How to (successfully) hit on a coworker. - Page 9

Flasch186 · 10-05-2022, 07:58 PM

This took a turn

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

NobodyHere · 10-05-2022, 07:59 PM

Also I'm concerned that a thread about my love life has turned towards Dahmer.

Are you all trying to tell me something?

NobodyHere · 10-05-2022, 08:04 PM

Also I would like to mention that this thread is one year old now.

NobodyHere · 10-05-2022, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

Do you ever go to trivia night at a bar? Maybe get a tram of coworkers to go do that.

We agreed to a trivia night two weeks from now. So don't let it ever be said I don't listen to you guys.

sovereignstar v2 · 10-05-2022, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Also I'm concerned that a thread about my love life has turned towards Dahmer.

Are you all trying to tell me something?

You're going to have to eat her one way or another.

NobodyHere · 10-05-2022, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sovereignstar v2

You're going to have to eat her one way or another.

She did invite to a Farmer's Market tomorrow. And I'm sure there's a very clever joke that ties in to your post but I can't think of it.

But on a more personal/serious note, is it good or bad that I looked up a video on the proper way of eating a woman?

sovereignstar v2 · 10-05-2022, 08:28 PM

Was Bryant McKinnie in it?

PilotMan · 10-05-2022, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sovereignstar v2

You're going to have to eat her one way or another.

clapclapclap

PilotMan · 10-05-2022, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

She did invite to a Farmer's Market tomorrow. And I'm sure there's a very clever joke that ties in to your post but I can't think of it.

But on a more personal/serious note, is it good or bad that I looked up a video on the proper way of eating a woman?

You're going to want to be really careful with the way you word that for Mr Google. lol

sabotai · 10-05-2022, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

But on a more personal/serious note, is it good or bad that I looked up a video on the proper way of eating a woman?

Ok, you're gonna want to remember to delete your browser and search history before she sets foot in your place. Just to be on the safe side.

NobodyHere · 10-05-2022, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sabotai

Ok, you're gonna want to remember to delete your browser and search history before she sets foot in your place. Just to be on the safe side.

Oh definitely, I was going to do that Friday. 20 years of Bachelor life would probably scare many a women.

JeeberD · 10-05-2022, 10:34 PM

I'm glad to hear that thanks are working out with Amber, because this...THIS...

Quote:

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

I'm told my boss didn't hire the HR person because she lacked the qualifications he was looking for in the position. So I'm free to hit on my coworker if necessary.

...this is not how it works.

Lathum · 10-05-2022, 10:42 PM

So wait, you googled how to orally please a woman?

Ksyrup · 10-05-2022, 10:47 PM

I preferred to Ask Jeeves.

PilotMan · 10-05-2022, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

So wait, you googled how to orally please a woman?

Baby I'll clean the bathrooms works.

Edward64 · 10-05-2022, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

I preferred to Ask Jeeves.

Had to look it up. It's ask.com now. Currently #8 with aol.com (!) at #6.

The Top 10 Search Engines Today

Lathum · 10-05-2022, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PilotMan

Baby I'll clean the bathrooms works.

Ha!

Izulde · 10-06-2022, 01:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

So wait, you googled how to orally please a woman?

Clearly he hasn't seen the right movie, or he'd know the right method is the Tongue Tornado

Solecismic · 10-06-2022, 01:09 AM

Speaking of which, if it has been 20 years since you've had a female visit your place, you'd better take some time to clean bathrooms properly before she arrives. It's their number-one (and number-two, if necessary) test. Clean towels with no logos.

Then a thorough check of every room for any other sign of career bachelorhood (beer bottle collections, stacks of pizza boxes, etc). It's just like babyproofing when your baby first shows signs of being able to crawl, in that you're viewing your home from a different perspective.

Probably too late for a run to the furniture store, but if there's anything like deck chairs in front of the television, you might want to take emergency action.

