F*^$ Cancer

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

I, um, that line: "since I might actually live long enough to use it after all". Cancer sucks.

Yeah, and that's pretty indicative of her state of mind for large swaths of the day for the past 2-3 week.
That line was delivered with a heavy dose of sincerity / honesty and only trace amounts of humor.

(fucking Google man, I told the doctor I was sorry that I didn't think to unplug the router ... she prescribed me changing the password every two days TFN)

[Breeze]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Yeah, and that's pretty indicative of her state of mind for large swaths of the day for the past 2-3 week.
That line was delivered with a heavy dose of sincerity / honesty and only trace amounts of humor.

(fucking Google man, I told the doctor I was sorry that I didn't think to unplug the router ... she prescribed me changing the password every two days TFN)

Yeah, I can tell you from my experience - stay off the websites. While they supply good information, the nature of the information by default is depressing, and for me, Ignorance is bliss.

(That's a bit of an over simplification...I stay up to day on potential treatments, but I don't get into mortality rates or details, just enough to know what kind of research is taking place.)

Keeping you guys in my prayers...

[Kodos]

Man. I don't even know what to say. Hang in there. Sending prayers to you and your wife. It's hard to label something that isn't the absolute worst result as "good". Hoping for the best outcome possible.

[Warhammer]

Sorry to hear. The biggest thing that I took away from my mom's fight is keep it real. The emotional roller coaster my parents were on because they only picked up on the positive had a negative boomerang effect anything went south.

The flip side is you can't let it keep you down either. Appreciate every moment and experience you spend together.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Make no mistake, the news yesterday was encouraging rather than discouraging. But I'll tell you what really hit me aside from the personal impact.

My wife had a roughly 1:1000 kind of tumor. And a top doc at a first rate hospital looks us squarely in the eye and says "we simply don't know, and there's not really any data to look at". And from that we make life-altering decisions.

What hit me was if we're this high & dry in terms of information and guidance, what must it be like from people who have 1:1,000,000 or rarer situations?

I'm not faulting medicine, or doctors, or anything else. Not complaining even.

I just know unarmed & ill-equipped we feel while trying to figure shit out, I can barely fathom what it must be like for those who land in far murkier waters. Gives me a new respect and insight for those cases.

#fuckcancer

[PilotMan]

Yeah, it's a completely bullshit, fuck you kind of situation. It is the sort of thing that leaves your head sunk, fixated on the awfulness of the situation, and wondering how you're supposed to decide what to to, and wondering if it even matters. I don't know. I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through the strain of that with a loved one.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by PilotMan

Yeah, it's a completely bullshit, fuck you kind of situation. It is the sort of thing that leaves your head sunk, fixated on the awfulness of the situation, and wondering how you're supposed to decide what to to, and wondering if it even matters. I don't know. I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through the strain of that with a loved one.

Man, you nailed it.

And the longer you're in the process, the less capable you feel of making good decisions. You're not getting smarter or wiser, you're just getting more stressed and more tired, neither of which is good for decision making.

If the doctors don't know -- and God bless 'em for being forthright and honest about that -- then how'n the hell are regular folks supposed to know?

And that's when you realize that you're going to have a make decisions based on insufficient info, and just go with it. Whatever "it" turns out to be, you're at the whims of the random number generator. And every gamer knows that unease.

[Coffee Warlord]

So updates on my mom's front.

She's been hospitalized for 6 days now. She sounded much better for the first time yesterday, and her head is in a better spot. She was pretty convinced she wasn't making it out of there.

Managed to drink a little bit, and was at least interested in trying to eat. Nowhere near out of the woods, but she's improving at least.

[JonInMiddleGA]

And guys, I sure don't want to overdo it in this thread.

Look at how many pages the thread is at, God only knows that a multitude of FOFC'ers have dealt with the same stuff -- and considerably worse -- that we're dealing with. I absolutely get that, so please don't ever mistake me for having delusions about being the center of the universe.

I'm verbose, it's just who I am sometimes.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Coffee Warlord

Nowhere near out of the woods, but she's improving at least.

Heading in the right direction, good to hear.

[Coffee Warlord]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

And guys, I sure don't want to overdo it in this thread.

Look at how many pages the thread is at, God only knows that a multitude of FOFC'ers have dealt with the same stuff -- and considerably worse -- that we're dealing with. I absolutely get that, so please don't ever mistake me for having delusions about being the center of the universe.

