Godzilla Blitz's "Poop on the Golden Helmets (Year 4?)"

[Co-D'ohs]

List of threads:

Year 1

Year 2

Year 3

Year 4


___________________________

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:


2004 Season
Some days birds chirp gleefully; some days they freeze to death. Some days squirrels play joyfully; some days cars squish them. Some days we get to play with large breasted women; some days, well, you know how it goes. Well, today our bird froze, our squirrel got squished, and there was no booty. The tenth email down the list in 2004 bears the simple words, “Notre Dame fires you.” It is over. The sword has fallen; we have been fired. Damn it.

I am too stunned to speak. The dream, so close, yet so far. All is anguish. Terry Haute, wherever the hell that is, offers me a job. They are pretty much all that we have been trying to make Notre Dame into. I need the cash, so I pack up my bags, say goodbye to the players. But my heart is crushed. I have no desire to continue at some other place. I am just going through the motions. A zombie. On the plane to Terry Haute I have a dozen or so whiskeys. I rent a cheap apartment in Terry Haute, next to a liquor store, across the street from the local diner. I don't even buy furniture. I just sleep in my clothes on the floor.

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:


2004, Aftermath
I put my team, Terry Haute, in the hands of my assistants and watch the year unfold. During the week I usually just hang out in bars, but on the weekends, I put on a disguise, use Terry Haute recruiting funds to fly to South Bend, and grab a seat high up in the stands, where I watch the game and drink whiskey from my hidden flask. Notre Dame has started out the year ranked #20? Are they stupid? #20? They have no talent! Damn it to all hell. This is awful.

Week 1
Hummmm. Louisiansa State 23, Notre Dame 0. Notre Dame was awful! QB Barnes chucked a few interceptions to kill the few scoring drives the team had.

Record 0-1; Rank #77

Week 2
Interesting. Penn State 37, Notre Dame 0. Penn State ran all over them. Notre Dame’s offense stood still. I can’t see game stats but it looked pretty ugly!

Record 0-2; Rank #98

Week 3
Michigan 41, Notre Dame 6. Well, they scored. That is not a good sign. But still, they are playing like we were never gone. Is this hope fluttering in my heart? Could we have done it anyway?

Record 0-3; Rank #97

Week 4
The beat goes on. Purdue 47, Notre Dame 0. It is strange not being a part of it anymore, but there is some pride involved here now. Could they do it on their own? Could they lose them all for the Blitzer?

Record 0-4; Rank #80?

Week 5
No such luck. The dream is officially over, folks. Notre Dame 27, Utah State 10. The dispair is complete. I begin to drink more heavily.

Record 1-4; Rank #69

Well, we gave it a shot. There is no way now. Our dream is done. I stop attending the games at this point, the pain is too great. Instead, I spend seven days a week in bars and strip clubs on the seedy side of Terry Haute. Hell, I don’t even attend my own team’s games. I just don’t care. What about Candy, you ask? She ditched me when I lost my job. She thought Terry Haute was a perfume; there was no way she would move there. My life now is viewed mostly from the bottom of a whiskey glass, alone, in my small apartment near the college in Terry Haute.

The rest of 2004
Notre Dame goes on to win 3 more games. They finish the year at 4-7, ranked #87. Sigh.

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:


2005 Season and beyond
In 2005, apparently Notre Dame only won one game. They beat Cenral Florida in the second to last game of the year to finish the year at 1-10, ranked #120 in the nation. I learn of this from Candy, who came by with her husband, Brock Gray, to visit me in Terry Haute after the season ended. The news cheers me up, but two years away from it all, I find not nearly as much joy as I had hoped. It’s not the same anymore; it’s not my team.

In 2006, Notre Dame finishes 1-10 again, ranked #119. It is satisfying to know that our short tenure has ruined the school’s football program for a few years anyway, but this is all just bittersweet revenge. I wanted to be a part of it, be on the sideline watching the empty stands. Hell, I don’t even recognize the kids' names anymore.

In 2007, Notre Dame begins the long climb back up the ranks. They finish 6-6, ranked #68. Bottom line is their prestige just didn’t take a big enough hit to keep them on the bottom. Once they cycled out our guys, they started to win again. I am sure they will be back near the top within another decade.

At this point I stop following college football; I continue to drink and waste away my life visiting internet porn sites. I’m still officially the coach of Terry Haute, but my assistants handle everything. I don’t even know what our record was this past season. Sometimes I get email, asking if I will take another job somewhere. Get revenge on some other institution. What’s the use, I say, and pour myself another glass of whiskey.

