what’s your background?

[Radii]

Originally Posted by Radii

I've got 12 appointments scheduled and medical leave came up at work for the first time at the end of last week, though I'm still hoping that's not going to be necessary.

Updates here as I'm in my 3rd month of Esketamine treatment. A combination of adding abilify + the ketamine do seem to be helping rather significantly. Unfortunately I'm still finding myself unable to do my job reliably, and while my boss at work has been amazing about protecting me and giving me as much time as possible to improve, I'm really out of time on that front. I'm on vacation this week, but unless something magically improves when I go back next week, it's going to be FMLA time. My psychiatrist office has indicated that they would want to ask for (mandate? Unsure, still figuring it all out) that I be away from work for 8 weeks, and during this time I would be required to participate in an "intensive outpatient therapy" program that they offer that would be 4 hours of therapy 3 or 4 days a week for the duration of my time off.

My job would be protected, federal law stuff, I've done everything right in that regard, but the 8 weeks would be unpaid. That's not a huge deal most of the time, but at the moment I'm spending quite a bit of money to support my sister through some issues she's having - though luckily one result of that is that she's going to be moving up here and moving in with me, something that is going to be very good for both of our mental health states.

Most importantly is that I am improving, I'm finding I can enjoy some things at least a little, which for about 3 years of this I don't think I could say about anything at all. It's just a very deep hole that I've dug for myself during all of this, and we're not sure how far up I have to climb before "able to work" returns.

[Ksyrup]

Posting this here because it's probably the most appropriate place to talk it through (or ramble).

I think I've posted in a couple different places about my parents - Trumpers, lived in TX for nearly 3 decades, who my brother and I have been trying to get to move closer to us for years. My brother runs a solo eye surgery practice in NC and I'm an attorney in KY. My brother and wife are DINKs, and since I've got kids we've definitely seen my parents way more often than him. But given that my brother is a doctor, he's been stressing with them the importance of being closer to family because it's a matter of when, not if, something is going to happen.

We finally had a breakthrough a couple months ago and in relatively short order they sold their house and put a contract on a new house in SC less than hour from my brother. Despite making a killing on the house sale (closing is on 9/1, they were staying rent-free until the 15th) and buying a house for less than they expected, they were still incredibly stressed and taking on way too much - packing, cleaning, etc. We were trying to get them to just pay professionals to do it, since they are in their mid-70s.

They live outside Dallas. It was like 110 yesterday. My dad decided it would be a good idea to go up into the attic above the garage to clean out stuff. About 10am I got a frantic call from my mom because my dad slipped, tripped, or passed out or something while up there and fell through the ceiling onto the garage floor on his left side, mostly head-first.

I wrapped up as much as I could with work and got a flight out and my brother, having found out what happened, finished 3 hours of eye surgeries ("you just compartmentalize it" he said), headed home to pack and flew out. We both literally arrived within 5 minutes of each other last night and drove to the hospital.

He's got a traumatic brain injury, skull fracture, temporal and orbital bone fractures, scapula and shoulder fractures, broken ribs and some thoracic spine fractures. He's ventilated and also has a chest tube to drain blood from around his lungs. I'm in the waiting room as my brother and mom are talking to the doctors about his latest scans to determine if the brain bleed is stable. Ironically, being old has - for now - helped him because his brain has atrophied so much that there's still room for blood and there's no pressure to create herniation. But it's still pretty damn bad.

In a split second, a perfect situation turned into an astronomical number of balls in the air that we have to juggle for the next several months. It's almost overwhelming. House sale is still going to happen, not sure when movers will come. Partial pack that my parents had decided on has to become a full pack by professionals. They may be buying a house they never live in. Even in a best case scenario, my mom is going to have to stay in Dallas while he's in rehab until he can be moved, so now we're having to look for furnished apartments or something similar (no AirBnB because they are liberals from SF - yes, that conversation actually happened in the middle of this...). They will likely have to use my brother's home that they are building as a "halfway house" of sorts to help my mom care for my dad. He's already told the builder to hold off on certain things because they may re-think the entire basement layout to support a non-ambulatory senior.

I don't even have a point here, just need to vent. As I told my brother, life can be a cruelly ironic fucker. The exact situation we've been trying to avoid and it happens mere weeks before they finally move closer to us. And my mom is 100% dependent on my dad. She can drive, but doesn't do it often, and she doesn't even know how to pump gas, doesn't pay bills, none of the accounts are in her name (think about what that means as we need to shut off service in the next few weeks and he's unable to do any of it himself) and shit like that. He's done it all for her for 55+ years. And now he's probably never going to be the same person he was before - hopefully more physically than mentally, but that's still up in the air.

I'm probably here until next Friday, trying to work remotely while helping my mom and mostly transporting her back and forth and trying to keep her from manic episodes of fast-forwarding to the worst case scenario. I think my wife is going to come out the following week, and then my brother and/or his wife might come out Labor Day weekend. That's why we're trying to get as much stuff off her plate as possible because after that, we can't really keep coming out. And of course, the wife and I are supposed to be on an Alaska cruise in 3 weeks which my brother told me to keep, that things will be much clearer by then and actions in motion that I won't be needed as hands-on as now. Still puts a huge damper on a trip we are really excited about.

