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Old 03-29-2005, 10:45 PM   #201
TargetPractice6
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I think kicking as hard and as much as I can would be my strategy. Since were are talking about 3 feet tall kids it would be much easier than punching, and I would imagine it would hurt them more. Also it would keep the legs moving thus keeping the kids from immobilizing you. The only downside I can think of is balance. If you somehow lost the leg you were standing on during the kid you would be screwed.

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Old 09-19-2005, 11:09 AM   #202
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Old 09-19-2005, 06:47 PM   #203
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LOL... Can't believe I somehow missed this thread the first time around...
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Old 09-19-2005, 06:48 PM   #204
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this thread actually got deleted from another board i am on
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Old 09-19-2005, 10:31 PM   #205
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You know, I have recently completed some defensive tactics and ground fighting training. I also have really upped my stamina with an aerobic exercise regimine. I think I have doubled the number of five year olds I could take.
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Old 05-14-2006, 10:33 PM   #206
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OK. We've all had more than a year to give this some serious thought.

What's your final number?

Me, personally, I think I could take on about 50. I'm not the athlete I used to be, and endurance would be the killer. Another point to remember is that punching really hurts your fists. You take down a couple of these kids and your hands are going to swell up, leaving you with just your legs. You throw a single way-ward kick and 10 of the little buggers are going to grapple your leg and it's game over.

With this in mind you need to throw a couple of roundhouse kicks right at the beginning to clear some room, and then go in for the grab. Pick up a kid and just utterly destroy him by hurling him head first in to the ground. Then you gotta keep the rest of them at bay with your kicks, and take the fuckers out one by one. You pick up a kid and twirl them around and you may knock them over, but you won't knock them out. The key is using your energy wisely and making sure each attack you use is a KO attack.
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Old 05-15-2006, 05:59 AM   #207
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Old 05-15-2006, 06:29 AM   #208
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probably 30 for me.
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Old 05-15-2006, 06:41 AM   #209
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Old 12-20-2007, 10:10 PM   #210
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Old 12-20-2007, 11:13 PM   #211
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Thread necromancy much?

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Old 12-20-2007, 11:14 PM   #212
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It is just staggering how much thought you can geenrate with this. Unreal.


Okay, my latest thinking is that there is a matter of focus that is going unsaid here. Yes, these are somewhat trained kindergarteners... but the setup does not suggest that they are brilliant, nor all that coordinated. So, giving them the benefit of the doubt about tactics and organizationa approaches is probably unfair.

I was thinking numbers in the dozens... but it's hard in my mind to see how it gets much tougher to fight 40 than, say, 20. Part of the fun of this, I guess.

But after thinking that realisticslly, at least some (most?) of these kids are just not going to be very effective fighters... I'm starting to think some fairly big numbers are reasonable.

Now... give me ShkSpr's wife as a co-combatant... and she and I can hole up in our kinder-carcass fort and I suspect we could hold them off for a month if needed. I'm thinking the two of us together could handle four hundred of these little pricks.


re-reading this thread I think the above post is one of my favorites ever. Also, I count at least 4 typos, I think Quik was getting pretty excited at the thought of taking out hordes of 5 year olds.
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Old 12-20-2007, 11:19 PM   #213
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Kinder-carcass puts it over the top huh?
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Old 12-20-2007, 11:25 PM   #214
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Thread necromancy much?

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http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/

has been making the rounds lately in many circles(I've seen it on two separate occasions in the last week).
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Old 12-20-2007, 11:43 PM   #215
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this is my alltime favorite thread.
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Old 12-20-2007, 11:48 PM   #216
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this is my alltime favorite thread.

Ditto. This thread also pretty much reads as a "Best Of Hell Atlantic" thread.
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Old 12-21-2007, 01:08 AM   #217
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re-reading this thread I think the above post is one of my favorites ever. Also, I count at least 4 typos, I think Quik was getting pretty excited at the thought of taking out hordes of 5 year olds.

I'm personally a little creeped out by his desire to hole up with my wife for a month.

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Old 12-21-2007, 09:20 AM   #218
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I missed this one earlier. Do 6 year olds count, or do they have to be 5? My six year old son is driving me nuts these days................
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Old 12-21-2007, 09:26 AM   #219
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I think it would be kinda like breaking the seal when you're drinking... probably take you a long time to kill the first one, but after that you could get rid of 'em fast and furious.

