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Old 08-30-2023, 09:53 AM   #1101
Lathum
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Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: homeless in NJ
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ksyrup View Post
Glad to hear things may work out. Did she find out around the time you went on your cruise, or after?

After. Iím glad because would have been tough to enjoy.
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Old 08-30-2023, 01:20 PM   #1102
Ksyrup
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Location: In Absentia
Yeah. Well, with what's going on with my dad, that's what made me think of that - tough to enjoy a vacation when a life-altering event is happening. We're still a go for Alaska next week but I'm not sure it's going to happen.

I got the dreaded middle of the night call from the hospital that my dad's condition worsened rapidly overnight and they were prepping him for an emergency craniotomy. He was already scheduled for a surgery this afternoon to try to stop the CSF leak but recent CT scans overnight showed increased blood on his brain, so they had to do surgery to relieve that. I was on the phone with my mom and brother for 2 hours from around 3:15am until just after 5.

Surgery went well but he was only out for about 5 hours when they determined he had a collapsed lung and went back in for a procedure. My brother said it's standard and he'll recover from it quickly. To a non-medical person, it sure seems like his 74 year old body is giving out, and even if he survives, we have no idea what his mental state is going to be until he's awake and can be assessed.

So, we have to decide by Monday at absolute latest whether to cancel the trip. It'll be non-refundable and I doubt they'd even give FCC to book at a later date. There's an outside chance I can recover the cost of the cruise through my credit card, but that will be like pulling teeth and not a certainty. Even if they eventually approve it, I bet it won't be until some time in 2024.

My mom told me to go unless something drastic happens in the next few days. But how much can we enjoy this trip with this in the background. I fear getting off at a port to a slew of devastating messages.
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Old 08-30-2023, 01:24 PM   #1103
Lathum
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Location: homeless in NJ
Thats tough man. Hoping for the best.
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Old 08-30-2023, 04:29 PM   #1104
Cuckoo
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Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Edmond, OK
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ksyrup View Post
Yeah. Well, with what's going on with my dad, that's what made me think of that - tough to enjoy a vacation when a life-altering event is happening. We're still a go for Alaska next week but I'm not sure it's going to happen.

I got the dreaded middle of the night call from the hospital that my dad's condition worsened rapidly overnight and they were prepping him for an emergency craniotomy. He was already scheduled for a surgery this afternoon to try to stop the CSF leak but recent CT scans overnight showed increased blood on his brain, so they had to do surgery to relieve that. I was on the phone with my mom and brother for 2 hours from around 3:15am until just after 5.

Surgery went well but he was only out for about 5 hours when they determined he had a collapsed lung and went back in for a procedure. My brother said it's standard and he'll recover from it quickly. To a non-medical person, it sure seems like his 74 year old body is giving out, and even if he survives, we have no idea what his mental state is going to be until he's awake and can be assessed.

So, we have to decide by Monday at absolute latest whether to cancel the trip. It'll be non-refundable and I doubt they'd even give FCC to book at a later date. There's an outside chance I can recover the cost of the cruise through my credit card, but that will be like pulling teeth and not a certainty. Even if they eventually approve it, I bet it won't be until some time in 2024.

My mom told me to go unless something drastic happens in the next few days. But how much can we enjoy this trip with this in the background. I fear getting off at a port to a slew of devastating messages.

First, incredibly sorry for your situation. Your family is in my thoughts.

I encountered a very similar conundrum last summer, as my wife and I had a family cruise scheduled with my brother and his family. About a week or so before we were set to depart, my mother in law had what was supposed to be a routine valve replacement surgery. Instead, the surgeon poked a hole in her heart. They were able to save her, but she was unresponsive and in the ICU.

We had every intention of canceling the cruise and trying to get what we could from the credit card. She slowly improved in the days leading up to the cruise, though, and the entire family urged us to go. There wasn't anything we could really DO anyway except sit and wait.

