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01-25-2003, 03:05 PM
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#1 | ||
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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The Bill Gates Challenge, Part VII - The Return! (Special Edition)
With a high-pitched whirring noise, a single white sheet of paper churns out of Kodos' fax machine. Wearing a look of mild annoyance on his face, Kodos wheels his chair back and grabs the page without ever taking his eye off of the report that he had been reading. A few moments later, he shifts his gaze to the newly-arrived missive. In large bold type, he reads two words:
"I'M BACK." A look of disgust on his face, Kodos crumples the page vigorously and tosses it into his recycle bin. "I wish Bill would just learn to use the damn phone like the rest of us to let people know when he's back from lunch," Kodos mutters to himself, then turns back to the player scouting reports from Kyle Diaz... ============================================= Thus begins Part VII of The Bill Gates Challenge! Originally posted by Craptacular: I think Kodos is trying to drum up some late support for the Golden Scribes.  Originally posted by SplitPersonality1: You're right Crappy. I believe the real reason he created the Golden Scribes contest was that he figured the Bill Gate Challenge was a lock for at least one prize. We are on to you Kodos .Originally posted by Kodos: I'll let you know that in some categories, certain entries seem to have a lock, but the FOF dynasty category is not one of 'em.  To be honest, I think the Golden Scribes thing just helped put me in the mood to start this up again. I've been procrastinating on it for months. If this helps push me along, well, that's not such a bad thing... Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: Yes! The legend returns! Drive those Cowboys into the sea! Originally posted by cthomer5000: What's this? I'm awake? Wiping crust from his eyes, CThomer rises and steps out of his hyperbaric chamber. He looks to the display panel and checks the status screen. 4 Months and 17 days...quite a nap! Well, I guess the fact that I'm awake means one thing... CThomer then raises a finger to the touch-panel and presses 'System Announcements'. The screen displays a message recently pulled from a message board somewhere upon the vast electronic ocean known as the the 'world wide web.' As his eyes scan the screen a smile begins to cross his face... "So it's true! The Bill Gates challenge has returned! Finally a reason to once again join the waking, living world!" Welcome back! Originally posted by Qwikshot: HUZZAH!! Last edited by Kodos : 06-19-2003 at 09:13 PM. |
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01-25-2003, 03:07 PM
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#2 | |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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For those of you unfamiliar with the Bill Gates Challenge, check out the links below to previous chapters, located on the now-inactive FOF Central Pub archive:
Part I: In The Beginning... Part II: Don't Mess With Texas! Part III: A New Hope Part IV: The Lords Of The Rings? Part V: Big Trouble In Little Texas... Part VI: Flirting With Destiny Enjoy! Originally posted by Chuck U Farley: Unfamiliar? Is that even possible? I'm so excited. Welcome back. Originally posted by revrew: A crimson telephone buried deep beneath the ground in a secret compound in what-was-Waco rings. After the predetermined seventeenth ring, a cold, clammy hand reaches out in the darkness and answers..." "Farley Fan Base." "Chuck U!" "Chuck U, too. What's the news?" "The alien lives." "Roger." The receiver is placed gently in it's cradle, a copy of "Senior Bop" falls to the coffee table, and suddenly, a long-dormant secret society comes to life! The lights flicker, TV screens pop on, and a melodious chorus of Microsoft Windows opening echos through the halls. The Chuck U. Farley fan compound is back on-line! Originally posted by Kodos: Quote:
Well, some folks don't even know who our President is... As for you secret underground compound dwellers, another season of Chuck U is ready to be served up. I'm guessing you'll want bypass "rare" and go straight to "well done." Last edited by Kodos : 06-19-2003 at 09:40 PM. |
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01-25-2003, 03:08 PM
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#3 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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It was a lonnnnnnnng offseason following our resounding 42-12 defeat in the NFC Championship at the hand of the eventual champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Worse yet (at least as far as I was concerned) was our continued rush towards Bill Gates’ financial “line in the sand.” Now, with just over $93 million in losses standing between myself and the unemployment line, I faced the very real possibility of being fired after the 2017 season. My only hope was to somehow turn a team that had lost over $62 million dollars in each of the last 2 seasons into a profitable operation before we hit that magical $9.2 billion in losses mark... or to take advantage of the one loophole and keep on winning Super Bowls until we became profitable. With an almost tangible sense of my impending doom, I attempted to bury my misery in the preparations for the 2016 season.
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01-25-2003, 03:08 PM
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#4 |
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Hattrick Moderator
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Fort Worthless, Tx
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Rats!
Go Jerry go!
__________________
King of All FOFC Media!!! IHOF: Fort Worthless Fury- 2004 AOC Deep South Champions (not acknowledged via conspiracy) |
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01-25-2003, 03:09 PM
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#5 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Nice try, Horned, but a little forum change can't stop ol' Kodos!
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01-25-2003, 03:10 PM
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#6 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2016 Offseason
Coach/Scout Signing Period: I went bargain hunting for a possible cheap upgrade to our coaching staff during the coach hiring period, but everyone who appeared to be even remotely qualified to coach an NFL team (a.k.a., a coach Jerry Jones would see fit to hire) was asking for too damn much, so we reluctantly kept our incumbent coach, Irv Saxon, under contract. Hey, at least he's inexpensive. Of course, we never even considered replacing second-year scout and favorite son Kyle Diaz. 2016 Ticket Prices I faced a real dilemma concerning what to do with our ticket prices. On the one hand, raising our prices could bring in some much-needed revenue. On the other hand, it might drive away some of our newly-won fans. I agonized for weeks on which way to go, but in the end, I opted not to raise our ticket prices in hopes of continuing the upward trend in our home-game attendance. The Cowboys, in the face of plummeting attendance, also declined to increase their 2016 prices. |
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01-25-2003, 03:11 PM
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#7 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2016 Free Agency Period
Defensive tackle Sean Ross was the only Cowboy available to be signed, but despite our need for help along the defensive line, we opted not to pursue Ross due to his inflated salary demands. Instead, we turned our attention to renegotiating contracts for our own guys who were entering the final year of their deals. Here is the breakdown of how much we paid everyone: Left tackle Terrance Read signed a 3-year deal worth $18.47 million, with a $4.2 million bonus. Split end Ralph Randle agreed to a 4-year package worth $27.53 million. Like Read, Randle also received a nice $4.2 million bonus. Go buy another house, Ralph. Flanker Earl Thornton signed a contract extension worth $29.51 million over 4 years, and accepted a relatively modest $3.82 million bonus. Right guard Darren Cruise agreed to a 3-year deal for $10.87 million base salary a $3.76 million bonus. No doubt certain fans were delighted to hear that tight end Chuck Farley signed on for another 4 years in Gatesville at a cost of $24.7 million with a hefty $4.7 million bonus. Fullback Levon Wallace came to terms for $8.82 million over 3 years with a $1.41 million bonus. God bless you, Levon. At least someone isn’t trying to drive me out a little faster. Third receiver Ty Robbins was rewarded for his 1000-yard season with a 4-year deal worth $29.19 million and a $3.82 million bonus. SOLB Terrance Fuller agreed to a 3-year deal for $13.77 million and a $5.64 million bonus. Free Agent Losses: Center Jonathan Farmer, a mainstay of our offensive line for years, defected to the Ravens for $23.21 million over 3 years. Former backup center Gene Flannery will take Farmer’s spot in the starting lineup next season. WOLB Allen Whitfield, who is getting up in years anyway, demanded too much for me to justify ($18.63 over 3 years with a $7.72 million bonus), so I let him test the waters of free agency. As it turned out, nobody else wanted to pay him that much either. Trades: In a move that surprised few, underperforming RB Everett Schwarz was dealt to the Panthers in exchange for their 3rd Round pick in the 2016 draft. Talented-but-temperamental guard Rob Stanton got his wish, as we shipped him (along with RB Marcus White) off to St. Louis in exchange for their 1st Round Pick (number 30) in the 2016 draft. Cuts: Backup WR Tim Terrell was cut. And nobody even noticed. Up next: The 2016 Draft. |
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01-25-2003, 03:12 PM
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#8 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2016 Draft
We came into the draft looking to provide our underperforming incumbent RB, Herb Matthews, with some legitimate competition for the starting job. Our 2 picks in Round 1 both came late, at slots 30 and 32. When pick number 30 finally rolled around, we snatched up a promising young running back by the name of Lonnie Ruiter, a 5’11”, 195-pound back out of Georgia Tech who possessed good breakaway speed along with a decent pair of hands. Two spots later we drafted Artie Furman, a 6’0”, 191-pound WR out of good ol’ Indiana University, that hotbed of NFL talent (and my alma mater). Artie, though unpolished, has reliable hands and is adept at picking up yardage after the catch. Hopefully these 2 will be able to bolster an offense which sagged a bit in 2015. Here’s how the rest of the 2016 Draft went down for us. Certain folks will be glad to see that we drafted ourselves a Jayhawk in the fourth round. Of course, being a Jayhawk, he was only a punter, and not a real football player. Rnd 1 - Lonnie Ruiter, RB, Georgia Tech Rnd 1 - Artie Furman, WR, Indiana Rnd 2 - Zack Terrell, G, Penn State Rnd 3 - Kurt Robertson, LB, Texas Rnd 3 - Matt Douglas, CB, Marshall Rnd 4 - Frankie Branch, P, Kansas Rnd 5 - Kerry Ondre, QB, Duke Rnd 5 - Donnie Langford, C, Miss. Valley St. Rnd 6 - Drew Knight, TE, Arizona Coming Up Tomorrow: Training Camp. See you all then. |
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01-25-2003, 03:13 PM
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#9 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2016 Training Camp
After last season’s abysmal performance on special teams, which more times than not left us with bad field position and our opponents with wonderful field position, we dedicated 50% of our time to special skills, especially punt returns, kick returns, and field goal kicking. Hopefully this will help us win the field position battle in the upcoming season. On offense, we stayed with the I, Strong I, and Singleback formations, while we dropped the goal-line formation entirely. On defense, we concentrated on Zone coverage and the 3-4 and Nickel formations. The 4-3 was dropped, and in its place we worked on the Dime. Man-to-man coverage and goal-line defense also received considerable attention. Breakouts/Busts Our 6th Round pick, tight end Drew Knight, did not pan out and was released. Second-year linebacker Sam Viola continued to improve and will replace Al Ingram as our starter at WILB, while Ingram, one of the most prolific tacklers in league history, will shift to SILB. Second-year tackle Albert Alexander will take over for Terrance Read at left tackle. Read in turn will replace James Pond at RT.