Unless they were bloodthirsty zombie kids, that would change the formula completely.
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Old 12-21-2007, 09:31 AM   #220
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And so the discussion starts again.......

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Old 12-21-2007, 09:32 AM   #221
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I think it would be kinda like breaking the seal when you're drinking... probably take you a long time to kill the first one, but after that you could get rid of 'em fast and furious.

Unless they were bloodthirsty zombie kids, that would change the formula completely.

Isn't that a video game or something?
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Old 12-21-2007, 11:26 AM   #222
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I've built up a resistance to 5 year olds since i'm a bus driver..... Bring on 200 ..no ..make that 300 tykes!
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Old 12-21-2007, 11:41 AM   #223
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5 year olds I can take, they have learned fear. It's the three year olds I worry about.

I took my 3 year old to the barbers yesterday, and he was great and sat in the chair next to me while I got my haircut. When we were done, he went to get up (ignoring me telling him no), and got his coat caught in the chair and smacked his head on the floor. He had a black and blue knot the size of an avocado pit that stuck out about 3/4". Took him to the doctor and he was alright.

Got him home, what's the first thing he does? He climbs up on the biggest chair he can find, and then jumps off.
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Old 12-21-2007, 11:48 AM   #224
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Just did the howmany5yearsoldscanyoutakeinafight.com or whatever Radii posted above, my number was 26. I think thats a little low... Somehow I missed this thread completely until now. I think it is all about the initial rush, once you start getting a few knocked out, if you are in shape you can take em all.
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Old 12-21-2007, 01:41 PM   #225
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How the hell did I miss this?

Elbows are your best friend. Swinging, punching, kicking, these things will tire you out too quickly. But you can swing elbows all day. Little bastards wouldn't have a chance.
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Old 12-21-2007, 10:12 PM   #226
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I missed this one earlier.

Not surprising, considering you've only been on these boards for less than a month.
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Old 12-22-2007, 10:29 PM   #227
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Unless they were bloodthirsty zombie kids, that would change the formula completely.

Well, that becomes really problematic because then you have to start factoring in stuff like how soon after zombification starts taking effect and how you'd fight very conservatively because you'd be afraid of being bitten.

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Old 01-07-2009, 08:39 PM   #228
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i just thought of this question over 3 years after this thread got started:

when you say "how many 5 year olds can you take?", do you mean you're going to put me in a room and keep sending in wave after wave of 5 year old warriors until i eventually succumb? cuz if that's the case, the question is more "how many 5 year olds do you think you could take before you are beat in this challenge?"

is there a finite number of combatants? how do i win? or have i forgot the rules or something? what is the criteria for winning this challenge?

i still think i can take on 100 minimum. i've packed on a beer belly since this thread came out, but due to a steady consumption of red meat/protein and an occassional arm/shoulders workout i've added more muscle to my upper body. i can get up to 200 kids with the aforementioned ninja outfit and black headband, strobe lights and a song like "Survivalism" by NIN blaring loudly, with sounds of ravaging animals interspersed throughout.
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Old 01-07-2009, 11:48 PM   #229
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Naah, I've got you pegged for like, 6 max.
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Old 10-01-2012, 06:06 PM   #230
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So somebody tried this...and failed.
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Old 10-01-2012, 06:28 PM   #231
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god, id crawl into a hole and bury myself before i went public if a 5 year old kicked my ass. this has to be a con
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Old 10-01-2012, 06:35 PM   #232
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got beat by a kid but beat the system.
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Old 10-01-2012, 09:37 PM   #233
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To be fair, they were 6 year olds...
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Old 10-01-2012, 09:41 PM   #234
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On the local CBS they were interviewing the mother and kid. The mother said the child didn't kick the teacher. They asked the kid and he said, "I don't know. I forgot." I have a seven year old. I've heard that lie before.
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Old 10-01-2012, 09:48 PM   #235
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All these kids we were talking shit about are 12 now, and we're 7 more years out of shape. This is bad
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Old 10-01-2012, 11:00 PM   #236
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If only he had the benefit of strobe lights and his own theme music ...
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Old 10-01-2012, 11:14 PM   #237
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I couldn't see the whole title. I assumed it was going to end "fit in your mouth at once"
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Old 10-02-2012, 05:02 AM   #238
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I think the point of the game was how many 5 year olds you can take, not how you somehow have to get this stinkin' 5 year old to the principal's office without touching him, without saying anything remotely negative, while at the same time he can do anything he wants to you without any repercussions. I'm sure that one forearm to the back of the head would have knocked out that kid for 6-8 weeks but good luck ever finding another teaching job.
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Old 10-02-2012, 10:18 AM   #239
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All these kids we were talking shit about are 12 now, and we're 7 more years out of shape. This is bad