Dahmer grew up in Bath (high-income suburb town north of Akron). I didn't know that until I moved out here - strange how Ohioans seem almost proud of this. I'm not sure I'd joke about that until the second date, though.

Lathum · 10-06-2022, 06:32 AM

I’m guessing she’s going to drug him then rob him.

Mota · 10-06-2022, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

She did invite to a Farmer's Market tomorrow. And I'm sure there's a very clever joke that ties in to your post but I can't think of it.

But on a more personal/serious note, is it good or bad that I looked up a video on the proper way of eating a woman?

It's all about the clitoris. Explore, and most of all, listen. They tell you what feels good.

HomerSimpson98 · 10-06-2022, 10:17 AM

lol this thread is great

NobodyHere · 10-06-2022, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

I’m guessing she’s going to drug him then rob him.

If I don't post anything by monday morning then come after me.

Ksyrup · 10-06-2022, 11:36 AM

You? We're coming for what's left!

bhlloy · 10-06-2022, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

I’m guessing she’s going to drug him then rob him.

How much is the going rate for a kidney? Has it gone up due to inflation?

Izulde · 10-06-2022, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bhlloy

How much is the going rate for a kidney? Has it gone up due to inflation?

It's only a few thousand for most kidney donors, who are overseas. The going rate is $100,000 - $200,000 for a black market transplant

NobodyHere · 10-08-2022, 08:05 PM

Sorry FOFC, you're not getting my organs this week.

Lathum · 10-08-2022, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Sorry FOFC, you're not getting my organs this week.

Did she get your organ?

NobodyHere · 10-08-2022, 08:19 PM

She did get a lot of my tongue.

Lathum · 10-08-2022, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

She did get a lot of my tongue.

did your research pay off?

NobodyHere · 10-09-2022, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

did your research pay off?

I'll just say that I got a double or triple yesterday instead of a home run and leave it at that.

Kodos · 10-09-2022, 05:27 PM

And here I am stuck bunting.

Lathum · 10-09-2022, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kodos

And here I am stuck bunting.

I get 1 AB a week and after 15 years of marriage consider that a lot of playing time.

Ksyrup · 10-09-2022, 06:05 PM

HA! This thread continues to deliver.

NobodyHere · 10-09-2022, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

I get 1 AB a week and after 15 years of marriage consider that a lot of playing time.

How's your average?

Flasch186 · 10-09-2022, 07:46 PM

so NOW nobodyhere wants to play coy? riiiigggggghttt

NobodyHere · 10-09-2022, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flasch186

so NOW nobodyhere wants to play coy? riiiigggggghttt

I want to maintain *some* privacy in my life after all.

If you want to complain then post your notices on other peoples mailboxes.

Lathum · 10-09-2022, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

How's your average?

Depends on how much I have drank

NobodyHere · 10-09-2022, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

Depends on how much I have drank

I want full statistical breakdown

Mota · 10-09-2022, 08:05 PM

Wow, a little taste of the nookie, and now NobodyHere is ready to return the receipts!

Lathum · 10-09-2022, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

I want full statistical breakdown

Well. Lets see- before children when we were younger it was probably 3 times a week. Our son was born after 2.5 years of marriage, so 120 week =360 times. The year after our kid was born was, infrequent, lets say every other week, so 26 times. After tat we tried for a second and had to do it almost every other day. Obviously have to account for travel, periods (not into vampire fantasy), etc..It took another 2 years, so lets say 3X a week =312 times. The year after kid 2 was born things obviously slow again, so lets say another 26 times. That brings us to 6.5 years. So we have another 8.5 years, 102 months, 408 weeks, so averaging once a week would be 408 more times. That makes a grand total of 1132 times wife and I have had sex.

