The Official FOFC TMI Thread

oliegirl · 06-17-2008, 09:04 PM

With all the talk about gray pubes, taints not being washed, etc...I decided that rather than spread the TMI in threads where some unsuspecting reader could find it, it was better to put it all in one place...

So come on FOFC, share that really inappropriate information about yourself, your loved ones (please don't share names, we need to protect the innocent!) and let's really get to know one another!

SirFozzie · 06-17-2008, 09:06 PM

Sorry, I already had my TMI moment in my Face the Board

Izulde · 06-17-2008, 09:08 PM

SteveMax58 · 06-17-2008, 09:08 PM

I have successfully taught my sons (4 & 2 yrs old) that whenever somebody farts, to point to my wife and say, "Mommy farted!"

I consider this one of my proudest achievements as both a mentor and a parent.

Raiders Army · 06-17-2008, 09:10 PM

My wife is too smart for the cupped hand. I fart, cup my hand, and take it from my ass to her face, usually tenderly touching her cheek and telling her I love her.

KWhit · 06-17-2008, 10:28 PM

The last two posts make me proud to be an American. Or sad, I can't decide which.

Oh yes I can.

Cringer · 06-17-2008, 10:35 PM

I am masturbating right now.

BishopMVP · 06-17-2008, 10:38 PM

Sometimes at night, the ice weasels come.

DeToxRox · 06-17-2008, 10:39 PM

When I take a shit I am really proud of, I take pictures of it with my phone and send it to my best friend, girlfriend and dad.

DeToxRox · 06-17-2008, 10:48 PM

I didn't wash my home jersey my entire senior year when I played hockey. Finally my coach made me wash it before our District game because it had blood all over it. When I finally washed it, I realized it wasn't blood, just a lot of mold and other shit.

Cringer · 06-17-2008, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeToxRox

When I take a shit I am really proud of, I take pictures of it with my phone and send it to my best friend, girlfriend and dad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeToxRox

I didn't wash my home jersey my entire senior year when I played hockey. Finally my coach made me wash it before our District game because it had blood all over it. When I finally washed it, I realized it wasn't blood, just a lot of mold and other shit.

Would this be the same shit from your first post?

DeToxRox · 06-17-2008, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cringer

Would this be the same shit from your first post?

There was a claim it may've been.

FWIW, I just shit and it was a clean wipe. I was in and out in five minutes.

Dr. Sak · 06-17-2008, 11:24 PM

Today during my softball game I sharted.

Dr. Sak · 06-17-2008, 11:30 PM

Last week in best buy I farted by these two kids. One was about 5 and the other 7. I crop dusted by them and went into the next isle. I then laughed hysterically as they blamed each other for pooping in their pants.

DeToxRox · 06-17-2008, 11:31 PM

Crop duster, very nice. Vetrean presence from you on that one.

DeToxRox · 06-17-2008, 11:32 PM

Oh, also from my hockey days.

I used to shave a D in my pubes, or an arrow pointing down if I was feeling saucy. Everyone on the team had their first initial. Team unity.

Anthony · 06-18-2008, 12:31 AM

when i was a young lad i went outside in my backyard, took a steaming shit (literally, it was steaming like a fucking science experiment) behind my garage and wrapped it in a really big leaf and threw it into someone else's yard.

Pumpy Tudors · 06-18-2008, 01:04 AM

I don't have anything to add.

Anthony · 06-18-2008, 01:07 AM

i just jacked off to pretend rape porn that was in another language.

YAY!!!

TCY Junkie · 06-18-2008, 01:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

I don't have anything to add.

That doesn't matter, multiplying is what turns women on.

Chief Rum · 06-18-2008, 01:36 AM

I wipe to white.

I don't leave the stall until there ain't even a hint of a stain coming from a full wipe. My ass could be bleeding from the friction and the house on fire, and I wouldn't leave without a clean ass.

Schmidty · 06-18-2008, 03:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

I don't leave the stall until there ain't even a hint of a stain coming from a full wipe.

You use public restrooms???

I have literally driven off of the side of the road, went into whatever brush foliage I could find, and taken a shit, instead of using a public restroom. I keep little kleenex packages in my truck just for those occasions.

Hell, I even carry around purell and use it anytime I come in contact with money, door nobs, after touching other people's hands, etc. I also brush my teeth at least 4-5 times a day.