============================================ 2016 Season Ticket Sales Our upward trend in season ticket sales continued, as we sold 37,600 out of a possible 59,200 season tickets. While any increase in sales is of course desirable, this wasn’t really as nice of an increase as I had hoped for. Those 21,600 unsold tickets would have represented a major boost to my job security had they been sold. Still, it was a small improvement over our sales in recent seasons (36,300 in 2015, and 30,700 in 2014). In the end, our failure to reach the Super Bowl probably cost us another 5,000 season ticket sales.  Surely that couldn't end up being the difference between me being forced out and me staying on after 2017... Could it?  **Gulp.**Up Next: The 2016 Exhibition Season. |
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01-25-2003, 03:14 PM
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#10 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2016 Exhibition Season
The 2016 Exhibition Season was highlighted by a 6-catch, 92-yard, 5 touchdown performance by our first round pick (rookie WR Artie Furman) against the Steelers in just his second game, as well as by Chuck Farley’s spectacular 93-yard touchdown bomb from Berg in our third exhibition game. However, the exhibition season was not all fun ‘n’ games, as we sustained significant injuries to several key offensive starters: Left guard Rusty Pleasant sprained his back and will miss 3-5 weeks. Right tackle Terrance Read sustained a stretched knee ligament and will likewise miss 3-5 weeks. Finally, flanker Earl Thornton broke his foot and, keeping with the trend, will likely miss 3-5 weeks. All in all, it was a bit of a rough preseason. Still, we managed to win 3 out of 4 exhibition games, with our lone loss coming at the hands of the Richmond Wranglers.
The Cowboys went .500 in the preseason, with a couple of easy wins and one decisive defeat at the hands of the same Wranglers team who ended up handing us our only preseason loss in Week 4.
When all was said and done, here is how the standings looked in the NFC East after the 2016 preseason was through.
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01-25-2003, 03:15 PM
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#11 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2016 Regular Season schedules:
We were scheduled to start off the 2016 campaign with 3 straight home games. In a perfect world, I would have preferred to have started out with some wins on the road so that the hometown fans would be hyped up for our home opener, but the scheduling gods were not on our side this time. Alas.
The Cowboys were looking for a quick start with 4 out of their first 5 games scheduled to be held at Texas Stadium. However, the favorable early season schedule also meant that Jerry’s ‘Boys would face a tough stretch run with lots of away games. As always, Bill and I were pulling for a slow start and a painful finish to the ‘Boys season. 
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01-25-2003, 03:16 PM
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#12 | |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2016 Starting Lineups:
Offense: Veteran RB Herb Matthews showed us enough during the preseason to retain the starting halfback duties for our season opener against the Seahawks, but first round pick Lonnie Ruiter will be seeing plenty of action as well this year. As mentioned earlier, the upstart Albert Alexander has taken over the job at left tackle, and Terrance Read has shifted over to starting right tackle. Gene Flannery takes over at center for the departed Jonathan Farmer. Otherwise, our offensive lineup looks much the same as it did last season. QB - Devin Bergeron RB – Herb Matthews FB - Levon Wallace TE - Chuck Farley FL - Earl Thornton (injured – Ty Robbins will start until Thornton returns) SE - Ralph Randle LT – Albert Alexander LG - Rusty Pleasant (injured – Darren Cruise will sub for Pleasant) C – Gene Flannery RG - Darren Cruise (rookie Zack Terrell will sub for Cruise) RT – Terrance Read (injured – James Pond will replace Read until he can return) Defense: In our usual defensive-line shuffle, Frankie Farley shifts back to RE, while Dusty Szilter takes over Farley’s old spot at LE. Paul Everett moves to NT from RE. In the linebacking corps, Kurt Robertson replaces the departed Allen Whitfield at WOLB, while Sam Viola and Al Ingram trade places inside and Terrance Fuller returns at SOLB. For better or worse, our secondary returns completely intact from last season. Of course, this is a secondary that ranked 31st in the league last year.  LE – Dusty Szilter NT – Paul Everett RE - Frankie Farley WOLB – Kurt Robertson WILB – Sam Viola SILB – Al Ingram SOLB - Terrance Fuller LCB - Joel Harden RCB - Mike Eagle FS - Dave Sanders SS - Alan Hines Next Up: The 2016 Regular Season. After much, much too long, it’s finally time to start out on that long, peril-filled road that leads to the Super Bowl. Time will tell whether or not these 2016 Silicon Pirates will be able to right the ship and return to Super Bowl glory; and time will tell whether or not our bottom line will improve enough to save this poor alien's job. At this point, only one thing is certain: Whatever may come, the journey starts today. Go Gatesville! Originally posted by sterlingice: Quote:
SI Last edited by Kodos : 06-19-2003 at 09:19 PM. |
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01-25-2003, 03:18 PM
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#13 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 1
Seattle (0-0) at Gatesville (0-0) ============================================ Attendance: 47,400 attend (out of a possible 59,200), while 3,600 are no shows. Last year, our home opener saw 46,000 attend, so this is a small improvement. Really small. Injury Update: Ty Robbins got the start at flanker in place of Earl Thornton, who was out with a broken foot. Rookie lineman Zack Terrell got the nod at right guard in place of Rusty Pleasant, who has a sprained back. Wily veteran James Pond filled in for Terrance Read at right tackle. The Game: On a hot and rainy September day, the Pirates began what most likely would be their second to last year with me as their GM. In the first quarter, rookie wide receiver Artie Furman caught his first NFL touchdwon, a 6-yarder from our franchise QB, Devin Bergeron, to put us on top 7-0. Despite two Seahawk forays into our red zone, we went into the half with the scoreboard still reading 7-0 in our favor. In the third quarter, Seahawks QB Lewis Dole scrambled in from a few yards out to tie the game up at 7-7. However, with eleven minutes left in regulation, Berg threw his second TD pass of the day, this time to split end Ralph Randle, to regain the lead 14-7. Pinned deep in his own territory and trailing 14-7 midway through the 4th quarter, Lewis Dole tried to force one to Brad Wilkerson, but Pirates rookie safety Timothy Whalen stepped in front of Wilkerson and took the ball 18-yards the other way to paydirt to extend our lead to 21-7. With 1:10 remaining in the game, Dole found Wilkerson in the end zone for an 11-yard touchdown to cap a 7-play, 61-yard drive that kept the final outcome in question. With time running out, the Seahawks were forced to try an onside kick. I watched in horror as the ball bounced over Levon Wallace’s outreached hands and disappeared into a crowd of white and blue jerseys. When the referees had pulled everyone off, Seahawk CB Vernon Garcia had the ball. With 60 yards to go and 1:05 left on the clock, Dole and the Seattle offense took to the field looking to send the game into overtime. Dole’s first 2 passes fell harmlessly to the ground, but on third-and-10, he found Wilkerson for 29-yards down the sideline. Now just 31 yards away, Dole kept the ball in the air on first down, but couldn’t get it to his man. On second down with 24 seconds left on the clock, Dole went for it all, and all-pro free safety Dave Sanders was there to pick it off and preserve the win. Whew!  That was too close!Key Performers: Backup safety Timothy Whalen earned the Game MVP award with his 3 tackles and the momentum-swinging interception return for a touchdown. Herb Matthews had a solid outing to open the 2016 campaign, as he gained 109 yards on 14 carries and caught 2 balls for 11 yards. Berg completed 20 of 33 passes for 255 yards, 2 TDs, and 1 interception. Ralph Randle caught 7 passes for 108 yards and a TD. First round pick Artie Furman caught 3 passes for 25 yards and 1 TD in his NFL debut. Chuck Farley had a quiet day with 4 catches for 32 yards. ============================================ Wichita (0-0) at Dallas (0-0) Wichita travelled to Dallas in Week 1 and went home with a 19-6 loss. |
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01-25-2003, 03:19 PM
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#14 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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From: Kyle Diaz
To: Bill Gates & Kodos Subject: Dallas Cowboys Injury Report: Gino Burroughs, WR - Questionable Michael Robertson, G - Probable Greg Drayson, S - Questionable Sean Ross, DT - Out Paul McElroy, WR - Probable Jamal McElroy, LB - Probable William Terry, G - Questionable Offensive Overview: Starting Quarterback: Tracy Mazurek 19 for 35, 183 yards, 0 TDs, 0 interceptions this season. Excellent at throwing short passes. Starting Running Back: Norbert Healey 12 carries for 44 yards, 0 touchdowns this season. Very good overall runner. Starting Flanker: Gino Burroughs 6 receptions for 56 yards, 0 touchdowns this season. hands. Starting Split End: Dale Corbett 5 receptions for 39 yards, 0 touchdowns this season. Good go-to receiver. Defensive Overview: Starting Left Defensive End: Winston Wayne 2 tackles, 0 assists, 1.5 sacks this season. Fair pass-rusher. Starting Right Defensive End: Marlon Linquist first start of the season. Good defender against the run. Starting Left Defensive Tackle: Kerry Grasso 1 tackles, 0 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Good defender against the run. Starting Right Defensive Tackle: Rich Peterson first start of the season. Fair defender against the run. Starting Weak-Side Linebacker: Jamal McElroy 7 tackles, 2 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Good man-to-man pass defender. Starting Middle Linebacker: Troy Tompkins 5 tackles, 1 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Excellent pass-rusher. Starting Strong-Side Linebacker: Bruce Leatherwood 1 tackles, 1 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. No real strengths to speak of. That Kyle is a straight-shooter, ain’t he?Starting Weak-Side Cornerback: Joel Flannery 1 tackles, 1 assists, 0 interceptions this season. Very good zone pass defender. Starting Strong-Side Cornerback: Jerome McCarthy 5 tackles, 0 assists, 0 interceptions this season. Very good pass intercepter. Starting Free Safety: Greg Drayson first start of the season. Excellent man-to-man pass defender. Starting Strong Safety: Harvey Casillas 5 tackles, 0 assists, 2 interceptions this season. Good zone pass defender. |
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01-25-2003, 03:20 PM
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#15 | ||
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 2