So if say 5% of the time I am too shitty either to perform, I pass out, or she is like, dude, get off me, thats 57 times I have "struck out"

NobodyHere · 10-09-2022, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

Well. Lets see- before children when we were younger it was probably 3 times a week. Our son was born after 2.5 years of marriage, so 120 week =360 times. The year after our kid was born was, infrequent, lets say every other week, so 26 times. After tat we tried for a second and had to do it almost every other day. Obviously have to account for travel, periods (not into vampire fantasy), etc..It took another 2 years, so lets say 3X a week =312 times. The year after kid 2 was born things obviously slow again, so lets say another 26 times. That brings us to 6.5 years. So we have another 8.5 years, 102 months, 408 weeks, so averaging once a week would be 408 more times. That makes a grand total of 1132 times wife and I have had sex.

So if say 5% of the time I am too shitty either to perform, I pass out, or she is like, dude, get off me, thats 57 times I have "struck out"

Are you listening to this Jim? This could be the start of your next simulation hit!

Izulde · 10-09-2022, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

Well. Lets see- before children when we were younger it was probably 3 times a week. Our son was born after 2.5 years of marriage, so 120 week =360 times. The year after our kid was born was, infrequent, lets say every other week, so 26 times. After tat we tried for a second and had to do it almost every other day. Obviously have to account for travel, periods (not into vampire fantasy), etc..It took another 2 years, so lets say 3X a week =312 times. The year after kid 2 was born things obviously slow again, so lets say another 26 times. That brings us to 6.5 years. So we have another 8.5 years, 102 months, 408 weeks, so averaging once a week would be 408 more times. That makes a grand total of 1132 times wife and I have had sex.

So if say 5% of the time I am too shitty either to perform, I pass out, or she is like, dude, get off me, thats 57 times I have "struck out"

Which means it would take a virgin having sex every day for 3 years, 1 month, and 1 week to equal Lathum +wife's numbers

cuervo72 · 10-09-2022, 08:29 PM

I still just spend a lot of time in the cage like I always have.

NobodyHere · 10-09-2022, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cuervo72

I still just spend a lot of time in the cage like I always have.

You could be useful in the future.

Lathum · 10-09-2022, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Izulde

Which means it would take a virgin having sex every day for 3 years, 1 month, and 1 week to equal Lathum +wife's numbers

That sounds horrible....

Ksyrup · 10-09-2022, 08:43 PM

To keep it simple, it used to be 2/3s now it's 1/3.

cuervo72 · 10-09-2022, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

You could be useful in the future.

Only if I get traded.

PilotMan · 10-09-2022, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

Well. Lets see- before children when we were younger it was probably 3 times a week. Our son was born after 2.5 years of marriage, so 120 week =360 times. The year after our kid was born was, infrequent, lets say every other week, so 26 times. After tat we tried for a second and had to do it almost every other day. Obviously have to account for travel, periods (not into vampire fantasy), etc..It took another 2 years, so lets say 3X a week =312 times. The year after kid 2 was born things obviously slow again, so lets say another 26 times. That brings us to 6.5 years. So we have another 8.5 years, 102 months, 408 weeks, so averaging once a week would be 408 more times. That makes a grand total of 1132 times wife and I have had sex.

So if say 5% of the time I am too shitty either to perform, I pass out, or she is like, dude, get off me, thats 57 times I have "struck out"

I can 'safely' say that in nearly 24 years of being together that we're well over 2000. Yes, our kids will need therapy, and yes, they've all heard us having sex. It's a bit of a running joke.

Solecismic · 10-09-2022, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NobodyHere

Are you listening to this Jim? This could be the start of your next simulation hit!

Huh? You guys are talking about second base and third base and all sorts of sample size abuses.

That's baseball. Red Barber died thirty years ago. There's nothing left to be said.

Such a simple sport that you need all sorts of fancy graphics just to sit through one of those endless games. Just one dude trying to throw a ball past another dude. And apparently, once the numbers are crunched, the dude throwing the ball doesn't even have all that much to do with the outcome anyway.

The game engine wouldn't require a thousand lines of code. Spare me.