My wife compares me to that Monk guy.

Suburban Rhythm · 06-18-2008, 08:04 AM

I got some last night...finally...after like a 4 week dry spell.

Eaglesfan27 · 06-18-2008, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suburban Rhythm

I got some last night...finally...after like a 4 week dry spell.

Married or not married?

Kodos · 06-18-2008, 10:16 AM

Sometimes I get the urge to push the car in front of me out into the intersection.

Pumpy Tudors · 06-18-2008, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suburban Rhythm

I got some last night...finally...after like a 4 week dry spell.

Thanks for explaining why my wife was in such a good mood this morning, because she wouldn't tell me shit.

Dr. Sak · 06-18-2008, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

Thanks for explaining why my wife was in such a good mood this morning, because she wouldn't tell me shit.

We ran the tricycle on her and topped it off with an Effie Tower shot. Pics to be posted at a later date.

gottimd · 06-18-2008, 10:48 AM

I hide the bodies.

Lorena · 06-18-2008, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

My wife is too smart for the cupped hand. I fart, cup my hand, and take it from my ass to her face, usually tenderly touching her cheek and telling her I love her.

Is this before of after you thank her for dinner?

Cringer · 06-18-2008, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gottimd

I hide the bodies.

This is actually not enough information. I am pretty sure you hide the bodies after you violate them.

gottimd · 06-18-2008, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cringer

This is actually not enough information. I am pretty sure you hide the bodies after you violate them.

No, I violate them, then I hide from the bodies, expose myself then violate them, rehide them, violate myself and see if I can find them because I have short term memory and start the cycle all over again.

Suburban Rhythm · 06-18-2008, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

Married or not married?

With a post like that, any doubt I am married?? With a 4 year old and 1 1/2 year old. Actually, 4 weeks probably isn't that bad of a wait, considering...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

Thanks for explaining why my wife was in such a good mood this morning, because she wouldn't tell me shit.

...I never said with my wife, I just said I got some.

Dr. Sak · 06-18-2008, 11:01 AM

SR actually gave her a dirty sanchez which he properly renamed a Crosby Stache.

Suburban Rhythm · 06-18-2008, 11:36 AM

The other part of my TMI confession....is that Pumpy's wife and I did all of this while parked in the fire lane.

TCY Junkie · 06-18-2008, 11:46 AM

I hope you didn't have to pay more than 30 dollars for that.

Pumpy Tudors · 06-18-2008, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suburban Rhythm

The other part of my TMI confession....is that Pumpy's wife and I did all of this while parked in the fire lane.

NOW THIS IS GOING TOO FAR

Here's TMI from me: My wife is boarding a plane for Detroit in a few hours. While her plane is in the air, I'm going to be sleeping with a young blonde woman in a conference room here at work. It's true.

Pumpy Tudors · 06-18-2008, 01:00 PM

Dola

When the blonde gets off the phone, I'm going to go over to her cubicle and give her permission to "beat the hell out of me" while we're busy in the conference room. I'm going to use those exact words. I am not making any of this shit up.

JeeberD · 06-18-2008, 01:03 PM

A conference table would be much too hard for me too sleep comfortably on it. I need lots of pillows and stuff...

Pumpy Tudors · 06-18-2008, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JeeberD

A conference table would be much too hard for me too sleep comfortably on it. I need lots of pillows and stuff...

That's a good point. I think we probably won't get on the table, then. I hadn't thought of that.

Flasch186 · 06-18-2008, 01:34 PM

while waiting tables I used to crop dust religiously and swore that if you could tear the roof off of the building and set up a top-down infrared camera you'd be able to follow me around the restaurant with very little breaks in between the fart trails. Incredible how much dusting comes when working at a restaurant while you're eating all night.

Dr. Sak · 06-18-2008, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flasch186

while waiting tables I used to crop dust religiously and swore that if you could tear the roof off of the building and set up a top-down infrared camera you'd be able to follow me around the restaurant with very little breaks in between the fart trails. Incredible how much dusting comes when working at a restaurant while you're eating all night.

See this brings me to something I was telling my friends while drinking a few weeks ago. How great would it be to have glasses that could tell when people farted. You'd see a green mist around them...what would be even funnier is if you wore them and you noticed that this prissy girl was the one that stunk everyone out of the bar.