Dallas (1-0) at Gatesville (1-0) ============================================ Attendance: 49,700, with 2,500 no-shows The Game: We welcomed Jerry and his Jailboys to Gatesville in Week 2 of the still-young 2016 season. Sporting a 1-0 record, the Cowboys were strutting and preening for the cameras before the game. On the sidelines, Jones appeared to be Mr. Happy Pants as he talked about his third facelift with one of the local news-bimbos. As I watched the newscast later that night, I heard Jerry talking about the pride being back in Big D. The first quarter passed in fairly unnoteworthy fashion, with the exception of a pair of missed field goals, one by Bo Atkins for them and one by Broderick Hidalgo for us. Both attempts were from pretty far out, so no big whup. In the second quarter, we gave the Gatesville crowd something to cheer about as Chuck Farley opened up the scoring in the second quarter with a 4-yard grab from Berg that made it a 7-0 ballgame. Following a failed drive by the Cowboys, our first 1st round pick, the rookie RB Lonnie Ruiter, bounced off of left tackle and took it 50 yards for a score! 14-0, Silicon Pirates! But he wasn’t done. Next drive, Ruiter topped himself with and 88-yard touchdown run when James Pond sprung him on the right side! 21-0! Now desperate to respond, Tracy Mazurek forced a ball into the endzone, but Dave Sanders came away with the ball, and soon Hidalgo would make it 24-0! The Boys did manage a gimme field goal before the half ended, but that was just putting Bactine on the bloodied stump. 24-3 Pirates going into the half! In the second half, Ruiter completed the trifecta with a 7-yard run that extended our lead to 31-3. Antoine Dugans’ 61-yard punt return for a touchdown would close out the scoring, as we ran away in a laugher against the Cowboys, 38-3. Oh baby, the Pride Is Back In Big D, folks! The Pride is Back! Key Performers: Lonnie Ruiter garnered the Game MVP award with a breakout performance. On just 9 carries, he amassed 168 yards and 3 TDs. Great shot, kid! That was one in a million! Unfortunately, the kid suffered a stretched triceps muscle in the fourth quarter, and will need 2-3 months to heal. In the post-game interview, he told ‘em “My only regret is that I have but one triceps muscle to give for my teammates.” Great kid, eh?Berg was solid but unspectacular, as he completed 14 of 24 attempts for 167 yards and 1 TD. Chuck Farley had 3 catches on the day for 24 yards and 1 TD. Bo Atkins missed 3 out of 4 field goal attempts for the Cowboys. Sign him to a long-term contract, Jerry! Tracy Mazurek completed 13 of 23 passes for 204 yards and 1 interception. Cory Rheams had 5 catches for a buck-seven for the Cowboys. As the score indicates, 107 yards wasn’t nearly enough. New Injuries: The victory, while sweet, came at a cost. In addition to the injury to Ruiter, a half-dozen other guys are really ailing right now. Our aging offensive line is getting hit particularly hard so far in this young season. Darren Cruise, our starting right guard, suffered broken ribs and is out for 2-3 months. Joel Harden, our all-pro corner, broke his finger and may miss 2 weeks. Rusty Pleasant, our starting left guard, still needs a couple more weeks to return from a sprained back. Terrance Read, our starting right tackle, is still recuperating from a stretched knee ligament and should be back by Week 4. Earl Thornton’s broken foot still needs a week or two more to finish healing. Say, did anyone see where that Bactine went? Originally posted by cthomer5000: as long as you can keep 22 guys healthy, it's looking pretty good. Bring those cowboys to their knees!  Originally posted by Kodos: cthomer - The offensive line troubles have me a bit concerned, but otherwise things are looking good so far. Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: Outstanding start, there! Way to put those Cowboys in their place! I take it your coach isn't very good with injuries? Originally posted by Kodos: Quote:
Irv's not so good, no. When you go cheap-o, you apparently get low quality-o. How I long for the days when Bill was just a signin' the checks without thinkin' twice... Originally posted by SplitPersonality1: Quote:
Originally posted by Kodos: Thanks, SP1. I liked that line too. LMAO! Great stuff as always Kodos. Last edited by Kodos : 06-19-2003 at 09:25 PM. |
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01-25-2003, 03:21 PM
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#16 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 3
Arizona (2-0) at Gatesville (2-0) ============================================ Attendance: 50,300 folks bought tickets, but 3,600 didn’t bother to show up. The Game: For the second week in a row, we welcomed an undefeated division rival into Gatesville, and for the second week in a row, we sent them home with an embarrassing loss. Berg, despite an off day that saw him throw two interceptions and cough up one fumble, connected with Chuck Farley in the red zone for 3 touchdowns of 12, 10, and 4 yards. Throw in some field goals, an 84-yard Scott Cooley kickoff return for a touchdown, and you have the makings of a 41-13 rout. Gatesville is rockin’ and rollin’ at 3-0, and Chuck U leads the league with 4 touchdowns through Week 3! 2016 is looking pretty good so far, people! Go Pirates! Key Performers: Sam Viola somehow got the Game MVP award for his 9 tackles and 1 sack, but everyone in the locker room knew that Chuck U’s 6 catches for 71 yards and 3 scores were what did it for us. Matthews had a balanced game, with 10 runs for 52 yards and 1 score, as well as 5 catches for 63 yards. Berg did not have his best day, but did throw for 3 touchdowns and 298 yards on 18 of 30 passing. He also threw 2 picks (one in the end zone) and fumbled the ball once too. ============================================ Chicago (1-1) at Dallas (1-1) The Bears tried, but in the end came up short against the Cowboys, 28-19. Too bad we couldn’t lend them 10 points from our victory over the Boys last week... Originally posted by revrew: The game film is securely locked within the vault, polished and preserved when we make a bid to Canton for Chuck's enshrinement. Oh, and that little episode with Sam Viola's dog--we deny any responsibility. We didn't even know there was a sausage factory in Gatesville. And even if we did, we certainly wouldn't have left the whiskers sticking out of the summer sausage for effect. (They did report that on the news, right?) Originally posted by Kodos: Scraps?!?... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo!!! Last edited by Kodos : 06-19-2003 at 09:27 PM. |
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01-25-2003, 03:22 PM
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#17 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 4
Gatesville (3-0) at San Diego (3-0) ============================================ The Game: Week 4 saw us travel to the West Coast to face the as-yet-undefeated San Diego Super Chargers. Riding high after a convincing victory over our division-rival Cardinals in Week 3, we came into town brimming with confidence. The opening drive saw us move methodically down the field behind Berg’s precision aerial assault, but the drive came to a screeching halt when Berg was picked off by Charger cornerback Will Clemons in the end zone. Billy Breedlove’s 33-yard field goal on the Charger’s ensuing drive quickly put us into a 3-0 hole. Toward the end of the first fifteen minutes, Berg completed a nice drive with a 26-yard strike to rookie receiver Artie Furman, which gave us our first lead of the day, 7-3. In the second quarter, Berg was picked off once again, this time deep in our own territory. Shane Hansen’s 31-yard return finished in the end zone, and made the score 10-7 in San Diego’s favor. To make things worse, a Herb Matthews fumble late in the half set up a 21-yard field goal that sent the Chargers into the half with a 13-7 lead. All in all, we considered ourselves lucky to be trailing by just 6 points after our 3 first-half turnovers. The second half saw our situation get worse, as Charger QB Leonard Coffey found a wide-open Joel Lindsay down the sideline for a 30-yard touchdown. In a small favor from the football gods, the Charger’s 2-point attempt fell short as the runner was tackled just shy of the line, leaving it at 19-7 Chargers. A 34-yard Hidalgo field goal brought us to within 19-10 before the third quarter ended, but a Coffey-to-Wesley Morton touchdown in the fourth put the game almost out of reach at 26-10. With just 3:39 remaining in the game, Berg tossed an 8-yard touchdown to Herb Matthews. After Chuck Farley’s reception for the 2 point conversion, we found ourselves back in a one-score game, 26-18. The Chargers took over possession with 3-and-a-half minutes remaining, but 2 quick incompletions and a run for a 1-yard loss gave us the ball right back with only 43 seconds taken off of the clock. With 2:38 left in the game and another chance to push it to overtime, Berg led the offense back onto the field with 71 yards standing between us and a possible tie. Immediately, Berg went deep, and found Artie Furman flying down the middle of the field for a 42-yard strike. Next, from the Charger 29, Berg next looked for running back Herb Matthews out of the backfield, but Matthews couldn’t get the handle on the ball, and it fell incomplete. Next play, Berg tried to get it to Matthews again, but safety Shane Hansen got a hand in and deflected the ball. On third-and-10, Berg looked for seldom-used rookie RB Edwin Burgess, but the ball was underthrown. Facing fourth-and-10, Berg threw to Furman in the back of the end zone, but this time cornerback Darrin Kelley was there to knock it down, and the Chargers took possession of the ball with 1:49 left to go and an 8-point lead. Wanting nothing more than to run out the rest of the clock, fifteen-year veteran QB Leonard Coffey and the Chargers picked a up quick first down with an 8-yard Wesley Morton reception and a 22-yard Van Bishop run around the left end. After that, our defense was able to shut them down and force a punt with 36 seconds remaining. With 30 seconds on the clock, no time outs left, and 80 yards of real estate between us and the goal line, we took to the field with one last chance. On first down, the receivers were blanketed, so Berg pullled it down and scrambled for six yards, but he didn't get out of bounds, and precious seconds kept flying off of the clock. Quickly, Berg took the snap and hastily threw one Furman’s way, but to no avail. With just 4 ticks remaining, Berg lofted one deep, but cornerback Bernie Norton was there to pick it off. End of game. Final score: 26-18, San Diego. Key Performers: Berg had a terrible day, completing just 19 of 43 pass attempts for 334 yards, 2 TDs, and 3 interceptions. He did manage to gain 52 yards on 8 runs, but the defense was in his face all day for 6 sacks. Artie Furman continued to impress with 7 catches for 151 yards and 1 TD. Matthews had 4 runs for 3 yards. In all, our running backs gained just 22 yards on 8 carries. That’s just not gonna get it done. San Diego’s Leonard Coffey had himself a wonderful outing, completing 20 of 33 passes for 216 yards and 2 TDs. New Injuries: Artie Furman paid for his 7 catches with a bruised ribcage. He should be fine in a couple weeks. Ralph Randle left the game with a pulled groin that could take up to 5 weeks to heal properly. He will be inactive for our Week 5 game versus Washington. ============================================ Philadelphia (1-2) at Dallas (2-1) A very bad Eagles team put up almost no fight versus the Cowboys, succumbing by the score of 22-3.  |
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01-25-2003, 03:23 PM
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#18 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 5