Can we get this thread deleted? Or at least any of my posts.
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Old 10-02-2012, 10:33 AM   #240
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My son isn't even three yet and he beats the crap out of me (unintentionally, most of the time). I think my original reply of 47 is WAY too many.
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Old 10-02-2012, 11:29 AM   #241
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On the local CBS they were interviewing the mother and kid. The mother said the child didn't kick the teacher. They asked the kid and he said, "I don't know. I forgot." I have a seven year old. I've heard that lie before.

Yeah, no kidding. I feel for the gym teacher, especially when parents can't see that mommy and daddy's little angel can do no wrong.

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Old 12-12-2014, 07:03 AM   #242
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So apparently I can't even take 1. Maybe it is because he is actually 6 instead of 5. Yeah I'll go with that. So last Friday I was wrestling with my son. He came running at me and jumped and his knee came down full force. I had a lot of pain almost immediately. The pain lasted a little more than 2 hours. I had no more problems until Monday night. I was sitting in a chair watching the Packer game. I moved a little to readjust myself and I felt a pop in my back followed by immediate pain. Again it lasted a little more than 2 hours before I was able to fall asleep. I woke up at 2 a.m. In very intense pain. So I called my dad to come sit with the kids while I went to the ER. They ran a CAT scan and the only thing that showed up was my white blood cell count was high, and my liver was slightly inflamed. So the ER sent me home with a prescription for Vicodin. I took those for the full day and they did absolutely nothing for the pain. So I called my primary Dr and went to see him. He was feeling around in my back and he said he was pretty certain that I tore a muscle. So he sent me home with some muscle relaxers. So I took those for the full day and they did nothing for the pain. I would say I was expierncing about an 8 on the pain scale. So I called my Dr first thing in the morning and more or less begged for something stronger. So he gave me an order for oxycodone. I took 1 pill at 2:00 yesterday and it knocked me out. I woke at 4 and by 4:15 was in complete pain again. So I called the Dr office and asked how long the oxy should last. After I explained that it lasted about 2 hours they suggested that I return to the ER. So they run another CAT scan and it shows my white blood cell count was higher than it was Monday night. So the ER Dr consulted with another Dr and they now believe when Lukas jumped on me that I suffered severe trauma to my kidney. They believe I have a clotting in my kidney. If this is the case I was told my kidney is dying and too much time has passed to save it.

So if you ever find yourself one on one with a 6 year old, take him out before he does you.
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Old 12-12-2014, 07:17 AM   #243
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Old 12-12-2014, 08:13 AM   #244
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holy crap... Kidney is Dying sounds serious. Hope you are ok man.. that 6 year old is mad crazy!
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Old 12-12-2014, 08:16 AM   #245
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Holy crap! That's an awful story.
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Old 12-12-2014, 08:20 AM   #246
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The good thing is that your son seems like a lock for some kind of scholarship.
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Old 12-12-2014, 08:21 AM   #247
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Da Fuck!

That is horrible man, sorry to hear.

Any chance for a malpractice suit? Seems like that is something the hospital should have caught.
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Old 12-12-2014, 08:31 AM   #248
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Sorry to hear.

I hope you will give the kid your dead kidney for Christmas.
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Old 12-12-2014, 08:36 AM   #249
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Better yet, hold this in your back pocket and if your other kidney starts to fail, pull this story out for the guilt of getting one of his donated to you.
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Old 12-12-2014, 08:40 AM   #250
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Y'ouch! That sucks.
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