Raiders Army · 06-18-2008, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorena

Is this before of after you thank her for dinner?

Definitely before. I love the aroma of my farts (not anyone else's) with food. Sometimes they smell like the food I ate.

Lorena · 06-18-2008, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

Definitely before. I love the aroma of my farts (not anyone else's) with food. Sometimes they smell like the food I ate.

For maximum intensity, let one loose while under a blanket.

Dr. Sak · 06-18-2008, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorena

For maximum intensity, let one loose while under a blanket.

DUTCH OVEN!

Raiders Army · 06-18-2008, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorena

For maximum intensity, let one loose while under a blanket.

Ah, yes. I like to let them percolate before lifting the sheets. Much more pungent.

Raiders Army · 06-18-2008, 02:10 PM

The crop dusting really made this thread about farts.

Coffee Warlord · 06-18-2008, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raiders Army

Ah, yes. I like to let them percolate before lifting the sheets. Much more pungent.

Let 'em age like a fine wine.

Dr. Sak · 06-18-2008, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

Dola

When the blonde gets off the phone, I'm going to go over to her cubicle and give her permission to "beat the hell out of me" while we're busy in the conference room. I'm going to use those exact words. I am not making any of this shit up.

I hope she eats onion rings off your toes!

Pumpy Tudors · 06-18-2008, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bsak16

I hope she eats onion rings off your toes!

This didn't happen, but everything else was successful. She even brought a young brunette friend with her, and I got sandwiched between them.

The worst part is that I really had to pee afterwards.

MikeVic · 06-18-2008, 05:22 PM

You could've used the bloop bloop hose.

06-17-2008, 09:06 PM	#2
SirFozzie Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: The State of Insanity	Sorry, I already had my TMI moment in my Face the Board __________________ Check out Foz's New Video Game Site, An 8-bit Mind in an 8GB world! http://an8bitmind.com

06-17-2008, 09:08 PM	#3
Izulde Head Coach Join Date: Sep 2004	__________________ 2006 Golden Scribe Nominee 2006 Golden Scribe Winner Best Non-Sport Dynasty: May Our Reign Be Green and Golden (CK Dynasty) Rookie Writer of the Year Dynasty of the Year: May Our Reign Be Green and Golden (CK Dynasty)

06-17-2008, 10:35 PM	#7
Cringer Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Edinburg,TX	I am masturbating right now. __________________ You Stole Fizzy Lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and steralized, so you get NOTHING! You lose!

06-18-2008, 01:04 AM	#18
Pumpy Tudors Bounty Hunter Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Pittsburgh, PA	I don't have anything to add. __________________ No, I am not Batman, and I will not repair your food processor.

06-18-2008, 01:36 AM	#21
Chief Rum Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Where Hip Hop lives	I wipe to white. I don't leave the stall until there ain't even a hint of a stain coming from a full wipe. My ass could be bleeding from the friction and the house on fire, and I wouldn't leave without a clean ass. __________________ . . I would rather be wrong...Than live in the shadows of your song...My mind is open wide...And now I'm ready to start...You're not sure...You open the door...And step out into the dark...Now I'm ready. Last edited by Chief Rum : 06-18-2008 at 01:36 AM.

06-17-2008, 09:08 PM	#4
SteveMax58 College Starter Join Date: Dec 2006	I have successfully taught my sons (4 & 2 yrs old) that whenever somebody farts, to point to my wife and say, "Mommy farted!" I consider this one of my proudest achievements as both a mentor and a parent.

06-17-2008, 09:10 PM	#5
Raiders Army Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: The Black Hole	My wife is too smart for the cupped hand. I fart, cup my hand, and take it from my ass to her face, usually tenderly touching her cheek and telling her I love her.

06-17-2008, 10:28 PM	#6
KWhit Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Conyers GA	The last two posts make me proud to be an American. Or sad, I can't decide which. Oh yes I can.

06-17-2008, 10:38 PM	#8
BishopMVP Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Concord, MA/UMass	Sometimes at night, the ice weasels come.

06-17-2008, 10:39 PM	#9
DeToxRox Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Michigan	When I take a shit I am really proud of, I take pictures of it with my phone and send it to my best friend, girlfriend and dad.