I'm verbose, it's just who I am sometimes.

Not at all, I figure it's the exact same situation I'm in - this is a place to vent the serious un-fun ness of all this shit, in front of people I don't mind venting such shit to.

And fuck me, I dare say every single one of us who has to post in this thread need the venting.

[Kodos]

Jon, don't apologize. That's what this thread is for, to support fellow FOFCers who find themselves facing cancer down in one form or another. If venting and talking about it helps even .00001 percent, vent away.

[AnalBumCover]

A quick update on my brother. He's been one of the lucky ones with his chemo treatments. After the third of 12 sessions, he's had minimal symptoms (fatigue, sensitivity to cold, reduced appetite) but did say this last one was a bit more intense. At least he feels well enough to continue to work.

[JonInMiddleGA]

I will mention something that happened, hmm, Sunday night I guess it was. In the middle of all the kid moving/packing stuff, emotions got pretty high and for the first time in all of this everybody in the house sorta boiled over a bit. It happens, you hate it, but that's real life for humans so that's not the part I wanted to share, but rather something that I said.

I never realized it until I blurted it out (yes, at some volume) but I have a lifetime of shitty experiences with people and chemo. I know people who've had success with it, but they're extended/removed/somewhat distant cases, but every single up close case -- the kind where you know the day to day of it, not just occasional updates about it -- had a pretty negative outcome. Regretted going through it kind of outcomes.

What I realized -- and wanted to make sure got into this thread -- was how much that was coloring my perceptions of it. That was kind of eye-opening for me.

I knew I had negative feelings about it, but didn't realize where a lot of that was coming from. I can forgive myself the short-sightedness, it's normal human reaction to have personal experience shape your view ... but remember to look for wider perspectives too. Tunnel vision, in this sense, is not anybody's friend.
#LessonLearned

edit to add: And yeah, that's probably why I have a special appreciation right now for those who are sharing their own situations. Good or bad, I need perspectives wider than my own history.

[spleen1015]

Jon, I am sure I speak for everyone here.

Come here and fill us in as much as you want. If it is therapeutic for you, then go for it man.

Best wishes to your wife, you and your family.

[cuervo72]

Yep, everyone needs that place to vent. Blast away.

[sterlingice]

Or CW or ABC or whoever needs it. Near as I can tell, it's what the thread is for: venting and knowing who could use some prayers.

EDIT: And sharing experiences for those of us who will eventually go through the same thing.

SI

[Thomkal]

Yeah what spleen said Jon. You certainly need places to vent and far better here than at home. So no worries there.

Not sure if I missed this in your responses, but can you find a support group for people who have dealt with this specific kind of cancer before? They can maybe clue you in on what to expect, what didn't work, etc.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Thomkal

Yeah what spleen said Jon. You certainly need places to vent and far better here than at home. So no worries there.

Not sure if I missed this in your responses, but can you find a support group for people who have dealt with this specific kind of cancer before? They can maybe clue you in on what to expect, what didn't work, etc.

We have wonderful options very nearby ... unfortunately they've basically locked their doors during Covid

You hit on my #1 priority from yesterday's session though,to leave there with SOME guidance toward options in that area. And I stuck my big ol' mouth right in the middle of the pre-doctor consultation (where the underling comes in to go through their checklist) to ask for any & all help they could give us.

And though their usual channels (groups, etc) are similarly limited at the moment, they were able to give us contact info for a psych (ologist? itrist? I'm uncertain, but whatever) that specializes in helping patients deal with diagnosis and treatment.

My wife has that number now and isn't afraid to use it (once we get through the next few days of rearranging the kid insanity)

[Coffee Warlord]

Not the best picture to paint anyone. My dad's description of my mom today:
"She looks like an Aushwitz survivor that's 8 months pregnant."

[Kodos]

[PilotMan]

Oof that must be so hard for you CW. Sorry your family is dealing with that.

[miami_fan]

Originally Posted by Coffee Warlord

So updates on my mom's front.

She's been hospitalized for 6 days now. She sounded much better for the first time yesterday, and her head is in a better spot. She was pretty convinced she wasn't making it out of there.

Managed to drink a little bit, and was at least interested in trying to eat. Nowhere near out of the woods, but she's improving at least.

Improving is one of the words I like to see this thread. Good to hear.

[miami_fan]

Originally Posted by cuervo72

Yep, everyone needs that place to vent. Blast away.