Washington (1-3) at Gatesville (3-1) ============================================ Attendance: 49,700 bought tickets, with 5,100 no-shows. Injury Update: Our starting flanker, Earl Thornton, returned from his broken foot injury for Week 5. Unfortunately, two other guys, WRs Ralph Randle (groin) and Artie Furman (bruised ribs), were out with injuries. On the offensive line, James Pond started at right guard for Darren Cruise (broken ribs), while Rusty Pleasant returned from his sprained back injury to reclaim his role as our starting left guard. The Game: A 26-yard Herb Matthews rushing TD in the first quarter and a 10-yard Ty Robbins touchdown grab helped us go into the half with a 17-13 advantage, but Wade Richey’s third field goal of the day, a 42 yarder, trimmed our lead to 17-16 with just under 10 minutes left in the third quarter. To make matters worse, Berg left the game with an injury on our next drive. Kerry Ondre, Berg’s replacement, deftly completed the drive and found paydirt on an 18-yard hookup with Ty Robbins to extend our lead to 24-16 with 5 minutes left in the third. Broderick Hidalgo’s 40-yard field goal that came 3 minutes into the fourth quarter put us up 27-16, and from there we were able to hold on with the help of a late Dave Sanders interception to push our record to 4-1. Key Performers: Dave Sanders earned himself the Game MVP award with his clutch interception, which he supplemented with 5 tackles and 2 assists. Berg completed 11 of 15 passes for 134 yards and 1 TD before leaving the game in the third quarter with a foot injury. Matthews ran for 19 yards on 11 carries, but did manage to score one touchdown. He also caught 5 passes for 41 yards. Backup QB Kerry Ondre completed 14 of 16 passes for 138 yards and 1 TD in relief of Bergeron - a nice showing for our fifth-round rookie out of Duke. Chuck Farley just missed reaching the century mark with 8 catches for 95 yards. Ty Robbins made the most of his 5 catches for 65 yards and 2 TDs. New Injuries: Berg has turf toe, and will need a couple weeks to heal up. ============================================ Arizona (2-2) at Dallas (3-1) The Cowboys prevailed in a close game with the Cardinals, 16-10. Next up: The 1-4 Philadelphia Eagles. See you in Week 6, folks. |
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01-25-2003, 03:24 PM
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#19 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 6
Gatesville (4-1) at Philadelphia (1-4) ============================================ Injury Update: With a bye coming up in Week 7, we thought our game against a weak Philadelphia squad would provide a good chance to hold back some dinged up players in the hope of having them healthy for our Week 8 showdown with the Cowboys. With that in mind, our 5th round pick, Kerry Ondre, replaced Berg (turf toe) at QB. Likewise, WRs Artie Furman (bruised ribs) and Ralph Randle (pulled groin) both sat the game out. The Game: The first quarter ended scoreless, and the second quarter was headed the same way until Broderick Hidalgo hit a 50-yarder to put us up 3-0. Given a chance to extend our lead to 6 with a 51-yard attempt later in the quarter, Hidalgo’s kick came up short, and the score remained 3-0. Philly managed a touchdown before the half, and another one after the half, to go up on us 14-3 in the third quarter. After that, backup QB Kerry Ondre did manage to hit Levon Wallace to pull us to within 14-10, but the Eagles soon answered with another touchdown of their own to lead us 21-10 after 3 quarters of play. Ty Robbins managed to pull in a 25-yard touchdown from Ondre in the 4th, but that was as close as we would come on a miserable day in Philly in which the woeful Eagles ultimately prevailed, 21-16. Perhaps benching Bergeron wasn’t such a clever idea after all...? Key Performers: No performances were worthy of mentioning. ============================================ Dallas (4-1) at Washington (1-4) To make the day even crappier, our loss, combined with a 22-9 Cowboys win over the Redskins, gave Dallas sole possession of first place in the East. Apparently, we are the only team that feels a need to beat dem Cowboys. |
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01-25-2003, 03:24 PM
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#20 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 7
Gatesville had the bye. ============================================ Dallas (5-1) at San Diego (4-1) The Chargers made a good run at beating the Cowboys, but ultimately came up short, 28-23. The win moved the Cowboys further ahead of us in the division... |
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01-25-2003, 03:25 PM
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#21 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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From: Kyle Diaz
To: Bill Gates & Kodos Subject: Dallas Cowboys Injury Report: Jessie Nestor, T - Probable Sean Ross, DT - Out Damon Tanner, CB - Questionable Kerry Grasso, DT - Questionable Jamal McElroy, LB - Questionable Howard McHenry, CB - Questionable Rich Peterson, DT - Out Offensive Overview: Starting Quarterback: Tracy Mazurek 105 for 174, 1095 yards, 4 TDs, 6 interceptions this season. Excellent at throwing short passes. Starting Running Back: Norbert Healey 107 carries for 477 yards, 5 touchdowns this season. Very good overall runner. Starting Flanker: Gino Burroughs 19 receptions for 189 yards, 0 touchdowns this season. hands. Starting Split End: Dale Corbett 25 receptions for 216 yards, 1 touchdowns this season. Good go-to receiver. Defensive Overview: Starting Left Defensive End: Winston Wayne 22 tackles, 3 assists, 6.5 sacks this season. Good pass-rusher. Starting Right Defensive End: Marlon Linquist 16 tackles, 6 assists, 5.0 sacks this season. Good defender against the run. Starting Left Defensive Tackle: Kerry “Ass Is” Grasso 10 tackles, 4 assists, 2.5 sacks this season. Good defender against the run. Starting Right Defensive Tackle: Sean Ross 4 tackles, 0 assists, 0.5 sacks this season. Very good pass-rusher. Starting Weak-Side Linebacker: Jamal McElroy 27 tackles, 8 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Very good man-to-man pass defender. Starting Middle Linebacker: Troy Tompkins 37 tackles, 12 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Excellent pass-rusher. Starting Strong-Side Linebacker: Bruce Leatherwood 23 tackles, 7 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Fair defender against the run. Starting Weak-Side Cornerback: Joel Flannery 18 tackles, 9 assists, 1 interceptions this season. Very good zone pass defender. Starting Strong-Side Cornerback: Jerome McCarthy 15 tackles, 4 assists, 2 interceptions this season. Very good pass intercepter. Starting Free Safety: Greg Drayson 23 tackles, 6 assists, 3 interceptions this season. Excellent man-to-man pass defender. Starting Strong Safety: Harvey Casillas 24 tackles, 7 assists, 3 interceptions this season. Good zone pass defender. |
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01-25-2003, 03:26 PM
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#22 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 8
Gatesville (4-2) at Dallas (6-1) ============================================ Injury Update: Ralph Randle remained inactive for Week 8 with a pulled groin, but Artie Furman was able to return to the active roster for our showdown with the Cowboys. The Game: We rolled into Dallas needing a win to keep ourselves within striking distance in the race for the NFC East title. Outside of the 38-3 thrashing that we handed them back in Week 2, the Cowboys had gone undefeated. A loss to them now would put them at 7-1 and drop us to 4-3. It was imperative that we beat them, even more so than or usual mandate. Dallas won possession of the ball for the first drive of the game, and started out at their own 16 following the kickoff return. The Cowboys gained a couple first downs early while keeping the ball on the ground, with running back Norbert Healey providing most of the yardage. Thirteen plays into the drive, Dale Corbett dropped a Tracy Mazurek pass on third-and-1 from our 25, but an intentional face mask call bailed them out and moved the ball to our 13-yard line. Three plays later, Healey smashed through the left side of the line for a 4-yard touchdown to give the Cowboys an early 7-0 advantage. In stark contrast to the Cowboys’ lengthy, methodical opening drive, our first crack at the ball netted us –8 yards and a quick three-and-out. Once again, the Cowboys started out moving the ball on the ground, which set our defense up for a 19-yard strike to Cory Rheams that moved them to our 36. With our defense needing somebody to step up, left end Dusty Szilter beat his man to the outside and crushed Mazurek for a 6-yard loss. On third-and-14, Claude Flaherty ran for 11 yards off of right tackle to set up a 46-yard Bo Atkins field goal attempt that thankfully fell just short of the crossbar and kept the score at 7-0. The rest of the first quarter saw us in possession of the ball for all of 90 seconds and ended without any more scoring on either side. We began the second quarter with just our second possession of the game. This possession would prove to be a small improvement over the first one, as we only lost 3 yards before punting after another three-and-out. To make matters worse, a 28-yard Frankie Branch punt left the Cowboys sittin’ pretty at their 36. A 46-yard dagger from Mazurek to Corbett on their first play moved them into our redzone right off the bat. Another 14-yard Corbett reception on the next play put them on our 4, and 2 plays later Flaherty pounded his way through the left side of the line and into the end zone to make it 14-0. Our next drive went a little better, with a nice 18-yard Herb Matthews run providing the biggest gain, but ultimately penalties short-circuited the drive and Branch was called on to punt again from our 37. This time, he got a better kick off, and it sailed 46 yards to the Cowboy 17, where Cowboys’ CB Joel Flannery called for a fair catch. The Cowboys once again were moving the ball well, and had found their way inside our 40 before an intentional grounding call set them back to the 50 and forced a punt. Following the touchback, Berg wasted no time on our next drive, hitting free safety Greg Drayson at the Cowboy 41. Drayson returned the ball 20 yards before Earl Thornton could drag him down at our 39. Two plays later Mazurek hit Oliver Carnahan for a 39-yard touchdown right down the center of the field. 