Just before the end of the decade, Candy and Brock came to visit me in Terry Haute with their son, Knute. Know what the little tyke was wearing? Yup, you guessed it. A Notre Dame sweatshirt. About an hour after they left, I had written my last words, had my last drink. In my left hand was a loaded pistol. What’s the use, I thought? Just get it over with.

Sometimes you just have to hit bottom before things change, I guess. And maybe on that day I bounced off the bottom, and it gave me just a little bit of perspective to see over that whiskey glass, that loaded pistol, that small apartment in the middle of nowhere. Maybe I simply realized for the first time that I had lost a battle, and not a war. That by blowing my brains out in that meaningless apartment on that day I would be admitting defeat to myself and all the good that is in the world. Hell, maybe even god reached down and touched me, telling me that now was not my time. Well, whatever the reason, I didn’t do it. For the first time in seven years, I felt just a little spark, a faint glimmer of a simmering rage, deep down where all things big and important lie. I put the gun away. Emptied the whiskey onto the floor. Took a shower for the first time in weeks. I called the athletic director at Terry Haute and told him I quit, thanks for everything. I got dressed and went across the street to the local diner. Ordered myself my first healthy meal in years, and grabbed a newspaper off the rack. Turned to the employment section. And yes, I started to look for a new job. There was work to do. Notre Dame may have gotten us, but we did a pretty good number on them too. I am not finished yet. I will continue to fight the fight! Don’t know where. Don’t know how. Don’t know what game. Don’t know what team. But, dammit, someday I will return. They have not seen the last of Godzilla Blitz…

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:


I wanted to end here and say a huge word of thanks to everyone who has taken the time to post here, share their ideas and humor, and offer kind words in the past three months. It was a tremendous motivator to write something, look back the next day, and see a handful of posts from other people. I would have given up a long time ago were it not for the feedback, ideas, and compliments you have given. So a huge thank you to all of you; your participation made this a fun experience for me. In a perfect world, all of you would have gotten a game ball; I’m sorry if I missed someone because our time was cut short. And sorry it didn’t turn out the way so many of us hoped.

But I promise you…

I shall return.

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by Marmel:


*turnings 18 shades of green and purple, but still holding my breath*

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by primelord:


*sigh*

This just goes to show you the good guys only always win in movies. This indeed is a sad day....

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by Kodos:


GB, I always knew that this might happen, but I didn't want to believe that such a noble cause could go unrewarded. But, as they often do, the Football Gods have frowned down upon us today. Goodbye, old friend. Don't give up; there will be other battles to be fought in the future. Though this is a horrible blow, it makes me all the more determined to finish my task in Texas.

I hereby dedicate the remainder of the Bill Gates Challenge to the memory of one man who fought the good fight knowing all the while that he could, and probably would, lose. God bless you Godzilla! We will never forget what you tried to do...**breaks in to quiet sobs, then slowly turns and walks away, his head hung low...**

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by Vince:


Even the saddest cliche couldn't describe my despair at this sorry and unfortunate turn of events. It was fun while it lasted, 'zilla...and we look forward to your return, be it soon or late!

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by stkelly52:


Every day I have come to this board in hopes of finding another installment of the Golden Helmets. Through the good times (year 3) and the bad (year 2). Even during the month long hiatus during September and October, I checked most every day in hopes that Godzilla would return. An now I find myself wondering what am I to do.

Say it ain't so, Godzilla :-(

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by Kekkonen:


*Sigh.*

It is a sad and imperfect world. Dammit.

Thanks, GB. The ride was loads of fun, even if it didn't quite get you where you wanted.

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by revrew:


My whole day is shot now. I came in to work celebrating my huge FFL win, and now ... now...I don't know.

Valiant Kodos, I turn despairingly toward your Pirates. My enthusiasm for all things pigskin has waned, and though I know hope lies in Gatesville, still it's hard to cheer. Redeem our faith, Kodos. Fulfill the hope Blitz instilled in all of us. Take out all wrath and vengeance upon every Domer playing in Dallas!

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by Kodos:


I share your sorrow, revrew, and will do everything in my power to right this wrong! Godzilla Blitz shall be avenged!

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by Blade:


It truly is a sad day. While I do not post here often, I am on the board daily hoping to read the next installment of Kodos' Gateville Dynasty, and GB's Notre Dame Dynasty. While the dynasty is over Godzilla, you need to know that the dream will forever live in the hearts of your dedicated readers.

Congratulations on attempting to do what most of us have only wished for.

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by Vaj:


*sniff* All of the severe wrist sprains at Notre Dame will now go unreported. At least there was a happy ending for Brock Gray.

What may be fun is to try a "Me Not Read" career. See if you can ruin Notre Dame's academic reputation while keeping your job. If it didn't pain me so to seem them win games I might try it myself.

[Co-D'ohs]

Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:


Marmel: LOL! Please breathe...