It was gut-wrenching, but we decided to go. On one of our port stops, we got the news that she had coded again and was not doing well.

Fortunately, she did not pass while we were on vacation. She was in ICU for a couple of months before they decided there was just nothing more they could do, and my wife was able to see her and talk to her again.

I don't know if I'm helping or hurting your decision-making. If we had it to do all over again, I think we would've made the same decision because we made it based on the information we had in front of us. The best advice I can give is to do the same and not regret it.
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Old 08-30-2023, 06:20 PM   #1105
Ksyrup
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Location: In Absentia
Thanks for the perspective. That's where we are right now, and have been since this happened. My mom and everyone else has said, you have to go. Today's setback and middle of the night call just drove home the reality that even if he's on a good trajectory, it could change in a matter of hours.

Everything hinges on the next 3-4 days. We have to make a decision by Monday evening at absolute latest. In a worst case scenario, of course, we'll do what we have to, but if he's stable and seems to be improving like he was before last night, we're going to go and cross our fingers. I'm going to look into an "at sea" cellphone plan from AT&T just to give me some peace of mind - assuming coverage out there would even be reliable. Since it's North America, we'll get coverage in ports - maybe - on our current AT&T plans.
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Old 08-30-2023, 06:23 PM   #1106
Lathum
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Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: homeless in NJ
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ksyrup View Post
Thanks for the perspective. That's where we are right now, and have been since this happened. My mom and everyone else has said, you have to go. Today's setback and middle of the night call just drove home the reality that even if he's on a good trajectory, it could change in a matter of hours.

Everything hinges on the next 3-4 days. We have to make a decision by Monday evening at absolute latest. In a worst case scenario, of course, we'll do what we have to, but if he's stable and seems to be improving like he was before last night, we're going to go and cross our fingers. I'm going to look into an "at sea" cellphone plan from AT&T just to give me some peace of mind - assuming coverage out there would even be reliable. Since it's North America, we'll get coverage in ports - maybe - on our current AT&T plans.

IIRC you are doing Alaska. I have ATT and got service in all ports. They also have a plan to use at sea. I think it was around $100
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Old 08-30-2023, 06:39 PM   #1107
Ksyrup
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Location: In Absentia
Yep, I just checked it out and that's what I'll get. I'll be waiting a few days before adding it to my account though.
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Old 08-31-2023, 08:55 AM   #1108
Swaggs
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We just did an Alaskan cruise and it was far different than any other cruise we've done. You are near land (in sight for almost all of it) for most of the travel and will have reception on and off throughout. I liked to walk around the top deck at night and would have reception most nights up there. See if your plan includes Canada (maybe get it added, if not). You could also get something like WhatsApp (probably just to use with your brother, as it likely wouldn't be easy for your mom to get used to) or another messaging service and buy a small internet package on the cruise.
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Old 08-31-2023, 12:47 PM   #1109
Ksyrup
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Location: In Absentia
We have an AT&T Unlimited Elite plan which includes Canada and Mexico and a bunch of Caribbean islands in the plan. We used FB messenger for our "texting" purposes on the last cruise we took. But if I get that AT&T "at sea" plan, I'll have regular text and phone service, too.
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Old 09-16-2023, 11:21 AM   #1110
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Location: Seven miles up
Down to the final 7 days in the house we've lived in for 15 years. It's for good things on the horizon, but also, some very emotional ups and downs ahead. It's been a whirlwind of activity as we only started moving 7 days ago. The house goes on the market in less than 2 weeks now. I know emotions are going to be running high over these 7 days.
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Old 11-29-2023, 11:01 PM   #1111
flere-imsaho
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Chicagoland
So, the folks visited for Thanksgiving, which was nice, but....

Dad's Alzheimer's is now pretty severe. He clearly had no idea who anyone was, except me & Mom, and on Thanksgiving Day we were sitting outside for a bit and he asked me 3 times who I was.

