Did she consider it a date? / Paying etiquette

samifan24 · 10-20-2009, 08:16 AM

I've been talking with this girl from work for a long time and we finally went out last night. She mentioned she wanted to check out this sports bar near our work so we caught the end of the game over dinner.

This morning she texts me and says she had fun watching the game but says I "stole the check" and she "wasn't expecting that" and wants to repay me.

Is she saying she didn't consider it a date or is she just trying to be nice?

Drake · 10-20-2009, 08:28 AM

I vote: trying to be nice, but also trying to gauge whether or not *you* considered it a date.

If you're interested, respond with something like, "I always get the check when in the company of attractive and interesting women."

lordscarlet · 10-20-2009, 08:28 AM

I think she's flirting and looking for an excuse to see you again.

Drake · 10-20-2009, 08:28 AM

dola...

If you're not interested, respond with something like, "Yeah, you owe me $13.50."

Logan · 10-20-2009, 08:30 AM

Yes, it's been awhile since we had a good one of these.

Hard to say without knowing anything else, as it could be either. How'd the end of dinner go?

Either way, a try for #2 should help you figure it out. Say something direct, like "I was happy to pay and would like to take you out again sometime." She'll know that you intended for it to be a date, and if she didn't, or doesn't want that, she'll politely decline. If she's worth pursuing, you can't have any shame over it.

Poli · 10-20-2009, 08:47 AM

Ping: noop

sooner333 · 10-20-2009, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Logan

Either way, a try for #2 should help you figure it out. Say something direct, like "I was happy to pay and would like to take you out again sometime." She'll know that you intended for it to be a date, and if she didn't, or doesn't want that, she'll politely decline. If she's worth pursuing, you can't have any shame over it.

This sounds like the right route to me. I'm not so sure about the "attractive and interesting woman" routine...but I'm also no Rico Suave either.

Samdari · 10-20-2009, 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drake

dola...

If you're not interested, respond with something like, "Yeah, you owe me $13.50."

Absolutely not. If you're not interested, don't go somewhere with her again.

If you are interested, offer to let her buy next time.

Under no circumstances take cash. If that is indeed what she means, she's trying to tell you she's not interested in dating you. Accept it, move on, but don't let her pay you back with cash.

PilotMan · 10-20-2009, 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lordscarlet

I think she's flirting and looking for an excuse to see you again.

That's exactly what I would have said.

Mizzou B-ball fan · 10-20-2009, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lordscarlet

I think she's flirting and looking for an excuse to see you again.

samifan24 · 10-20-2009, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lordscarlet

I think she's flirting and looking for an excuse to see you again.

You're forgetting that we work together. She *knows* when she'll see me again.

duckman · 10-20-2009, 08:56 AM

I think he's meaning outside of work.

SportsDino · 10-20-2009, 08:56 AM

I'd go with Logan's approach. Not over the top with the cocky and funny. And if she offers a date but insists on paying, double bonus (some girls I think get turned off by the overly pushy guy paying everything, but I am certainly no expert).

Logan · 10-20-2009, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sooner333

This sounds like the right route to me. I'm not so sure about the "attractive and interesting woman" routine...but I'm also no Rico Suave either.

Yeah, while his follow-up joke (hint: Samdari) was hysterical, I'd go easy on word choice like that. Not sure how old sami is, but I can easily imagine a girl my age being taken back a bit if she hears that. You might have better odds saying "I really wanna bang you" at that point.

samifan24 · 10-20-2009, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by duckman

I think he's meaning outside of work.

But I'm going to see her tonight at work so she means she wants to repay me right away tonight. There's no reason for her to say "let's meet up outside of work so I can repay you" when she knows she's going to see me tonight so I think that pretty much eliminates that possibility.

Dr. Sak · 10-20-2009, 09:01 AM

Say you don't accept money...only blowjobs.

sooner333 · 10-20-2009, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by samifan24

But I'm going to see her tonight at work so she means she wants to repay me right away tonight. There's no reason for her to say "let's meet up outside of work so I can repay you" when she knows she's going to see me tonight so I think that pretty much eliminates that possibility.