Primelord, Vince, stkelly, blade, revrew, vaj, Kekkonen: Thanks for the condolences, and glad you enjoyed it while it lasted. Sorry we failed.

Thing is, I think it could be done. Knowing what I know now, I think you could do it if you could guarantee that the fall was fast and furious. Maybe keeping a good back and QB for the first three years, and then make a run for last place. I think I know more about the game now too. When I started the whole thing the game was new, and I didn't know much about how to play. I'm not good yet, but some of the mistakes I made in the first two years killed our chances in year three. That second year was the killer though. I think if they could have finished even 8-3 it would have been ok, but 11-1 was just too high. Damn that Wolfe.

Ah, but what can you do? So close. We gave it a good run. It was fun while it lasted.

Kodos: Thanks! I am honored by the dedication! Congrats too on your playoff win. Keep it up! A Super Bowl win would have to do wonders for your fan base. Drive those Cowboys to Bismark! My tickets for the next playoff game just came in the mail today, so I'll be there watching!

Now, what to try next?

[Kodos]

This concludes my reposting of the finest college football dynasty of all time. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I did back in the day, when it had me checking for new installments every 2 minutes. Godzilla has bestowed a great gift on FOFC, and now it has been preserved for the ages.

Good day, and may this dynasty inspire the next great anti-dynasty.

Yours,
-Kodos

[Godzilla Blitz]

Kodos,

Thanks for moving this over! It must have taken forever. Very nice of you!

I can now cross "copy Notre Dame dynasty" off my list of things to do!

(By the way, I defend my thesis May 6. 69 days left to freedom, and I'm really looking forward to mixing it up with some Sectoids again.)

Once again, thanks for doing this!

[Kodos]

No problem, Blitz. I knew you were too busy these days to mess with something like this, and I was worried that this dynasty would end up being lost forever when the old board completely died. I figured this dynasty was relatively short in comparison to X-Com, so it wouldn't be all that much work to bring it over. It took a little while to repost, but it wasn't bad since I broke it up into several chunks (reposting my Bill Gates dynasty will be a nightmare in comparison). Anyhow, you're quite welcome (we anti-dynasty posters need to stick together!), and I look forward to the return of GB and X-Com. Good luck with the rest of your thesis. Just do it like you do it in X-Com: Knock 'em dead.

Later,
- Kodos

[cthomer5000]

Originally posted by Co-D'ohs
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
I am just going through the motions. A zombie. On the plane to Terry Haute I have a dozen or so whiskeys. I rent a cheap apartment in Terry Haute, next to a liquor store, across the street from the local diner. I don't even buy furniture. I just sleep in my clothes on the floor.

Thanks for the public service Kodos. I've always thought that the aftermath of his being fired containted the funniest writing I've ever seen on this board. I've never laughed out loud so much when reading a dynasty.

[cthomer5000]

A dola post, 3 years later.

I just re-re-read this entire dynasty again over the last two days, and there were times when I literally had to wipe tears from my eyes because I was laughing so hard. It's a masterpiece, and something everyone at FOFC should be required to read.

Bravo, GB, Bravo.

[Kodos]

Agreed. Furthermore, his X-Com threads should be mandatory. He is bar none the best dynasty writer at FOFC.

[Kodos]

Bumping one of the all-time great dynasty threads.

[cthomer5000]

Posting again - now 9 years after my last bump - to praise this dynasty yet again. I'll say it again, the post-firing write-ups are the funniest thing I've ever read on this site. The dynasty itself, start-to-finish, is incredible.

"I don't even buy furniture. I just sleep in my clothes on the floor." is a line that has rattled around my head for over a decade now.

Thanks again G.B. (and Kodos for moving this over from the old site).

[Kodos]

I wonder if Chip Kelly is actually Godzilla Blitz.

[cthomer5000]

If you're curious what brought me back this specific time, it was this Kotaku article that started discussing the origin of "Let's Play ____" videos on youtube. It dates back to message board stuff where at best people were posting screen shots. Plenty of FOFC stuff would certainly pre-date the message board stuff referenced in the article. Who Invented Let's Play Videos?

Although I would say it's sort of pointless to run down who the first person was to play a video game (with no specific audience in mind) and post a video of it. I think as long as games have existed, we all have created all kinds of accompanying write-ups to complement them. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who recorded video game moments on VHS. At that point, simply being the first guy to put it on the internet seems pretty incidental.

I'm still so angry at the friend of mine who lost the tape containing all our our Tecmo Super Bowl title games. I would love to rewatch him choking twice against the computer in title games, or the time I beat his Giants with my Jets (with probably the longest drive I've ever had in that game - it lasted over a full quarter).