But the worst was at night. At home they now sleep separately, so here we have them in two separate rooms (our offices, as it turns out). I woke up every night, at least once or twice, to find all the lights on in the common areas and him walking around with no idea where he was.

I don't think I realized how much sleep I lost until the day after they left, when I actually got a good night sleep.

This disease sucks.
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Old 11-30-2023, 12:30 PM   #1112
Ghost Econ
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Join Date: Oct 2020
Man, teenage girl drama is tough. Yesterday I asked if my daughter she wanted to take the dog for a walk. She said no but I go in her room anyway and she is bawling her eyes out.

Turns out she got a text from her best friend saying she doesn't want to be friends anymore. Turns out the boy this girl likes doesn't like her back, but because he's friends with my daughter she's obviously flirting and likes him and my daughter betrayed her.

Meanwhile my daughter is frantically saying she doesn't (thankfully hasn't gotten boy fever yet) but the damage is done. Now my daughters other friends are texting her saying she's sus and lying and betraying her friend. Her friend group the the last year has completely turned her out in the span of 15 minutes. Removed her from group texts, said they can't be friends...

Meanwhile I listen and console her but have no idea what to say. I want to be analytical to see where things started to go wrong and work out way to finding a solution, but don't say that because I know it can't help now.

She wanted to talk to my wife so she called her and thankfully she helped since she's been there before. I mean I had fights with guys, but I don't know if I ever said or heard we can't be friends. It was always more one or the other would just drift to other people.

She seemed OK this morning and had worked out some timeline stuff and that maybe they hadn't always been as nice as she thought, but she's still going into school with a scarlet A and was put on blast on the whole 8th grade chat.

To other people who had daughters, tell me this won't go on for the next 4.5 years cause my brain can't handle it. And if Trump wins again and I have to deal with teenage drama for the next 4 years I might break completely.
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Old 11-30-2023, 12:34 PM   #1113
sovereignstar v2
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oy vey, I'm only a few years away from that
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Old 11-30-2023, 12:46 PM   #1114
Ksyrup
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Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: In Absentia
Girl drama is the worst. Over a span of 12-18 months, the circles these girls run in constantly change. It's like watching schools of fish criss-cross each other and half of them switch directions, following a completely different school. And then mere weeks/months later, you see the same recognizable names/faces that your daughter swore off or had some issue with and they're best friends again. Maddening.
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Old 11-30-2023, 12:54 PM   #1115
Ghost Econ
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Yeah, like last night she said she loved some other girl, who like 2 weeks ago she said she hated, who 2 weeks before was her best friend. I was just like, goddammit I can't keep up. Add in that all her friends are named a variation of the same 3 or 4 names. I'll be there for her, but can I just be a glorified Uber driver for the next few years?
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Old 11-30-2023, 02:05 PM   #1116
Qwikshot
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: ...down the gravity well
I'm probably getting divorced.

13 years and my wife has caused multiple financial issues. We're 50k in debt because of her credit card habits. She claims ADHD and depression cause her to spend without thinking about it but she refuses all financial guidance and will not allow me to take over her finances.

Then she lost her job. She quit a full time work from home 80k a year job because her boss was "mean". They offered a different job with a different boss but she refuted and took a contractor job without benefits. Then she lost that job when they didn't renew her. She found another contractor job after like 4 months unemployed (but still spending) that pays half of what she owes. It's also only 4 hours a day.

She still hasn't accepted accountability.

My two boys have some issues too (the oldest ADHD but very smart and articulate, the medication seems to help him, he can play music by memory on viola, large long pieces, so he's gonna be fine, just needs guidance on task).

The younger one needs to be evaluated but we cannot find a specialist taking on new patients. I've got my own hands full with handling all the bills, but I have a feeling I'll be taking that over as well.

She spends more time on Fortnite than helping with the boys. She's improved but I'm sure it's because I filed and not because she wanted to.

In spite of all of this, I do care about her. She just has so many things she needs to work on, that marriage just doesn't seem to be on the list. She can barely do anything around the house.