21-0, Cowboys. Another pathetic drive for us set up a 49 yarder for Bo Atkins as we hit the 2 minute warning. Looking for anything to give us a little momentum heading into the half, Berg moved the offense to the Dallas 19 to set up a 36-yard Hidalgo field goal attempt. As time expired, Hidalgo’s kick sailed just inside the goalpost to send us into the half down by 3 scores, 24-3. Wondering what in God’s name had just happened, we limped into the locker room with our heads spinning... ======================================== Coach Saxon and the rest of the coaching staff worked furiously on making adjustments inside a silent and sullen locker room. While they talked X’s and O’s, it seemed to me that most of the players were off in their own little private worlds. All of them looked stunned and beaten, except for ol’ Chuck Farley. He just looked pissed off. * * * As the halftime break wound down, the guys slowly rose up off the benches and headed toward the exit. Just as the first guy was reaching the double doors that led back out to the field, Chuck U rose up and blocked his path. “Hold up, guys, hold up,” he said, extending one big paw like a crossing guard. “Can somebody here tell me where we’re from?” After a moment of silence, a tentative voice from somewhere in the back said “Gatesville?” “That’s right. We’re from Gatesville. And what’s the first rule in life when you’re from Gatesville?” Silence. “The first rule is that we don’t lose to the goddamn Cowboys. EVER.” More silence. “I said ’We don’t lose to the goddamn Cowboys!’” This time a small murmur of agreement could be heard. “Come on, guys! We beat these chumps 38-3 just six weeks ago – how in God’s name is it even possible that we are losing by three touchdowns to those same chumps today?!? What the hell is wrong with you guys? You all look like your damn dog just died!” If a pin had dropped in our locker room at that moment, you would have heard it for sure. “Now, I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t plan on letting those pansies beat us today. So you all better get your pathetic asses in gear and start making some plays and turn this thing around! Anyone who isn’t planning on winning can just stay inside here and play with their Barbies for the next thirty minutes. You guys understand me? I’ll take your place if you aren’t man enough to go out there and get the job done yourself!” He turned his eyes to Berg. “And you - I always hear that you have ice in your veins, man. So what’s with the freakin’ meltdown today? Start throwing the ball like you know you can, or sit your ass down on the bench and let Ondre take over. Hey, Matthews, I see you hiding back there – you’d better start running like you’ve got a pair. And all you numbnuts on the defense better start tackling like you’re a man. If I don’t see a bunch of Cowboys knocked on their asses in the second half, there’s gonna be big trouble after the game. And I’m sure as hell gonna stop dropping the damn ball when it comes my way! Cuz I don’t plan on losing to a guy who has had more facelifts than the entire Jackson Five! Your hear me?!? So either go out there and start finding a way to win or don’t even bother leaving this locker room! Now let’s go out there and kick some silver and blue asses!” Bellowing like a constipated gorilla, Farley pulled on his helmet and led the charge back out onto the field in front of the pumped-up Texas Stadium crowd. ======================================== With the stench of the first half still hanging in the Texas air, our offense took over on the twenty following a touchback on the kickoff. Immediately, Berg went deep and found Ty Robbins down the sideline for a 46-yard strike. Not satisfied, Berg went deep again on the second play, and threaded one to Earl Thornton right between the corner and the safety for a 34-yard touchdown to cut the deficit to 24-10 with just 36 seconds elapsed in the third quarter. Still leading by 2 touchdowns, Mazurek led the Cowboys onto the field starting from their own 20 following a touchback. On the first play, nose tackle Paul Everett broke through the line and nailed Mazurek for a 5-yard loss, but Mazurek made it up on the next play with a 16-yard pass to Cory Rheams that moved the sticks. He followed that completion with a 26-yard catch and run to flanker Gino Burroughs. Now with first-and-10 from our 43, Everett and left end Dusty Szilter combined for a 6-yard sack of Mazurek once again, setting up second-and-16 for the Cowboys. They were able to gain 9 yards of it back on a Jesse Daneke run and a Flaherty reception, but it wasn’t enough, and they were forced to punt on fourth-and-7. A short punt set us up on our own 13, but Berg was picked off while trying to go deep once again on first down by free safety Greg Drayson. With the ball now at our 41, the Cowboys came back onto the field after only 2 plays on the sideline. An incompletion, 2 short runs, and a false start assured that the Cowboys would not take advantage of the turnover, and we got the ball back on our 16 with 8-and-a-half minutes left in the third quarter. Undaunted by his recent interception, Berg went to the air once again on first down, and found Artie Furman for a 17-yard gain before Furman scooted out of bounds. With a little more breathing room out at the 33, Berg kept the ball in the air on first and second down, but both passes fell incomplete. Facing third-and-10, Berg hit Ty Robbins across the middle for 14 yards to keep the drive alive. With the Cowboys now playing loose coverage, we went to the ground, and first-year RB Heath Patterson charged around the left end for a 17-yard pickup. The offense now really clicking, Berg hit Chuck Farley for a 16-yard gain to the Cowboy 20. From there, a 5-yard draw play by Bergeron set up Herb Matthews’ 15-yard touchdown reception that drew us to with 24-17 with 5 minutes remaining in the third quarter. The Cowboys retook the field looking to gain back the momentum which was now firmly on our side, but three straight runs netted them only 4 yards and forced another punt late in the third. Once again in possession of the ball on our own 30, Berg handed it off to Matthews who gained a couple yards around the left side of the line on first down. From there, he hit tight end Chuck Farley on consecutive plays for 8 yards each catch. A third pass to Farley hit the ground, but backup tight end Mitchell Horner grabbed one for 11-yards on the following play to keep the chains moving. We began the fourth quarter with possession of the ball on the Cowboy 42, but still trailing 24-17. Matthews got the call and followed backup guard Zack Terrell around the right side for 14 yards before cornerback Joel Flannery could drag him down. A Berg draw and a Levon Wallace plunge up the middle gave us another first down and set up Ty Robbins’ 16-yard touchdown grab in the back of the end zone to tie the game up at 24-24 with 13:24 left to go in the game! In just over sixteen minutes, the Cowboy faithful had seen a commanding 21-point lead vanish into thin air. With many a disbelieving face apparent on the Cowboys sideline, the Dallas offense trotted out onto the field, but once again our defense held them to just 8 yards on three runs. Facing fourth-and-2 from their own 40, the Cowboys’ braintrust inexplicably opted to go for the first down rather then punting the ball away. Mazurek handed the ball to Norbert Healey, but linebacker Dexter Mincy met him in the backfield for no gain, and the ball went over on downs. Great decision there, Jerry! Brimming with confidence, Berg and the offense took the field in Cowboy territory. Matthews picked up 7 yards on first down, while Wallace gained 1 yard on second down. Trying to catch the Cowboys looking for the run, Berg winged the ball down field on third-and-2, but Joel Flannery was there to pick it off at his own 15. Damn it! A perfect opportunity shot to hell! Their confidence obviously still shaken, the Cowboys once again took possession of the ball. Flaherty gained 3 yards off of right guard on first down, but an incompletion intended for Burroughs and a short Daneke reception on third down once again brought up fourth down. Perhaps having learned from their recent mistake, the Cowboys sent on the punting unit this time after another three-play drive. Once again with great field position at our own 44, Berg came out looking to atone for his third interception of the day. On first down, he kept the ball himself and scrambled for 9 yards. Next, he hit Matthews in the flat for 2 yards and a first down. From there, Wallace took the ball 7 yards upfield behind center Gene Flannery. Matthews would touch the ball 4 times in the next 5 plays, with the final touch a 15-yard touchdown reception from Berg that put us on top for the first time, 31-24, with three-and-half minutes left to go in regulation. Now on the short side of a 31-0 run, Mazurek led the Cowboy offense onto the field needing a touchdown to force the game into overtime. Starting from their own 8, they got off to a good start with a 10-yard Healey run up the middle. Following a Mazurek incompletion, Healey broke off an 18-yard run off of right tackle on second down. Now out to their 36, Mazurek dropped back and hit Burroughs in stride for 19 yards down the sideline. The clock now down to 2:23, Mazurek missed Oliver Carnahan on first down from our 45. A Flaherty run for –1 yards set up third-and-11 as we hit the two minute warning. Needing a big play, Cowboy QB Tracy Mazurek dropped back on third-and-long, but it was right end Frankie Farley who came up big with a 6-yard sack that knocked the ball out of Mazurek’s hands and into the hands of nose tackle Paul Everett. With 1:32 left of the clock, we had regained possession of the ball with a 31-24 lead. We were going to finish off the amazing come back victory! Looking to do nothing more than kill the clock and escape with a victory, we kept the ball on the ground and forced the Cowboys to burn all three of their time outs. Herb Matthews’ 7-yard run off of right guard for a first down was the final nail in the Cowboys’ coffin, as we were able to take a couple of knees and run out the clock. Final score, Gatesville 31, Dallas 24. With a feeling of utter elation, we jubilantly headed back into the locker room that had felt so somber just an hour earlier. By the narrowest of margins, we had moved to within one-half game of the 6-2 Cowboys in the East at 5-2. Better still, we were now 2-0 head-to-head against them, guaranteeing that we would win any tie-breakers with them should it come down to that at the end of the season. Finally, we had dealt a tremendous blow to their self-confidence. Key Performers: Paul Everett garnered the Game MVP with 4 tackles, 1 assist, 2.5 sacks, and a fumble recovery. Berg by no means had his best day, but in the end, he had come through when we needed him to. Though he completed just 16 of 30 passes for 251 yards and 3 interceptions, he also threw 4 TDs, all in the second half. He also scrambled for 29 yards on 6 runs. Matthews ran hard when we called on him to carry the ball, gaining 56 yards on 14 carries. He did the most damage through the air, catching 4 passes for 48 yards and 2 TDs, including the game winner. The stat sheet says that Chuck Farley had a quiet day with only 4 catches for 39 yards, but those of us who were there at the half know that he single-handedly brought this team back to life with his half-time tirade. Ty Robbins caught 3 passes for 76 yards and the game-tying TD. Dave Sanders made 8 tackles and recorded 1 assist. Tracy Mazurek completed 18 of 27 passes for 275 yards and 1 TD in a losing effort for the Cowboys. Running back Norbert Healey carried the ball 19 times for 88 yards and 1 TD. Dale Corbett caught 5 passes for 87 yards. Strong side linebacker Bruce Leatherwood made 8 tackles and 1 assist. Next Up: The Chiefs will pay us a visit in Week 9. For now, we are going to revel in this crucial victory! Go Gatesville! Originally posted by robbgmaier: FROM THE ESPN SPORTSDESK : Rumors abound as to what might have caused the Cowboys impossible collapse this last weekend when Gatesville rattled off 31 straight points to come back from a 24 nil deficit. At various times, we have heard of strippers, drugs, peanut butter, grape jelly, and gerbils possibly being involved in some sort of half time party arranged by Jerry Jones. We will be sure to keep working the story. Originally posted by Kodos: Gerbils? Were paper towel tubes also present, by any chance?!? Wait, on second thought, I don't want to know! Ewwwwwwww! Last edited by Kodos : 06-19-2003 at 09:29 PM. |
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01-25-2003, 03:27 PM
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#23 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 9