06-17-2008, 10:48 PM	#10
DeToxRox Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Michigan	I didn't wash my home jersey my entire senior year when I played hockey. Finally my coach made me wash it before our District game because it had blood all over it. When I finally washed it, I realized it wasn't blood, just a lot of mold and other shit.

06-17-2008, 11:24 PM	#13
Dr. Sak Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Stuck in Yinzerville, PA	Today during my softball game I sharted.

06-17-2008, 11:30 PM	#14
Dr. Sak Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Stuck in Yinzerville, PA	Last week in best buy I farted by these two kids. One was about 5 and the other 7. I crop dusted by them and went into the next isle. I then laughed hysterically as they blamed each other for pooping in their pants.

06-17-2008, 11:31 PM	#15
DeToxRox Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Michigan	Crop duster, very nice. Vetrean presence from you on that one.

06-17-2008, 11:32 PM	#16
DeToxRox Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Michigan	Oh, also from my hockey days. I used to shave a D in my pubes, or an arrow pointing down if I was feeling saucy. Everyone on the team had their first initial. Team unity.

06-18-2008, 12:31 AM	#17
Anthony Banned Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Astoria, NY, USA	when i was a young lad i went outside in my backyard, took a steaming shit (literally, it was steaming like a fucking science experiment) behind my garage and wrapped it in a really big leaf and threw it into someone else's yard.

06-18-2008, 01:07 AM	#19
Anthony Banned Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Astoria, NY, USA	i just jacked off to pretend rape porn that was in another language. YAY!!!

06-18-2008, 08:04 AM	#23
Suburban Rhythm Pro Starter Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Pittsburgh	I got some last night...finally...after like a 4 week dry spell. __________________ "Do you guys play fast tempos with odd time signatures?" "Yeah" "Cool!!"

06-18-2008, 10:16 AM	#25
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	Sometimes I get the urge to push the car in front of me out into the intersection. __________________ Author of The Bill Gates Challenge, as well as other groundbreaking dynasties.

06-18-2008, 10:48 AM	#28
gottimd Dearly Missed (9/25/77-12/23/08) Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: DC Suburbs	I hide the bodies. __________________ NAFL New Orleans Saints GM/Co-Commish MP Career Record: 114-85 NAFL Super Bowl XI Champs In memory of Gavin Anthony: 7/22/08-7/26/08

06-18-2008, 11:01 AM	#33
Dr. Sak Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Stuck in Yinzerville, PA	SR actually gave her a dirty sanchez which he properly renamed a Crosby Stache.

06-18-2008, 11:36 AM	#34
Suburban Rhythm Pro Starter Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Pittsburgh	The other part of my TMI confession....is that Pumpy's wife and I did all of this while parked in the fire lane. __________________ "Do you guys play fast tempos with odd time signatures?" "Yeah" "Cool!!"

06-18-2008, 11:46 AM	#35
TCY Junkie College Prospect Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: TX	I hope you didn't have to pay more than 30 dollars for that.

06-18-2008, 01:00 PM	#37
Pumpy Tudors Bounty Hunter Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Pittsburgh, PA	Dola When the blonde gets off the phone, I'm going to go over to her cubicle and give her permission to "beat the hell out of me" while we're busy in the conference room. I'm going to use those exact words. I am not making any of this shit up. __________________ No, I am not Batman, and I will not repair your food processor.

06-18-2008, 01:03 PM	#38
JeeberD General Manager Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The Town of Flower Mound	A conference table would be much too hard for me too sleep comfortably on it. I need lots of pillows and stuff... __________________ UTEP Miners!!! I solemnly swear to never cheer for TO

06-18-2008, 01:34 PM	#40
Flasch186 Coordinator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Jacksonville, FL	while waiting tables I used to crop dust religiously and swore that if you could tear the roof off of the building and set up a top-down infrared camera you'd be able to follow me around the restaurant with very little breaks in between the fart trails. Incredible how much dusting comes when working at a restaurant while you're eating all night. __________________ Jacksonville-florida-homes-for-sale Putting a New Spin on Real Estate! ----------------------------------------------------------- Commissioner of the USFL USFL

06-18-2008, 02:10 PM	#46
Raiders Army Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: The Black Hole	The crop dusting really made this thread about farts.

06-18-2008, 05:22 PM	#50
MikeVic Head Coach Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Hometown of Canada	You could've used the bloop bloop hose.

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