The couple therapy is fine, but she cannot admit to her problems and spending habits and lack of accountability.

So I filed.

Happy 48th Birthday to me.
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Old 11-30-2023, 02:10 PM   #1117
albionmoonlight
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Location: North Carolina
Sorry, man.

It sounds necessary, but it also sounds horrible.
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Old 11-30-2023, 03:12 PM   #1118
GrantDawg
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Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Covington, Ga.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ghost Econ View Post
Yeah, like last night she said she loved some other girl, who like 2 weeks ago she said she hated, who 2 weeks before was her best friend. I was just like, goddammit I can't keep up. Add in that all her friends are named a variation of the same 3 or 4 names. I'll be there for her, but can I just be a glorified Uber driver for the next few years?
That is what you will be. Along with the bucket the she will sometimes dump all of these dramatic traumas into. Your job is to listen and validate her feelings. It is so hard because as dads we want to put on capes and go fix everything. Make it better. But that is not what they want or need even if that was possible. Validate and comfort and always always always be there. That's all we got. It is not easy, but the rewards are worth it.
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Old 12-07-2023, 02:48 PM   #1119
Radii
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Radii View Post
I asked earlier about experiences with a couple treatments. I'm starting Spravato next Monday (also known as Esketamine). It's a nasal spray, approved for those who don't respond to regular anti depressants. I've been through 7 of those now and while there are ebbs and flows the overall trajectory over the last 6 years is straight down at a rather steep angle. So hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones that this does work wonders for.

Update time:

That post was from late April/early May. It took somewhere in the 8-12 week range but the Spravato has helped in a way that no anti depressants over the last 6 years have even come close to. I went twice a week for a month, then once a week for a couple months, and am now going for treatment every other week. After a couple years of ordering doordash nearly every meal, I started cooking again, am two months off sodas, and have been riding my bike nearly every day for the last month. I had reached a point where I was having regular meetings with my boss at work about possibly taking medical leave b/c I was struggling to get my job done, that's all back to normal as well.

I definitely cannot credit the medication with everything, my sister moved in with me in August as well which has been great for both of our mental health situations, but the ketamine was already doing a lot before that happened.
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Old 12-07-2023, 03:02 PM   #1120
tarcone
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Pacific
Great news, Radii!

I am also in a much better place than 6 months ago. I have quit drinking, started a part time job, have set up my game room and have started gaming agin, golf is back, I am cooking a little, house isnt cluttered.

I feel a whole lot better and have a better grip on what is coming in the future.
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Old 12-07-2023, 03:47 PM   #1121
JonInMiddleGA
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Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Behind Enemy Lines in Athens, GA
This might sound a bit, I dunno ... I hope it comes across right, cause I mean it sincerely and positively.

Those last two posts, the Radii and Tarcone ones, they're ... encouraging to me.

I remain largely a wreck, struggling to do much more than the simplest most basic of tasks in terms of productivity aside from the random Herculean burst when something borders on a crisis or something.

Situations are all different, solutions almost certainly different as well ... but it's encouraging to me that somebody HAS managed an uptick. Like, okay, they found a path maybe I will too.
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Old 12-07-2023, 04:30 PM   #1122
Kodos
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Join Date: Jun 2001
I'm glad to hear Radii and tarcone are doing better, and I really hope Jon feels an uptick soon too. Life can be so hard sometimes.
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Old 12-07-2023, 05:21 PM   #1123
Edward64
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Yup, great to hear you 3 are doing better and/or encouraged.
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Old 12-08-2023, 07:50 PM   #1124
JonInMiddleGA
Hall Of Famer
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Behind Enemy Lines in Athens, GA
Just a quick something here, in the vein of "in case somebody else runs into this, it's apparently somewhat normal"

Today marks the second birthday of my wife since her passing. Contrary to last year, I had little I felt like saying, perhaps even less of a personal _need_ to say anything publicly.