Kansas City (4-3) at Gatesville (5-2) ============================================ Attendance: 51,400 tickets were bought, but 3,600 ticket holders didn’t show. Injury Update: Split end Ralph Randle, still nursing a pulled groin, was active for this game, but did not start. He was put at fourth on the depth chart to get him some action, but not too much. The Game: We welcomed the Chiefs into town in Week 9 hoping that there would be no letdown following our thrilling come-from-behind victory at Dallas just a week earlier. After a scoreless first quarter, and a pair of field goals in the early second quarter, the score was tied at 3-3, when left end Dusty Szilter recovered a fumble that set up a 14-yard Berg-to-Randle touchdown with just over 2 minutes left before the half that put us ahead 10-3. Our lead increased to 17-3 in the third quarter when running back Herb Matthews caught a 3-yard touchdown pass, but Kansas City soon climbed back into the game when Alex Schroeder took Antoine Dugans’ muffed punt reception 12 yards to paydirt and made our lead less comfortable at 17-10. With 10 minutes remaining in the fourth, Matthews got his second touchdown of the day, this one on a 33-yard pass from Bergeron, to push our lead back up to 14, 24-10. Again, the Chiefs struck back, as Tee Martin found Kelvin Gonzalez right down the middle for a 28-yard TD that made it 24-17 in our favor with 9 minutes remaining. However, all hopes for a Chief comeback were crushed when Berg hit the gimpy Ralph Randle for a 17-yard score with just 2:32 left on the clock. Final score: 31-17. Key Performers: Herb Matthews captured the Game MVP award for his 107 rushing yards and 1 TD on 17 carries, as well as his 4 catches for 75 yards and a TD. Berg completed 18 of 35 for 264 yards and 3 TDs with no interceptions, but he did have one fumble. Earl Thornton caught 5 passes for 75 yards, but Randle got more out of his 2 catches for 31 yards, both of which were touchdowns. ============================================ Washington (2-5) at Dallas (6-2) Washington didn’t figure to give Dallas much of a fight coming in to this NFC East matchup, and they didn’t, as the Cowboys prevailed 27-3 to remain ½ game ahead of us in the East. |
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01-25-2003, 03:28 PM
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#24 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2016 Midseason Report
Following the completion of Week 9 of the season, we found ourselves ½ game behind the Cowboys (7-2) with a 6-2 record, but we held the first tie-breaker with them, since we had swept the regular season series with them for seventh time in our ten seasons in Gatesville. Top Performers: Gatesville Silicon Pirates*
Dallas Cowboys**
Next Up: The 7-1 defending Super Bowl champion Tampa Bay Bucs will be coming to Gatesville in Week 10 for what media pundits are saying could be a preview of the NFC Championship game. Last edited by Kodos : 07-06-2003 at 06:14 PM. |
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01-25-2003, 03:29 PM
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#25 | |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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From: Kyle Diaz
To: Bill Gates & Kodos Subject: Tampa Bay Buccaneers Injury Report: Andre Welch, TE - Questionable Renaldo Apolonio, DE - Probable Brandon Cook, CB - Probable Barry Jamison, WR - Out Junior Martinez, S - Out Devin McDonald, DT - Out Offensive Overview: Starting Quarterback: Dwight Norris 98 for 151, 992 yards, 7 TDs, 1 interceptions this season. Excellent at throwing very long passes. Loves to run the football. Starting Running Back: Jon Adams 87 carries for 400 yards, 4 touchdowns this season. Excellent overall runner. Starting Flanker: Andre Barker 30 receptions for 393 yards, 0 touchdowns this season. Excellent go-to receiver. Starting Split End: Ethan Hevey 33 receptions for 322 yards, 1 touchdowns this season. Excellent go-to receiver. Defensive Overview: Starting Left Defensive End: Marty Card 15 tackles, 3 assists, 6.0 sacks this season. Good pass-rusher. Starting Right Defensive End: Renaldo Apolonio 9 tackles, 5 assists, 3.0 sacks this season. Very good defender against the run. Starting Left Defensive Tackle: Luther Monroe 23 tackles, 9 assists, 1.0 sacks this season. Very good defender against the run. Starting Right Defensive Tackle: Tyrell Dempsey 29 tackles, 11 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. No real strengths to speak of. Starting Left Linebacker: Mark Dixon 32 tackles, 14 assists, 0.5 sacks this season. Very good pass-rusher. Starting Middle Linebacker: Marco Curtis 8 tackles, 4 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Good pass-rusher. Starting Right Linebacker: Harry Shields 38 tackles, 6 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Fair pass-rusher. Starting Weak-Side Cornerback: Danny Carty 26 tackles, 8 assists, 3 interceptions this season. Excellent zone pass defender. Starting Strong-Side Cornerback: Wesley Castleberry 24 tackles, 8 assists, 2 interceptions this season. Very good pass intercepter. Starting Free Safety: Adrian Strong 36 tackles, 18 assists, 3 interceptions this season. Excellent man-to-man pass defender. Starting Strong Safety: Antonio Stephens 5 tackles, 0 assists, 3 interceptions this season. Very good pass intercepter. Originally posted by revrew: For the past 148 hours without stopping, Chuck Farley's famous halftime speech has been been played quietly in the background through the compound's PA system. Sometimes accompanied by the theme to "Top Gun," and sometimes resonating in the clear angry tone of NFL history's greatest tight end alone, members of the Farley fan club are committing each word to memory, prepared to recite it en masse at Farley's induction into the Hall of Fame. Some of the children in the compound, however, are struggling. Billy Bob Yonkers was accepting his citizenship award from the local American Legion at a recent cemetery ceremony where he was supposed to recite the Gettysburg address. He said, "Four score at seven points a piece, and we'll kick the Cowboys'...." The rest of his sentence wasn't heard as several good 'ol boys in the regiment starting firing off a 21-gun salute in tribute. In their enthusiasm, the newspaper reported, it may have exceeded the traditional 21 shots. The final tally: 2 squirrels, 3 gophers, 14 sparrows, one kite, 4 gravestones, and the tire of Mercedes sedan with New York license plates were pronouced dead on site. Originally posted by DataKing: I would hereby like to announce the formation of the Official Frankie Branch Fan Club. Without a doubt, Frankie is the best player to come out of Kansas since the monstrous receiving talents of Isaac Byrd. FRANKIE! FRANKIE! FRANKIE! Who's with me? Come on...sound of like you've got a pair... FRANKIE! FRANKIE! FRANKIE! Hello? I can't hear you... FRANKIE! FRA.. Hey, where's everybody going? Frankie is the best punter EVER, I tell you... Come back...please! Frankie needs you! (insert sound of crickets chirping) Originally posted by Kodos: Yikes! Sorry to hear that all of those critters had to die... At least it was for a good cause. As for Frankie, he is quite a man. QUITE a man! Originally posted by cthomer5000: Quote:
"If you really want to get out of the Army, just make a pass at your commanding officer" "Done and done. And i mean done!" Originally posted by Kodos: Skinner! Originally posted by cthomer5000: I'll do that episode some real justice by providing the actual quote: Skinner: "... How do I get out of the army?" Bart: "No problemo. Just make a pass at your commanding officer." Skinner: "Done and done. And I mean done." classic. Last edited by Kodos : 06-19-2003 at 09:35 PM. |
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01-25-2003, 03:30 PM
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#26 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 10
Tampa Bay (7-1) at Gatesville (6-2) ============================================ Attendance: 53,300 tickets were purchases, but 2,500 opted to stay home and watch paint dry instead. Injury Update: In a bit of good news for our offensive line, starting right guard Darren Cruise was able to return from his broken ribs injury to play in this game. The Game: Week 10 of the 2016 season saw the defending Super Bowl champions, the 7-1, league-leading Tampa Bay Buccaneers, roll into town intent on putting us 2 games behind in the race for the home field advantage in the playoffs. These were the same Bucs who had knocked us out of the playoffs 42-12 just last January. A win against now them would really bolster our confidence heading into the stretch run. It was a cold day by Gatesville standards (49 degrees), but certainly not cold enough for people to start thinking about Tampa Bay’s well-documented problem with cold-weather games. Tampa got the ball first, and started off on their own 33 after a decent return of the opening kickoff. Onto the field trotted running back Jon Adams, the 2014 NFL MVP and Offensive Player of the Year, and quarterback Dwight Norris, along with the rest of the potent Tampa Bay offense. Tampa started off the drive with a 6-yard plunge by Adams off of right guard, and the Buccaneer offense was able to pick up a couple of first downs before our defense stopped them at our 46 and forced a Cary Stevens punt. The punt was a dandy, and we found ourselves pinned on our own 6 to start off the day. Consecutive runs by fullback Levon Wallace netted us a quick 10 yards and gave us a little breathing room, but on our third play, the wind was knocked back out of us as linebacker Harry Shields picked off a Bergeron pass and took it 36 yards the other way for the score. Five minutes into the game, and we were already in a hole. Looking to regroup, we took over the ball once more following a touchback on the kickoff. Two incompletions and a 1-yard run by Wallace forced us to punt it away for a three-and-out possession. Thankfully, our defense did not allow the Bucs a first down on their next drive, but a 57-yard Stevens punt turned even uglier for us when the former MVP Adams hit our return man, Antoine Dugans, and forced a fumble. Looking to punish us immediately for the miscue, Norris hit split end Ethan Hevey for a 29-yard touchdown to make it 14-0 for the Bucs with 7 minutes left in the first quarter. We caught a break near the end of the quarter when left cornerback Joel Harden punched the ball out of running back Cary Murphy’s hands and strong safety Alan Hines recovered it on the Tampa Bay 45. Bergeron and the offense started to move the ball down the field using the run and dink-and-dunk passes, until third-and-long forced us to be more aggressive. Berg threw a 21-yard strike to Ty Robbins as the second quarter began to move us to the Buccaneer 16, and from there we kept it on the ground for 4 plays in a row, the last of which was Herb Matthews’ 4-yard dash into the end zone behind left guard Rusty Pleasant to get us on the board, 14-7. On their ensuing possession, the Bucs failed to capitalize on a 44-yard Hevey reception, as Ronald Ingoglia’s 48-yard attempt fell short of the crossbar with 11 minutes left in the first half. We overcame an offensive holding call early in the drive with the help of a 20-yard Earl Thornton pickup across the middle, and a good mix of run and pass plays helped us to drive 62 yards in 10 plays to finish with an 8-yard Thornton touchdown reception. With 6 minutes left in the half, we had erased our 2 touchdown deficit and seized the momentum in the game. Feeling a lot better about ourselves, Broderick Hidalgo kicked it deep to running back Deon Arnold, who returned the ball 30 yards to the 42 before rookie WR Artie Furman knocked the ball loose and recovered it 6 yards downfield. Berg and the offense came back onto the field looking to stick it to the Bucs quickly. On first down, he picked up half of the distance to the goal line with an 18-yard catch and run pass to Thornton. Berg called his own number next on a 10-yard draw that moved us to the 8. A quick hook by Robbins in the end zone turned into our third touchdown of the second quarter when Berg delivered a perfect strike, and just like that, we were