I don't think they mean that she wants to see you to repay you...I think it's just a "cute" way to follow up on the date without being as forward as "I had a great time...let's do it again some time."

samifan24 · 10-20-2009, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sooner333

I don't think they mean that she wants to see you to repay you...I think it's just a "cute" way to follow up on the date without being as forward as "I had a great time...let's do it again some time."

Ok actually I was paraphrasing. She actually wrote "I'm giving you money tomorrow." She never used the word repay.

Noop · 10-20-2009, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lordscarlet

I think she's flirting and looking for an excuse to see you again.

I would thinking this myself. Sounds like she is into samifan24...

sooner333 · 10-20-2009, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by samifan24

Ok actually I was paraphrasing. She actually wrote "I'm giving you money tomorrow." She never used the word repay.

Even so, it's likely that she wants to gauge your interest. If not, and she literally forces money on you, then I guess you have to chalk up a loss and move on.

PilotMan · 10-20-2009, 09:09 AM

Tell her that last night is over, and that you paid, no big deal. Don't take her money no matter what.

Then you tell her that if she really is insistent about making it up to you that you go to dinner (or movies, or mini golf) and that she can pay for dessert ( or popcorn and candy), you get the idea.

Logan · 10-20-2009, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by samifan24

But I'm going to see her tonight at work so she means she wants to repay me right away tonight. There's no reason for her to say "let's meet up outside of work so I can repay you" when she knows she's going to see me tonight so I think that pretty much eliminates that possibility.

You're overthinking this, my fellow 1983er. 99% sure she is just using this as a way to start conversation, and like others said, gauge your interest. Yes, if she shows up to work tonight and literally stuffs a $20 bill into your hands...bad sign and she didn't consider it a date, so move on.

If she comes up to you and says "I had a really good time and you didn't need to pay, how much was my dinner so I can pay you back?" just say something like I originally said, "happy to pay, can I take you out again?" Worst case she understands what you're getting at and says something along the lines of how she likes hanging out with you but just wants to be friends (the prior stuff makes it seem like she wouldn't be a bitch and completely blow you off). Fine, you either move on or treat her as a friend. Or she says sure.

PilotMan · 10-20-2009, 09:12 AM

Or if she's not into yoy, then you take her money and tell her that "whoring must pay well."

Either way, you win!

Fidatelo · 10-20-2009, 09:13 AM

Just say "It was my treat" and refuse to take the money. Chances are, if she's interested in seeing you outside of work again, she'll offer up the "well next time it's my turn to pay" kind of line. Then you go from there.

If she doesn't have any interest, she'll either:
a) Take the "I have to pay you back" rhetoric to obnoxious levels, possibly culminating with her leaving it on your desk or throwing it at you; or
b) Eventually letting it drop but not ever mentioning any notion of ever getting together again.

Celeval · 10-20-2009, 09:13 AM

Agree with the general consensus. Don't take her money. If she insists, say that she can pick up the check next time.

Mizzou B-ball fan · 10-20-2009, 09:17 AM

I get the feeling that she's offering to repay just to test the waters as well. I don't think she's any more sure about the situation than Sami is.

Take it from a guy who was dumb enough to ask a girl out that was WAY out of his league, only to have her say Yes and eventually marry that dumb guy. Never worry about rejection. If you haven't been rejected, you haven't tried.

RomaGoth · 10-20-2009, 09:28 AM

My advice, for what it's worth, is be very careful when involving yourself with co-workers. From my experience and people I have known, dating co-workers rarely turns out well. Don't let it ruin your job and work environment, regardless of whether you date her or not.

duckman · 10-20-2009, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RomaGoth

My advice, for what it's worth, is be very careful when involving yourself with co-workers. From my experience and people I have known, dating co-workers rarely turns out well. Don't let it ruin your job and work environment, regardless of whether you date her or not.