And yet, finally tonight, I found a few words to post on Facebook. Full disclosure: that post really wasn't for me, that post was for anybody who "expected" one or felt I "ought to" or whatever.

I don't concede to that sort of thing all that often (I don't think) -- FOFC knows me well enough to figure how I usually respond to "ought to" stuff -- but I've probably done that more in the past 18 months than in the previous decade combined.

Maybe it's for the benefit of others? Maybe it's to avoid me pondering who might (erroneously) be making assumptions or reading meaning into absence of posts. Or both.
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Old 12-17-2023, 09:09 AM   #1125
Flasch186
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Interestingly I have 2 people in my life, one I work with and one from High School that I don't talk to very often, who are both dealing with a range of negative emotions after 'escaping' their Christian theology/indoctrination. Both tell similar stories: Religious upbringing, smothering households, expectations, and judgments, all ending with doubt, departure, abandonment, and now anger.

In speaking to my co-worker (he's in sales) I tried talking to him about the way to 'drum up business' and ended with that he simply has a hard time caring about people. That doesn't work in Residential real estate sales as I view it as a problem-solving business and you truly have to care about the people you're helping to make it work and eventually make money. So he's looking for a magic bullet to make money and I'm over here coaching him to care and get to know people so there's a huge disconnect.

I called the HS friend to see how he's been able to get to a healthy place only to find out he's not. He's in the same place so I pulled back on the questions and left it with whether would it be helpful to connect them since both expressed that they have no one to talk to in the same boat except therapy.

Questions:

Are there AA-like support groups for people like this?
When they connect (and I'm there at first) are there things I should avoid talking about? I just want to facilitate their meet-up to see if it helps them BUT I also do not want to create an origin story here where they end up supporting each other's hate and regret.

So strange for me as an observer to see how devastating it's been to them. They truly view their lives as if they've wasted 30+ years in a fak elife. SMH
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Old 12-17-2023, 10:00 AM   #1126
Ksyrup
This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: In Absentia
We're on the eve of 4 months (tomorrow) of my Dad's fall. Things are as bad as ever. He survived, of course, which we are all thankful for. But, at what cost? It feels like the extended period of pain, anger, hopelessness and, frankly, mania that my Mom feels daily has taken more of a toll and created a longer and more devastating grieving process than his death would have. And it's manfested itself into a number of heated arguments with me and my brother over my Mom's inability to handle any little bit of her life now. Some of that is understandable and deserves compassion, of course. But she has constantly turned this into her as a victim, guilt trips, constatly going to the well of tired complaints ("We should have never moved, this would never have happened, I don't want to leave Texas, why did we let you both convince us to leave, I'm just going to stay here," etc. Shit like that) and her constant highs and lows (calls at 10pm hysterically crying followed by texts the next day of how great my Dad is doing, etc.) that have left my brother and I unable to judge what's really going on with my Dad's recovery.

I've been to visit 5 times. My brother twice, each for about 36 hours. That's caused some issues with my Mom. But I've rationalized it as my brother taking on my parents after they move - which might happen by the end of the year - so I've tried to shoulder more of the pre-move burden of being there when I can. And my brother runs a solo eye practice and realistically, can't just shut down his clinic. So I'm handling the travel to and from Texas as much as I can.

The problem is, my Mom comes from a family of assholes. Her Dad was a mean, abusive man after an industrial accident when he was younger, and most of them are prone to arguments and blow-ups at the drop of a hat. She has one brother who is highly functioning within that temperment, and my brother reminds me most of him. She has another brother and a sister who both have mental illnesses, and my brother believes my Mom does too. But for her, seeing a therapist or being given drugs to help her is a sign of weakness and (implicitly) an acknowledgement that she's no better off than her brother and sister.