on top, 21-14, with just under 5 minutes remaining until the half! Pinned on their own 1 following a holding call on the ensuing kickoff return, and looking to change the tempo of the game, the Bucs kept to the ground with 3 consecutive runs by Jon Adams, but our defense was fired up and held him for zero gains on the first 2 plays, and just 3 yards on third down. And with that, on came the punt unit! Stevens boomed a 62-yard punt with no return to give us the ball on our 34 with 2:40 left. Leading 21-14 with all of the momentum on our side, the offense came out looking to tear the Bucs a new one. A Matthews run and a Berg scramble took us to the 2 minute warning, and Berg found Chuck Farley deep for a 28-yard strike that advanced us to the Tampa 24 after the time out. Following 2 incompletions, Berg dumped the ball off to Matthews on third down, and Matthews broke several tackles before finally being dragged down at the Buccaneer 6. On first-and-goal, Matthews followed right tackle Terrance Read all the way into the end zone for our fourth touchdown of the quarter. In a little over 12 minutes, we had turned a 14-0 deficit into a 28-14 advantage! We opened the third quarter with possession of the ball, and Berg promptly took the offense down the field on a 9-play, 65-yard drive that culminated in a 2-yard Berg-to-Thornton touchdown and a 35-14 lead. Later in the quarter, we would make it 42-14 on an 11-yard Matthews touchdown reception, and from there the reeling Bucs just never recovered. The final score ended up being 52-24, and, still stinging from our recent playoff ouster, we indulged ourselves a bit by reveling in the payback victory for the rest of the night. We knew in all likelihood that we would probably be facing an angry and embarrassed Bucs team later on in the playoffs, but for today at least, with a little help from Minnesota in the form of a 24-21 win over the Cowboys, we had pulled ourselves into a nice little tie with Tampa Bay for the NFC lead. In fact, our win over the Bucs gave us the first tie-breaker, so, at least for now, we were number one in the NFC, as well as the number one team in the whole league. In another pleasant result of the day’s events, we suddenly found ourselves enjoying a half game lead on those dirty ol’ Cowboys. Like Hannibal of A-Team fame, I just love it when a good plan comes together... Key Performers: Herb Matthews earned himself the Game MVP and the Offensive Player of the Week awards with his 16 runs for 150 yards and 2 touchdowns, which he supplemented nicely with 3 catches for 36 yards and another TD. Berg overcame his early interception by completing 20 of 37 passes for 267 yards and 4 TDs. Earl Thornton made 5 grabs for 59 yards and 2 TDs. Ty Robbins caught 4 passes for 70 yards and a score. Our defense held Jon Adams to 30 yards on 8 carries, while Dwight Norris completed 12 of 19 passes for 234 yards and 2 TDs. For his part, Ethan Hevey had a great day, with 7 catches for 182 yards and 2 scores, but, as good as he was, it wasn’t nearly enough on for them on this particular day. New Injuries: Receiver Artie Furman sustained a sprained knee, and tackle James Pond suffered a concussion. Both should be fine in a couple weeks. Originally posted by cthomer5000: things are really looking good in Gatesville. You have to keep the dream of a cowboy-free Texas alive!  Originally posted by Kodos: What a beautiful dream that is, my friend. I shall do my best to make it so... Last edited by Kodos : 06-19-2003 at 09:37 PM. |
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01-29-2003, 01:27 AM
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#28 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 11
Gatesville (7-2) at St. Louis (6-3) ============================================ Injury Update: Darren Cruise’s ribs were feeling good enough for him to return to his starting duties at right guard against the Rams. The Game: We visited the NFC West leading Rams in Week 11, and after a slow first quarter that saw each team held to just one field goal, things started to pick up for us in the second quarter. A 17-yard Devin Bergeron-to-Ty Robbins touchdown pass and a 36-yard Broderick Hidalgo field goal sent us into the half with a decent 13-3 lead. On the seventh play of the Rams’ opening drive of the second half, veteran QB Devin Branch found trouble in the form of free safety Dave Sanders, who picked off Branch’s pass at our 23 to put the brakes on what had been a promising drive for the Rams. The following three plays on offense were all about Herb Matthews. First, he busted through the middle of the line for a 25-yard pickup. Next, he caught a pass in the flat to pick up another 10 yards. Finally, Matthews’ brilliant 42-yard scamper finished in the end zone to give us another 6 points, but unfortunately a botched Hidalgo extra point attempt kept it a two-score game at 19-3. Things didn’t change much throughout the rest of the third quarter. Backup strong safety Isaac Shaye picked off another errant Branch pass on the Rams’ next possession, but this time we couldn’t get any points out of it, and the rest of the third quarter passed without any more scoring. The first play of the fourth quarter was a 30-yard touchdown pass from Branch to wide receiver Kevin Castillo, and Castillo’s catch on the ensuing 2-point conversion trimmed our advantage down to 19-11. Five minutes later, the St. Louis defense struck with a 50-yard Jared Updike touchdown return of a Devin Bergeron fumble. Thankfully, reserve defensive end Will Rison stuffed fullback Emmanuel Laney’s conversion attempt, and we were able to maintain a small 19-17 lead with 10 minutes left in the game. Berg and the offense trotted back onto the field looking to take back some of the momentum that had clearly turned in the Rams’ favor. On the strength of a 21-yard Matthews run and a 19-yard Levon Wallace carry, the offense moved 71 yards in 7 plays, and Berg hooked up with Ty Robbins for a 5-yard score to finish the drive with just under 6 minutes left in the game. Four-and-a-half minutes later, Matthews added an insurance touchdown on a 6-yard pass from Berg, and that was all she wrote for the Rams. Final score: Gatesville 33, St. Louis 17. Key Performers: Herb Matthews won the Game MVP award based on his stellar 154 yards on 18 carries, which he supplemented with 9 catches for 131 yards and 2 touchdowns. All in all, it was an outstanding performance for our much-maligned running back. For his part, Berg completed 23 of 36 passes for 353 yards and 4 touchdowns. Not too shabby! We’ll even overlook that fumble, since the rest of the game went so swimmingly. Ty Robbins made 4 grabs for 72 yards and 2 scores. Chuck Farley, in a performance that was overshadowed by other guys in the offensive huddle, caught 5 passes for 62 yards. Free safety Dave Sanders recorded 7 tackles, 2 assists, and 1 key interception. Key Injuries: The win proved to be costly for us in terms of injuries, with the most costly injury by far being star flanker Earl Thornton’s torn rotator cuff. With one awkward landing, Thornton’s season was done, and he will not be able to return until sometime in 2017. Not good. One can only hope that he will ever be the same dominating receiver that we have known these past few seasons. Reluctantly, Thornton was placed and on the IR, and rookie WR Dale Newman was signed to bolster our suddenly depleted receiving corp. Ralph Randle sustained a concussion and will need a couple weeks to clear his head properly. Left guard Rusty Pleasant has a hip pointer and could miss 5 weeks. Right end Frankie Farley has a sprained ankle (0-2 weeks) and left end Dusty Szilter broke his hand (3-5 weeks). Strong safety Alan Hines has a broken nose, and first round pick Artie Furman is still recovering from a sprained knee. His fellow first rounder, running back Lonnie Ruiter, is still 3-5 weeks away from returning from his strained triceps injury. Summing up, we are hurtin’ a bit right now. ============================================ Dallas had a bye for Week 11. Last edited by Kodos : 01-29-2003 at 01:28 AM. |
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01-29-2003, 08:10 PM
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#29 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 12
Gatesville (8-2) at Arizona (6-4) ============================================ Injury Update: With Ralph Randle inactive for the game, Ty Robbins got to start at split end. Artie Furman was activated despite a sprained knee and started in place of the fallen Earl Thornton at flanker. Left guard Rusty Pleasant was inactive for this game. The Game: The Cardinals struck first with a 40-yard Terry Zink-to-Mack Griffith touchdown pass on their opening drive, but we struck back quickly when a 29-yard Chuck Farley reception set up an 8-yard Herb Matthews touchdown run behind James Pond midway through the quarter. The rest of the first quarter provided little in the way of fireworks, but Berg got into the end zone on a 2-yard scramble to put us on top 14-7 early in the second quarter. With just under 6 minutes left until the half, Zink hit running back Conrad Wyoming in the flat, and Wyoming proceeded to rumble his way 83 yards to the end zone to tie things up at 14-14. A few minutes later, Zink went down with an injury, and Luke Birk, who we drafted in the third round back in 2014, stepped in to replace him under center. Perhaps feeling he had something to prove to us, Birk lit our secondary up for gains of 46 and 27 yards on his first two passes! Amazingly, Birk drove his team 97 yards to set up a 1-yard Tito Hartmann rushing TD that put us behind 21-14 at the half. A 37-yard Hidalgo field goal early in the third quarter cut the Cardinals’ advantage to 4, and late in the quarter, a 35-yard Farley reception set up a 19-yard Artie Furman touchdown that gave us a 24-21 lead. The fourth quarter saw Berg toss newly-signed rookie WR Dale Newman his first NFL reception, an 11-yard touchdown, and our lead grew to 31-21. Our secondary then got its revenge on the former Silicon Pirate Luke Birk twice, as first linebacker Kurt Robertson picked him off for a 56-yard TD, and then safety Timothy Whalen did the same for a 59-yard TD. Birk did manage to throw a second TD pass to WR Mack Griffith late in the game, but by then the game was already over. 45-26 was the final score. Key Performers: Berg completed 21 of 41 pass attempts for 296 yards, 2 TDs, and 0 interceptions. He also ran the ball 3 times for 15 yard and 1 TD. Chuck Farley caught 10 passes for 142, but failed to find the end zone. Artie Furman, despite the sprained knee, made 6 grabs for 87 yards and 1 TD. The Game MVP award went to Kurt Robertson, our rookie third-round WOLB out of Texas, who had 5 tackles, 3 assists, and 1 interception, which he returned for a touchdown. Key Injuries: Left cornerback Joel Harden bruised his shoulder and will need a couple weeks to fully recover. ============================================ Green Bay (6-4) at Dallas (7-3) Green Bay prevailed 10-3 in a low-scoring game in Dallas to drop the Cowboys to 2 full games behind us at 7-4. Great job, guys! Next Up: The 5-6 Philadelphia Eagles, who upset us 21-16 back in Week 6. Time to exact some revenge... Last edited by Kodos : 01-30-2003 at 07:36 PM. |
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01-30-2003, 12:31 AM
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#30 |
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Coordinator
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Conyers GA
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I'm new to the board and just want to add my praise to this great dynasty! It's taken me 3 days to get through it all, and it's definitely been worth it.
