Dumbest Lyrics of All-Time

[Abe Sargent]

What's that song, The Bird is the Word?

[MJ4H]

Originally Posted by thesloppy

Is it in his face?
Oh no, that's just his charms.
In his warm embrace?
Oh no, that's just his arms.

haha that one has always bugged me, too.

[Maple Leafs]

Originally Posted by LastWhiteSoxFanStanding

Bump.. And scary enough I actually like Pink, but this has got to be one of the worst analogies of all time. (from I don't believe you)

Right up there with her previous work:

You, you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better, you're making me ill

So in other words, you are actually the exact opposite of a pill.

[Maple Leafs]

This article was posted at avclub.com a few years back:
Inventory: Seven Songs With Factual Or Logical Mistakes In The Lyrics | The A.V. Club

Note how they rip off the Young MC joke I made a year later.

[condors]

Originally Posted by Abe Sargent

What's that song, The Bird is the Word?

Surfin Bird (Ramones did a version of this song)

[condors]

I wouldn't classify these as dumbest but maybe before their time

We're a Happy Family - The Ramones

We're a happy family
We're a happy family
We're a happy family
Me mom and daddy

Siting here in Queens
Eating refried beans
We're in all the magazines
Gulpin' down thorazines

We ain't got no friends
Our troubles never end
No Christmas cards to send
Daddy likes men

Daddy's telling lies
Baby's eating flies
Mommy's on pills
Baby's got the chills

I'm friends with the President
I'm friends with the Pope
We're all making a fortune
Selling Daddy's dope

[INDalltheway]

I've got my sights set on you,
And I'm ready to aim,

This pissed me off all damn summer.

[stevew]

The waiter just took my table
and gave it to Jessica Simp-shit
I guess all go sit with drum boy
at least he knows how to hit.


DIE pink.

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by MikeVic

It's Mmm Bop.

Sorry Zach

[Maple Leafs]

From another site:

Jailbreak by Thin Lizzy
Tonight there’s going to be a jailbreak
Somewhere in this town.

Ummmm…maybe at the fucking jail?

[MikeVic]

Originally Posted by BYU 14

Sorry Zach

Is that the woman-looking one, the horse-looking one, or the youngest one?

[Crim]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

From another site:

Jailbreak by Thin Lizzy
Tonight there’s going to be a jailbreak
Somewhere in this town.

Ummmm…maybe at the fucking jail?

You lol'd me with that one!

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by MikeVic

Is that the woman-looking one, the horse-looking one, or the youngest one?

Hell I don't know, I just know it's one of them.......Pick your poison I guess.

[Crim]

[VPI97]

Originally Posted by stevew

Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche another roller in the night.

.

[albionmoonlight]

Sorry if this has already been mentioned, but the Paula Cole lyrics:

"Open up your morning light and say a little prayer for I" are horrible. First, "open up your morning light" does not mean anything; it's just a bunch of words that she put next to each other. Second, going out of your way to awkwardly end a sentence with "I" in order to rhyme with the nonsense lyric is disgusting. And, finally, "I' and "light" don't actually rhyme.

I'm not one who often compares song lyrics to Hitler. But I make an exception for this Paula Cole bit.

[Maple Leafs]

I was listening to the radio this morning and they played that Blink 182 song about teen suicide. The guy is talking about nobody will ever go into his room again, it will be all boarded up, then he mentions "the time I spilled the cup (long pause) of apple juice in the hall".

Doesn't that seem a little out of place? I know carpet stains can be a pain in the ass and nobody likes to waste apple juice, but doesn't that seem a little insignificant given the overall context of the song? Is it really that hard to find a rhyme for "up"?

[MJ4H]

Originally Posted by albionmoonlight

Sorry if this has already been mentioned, but the Paula Cole lyrics:

"Open up your morning light and say a little prayer for I" are horrible. First, "open up your morning light" does not mean anything; it's just a bunch of words that she put next to each other. Second, going out of your way to awkwardly end a sentence with "I" in order to rhyme with the nonsense lyric is disgusting. And, finally, "I' and "light" don't actually rhyme.

I'm not one who often compares song lyrics to Hitler. But I make an exception for this Paula Cole bit.

Oh my god, that one is so bad I block it out of my memory and then when I hear the song it is so shockingly bad all over again that I start to convulse. After I recover from the shock of hearing it for the first time all over again I enter into the second stage: physical rage.

Wow is that bad.