My Dad has been in 2 different rehab facilities and while he is getting better/stronger, his TBI is working against his recovery. At times he understands what is going on, apologizing for "screwing things up," calling himself stupid when he can't do things he knows he should be able to do, and things lilke that. Most of the time, though, he hallucinates and tells stories that clearly mean he's detached from reality (some of which are political, of course). He's mean and threatens violence against my Mom. Many nights he doesn't understand why she leaves to go to her hotel, so he's accused her of cheating on him and wants a divorce. Just a bunch of shit like that that's crushing for my Mom to deal with day after day. He's constantly trying to get out of bed to pack up and leave. A couple weeks ago, he fell and hit his head and ended up with a weekend stay at the hospital. Earlier this week his BP dropped to nothing and he was without a pulse for a brief second during an OT session. As my brother put it, "this is what end of life looks like."

Anyway, with all of this going on, my brother and Mom have frequently been at odds with each other - my Mom, prone to mania and these huge, extreme swings in mood and attitude, and my brother, with no tolerance for people who can't reason their way through problems and prone to his own temper. It's a volatile relationship. And my parents are supposed to move closer to my brother and his wife (who has even less tolerance for my Mom and is not a fan of the proposed plan)... My Mom's been dropping hints that she can't deal with my brother, that he's too hard on her, they have their own life and have no time for her or my Dad, etc. So whether it's now or a month or 6 months from now, I have this feeling they are coming here.

Keep in mind we've already got my in-laws here because my wife's brother and sister barely paid any attention to them while they all lived in Florida, so they moved to Kentucky to be near a kid who gave a shit about them.

Anyway, I just needed to vent a bit. I'm pissed my Mom continues to act like a child - even giving her plenty of allowances for the situation she is going through. And I'm pissed my brother (and his wife) are unable to give her some room to freak out now and then. And as usual, the even-keeled one who is best at keeping the peace is going to end up getting the brunt of the fallout, while my brother and his wife live their DINK lives and finish building their multi-million dollar home. I've always been a stress eater, and despite the fact that I run 20-30 miles a week, I've put on about 10 pounds since August. So I'm trying to reverse that as well. So all in all, I'm bracing for a shitty 2024. Happy Fucking New Years!
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Old 12-17-2023, 10:23 AM   #1127
Edward64
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Join Date: Oct 2005
You have your hands full. I can't imagine the unknowns & stress you are dealing with. My deepest sympathies that you are going through this situation.
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Old 12-24-2023, 12:42 PM   #1128
thesloppy
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: PDX
My uncle died on Wednesday and I have been having a tough time navigating that grief, alone, in the middle of Christmas season.
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Old 12-24-2023, 04:12 PM   #1129
BYU 14
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So sorry for your loss and I can't imagine how devastating this must be at this time of year. Sending positive vibes your way
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Old 12-24-2023, 05:02 PM   #1130
thesloppy
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Thanks BYU I appreciate that. My brain is having a hard time processing it today as I keep thinking it will be nice to talk to him about the Lions' success when I go back for his funeral.
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Old 12-24-2023, 05:54 PM   #1131
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Holidays are tough in those situations for sure Sloppy. My condolences to all touched by the loss.
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Old 12-24-2023, 06:58 PM   #1132
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Thanks Jon, for all the shitty holiday timing I at least already had all this time off & it won't take much massaging/effort on that end. It does make me wish I had some sort of partner or close family member to rely on or vent to, but I am kind of reaping what I have sown in that regard. I isolated myself too well for too long and pay the cost in these times.
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Old 12-24-2023, 07:07 PM   #1133
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Thanks Jon, for all the shitty holiday timing I at least already had all this time off & it won't take much massaging/effort on that end. It does make me wish I had some sort of partner or close family member to rely on or vent to, but I am kind of reaping what I have sown in that regard. I isolated myself too well for too long and pay the cost in these times.

I wish I had some sort of ... step by step advice but this kind of thing seems to be entirely personal, everybody has to navigate it in their own way and their own time.