This.

[cartman]

My mom goes in a week from tomorrow to undergo a Whipple procedure. She'll be in the hospital about 7-10 days afterwards, then likely will come down to stay with me to recuperate, since my sister and her kids are still living with my mom and dad.

[path12]

Originally Posted by path12

Thanks to all for your thoughts and prayers, they are appreciated. Looks like the surgery will be this next Friday.

Y'know it's funny. I'm not around here much these days but when I got the diagnosis I felt the need to let y'all know. A testament to the enduring power of internet community I guess

Also I went back through this thread and wanted to give my very best wishes to all of you dealing with this. FOFC is a special place.

Figured I'd update. Had the surgery and turns out I'm terminal, 5-12 months. Going through chemo/radiation in hopes of getting some more quality time out of it but so far it's not really taking.

Anyway, I always thought I'd be super scared but I'm not. Sad to leave of course, but overall fairly zen. I'm not one to ask why me.

[I. J. Reilly]

Path, I've no words. I'm just so sorry. I hope your peace stays with you, come what may.

[MizzouRah]

Path, that makes me very sad to read and all I can say is I'll continue to pray for you and everyone with this terrible disease.

[Thomkal]

Oh path I'm so sorry. Social distancing be damned, consider yourself hugged. Anything we can do for you?

[JPhillips]

Take care Path. If there's anything we can do, just ask.

[AnalBumCover]

Path, I'm not very good at putting thoughts to words in situations as these. Just know that I keeping you in my nightly prayers alongside my brother who's also fighting this terrible disease.

[BYU 14]

Man Path, so sorry my friend. I admire your courage and approach, I can't even imagine. Wish I could give you a big hug and I hope you are able to retain this peace. Continued positive vibes your way!

[JonInMiddleGA]

Fuck

May peace remain with you path.

[miami_fan]

May peace be with you path.

[Ksyrup]

So sorry to hear this.

[JAG]

I'm at a loss for words. I'm so sorry path.

[spleen1015]

Sorry to hear this path. Best wishes to you and your family.

[cartman]

FUCK. CANCER.

[Breeze]

so sorry - peace be with you...

[cartman]

My mom is out of surgery and is in the recovery room. They took out about half of her pancreas. The surgeon was very pleased, and said nothing was unexpected once he got in there. Most important: all of the samples sent to pathology came back clean. She'll be in the hospital for another week, then she and my dad will come down to my house to recuperate.

[Thomkal]

Great news Cartman!

[Warhammer]

Originally Posted by path12

Figured I'd update. Had the surgery and turns out I'm terminal, 5-12 months. Going through chemo/radiation in hopes of getting some more quality time out of it but so far it's not really taking.

Anyway, I always thought I'd be super scared but I'm not. Sad to leave of course, but overall fairly zen. I'm not one to ask why me.

Damn, sorry to hear. I honestly have no words.

[MizzouRah]

Great to hear Cartman!!!

[PilotMan]

Originally Posted by path12

Figured I'd update. Had the surgery and turns out I'm terminal, 5-12 months. Going through chemo/radiation in hopes of getting some more quality time out of it but so far it's not really taking.

Anyway, I always thought I'd be super scared but I'm not. Sad to leave of course, but overall fairly zen. I'm not one to ask why me.

omg, I missed this. There are no words. Fuck fucking cancer.

[cuervo72]

[thesloppy]

Hugs, Path.

[sterlingice]

Oh man, I have to say it, but I mostly hate to see this thread bumped and don't like clicking on it sometimes.

Once again, I don't know what the right sentiment is, but it sounds like you've found peace, Path, which I don't know if I could do in your circumstances.

SI

[JonInMiddleGA]

Today is wife's first follow up scan, to see if they see anything they shouldn't see.

That it's grey, rainy, ugh kind of day for the drive to Atlanta is just perfectly 2020. It fits perfectly with her diagnosis earlier in the week of osteoporsis and arthritis that has her hobbling on a bum right knee for the past couple weeks.

Obviously we're a million miles away from being the only people who've ever dealt with this sort of shit but, honestly, I don't even know how those who've dealt with this do so. I guess you just ... do.

[albionmoonlight]

Good luck, Jon.

Don't know if you believe in prayers, but I just sent y'all some anyway. Maybe you can trade them in for store credit if you don't :-)

[Lathum]

Good luck my friend