10-05-2022, 07:58 PM	#401
Flasch186 Coordinator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Jacksonville, FL	This took a turn Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ Jacksonville-florida-homes-for-sale Putting a New Spin on Real Estate! ----------------------------------------------------------- Commissioner of the USFL USFL

10-05-2022, 07:59 PM	#402
NobodyHere Coordinator Join Date: Nov 2013	Also I'm concerned that a thread about my love life has turned towards Dahmer. Are you all trying to tell me something? __________________ "I am God's prophet, and I need an attorney"

10-05-2022, 08:04 PM	#403
NobodyHere Coordinator Join Date: Nov 2013	Also I would like to mention that this thread is one year old now. __________________ "I am God's prophet, and I need an attorney"

10-05-2022, 10:47 PM	#414
Ksyrup This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: In Absentia	I preferred to Ask Jeeves. __________________ M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."

10-06-2022, 11:36 AM	#424
Ksyrup This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: In Absentia	You? We're coming for what's left! __________________ M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."

10-05-2022, 08:28 PM	#407
sovereignstar v2 hates iowa Join Date: Oct 2010	Was Bryant McKinnie in it?

10-05-2022, 10:42 PM	#413
Lathum Favored Bitch #1 Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: homeless in NJ	So wait, you googled how to orally please a woman?

10-06-2022, 01:09 AM	#419
Solecismic Solecismic Software Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Canton, OH	Speaking of which, if it has been 20 years since you've had a female visit your place, you'd better take some time to clean bathrooms properly before she arrives. It's their number-one (and number-two, if necessary) test. Clean towels with no logos. Then a thorough check of every room for any other sign of career bachelorhood (beer bottle collections, stacks of pizza boxes, etc). It's just like babyproofing when your baby first shows signs of being able to crawl, in that you're viewing your home from a different perspective. Probably too late for a run to the furniture store, but if there's anything like deck chairs in front of the television, you might want to take emergency action. Dahmer grew up in Bath (high-income suburb town north of Akron). I didn't know that until I moved out here - strange how Ohioans seem almost proud of this. I'm not sure I'd joke about that until the second date, though.

10-06-2022, 06:32 AM	#420
Lathum Favored Bitch #1 Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: homeless in NJ	I’m guessing she’s going to drug him then rob him.

10-06-2022, 10:17 AM	#422
HomerSimpson98 High School Varsity Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Cowtown, TX	lol this thread is great

10-08-2022, 08:05 PM	#427
NobodyHere Coordinator Join Date: Nov 2013	Sorry FOFC, you're not getting my organs this week. __________________ "I am God's prophet, and I need an attorney"

10-08-2022, 08:19 PM	#429
NobodyHere Coordinator Join Date: Nov 2013	She did get a lot of my tongue. __________________ "I am God's prophet, and I need an attorney"

10-09-2022, 05:27 PM	#432
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	And here I am stuck bunting. __________________ Author of The Bill Gates Challenge, as well as other groundbreaking dynasties.

10-09-2022, 06:05 PM	#434
Ksyrup This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: In Absentia	HA! This thread continues to deliver. __________________ M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."

10-09-2022, 07:46 PM	#436
Flasch186 Coordinator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Jacksonville, FL	so NOW nobodyhere wants to play coy? riiiigggggghttt __________________ Jacksonville-florida-homes-for-sale Putting a New Spin on Real Estate! ----------------------------------------------------------- Commissioner of the USFL USFL

10-09-2022, 08:05 PM	#440
Mota College Benchwarmer Join Date: Jan 2001	Wow, a little taste of the nookie, and now NobodyHere is ready to return the receipts!

10-09-2022, 08:29 PM	#444
cuervo72 Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Maryland	I still just spend a lot of time in the cage like I always have. __________________ null

10-09-2022, 08:43 PM	#447
Ksyrup This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: In Absentia	To keep it simple, it used to be 2/3s now it's 1/3. __________________ M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete." Last edited by Ksyrup : 10-09-2022 at 08:43 PM.

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