One small bit I might offer is to treat yourself kindly, there's not a right or wrong way to grieve or even process loss. If you find a particular avenue to be more painful than you want, allow yourself to steer away from it, I find little to no nobility (or whatever) in inflicting additional pain on yourself in cases where it can be avoided.

Case in point (since I'm not sure how much sense that made) is how we no longer do the same "family tradition" Christmas meal here, and wing it in some other direction instead. Little things, easily avoided so why inflict that on ourselves.
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Old 12-24-2023, 08:07 PM   #1134
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Sorry, Sloppy. It’s a tough time of year to deal with loss. My condolences to you and your loved ones.
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Old 12-24-2023, 08:33 PM   #1135
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Thanks Kodos.


Mixed in there are also just regular holiday struggles, which kind of touches on what Jon said, there are a lot of media/cultural/familial pressures to do the holidays 'right' whatever that may mean, and regardless of any efforts it can feel disappointing when everybody doesn't get a Lexus with a big red bow or live up to whatever false standard has crept into my head. Seems like everybody I know wrestles with some version of this & the cultural drive to paint Christmas as some kind of perfect time only serves to make everyone feel like they've done it wrong, to some degree or another.
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Old 12-24-2023, 08:37 PM   #1136
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I'm sorry for your loss.

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Old 12-24-2023, 08:59 PM   #1137
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Thanks GD
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Old 12-28-2023, 12:55 PM   #1138
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Wife and I are flying to Dallas to help my parents move. My Dad has really improved the past couple of weeks which gives us some hope that they can live on their own, but the relationship between my mom and brother has never been worse. My 2024 prediction is that my parents will move to KY to be close to me during the year - I'm guessing before summer, if I have to be specific. We're getting them to the airport, my brother's wife is flying in and waiting at the airport - behind security, she won't even come through to help us get them from the car to security - and then we're driving my parent's car to NC, staying for New Year's Eve, then flying back to KY on January 1st.

As a side note, more for the travel thread but I'm lazy, we're taking American Airlines for the second time in my life that I can recall because I got first class seats for what Delta was charging for main cabin. Ridiculous.
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Old 12-29-2023, 03:22 PM   #1139
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My Dad has really improved the past couple of weeks which gives us some hope that they can live on their own


That part is great to hear, despite the family drama.
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Old 12-29-2023, 03:28 PM   #1140
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My Dad could do stand-up at this point. He cracks up the staff every 15 minutes. This afternoon we were packing up his room and he told my Mom that she packs like old people screw.
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Old 12-29-2023, 03:32 PM   #1141
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Just got back from a whirlwind Detroit trip for my uncle's surprise funeral mentioned upthread. He got the full Catholic, with an open casket and everything and like 2 full days of services. It was emotional and exhausting as you would expect, but nice to see all of the family and like any good Irish Catholic wake there was as much laughter and celebration as there was grief. I'll be lucky if 3 people show up to my funeral, but my uncle was a huge character and a bit of a Detroit luminary, and it was nice and cathartic to see a big funeral like that, and to hear how many folks he had touched. Some other big Detroiters showed up (Mitch Albom, Bob Seger, Kirk Gibson were the folks I recognized) and the Pistons org and lots of past players showed him some love from his days announcing the games during the Bad Boys era:

https://twitter.com/MikeACurtis2/sta...88069423227286
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Old 12-29-2023, 03:55 PM   #1142
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My Dad could do stand-up at this point. He cracks up the staff every 15 minutes. This afternoon we were packing up his room and he told my Mom that she packs like old people screw.