+1

Don't shit where you eat.

samifan24 · 10-20-2009, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RomaGoth

My advice, for what it's worth, is be very careful when involving yourself with co-workers. From my experience and people I have known, dating co-workers rarely turns out well. Don't let it ruin your job and work environment, regardless of whether you date her or not.

True although in this case it doesn't really matter. It's a stop gap job for us both. Not a career.

RomaGoth · 10-20-2009, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by samifan24

True although in this case it doesn't really matter. It's a stop gap job for us both. Not a career.

Aaah, yes. I had one of those before (ok, more than one but this isn't about me).

Carry on my FOFC friend, and make sure to post pics plz k thx.

Logan · 10-20-2009, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RomaGoth

My advice, for what it's worth, is be very careful when involving yourself with co-workers. From my experience and people I have known, dating co-workers rarely turns out well. Don't let it ruin your job and work environment, regardless of whether you date her or not.

Also good advice. It obviously depends on your work situation. For me, where we have a 120 person staff for which having 20 people working in the office at one time is considered crowded, it's easier to have more random encounters with coworkers. I've done it a few times, and only one of which was known to people (thank you holiday party and tons of shots).

Of course there's the other side to "it could go terrible." I'm sitting at a table right now with two people who have dated for about a year and a half, as well as a girl who just married a co-worker. Come to think of it, about 15% of that 120 are either married to each other or in fairly lengthy relationships.

Passacaglia · 10-20-2009, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by duckman

+1

Don't shit where you eat.

Your idea of a date is very different from mine.

Subby · 10-20-2009, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by duckman

+1

Don't shit where you eat.

We are talking about dating, not your sick german fantasy web sites.

Dr. Sak · 10-20-2009, 10:00 AM

2 girls 1 duck

Flasch186 · 10-20-2009, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SportsDino

I'd go with Logan's approach. Not over the top with the cocky and funny. And if she offers a date but insists on paying, double bonus (some girls I think get turned off by the overly pushy guy paying everything, but I am certainly no expert).

+1

sometimes doing something that makes you a bit uncomfortable, out of the norm, is just what the doctor ordered...like black tarry poo.

and to say the opposite as above, I met my wife at work.

Solecismic · 10-20-2009, 10:20 AM

Hmmm. I'm not agreeing with the crowd here.

She's concerned about you coming into work today thinking she owes you something. She does not want you to think of last night as a date.

I do agree about what you should do, in that you should say it's OK, it was your treat.

If she says thanks, I'm getting the next one, you still have a chance. If she says anything else, best to leave it alone.

As for dating in the workplace, that's a function of the expected maturity levels of both parties. Some can handle it, some can't. And, of course, if one is the boss of the other, not a good idea.

Women are relatively easy to read after you ask them out.

RomaGoth · 10-20-2009, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flasch186

+1

sometimes doing something that makes you a bit uncomfortable, out of the norm, is just what the doctor ordered...like black tarry poo.

and to say the opposite as above, I met my wife at work.

FWIW, I met my wife at work as well. However, we were working for different companies at the time (although technically, the company she worked for owned the company I worked for). Neither of us works for those companies now.

RomaGoth · 10-20-2009, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solecismic

Women are relatively easy to read after you ask them out.

Especially if she is wearing pajamas when you come over to her house.

Dr. Sak · 10-20-2009, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solecismic

Women are relatively easy to read after you ask them out.

Maybe by the time I am 35 I'll be able to read them at an 8th grade level.

samifan24 · 10-20-2009, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solecismic

Hmmm. I'm not agreeing with the crowd here.

She's concerned about you coming into work today thinking she owes you something. She does not want you to think of last night as a date.

Ok now I don't know what to think. After reading this thread I was feeling pretty good but now I'm not sure. I'm just going to tell her I was happy to do it and not to worry about it.

Toddzilla · 10-20-2009, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr. Sak

Say you don't accept money...only blowjobs.

+69

Toddzilla · 10-20-2009, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solecismic

Hmmm. I'm not agreeing with the crowd here.

She's concerned about you coming into work today thinking she owes you something. She does not want you to think of last night as a date.

I do agree about what you should do, in that you should say it's OK, it was your treat.