Just so much to think about and do...

[Edward64]

Man, sorry you are going through this. Best wishes to your folks.

[GrantDawg]

That is such a nightmare, Ksyrup. So sorry to hear.

[Lathum]

So sorry you're going through that. Terrible situation. I think it is a generational thing. My parents moved in December and did it all themselves to the point of exhaustion.

[rjolley]

Very sorry to hear about that, Ksyrup. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

[Kodos]

That’s awful. So sorry this shit has happened. I hope your Dad recovers well and is able to do things he used to do. Tough situation.

[BYU 14]

Terrible news my friend, sending positive vibe to you and your family

[Swaggs]

That’s nightmare stuff. Hang in there.

[JPhillips]

Damn that's terrible. God bless to all of you.

[Flasch186]

Sorry man


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[flere-imsaho]

So sorry to hear that Ksyrup. Dealing with ageing parents is just difficult.

[Ksyrup]

Thanks guys. Figured is give a quick update so I don't leave you hanging too long.

It's just over 75 hours since the accident and he's doing pretty well, all things considered. They've found a few more fractures and breaks, but nothing life-threatening or paralyzing. Head trauma remains the biggest issue but he's shown some positives that makes me feel pretty good that he's still "him." Last night my mom told him he fell and hit his head and he said "sorry." Then he said "I'm in deep shit" followed by "I'm not worth 2 dip shits" which both made us laugh. Then he said "you lost your ring" when my mom was holding his hand which we think means he thinks he lost his ring. Not sure. He told her he loved her which was fucking heartbreaking and great to see.

So we got here this morning as new staff was getting briefed. The overnight nurse said she had a full conversation with him and when she told him he fell out of the attic he said "Really? Fuuuuuuck!" Doctor said with his frontal lobe injury he has no filter and he's been swearing up a storm when they move him because of the pain. So that's kinda funny. My mom was shocked and almost embarrassed.

We haven't been here too much today while we are on call after call trying to notify people of what's going on a dn getting things arranged or reset for the closings and move. It's only 2pm and I'm exhausted.

[GrantDawg]

I still remember when my grandmother had a major stroke when I was probably 8 or 9. She never cussed, just completely straight laced, but after the stroke she would just let vulgarities fly. She would get so embarrassed, but we would just laugh.
Glad to hear there is seems to be some reason for optimism.

[Edward64]

Great to hear he's talking (and cussing).

I didn't really know there was a portion of brain that "filtered".

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Great to hear he's talking (and cussing).

I didn't really know there was a portion of brain that "filtered".

Frontal lobe is your inhibition. He had a back left head injury and it causes right frontal lobe injuries. It's called a contrecoup injury - injury opposite of the area of impact.

[Lathum]

Went to my third funeral today in 5 months. Entering a phase where my aunts, uncles, parents friends are all aging quickly. Sucks.

[GrantDawg]

Originally Posted by Lathum

Went to my third funeral today in 5 months. Entering a phase where my aunts, uncles, parents friends are all aging quickly. Sucks.

I had a three period like that a while back. It sucked indeed. Considering I was the officiant in those funerals it double sucked.

[JonInMiddleGA]

I almost hate to post in this thread right now, FAR more serious situations than what I'm gonna mention going on and I do not in any way mean to put this in the same tier of things.

But I post anyway simply because I think, somebody will someday experience it themselves and remember, and know it's pretty normal.

FB post today mentioned a restaurant by name, back up toward my home town sorta. Started me thinking about another restaurant 30+ years ago that had a similar name and was in the same general area.

I posted asking someone who might remember to help me sort out any connection / lack of connection.

long story short, probably a dozen people immediately remembered where I meant and nope, no connection other than similar naming.

Thing is, I wanted to know because I remember driving from Atlanta into the undeveloped part of Cherokee County to eat there numerous times when my wife & I were just dating. On the one hand, makes me a little misty I guess. On another, it's more good than bad.

The part that bothers me a little bit tonight is that is doesn't quite entirely feel 100% real to me. 30+ years will do that, I'm sure that ... self-protection? mechanism prevents it from being TOO real.

But it's like a nether region of sorts, part real and part surreal. I wonder how that will evolve over time? More things? Fewer things?

I'm not super stressed about it (I'm more caught up in trying to figure out whether I have one helluva bad cold or the other C-word), it's just a weird feeling that I don't think I've had quite this ... fully formed before.

[Ksyrup]

My dad is progressing overall but so far from where we need him to be. I've pushed my departure back twice and am leaving Saturday afternoon. 8 days and we have gotten things done but there are so many other things to do and a bunch of unknowns that prevent us from making a bunch of other decisions.

He was finally cleared to eat pureed food. It's been since about 2005 that I fed mushed food to a human. Then it was my infant/toddler daughter. Today it was my 74 year old dad. I felt so bad for him. He is able to speak at times and knows the year and who we are so that's all good. But this is going to be a long process. And my mom's just not strong enough to handle it on her own. When I leave it's going to get bad. My brother's wife might be able to stop by after Labor Day on her way to Tulsa for work and I can send my wife shortly after we return from our cruise but everything else is going to have to be long distance. This is an impossible situation but we're getting tasks knocked off one by one so it should be less overwhelming. But it's not.

