Facebook posts so pathetic they belong in this thread!!!

[Matthean]

Originally Posted by Ryan S

Just saw this one pop up my timeline

Shitters full!

[albionmoonlight]

"Lets learn from our four fathers and not repeat our past."

[Suburban Rhythm]

Originally Posted by albionmoonlight

"Lets learn from our four fathers and not repeat our past."

Were they talking about a Maury episode?

[JediKooter]

One of those four has to be the father.

[Sun Tzu]

Originally Posted by Kodos

That people post stuff like this boggles my mind...

Jesus? Raptor? No...that's Godzilla. Run for your lives!

[JediKooter]

Viral marketing for the new Godzilla movie perhaps?

[Sun Tzu]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

Viral marketing for the new Godzilla movie perhaps?

Genius.

[Kodos]

Originally Posted by Sun Tzu

Jesus? Raptor? No...that's Godzilla. Run for your lives!

Awesome.

[JediKooter]

I can't take all the credit.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

A friend of mine works part-time for an Apple repair shop. His update on a customer today:

"A customer I had today, 'I spilt water on my computer and now it doesn't turn on. I'm never buying a Mac again if they're THIS FRAGILE.' "

Two more "customer" updates:

"Customer: I'm stealing people's internet and now I can't get online. I've probably been hacked. I'll get the police to buy me a new one."

"Customer: I refuse to upgrade the firmware on my Airport Express. Me: Why? Customer: Because then the NSA will seize control of my computer."

[stevew]

$1.27 for a Redbox movie...why have we not done this before?!!


(I would understand this status if the person was like my Mom or something but she's a year or two younger than I am)

[stevew]

Woman’s dumb Facebook post gets her in trouble

[Blackadar]

Two more from my "woe is me" sister:

Good morning cruel cruel world thanks for pissing in my Cheerios again !!!!

No idea why I bother

Neither do I...

[Draft Dodger]

My status
is there a more ubiquitous technology that no one uses than QR codes?

first reply
facebook

and believe me, he's not intentionally being ironic.

[mckerney]

Missing boy existed only on Facebook | World news | theguardian.com

[PilotMan]

Anything by me or my wife. Cause we are fucking hammered.

[stevew]

The most recent android app update is complete hot garbage and renders the app useless. No toggle for "Most recent" either...just "top stories".

[Terps]

Most recent is under the tab with three lines at the top right, at least for me.

[stevew]

I finally found it but thanks for hiding it Facebook assholes. Nobody wants that top stories shit. Nobody.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Terps

Most recent is under the tab with three lines at the top right, at least for me.

Holy crap, it IS there ... if we scroll down far enough to find it. I'll be damned.

Thanks.

[vex]

Originally Posted by stevew

I finally found it but thanks for hiding it Facebook assholes. Nobody wants that top stories shit. Nobody.

Agreed.

[cuervo72]

What's great is when you repeatedly set your feed to Most Recent, but it resets itself to Top Stories every so often.

[Galaxy]

I see status updates from people who went to college (doesn't say they "graduated," I know), and think, "Wait...you went to college?"

[lungs]

Person I went to high school with:if you read this Katie I love you I'm not trying to be mean because we're out I was on that stupid s*** no my methadone a min don't leave me please I know you're already gone you have a profile with his last name I want you home I want you baby in the kids don't do this to me told way to BK open telling when I beat Gavin all the time please get ahold of me so I can talk to Madeline and you Cause I'm not really that bad or i have nothing brad got me a job please he said u can can hear my soul hurts Kt my luv

[Autumn]

I always wonder if people who write without punctuation can actually go back and read their own writing. I feel like even if I wrote that I'd have no idea what it says.

[lungs]

I think he's out of heroin, his girlfriend has left him, he beats his kid, and he wants Katie to come back.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by lungs

I think he's out of heroin, his girlfriend has left him, he beats his kid, and he wants Katie to come back.

Katie and poster had two kids - Gavin and Madeline. When in their relationship, he used to do meth, and beat Gavin. Katie then left Poster and married someone else, and naturally won full custody of Gavin and Madeline.

A mutual acquaintance of Poster and Katie named Brad got Poster a job.

It's a touch unclear where BK fits in the scheme - it's either an open Burger King, or BK is the person who Poster admitted beating Gavin to, which set off a very unfortunate chain of events for Poster.