If she says thanks, I'm getting the next one, you still have a chance. If she says anything else, best to leave it alone.

As for dating in the workplace, that's a function of the expected maturity levels of both parties. Some can handle it, some can't. And, of course, if one is the boss of the other, not a good idea.

Women are relatively easy to read after you ask them out.

Cockblocker

Logan · 10-20-2009, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by samifan24

Ok now I don't know what to think. After reading this thread I was feeling pretty good but now I'm not sure. I'm just going to tell her I was happy to do it and not to worry about it.

Just be sure to be - and I keep using this word on purpose - direct in asking her out again, or you'll be confused forever. If you leave it as "I was happy to do it" with nothing else, you're screwed.

DanGarion · 10-20-2009, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Logan

You're overthinking this, my fellow 1983er. 99% sure she is just using this as a way to start conversation, and like others said, gauge your interest. Yes, if she shows up to work tonight and literally stuffs a $20 bill into your hands...bad sign and she didn't consider it a date, so move on.

But if she stuffs it down your pants, go for it!

Kodos · 10-20-2009, 10:49 AM

FWIW, I met my wife at work, so sometimes things work out with coworkers.

Actually, many of my girlfriends came from work. Of course, most of those were from McDonald's back in the day. AND THEY WERE ALL BATSHIT CRAZY!

DanGarion · 10-20-2009, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by duckman

+1

Don't shit where you eat.

But can I eat where I shit?

claphamsa · 10-20-2009, 11:00 AM

did you stare at her chest?

Kodos · 10-20-2009, 11:02 AM

Yes, but he had on mirrored glasses, so it's cool.

johneh · 10-20-2009, 11:10 AM

Tell her you will accept oral in exchange for payment for lastn night's dinner.
That should settle the issue.

RomaGoth · 10-20-2009, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kodos

FWIW, I met my wife at work, so sometimes things work out with coworkers.

Actually, many of my girlfriends came from work. Of course, most of those were from McDonald's back in the day. AND THEY WERE ALL BATSHIT CRAZY!

Were they a dominatrix?

10-20-2009, 08:28 AM	#3
lordscarlet Pro Starter Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Washington, DC	I think she's flirting and looking for an excuse to see you again. __________________ Sixteen Colors ANSI/ASCII Art Archive "...the better half of the Moores..." -cthomer5000

10-20-2009, 08:47 AM	#6
Poli FOFC Survivor Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Wentzville, MO	Ping: noop __________________ Cheer for a walk on quarterback! Ardent leads the Vols in the dynasty forum.

10-20-2009, 09:09 AM	#21
PilotMan Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Seven miles up	Tell her that last night is over, and that you paid, no big deal. Don't take her money no matter what. Then you tell her that if she really is insistent about making it up to you that you go to dinner (or movies, or mini golf) and that she can pay for dessert ( or popcorn and candy), you get the idea. __________________ He's just like if Snow White was competitive, horny, and capable of beating the shit out of anyone that called her Pops. Like Steam? Join the FOFC Steam group here: http://steamcommunity.com/groups/FOFConSteam

10-20-2009, 09:12 AM	#23
PilotMan Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Seven miles up	Or if she's not into yoy, then you take her money and tell her that "whoring must pay well." Either way, you win! __________________ He's just like if Snow White was competitive, horny, and capable of beating the shit out of anyone that called her Pops. Like Steam? Join the FOFC Steam group here: http://steamcommunity.com/groups/FOFConSteam

10-20-2009, 09:13 AM	#24
Fidatelo Pro Starter Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Winnipeg, MB	Just say "It was my treat" and refuse to take the money. Chances are, if she's interested in seeing you outside of work again, she'll offer up the "well next time it's my turn to pay" kind of line. Then you go from there. If she doesn't have any interest, she'll either: a) Take the "I have to pay you back" rhetoric to obnoxious levels, possibly culminating with her leaving it on your desk or throwing it at you; or b) Eventually letting it drop but not ever mentioning any notion of ever getting together again. __________________ "Breakfast? Breakfast schmekfast, look at the score for God's sake. It's only the second period and I'm winning 12-2. Breakfasts come and go, Rene, but Hartford, the Whale, they only beat Vancouver maybe once or twice in a lifetime."