[stevew]

My emotions start running wild
My tongue gets tied
And thats no lie
Im looking in your eye
Im looking in your big brown eye
(ooh yeah and Ive got this to say to you heeey)

Girl I want to make you sweat
Sweat till you cant sweat no more
And if you cry out,
Im gonna push it some mo-o-ore
Girl I want to make you sweat
Sweat till you cant sweat no more
And if you cry out,
Im gonna push it, push it push it some more


Tell me how this song isn't about anal sex....

[Crim]

Originally Posted by albionmoonlight

I'm not one who often compares song lyrics to Hitler.

That's some funny ass shit.

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by albionmoonlight

Sorry if this has already been mentioned, but the Paula Cole lyrics:

"See me in the morning light, you wonder why you spent the night"

Paula Cole bit.

Fixed it for her.....Hell this song writing thing ain't shit!!

[kcchief19]

I give you my least favorite song of all time -- I've Never Been to Me by Charlene:

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
Hey lady......
I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise)
But I've never been to me

(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me

But the all-time winner merely because it has been "popular" on multiple occasions and record so many times ... MacArthur Park:

MacArthur park is melting in the dark
All the sweet green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain.
I don't think that I can take it
Cause it took so long to bake it
And Ill never have that recipe again!
Oh, no-o-o-o!

Oh, no-o-o-o indeed.

[kcchief19]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

This article was posted at avclub.com a few years back:
Inventory: Seven Songs With Factual Or Logical Mistakes In The Lyrics | The A.V. Club

Note how they rip off the Young MC joke I made a year later.

In most situations, I bust a move.

[Maple Leafs]

I would never call the lyrics dumb since I think the song is a masterpiece (and I'm right -- do not argue with me on this)... but it's always kind of bugged me that Sweet Child O' Mine consists of four similies, and somehow two of them involve things being compared to blue sky.

Seems like you should be able to come up with four different ones, no?

[Crapshoot]

In terms of god-awful lyrics, Train's "Meet Virginia" is up there.

She doesn't own a dress
Her hair is always a mess,
You catch her stealin' she won't confess
She's Beautiful.

Smokes a pack a day, but wait,
That's me, but anyway
She doesn't care a thing
About that hair,
She thinks I'm beautiful
Meet Virginia

She never comprimises,
Loves babies and surprises,
wears high heels when
she exercises
Ain't it beautuiful
Meet Virginia

Well she wants to be the Queen
Then she thinks about her scene
Pulls her hair back as she screams
"I don't really wanna be the Queen"

Daddy wrestles alligators
Mama works on carborators
Her brother is a fine mediator
For the president
And here she is again on the phone
just like me hates to be alone
we just like to sit at home
and rip on the President
Meet Virginia, Mmmm...

Well she wants to live her life
Then she thinks about her life
Pulls her hair back, as she screams
"I don't really wanna live this life"

She only drinks coffee at midnight
When the moment is not right
Her timing is quite, unusual
You see her confidence is tragic, but her
Intuition magic And the shape of her body?
Unusual

Meet Virgina I can't wait to
Meet Virginia, yeah e yeah hey hey hey

Well she wants to be the queen and
then she thinks about her scene
Well she wants to live her life
then she thinks about her life
Pulls her hair back as she screams
"I don't really wanna be the queen"
I, I don't really wanna be the queen
I, I don't really wanna be the queen
I, I don't really wanna live this

Just to be clear, Virginia doesn't own a dress, but has high heels that she exercises in. WTF?

[thesloppy]

Generals gathered in their masses
Just like witches at black masses


That is songwriting, folks.

[Klinglerware]

Originally Posted by samifan24

A reader on Amazon pointed the stupidity of Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" with this line:

Listen to the music of the moment, maybe sing with me
All a peaceful melody
It's your God forsaken right to be love, love, love, loved, love, loved

Really? God forsaken right to be loved? I understand trying to be witty but use the right word.

DAMN YOU, JASON MRAZ!

The lyrics don't make sense, your faux-reggae stylings make UB40 look like Buju Banton by comparison, but damn if it isn't a catchy song...