[EagleFan]

Originally Posted by lungs

Person I went to high school with:if you read this Katie I love you I'm not trying to be mean because we're out I was on that stupid s*** no my methadone a min don't leave me please I know you're already gone you have a profile with his last name I want you home I want you baby in the kids don't do this to me told way to BK open telling when I beat Gavin all the time please get ahold of me so I can talk to Madeline and you Cause I'm not really that bad or i have nothing brad got me a job please he said u can can hear my soul hurts Kt my luv

I can't even read that; makes my brain want to jump out of my head and run far away.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by cuervo72

What's great is when you repeatedly set your feed to Most Recent, but it resets itself to Top Stories every so often.

Slow, sad nod

SI

[PilotMan]

It's all about money. Facebook has the ability to choose what it puts in front of your eyes and gets paid to do that. It's more subtle than the advertising space that adblock keeps me from seeing. It's a little of this and that. Companies can pay to promote certain things. It's frustrating because it goes away from a way to keep up with friends. It's a bit like a car with bad alignment. Not enough to ditch the car but a pain to deal with over and over again.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by PilotMan

It's all about money. Facebook has the ability to choose what it puts in front of your eyes and gets paid to do that. It's more subtle than the advertising space that adblock keeps me from seeing. It's a little of this and that. Companies can pay to promote certain things. It's frustrating because it goes away from a way to keep up with friends. It's a bit like a car with bad alignment. Not enough to ditch the car but a pain to deal with over and over again.

Sure, it's no mystery why it's done- it's just annoying.

SI

[lungs]

This guy has been doing about one great status per day in between the one line "Katie plz call me, i luv u" updates:
The latest:
Someone help me find her i know she wants to be home where are u why Kt i don't beat baby u told wade i beat gavin why u hate me i loved u with every thing i am i can't live anymore without u come home please he stole my family Kt me back at least let me see the kids

[Izulde]

Ah so my initial translation was correct.

[lungs]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Ah so my initial translation was correct.

It was pretty accurate, but instead of meth, he's a heroin addict. His dad and brother were just arrested recently for running a local heroin house.

And seriously, I hope whoever this Katie is is hiding and getting a restraining order. This dude is batshit crazy.

[Izulde]

RO = poor man's divorce.

[molson]

My facebook feed isn't nearly as exciting as some of yours, but I'm still amused when "end of relationship" shows up at the top, followed by a little icon of a broken heart. And the guy's like 35.

[Sun Tzu]

Did anyone else read "aroused" in place of "amused" ?

Was anyone else disappointed when they re-read it and found out what it really was?

[JonInMiddleGA]

Who the hell broke Facebook tonight?

All of a sudden every single friend I have is having every single "Like" pushed to my main newsfeed, as well as every post from every page I've ever liked, most especially those that I have already turned OFF notifications for.

WTF?

[Galaxy]

Another update from my friend that works for Apple tech:


"Customer that gets disc stuck in their optical drive: Funny. Customer denying ownership of stuck disc that happens to be porn: Hilarious."


A follow up post in the same update:

"Well, wife comes in with her husband complaining about the disc. Her husband had purchased the unit off ebay, and she claimed that the DVD was in the drive when they got it. I had serviced this unit maybe a month ago and not only did someone tamper with most of the internal components, there was no DVD in the drive. Kudos to the husband for pulling that one off."

[Suicane75]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

Another update from my friend that works for Apple tech:


"Customer that gets disc stuck in their optical drive: Funny. Customer denying ownership of stuck disc that happens to be porn: Hilarious."


A follow up post in the same update:

"Well, wife comes in with her husband complaining about the disc. Her husband had purchased the unit off ebay, and she claimed that the DVD was in the drive when they got it. I had serviced this unit maybe a month ago and not only did someone tamper with most of the internal components, there was no DVD in the drive. Kudos to the husband for pulling that one off."

If he'd been tampering with his wifes internal components instead of watching porn, he wouldn't be in this mess.

[lungs]

Another good one to decipher:

"Well for everyone who don't or never knew kaite and myself were using heroin foe over a year and pills since we started but i am 7 months clean now not even one thought about it but we end at the metodone clinic were we kept going up i rite now am at a130 msg a day i am starting to go down so i can get out of there. I let my soon to be wife go to Arizona to see family but low and behold they had a lower life than me living on the couch well he's here now and she left i have tried to keep us togather but for anyone who seen us since we started clinic would have told u they both real iearatable and jumpy but now u passing out on her self so instead of telling ur ma the truth about me how i was only one taking care of house and kids and making money kaite (redacted) i love you to the stars and back please remember before its to late and im not here to take u into my arms cause i am to hurt i miss one day with out seeing you i get dope sick for the withdrawls from you i would do any thing for you be honest if nt to me or him or ur ma be honest to your self I HAVE BEEN BITCHING ABOUT THE ADDS I DON'T WANT DRUGS I just need your love Kate we were going to get married June 9TH BUT i am mean cause i need help with kids and house and so i could go job hunting but watt you were doing getting shit but i did them with ya i want u kaite (redacted) im getting the tattoo i told u about so get drawing cause daddy won't stop this time i believe u didn't cheat on me please come and one on one with me your my soulmate i pray every night I LOVE YOU KAITE (redacted) PLEASE I HAVE GOT IT AND WILL VOW TO NEVER LET U GET SAD OR FEEL UNLOVED BECAUSE I DO BABY"

[BillJasper]

Originally Posted by lungs

Another good one to decipher:

"Well for everyone who don't or never knew kaite and myself were using heroin foe over a year and pills since we started but i am 7 months clean now not even one thought about it but we end at the metodone clinic were we kept going up i rite now am at a130 msg a day i am starting to go down so i can get out of there. I let my soon to be wife go to Arizona to see family but low and behold they had a lower life than me living on the couch well he's here now and she left i have tried to keep us togather but for anyone who seen us since we started clinic would have told u they both real iearatable and jumpy but now u passing out on her self so instead of telling ur ma the truth about me how i was only one taking care of house and kids and making money kaite (redacted) i love you to the stars and back please remember before its to late and im not here to take u into my arms cause i am to hurt i miss one day with out seeing you i get dope sick for the withdrawls from you i would do any thing for you be honest if nt to me or him or ur ma be honest to your self I HAVE BEEN BITCHING ABOUT THE ADDS I DON'T WANT DRUGS I just need your love Kate we were going to get married June 9TH BUT i am mean cause i need help with kids and house and so i could go job hunting but watt you were doing getting shit but i did them with ya i want u kaite (redacted) im getting the tattoo i told u about so get drawing cause daddy won't stop this time i believe u didn't cheat on me please come and one on one with me your my soulmate i pray every night I LOVE YOU KAITE (redacted) PLEASE I HAVE GOT IT AND WILL VOW TO NEVER LET U GET SAD OR FEEL UNLOVED BECAUSE I DO BABY"

This made my eyes bleed.

[Lathum]

Never would have suspected heroine.

[JonInMiddleGA]

That metodone is some strong shiz.

[Honolulu_Blue]

When you read something like that, it really helps put your own life's problems into proper perspective.

[Draft Dodger]

it makes me thankful for my education

[lungs]

Today's update:

"That is my child katie u are to far along for him"

[stevew]

created a masterpiece. A food solar system for 's 5th birthday party.

Now I really want to ask who is going to eat Uranus, but I'm trying to behave myself.

[lungs]

My Facebook feed has been entertaining lately:
(This is a different person than what I've been posting)
I pride myself on not airing dirty laundry in public,and not whining nonstop on social media,so i deserve this. I want EVERYONE TO KNOW: the last post (I removed it) was about Christopher (redacted) of (redacted), WI. My hand to God and swearing on my son this is all unedited truth (BC yes-im good at shutting my mouth and choosing sadistic abusive guys like the moron I am.
To just barely scratch the surface, HE PUT A LOADED,CHAMBERED,SAFETY OFF HANDGUN TO ME. AFTER THAT HE TRIED TO INTENTIONALLY KILL US BOTH TOGETHER BY TRYING TO INTENTIONALLY WRECK THE CAR. HAND TO GOD. I ASKED HIM NICELY TO STOP, NOAVAIL, I SAID "I HAVE A SON THAT NEEDS ME CHRIS!" HIS REPLY VER BATIM, 'LET'S SEE HOW FAST WE CAN GO! IN A WAY ONLY A SOCIOPATH SAYS THINGS. HE. ONLY STOPPED WHEN AFTER HE REFUSED MY PRETTYSANEREQUEST, I PULLED OUT MY CELL AND SAID OK THEN, IM CALLING THE POLICE, ONLY BC I DIDNT WANT TO DIE THAT DAY. THEN HE IMMEDIATELY STOPPED, BUT NOW I WANNA DIE SOMETIMES BUT CANT DO THAT BC I HAVE A BEUATIFUL FIVE YEAROLD BOY WHO NEEDS ME HE DOESNT HAVE A DAD!
----

[flere-imsaho]

Originally Posted by lungs

Another good one to decipher:

That one reads like Early-Period Flasch. Takes me back, that does....