I feel bad for needing a break from the situation because I know neither of them get that luxury, but I have a life I put on hold for 8 days that I have to get back to, and then I'll do as much as I can from home to move things forward. It's all I can do. This is exactly why we've wanted them closer for years - because none of us can just camp out at their house and put our lives and jobs on hold indefinitely.

[Edward64]

Just a thought. My FIL has been seriously ill. The kids put them up in a assisted living facility/nursing home but they were not happy there. So kids discussed private nursing to come by but they resisted having strangers in the house. So they sold their house, and SIL bought a new house and move the parents into it with her. She is a RN who works part-time, so she is available more often than not. FIL is in hospital right now for some treatment & wife is flying out next week to visit.

Is the next step for your dad some sort of assisted living/nursing home setup for this recovery period? It'll get expensive but maybe alternate flying to visit your folks with your brother & wives.

[PilotMan]

Is your dad still in the ICU? Or have they moved him somewhere else?

[stevew]

Within the last few weeks-
My wife is on a teacher strike. Something broke on my washing machine. I fix that. Now the dishwasher latch is broken. Going to be like at least 3 to 4 days to get that part in. Also a tree took out my Internet. I don’t really mind so much about that but All of these things are pretty annoying at the moment

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by PilotMan

Is your dad still in the ICU? Or have they moved him somewhere else?

Still in ICU only because they had to do a lumbar drain because he was leaking cerebral spine fluid out of his left ear. If not for that he'd at least be in a step-down unit before going to rehab.

Too early to know if he needs an ALF. I hope to God not. Next step is to go to a rehab once he's able to. Where they go after that is still up in the air but they will not be staying in TX long term. The goal is when he can fly, they are on a plane to NC to stay at my brother's to start. The purchase of the house in SC is up in the air but right now everything is still on track until we know more about his condition.

[Ksyrup]

And to top it off, every so often I have to hear my mom say something political like last night, the people who arrested a man who was trying to overturn the election can "burn in hell." I'm having a ball!

[stevew]

My mom gushing about what a great businessman Trump is makes for a good puke.

[NobodyHere]

So my new girlfriend has threatened to take a lot of pills and hasn't answered my phone calls or texts. She does live with her parents.

I have no idea whether to call 911 or not.

ETA: Ok she did answer me.

[NobodyHere]

Yeah I've fallen in love with a Psycho. Lord help me.

[Edward64]

Stay away from drama filled relationships

[NobodyHere]

Originally Posted by Edward64

Stay away from drama filled relationships

Are there any other kind?

And at the age of 39 can I really be choosy?

[PilotMan]

Manipulation like that is a form of emotional abuse and a major, major red flag. Granted I'm only assuming it's directed at you, but even if it's not, it could easily be. Move on.

[Edward64]

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Are there any other kind?

And at the age of 39 can I really be choosy?

Sure, there's drama in every relationship. But when you characterize her as "Psycho" (unless that was just a term of endearment like honeybuns), that indicates it's at a higher level.

And yes, you can afford to be choosey. Look how far you've come since you started that other thread. You were absolutely pitiful then, now you're a player junior grade talking about ED and juggling multiple potential women friends.

BTW you want to LeanFIRE? A psycho woman is likely not going to help

[Lathum]

Things have been a bit stressful in the Lathum household but got some good news today


Please nothing on facebook.

Long story short my wife was told by her company they were restructuring the team and since e won't move they don't have a role for her. We moved back the NJ 5 years ago and promise our kids we won't move again since almost all our family is here. Because of that we knew this was a possibility.

It was still stressful because 7 years ago we decided it would be best for our family for me to quit my job and stay home with the kids. My wife was already making really good money. It was the best thing we ever did for our kids and I have never once regretted it. Fast forward to now and I am not exactly marketable, nor do any of us want me to go back and disrupt our routine.

Wife is a senior VP for a company owned by Warren Buffet, she makes awesome money by any standards and we have been smart with our money. Financially we are fine for a lengthy unemployment if need be. Still stressful though

Today we learned they want her to remain in her roll through the end of the year, good news. They also laid out her severance. A years pay and benefits, her yearly bonus, and 2 years of executive retention bonus. Won't give details but it is a lot of money, and if she finds another job before the end of the year they still give her the package.

What went from looking super stressful now could turn into quite the windfall assuming she finds another job. I have no doubt she will, female execs for Buffett owned companies don't grow on trees.

We may still have some stressful times ahead, but I think I will sleep better tonight than I have in several weeks.

[Flasch186]

Can I have $5?

Ck3 just rolled out a dlc 😃


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[Lathum]

send me your Venmo

[Lathum]

dola- I typed that on my phone with my hands shaking, so its a bit of a mess.

[Ksyrup]

Glad to hear things may work out. Did she find out around the time you went on your cruise, or after?