10-20-2009, 08:28 AM	#2
Drake assmaster Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Bloomington, IN	I vote: trying to be nice, but also trying to gauge whether or not you considered it a date. If you're interested, respond with something like, "I always get the check when in the company of attractive and interesting women."

10-20-2009, 08:30 AM	#5
Logan Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: NYC	Yes, it's been awhile since we had a good one of these. Hard to say without knowing anything else, as it could be either. How'd the end of dinner go? Either way, a try for #2 should help you figure it out. Say something direct, like "I was happy to pay and would like to take you out again sometime." She'll know that you intended for it to be a date, and if she didn't, or doesn't want that, she'll politely decline. If she's worth pursuing, you can't have any shame over it.

10-20-2009, 08:56 AM	#13
SportsDino College Prospect Join Date: Oct 2001	I'd go with Logan's approach. Not over the top with the cocky and funny. And if she offers a date but insists on paying, double bonus (some girls I think get turned off by the overly pushy guy paying everything, but I am certainly no expert).

10-20-2009, 09:01 AM	#16
Dr. Sak Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Stuck in Yinzerville, PA	Say you don't accept money...only blowjobs.

10-20-2009, 09:13 AM	#25
Celeval Pro Starter Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Cary, NC, USA	Agree with the general consensus. Don't take her money. If she insists, say that she can pick up the check next time.

10-20-2009, 09:17 AM	#26
Mizzou B-ball fan General Manager Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Kansas City, MO	I get the feeling that she's offering to repay just to test the waters as well. I don't think she's any more sure about the situation than Sami is. Take it from a guy who was dumb enough to ask a girl out that was WAY out of his league, only to have her say Yes and eventually marry that dumb guy. Never worry about rejection. If you haven't been rejected, you haven't tried. Last edited by Mizzou B-ball fan : 10-20-2009 at 09:18 AM.

10-20-2009, 09:28 AM	#27
RomaGoth Favored Bitch #2 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Here	My advice, for what it's worth, is be very careful when involving yourself with co-workers. From my experience and people I have known, dating co-workers rarely turns out well. Don't let it ruin your job and work environment, regardless of whether you date her or not.

10-20-2009, 10:00 AM	#34
Dr. Sak Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Stuck in Yinzerville, PA	2 girls 1 duck

10-20-2009, 10:20 AM	#36
Solecismic Solecismic Software Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Canton, OH	Hmmm. I'm not agreeing with the crowd here. She's concerned about you coming into work today thinking she owes you something. She does not want you to think of last night as a date. I do agree about what you should do, in that you should say it's OK, it was your treat. If she says thanks, I'm getting the next one, you still have a chance. If she says anything else, best to leave it alone. As for dating in the workplace, that's a function of the expected maturity levels of both parties. Some can handle it, some can't. And, of course, if one is the boss of the other, not a good idea. Women are relatively easy to read after you ask them out.

10-20-2009, 10:49 AM	#45
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	FWIW, I met my wife at work, so sometimes things work out with coworkers. Actually, many of my girlfriends came from work. Of course, most of those were from McDonald's back in the day. AND THEY WERE ALL BATSHIT CRAZY! __________________ Author of The Bill Gates Challenge, as well as other groundbreaking dynasties. Last edited by Kodos : 10-20-2009 at 10:53 AM.

10-20-2009, 11:00 AM	#47
claphamsa Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: non white trash MD	did you stare at her chest? __________________ Dominating Warewolf for 0 games! GIT R DUN!!!

10-20-2009, 11:02 AM	#48
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	Yes, but he had on mirrored glasses, so it's cool. __________________ Author of The Bill Gates Challenge, as well as other groundbreaking dynasties.

10-20-2009, 11:10 AM	#49
johneh Mascot Join Date: Jul 2004	Tell her you will accept oral in exchange for payment for lastn night's dinner. That should settle the issue.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)