Do you think that's all a result of the brain injury, just good humor about the gauntlet he's been through, or a little of both? I have always been fascinated by the changes (or non-changes) to personality that come with brain injuries, like people who instantly learn a language after an accident, while someone else gets an iron rod through half their noggin and it seemingly has no effect.
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Old 12-29-2023, 05:08 PM   #1143
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He's always used humor and self-deprecation to diffuse situations. I am the same way. And he's really hard on himself so he keeps saying he's slow or stupid or retarded because he's aware and self-conscious about not being able to do things he knows are simple.
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Old 12-29-2023, 05:14 PM   #1144
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My mental health took a little hit this week. A couple weeks ago my ex posted a post on FB that trashed me. I cut her off. She went on a cruise with her family and one of our daughters, the one that hasnt cut her out of her life......yet. So my ex is texting me from the cruise, saying she is sorry I got upset by the FB post HAHA, weak. A couple other texts. I ignored. She texted again this morning and even called. I ignored. But shit, get out of my head.

Thank goodness for xanax

I havent blocked her from my phone in case of emergencies with our daughters.
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Old 12-29-2023, 06:36 PM   #1145
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Just now, to a nurse - "That's my son Chris and his wife Michelle. That's my wife Carol. And I'm the butthole of the family."
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Old 12-29-2023, 07:29 PM   #1146
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My situation isn't bad but my Dad is showing signs of dementia and my Mom is having issues with seizures (which they think are blood pressure related). Neither really wants to admit or do anything to fix the problems.

Just stressful and helpless feelings.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA View Post
Case in point (since I'm not sure how much sense that made) is how we no longer do the same "family tradition" Christmas meal here, and wing it in some other direction instead. Little things, easily avoided so why inflict that on ourselves.

This is the first year we did this on Christmas Eve. Instead of making the big meal and dealing with that stress, we just had it catered. Baked Mostacolli, pizza, garlic bread, and Italian beef. Not your traditional Christmas dinner, but it was much more enjoyable and eliminated some of those thoughts you have trying to recreate something that isn't there anymore.
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Old 12-31-2023, 02:01 PM   #1147
thesloppy
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I had made very, very rare plans for NYE before my uncle died and of course opted not to buy insurance or refundable options for anything, so after getting home from the funeral on Friday, I flew out to San Francisco on Saturday morning & I'm here for two nights to go to an LCD Soundsystem show on NYE (and one last night too). It's a good reset, but I am also still exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally.
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Old 12-31-2023, 04:06 PM   #1148
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Baked Mostacolli, pizza, garlic bread, and Italian beef. Not your traditional Christmas dinner

Honestly, that sounds pretty good.
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Old 01-15-2024, 08:16 AM   #1149
JonInMiddleGA
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This post is actually a pretty random FB status I just posted. Upon review, it felt like it belonged here so I'm repurposing.

I was just looking outside at the old gray day and began to wonder.

How much "seasonal depression" creeps in slowly before you get conscious of it?

I mean, looking out there is just kinda ... soul sucking.

And we're not even in the winter weather advisory zone or anything. But between the recent rain, the lack of daylight, the generally gloomy appearance both outside the window and for the next week+ worth of weather forecasts.

I find myself almost consciously pushing back against it for the past week or so, trying to do something productive inside as a way to try to counteract the visible gloom.

I'm not real good at "being productive" anymore, though I've got an abundance of reasons to try to do so over the next several months regardless .
Still, I wonder what sort of underlying push/pull is taking place in my subconscious with some of that, 'cause "seasonal depression" has always been largely abstract to me. I know it exists and has an impact even on a cave-dweller like me ... but staring outside through blearly eyes, I wonder just how much it's really doing without my conscious awareness.

Don't mind me much. Just idle rambling from a guy with an upside down sleep pattern. Probably for the best that I sleep more during daylight right now, cause I'm pretty sure looking out there ain't good for my state of mind.
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Old 01-15-2024, 09:30 AM   #1150
Ksyrup
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I've often wondered the same since moving to KY. In north Florida, we'd get seasonably cold but those fronts were almost always immediately replaced with sunshine. Here, you can go 8-10 days (or more) after the weather passes before anything actually clears out. That was the hardest part of adjusting to winter here. Not the cold, not the snow, not the 38 and raining days, but the unending gray skies.
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