[CU Tiger]

Take away the trees and the birds
All have to sit upon the ground, uum
Take away their wings and
The birds will have to walk to get around
And take away the bird baths
And dirty birds will soon be ev'rywhere
Take away their feathers and
The birds will walk around in underwear
Take away their chirp and the
Birds will have to whisper when they sing
And take away their common sense and
They'll be headed southward in the spring

Oh remember my darling
When spring is in the air
And the bald headed birds
Are whisp'ring ev'rywhere
You can see them walking
Southward in their dirty underwear
That's Tennessee Bird walk

How about some trees so the birds
Won't have to sit upon the ground, uum
How about some wings so the
Birds won't have to walk to get around
And how about a bird bath or two
so the birds will all be clean
How about some feathers so their
Underwear no longer can be seen
How about a chirp so the birds
Won't have to whisper when they sing
And how about some common sense so they
Won't be blocking traffic in the spring

Oh remember my darling
When spring is in the air
And the bald headed birds
Are whisp'ring ev'rywhere
You can see them walking
Southward in their dirty underwear
That's Tennessee Bird walk

[Kodos]

Haven't read through the thread to see if it's been mentioned, but Damn Yankees "High Enough" has some incredibly dumb lyrics.

Yesterday's just a memory
Can we close the door?
I just made one mistake
I didn't know what to say when you called me "baby"


Like that's a real panic moment: "Oh my God, she called me 'baby'. How do I respond?!?"

Especially since later they say "I would live and die for you". So you'd die for them, but you get all freaked out when they call you baby? Okay.

[korme]

Not dumbest song as in no making sense of it, but if you actually read the lyrics, you realize these are the two most unbelievable people in the world:
----------------

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long
Like a worn out recording of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleepin' I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns, there was this letter I read

If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me and escape

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half bad

Yes, I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O'Malley's where we'll plan our escape

So I waited with high hopes and she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady and she said, "Aw, it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment and I said, "I never knew."

That you like piña coladas and gettin' caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape
You're the lady I've looked for, come with me and escape

If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me and escape

Yes I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape

[AlexB]

Only just realised how terrible part of Crystal by New Order is:

"Here comes love, it's like honey,
You can't buy it with money"

Ok then...

[QuikSand]

fun thread

i miss the old times

[ColtCrazy]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

Speaking on early 90's rap:

Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry
In five days from now he's going to marry
He's hoping you can make it there if you can
Cause in the ceremony, you'll be the best man.

Wait, what? Larry wants you to be the best man? He's not your best friend, Harry is. In fact it sounds like you barely know the guy. And why isn't he having his brother be best man? What kind of messed up family dynamics are going on here? He snubs his own brother, and chooses his brother's best friend? Talk about passive-aggressive. And what's with only giving you five day's notice? What kind of half-assed wedding is this?

I have always thought the same thing here.

[stevew]

Since it's on my uber car playlist and i still can't figure this part out.

rob bass it takes two

So let's start, it shouldn't be too hard
I'm not a sucker so I don't need a bodyguard
I won't fess, wear a bulletproof vest
Don't smoke buddha, can't stand sess, yes

I think Buddah is weed. But wtf is Sess

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by stevew

I think Buddah is weed. But wtf is Sess

Also weed, sensimilia to be exact.

[ColtCrazy]

I proudly present, MacArthur Park

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh no!

[Maple Leafs]

Whenever I see these old threads get bumped and there's a dot that means I participated I'm always dreading whatever dumb opinion I had back in the day. But in this one, I go from Young MC to an extended bit from The Vacant Lot that nobody else picks up on and then directly into tag-teaming with Sak on obscure Married With Children references. It may be my finest work.

[Umbrella]

Whatcha gonna do with all that junk
All that junk inside your trunk
I'ma get get get get you drunk
Get you love drunk off my hump
My hump my hump my hump my hump my hump
My hump my hump my hump my lovely little lumps

[Fidatelo]

Originally Posted by bryce

Two nominations:

Old Dirty Bastard:
"I don't have a problem with you fuckin' me
But I gotta little problem with you not fuckin' me"

This feels so far from dumb to me. I've always loved those lines. I do not second this nomination.

[pbot]

Originally Posted by stevew

Don't smoke buddha, can't stand sess, yes

Oh, ok.

I always thought the line was he "can't stand sex". Never bothered to actually lookup the lyrics.

[cuervo72]

Originally Posted by pbot

Oh, ok.

I always thought the line was he "can't stand sex". Never bothered to actually lookup the lyrics.

+1

[pbot]

Along the lines of misheard lyrics, Prince/Let's Go Crazy when he is doing the sermon thing at the beginning "Dearly beloved..." At the end when he talks about the elevator bringing you down or whatever it is, for the better part of two decades I thought he was saying "when the aligator brings you down".

Again, i never cared enough to actually look up the lyrics until maybe 3 years ago.

And, although I didn't understand why aligators were relevant, I thought...Well, he's Prince. He's a bit of a different cat, and maybe I'm just not cool enough to understand the reference.