I just LOVE to hate the Cowboys! Drive them out of Texas fast. |
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01-30-2003, 12:41 AM
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#31 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Thanks, KWhit! Welcome aboard! Always more room in the anti-Cowboys fanclub!
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01-30-2003, 10:21 AM
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#32 |
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Team Chaplain
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA
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10 passes for 142. That's almost half the Borg's passing yards. Kudos to Kodos' Collective!
Tell me, what TE since Shannon can just take over a game the way Farley can? Hmm? (Not that I'm biased or anything.) And hey, do you think Jeremy Shockey might be the IRL parallel to Farley? He looks to me like he might like older women.
__________________
Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference. |
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01-30-2003, 01:04 PM
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#33 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Maybe, but Chuck U has no problem with gay men. His theory is that it just leaves more women for him.
P.S. - Yay! This thread finally got that highly-coveted fifth star! Last edited by Kodos : 01-30-2003 at 01:06 PM. |
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01-30-2003, 03:14 PM
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#34 | ||
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Strategy Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: North Carolina
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Quote:
old women, of course.
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01-30-2003, 03:25 PM
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#35 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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That just goes without saying.
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01-30-2003, 07:15 PM
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#36 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 13
Philadelphia (5-6) at Gatesville (9-2) ============================================ Attendance: 53,300 bought tickets, 2,000 didn’t show up. Injury Update: Ralph Randle, still recovering from his concussion, was activated for the Eagles game, but he was put in only as a third receiver. The Game: Still annoyed that we had outsmarted ourselves and let the Eagles steal a game from us back in Week 6, the guys were flying all over the field on both sides of the ball on this particular Sunday. Chuck Farley was the man of the hour, as he pulled in not one, not two, but three touchdowns on the day! Which meant that he personally outscored the entire Eagles squad by 18 points. When all was said and done, we had crushed them 37-0. In all, we held them to just 48 yards on the ground, 50 yards through the air, and just 5 first downs for the entire game. Yep. I’d say that should do the trick as far as revenge is concerned. Key Performers: Chuck Farley caught 5 passes for 65 yards and 3 TDs. Ever notice that when Farley scores, he tends to do it in bunches? Berg, much to the dismay of a certain segment of Pirate fans, received the Game MVP honors for his 24 of 38 passing for 331 yards, 4 TDs, and 1 pick. He also ran 8 times for 45 yards. Ty Robbins caught 8 passes for a buck-thirteen and 1 TD. Key Injuries: Herb Matthews sustained a hip pointer, and could be down for 3-5 weeks. Artie Furman aggravated his knee injury and could miss 3-5 weeks as well. Heath Patterson, our fourth-string RB, has bruised ribs, and will require a couple weeks to heal up. ============================================ Dallas (7-4) at Oakland (5-6) Ancient Al Davis’ team came up on the short end of an 18-13 score against the Cowboys. Last edited by Kodos : 01-30-2003 at 07:18 PM. |
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01-30-2003, 08:05 PM
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#37 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 14
Gatesville (10-2) at Washington (5-7) ============================================ Injury Update: Herb Matthews, Lonnie Ruiter, and Artie Furman were all inactive for this game. With our top 2 backs on the inactive list, we converted talentless FB Edwin Burgess to RB and let the subpar Brant Connor start over the slightly more subpar/injured Heath Patterson. The Game: None of our 3 main running backs fared very well on this day, as Berg outgained each of them on the ground. Heath Patterson performed the best with 10 carries for a meager 33 yards. However, Ralph Randle was able to compensate for our less than stellar ground game, as he caught 9 passes for 142 yards and 2 touchdowns en route to our second consecutive shutout of a fellow NFC East opponent, 27-0. The Skins fared slightly better than the Eagles had fared in Week 13, but Washington still only managed 84 rushing yards, 86 passing yards, and 10 first downs. Key Performers: Berg got the Game MVP award by going 19 of 30 for 246 yards and 2 TDs. Fullback Levon Wallace managed just 20 yards on 8 carries, while Brant Connor gained a paltry 29 yards on 10 carries during his first NFL start. Chuck Farley caught 5 passes for 58 yards. ============================================ Dallas (8-4) at Philadelphia (5-7) The Eagles, fresh off of the 37-0 drubbing of a week ago, suffered a second straight humiliating loss, this time 34-0 to the Cowboys. The Playoff Picture: ============================================ With three games remaining in the regular season, your Silicon Pirates are sitting pretty at one game ahead of the second place Bucs, who we also own the first tie-breaker against based on our head-to-head victory over them back in Week 10. For all practical purposes, we have a two-game lead with three games left to play. Things are looking good, if we can just get this team healthy in time for the playoffs...
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01-30-2003, 09:00 PM
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#38 | |
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Strategy Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: North Carolina
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wow.
Talk about starting to come together at the right time. I may have to go back and re-read the old threads, but this seems to be the most focused group of Silicon Pirates ever! Hopefully the last week of the season will be meaningless for you. That week and the bye week would be nice for getting half of the roster out of the infirmary. what the hell does Chuck have to do to get a game ball around here?
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01-30-2003, 10:51 PM
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#39 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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I knew Chuck not getting the game ball for 3 TDs would not please the masses...
For what it's worth, I happen to think that Chuck U's halftime speech during the Dallas game was what got this team so fired up. Good ol' Chuck U!Last edited by Kodos : 01-30-2003 at 10:57 PM. |
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01-31-2003, 12:00 AM
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#40 |
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Team Chaplain
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA
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Uh-oh. Hope Berg doesn't have any pets.
__________________
Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference. |
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01-31-2003, 12:49 AM
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#41 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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He doesn't have any left. He used to have a whole houseful...
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02-05-2003, 08:43 PM
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#42 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 15
Gatesville (11-2) at Wichita (4-9) ============================================ The Game: Since the same strategy had worked so well for us back in our Week 6 loss to the Eagles, we decided to hold out some of our key starters against a weak opponent once again in the hope that it would help them get healthy in time for the playoffs. Thus, Herb Matthews, Lonnie Ruiter, and Artie Furman were all inactivate for our game against the downtrodden Gamblers squad. Let me tell you right upfront, folks: This game was a yawner. The first half saw one long field goal attempt by each team, and also saw each of those attempts fail. With such an impressive offensive display from both teams, we unsurprisingly went into the half mired in a scoreless tie. The boredom turned to pain when Berg suffered a shoe to the face (and a broken nose) early in the third quarter, and backup QB Kerry Ondre was pressed into duty. Surely, this could not help in putting an end to the offensive woes that we had witnessed thus far... Wichita finally broke the stalemate with an 11-yard Roderick Buie-to-Tito Ackerman touchdown pass with just over 2 minutes left in the third quarter. Things got even more exciting (really!) in the fourth quarter when a holding call in the end zone gave our defense a safety and made it a 7-2 ballgame with 11 minutes left in regulation. With just over 4 minutes left in the game, we finally put something together on offense. Starting from our own 27, Ondre hit Ty Robbins for a 16-yard pickup, and Heath Patterson smashed through the Gamblers’ defensive line for another 12 yards on the following play. Next, backup tight end Mitchell Horner made a 10-yard grab to move us to the Gamblers’ 35 as we hit the two minute warning. An 11-yard Ralph Randle reception and a short Ondre scramble preceded a 13-yard Chuck Farley reception that moved us to the 15. Another pass to Ty Robbins moved us to the Wichita 1, and finally, with just 40 seconds remaining in the game, our offense found paydirt for the first time all day with a 1-yard toss from Ondre to the rookie Dale Newman, who we had signed when Earl Thornton went down to injury. Of course, the two-point conversion attempt failed, but the Gambler offense remained inept, and we were able to hold on for an 8-7 win. Key Performers: Berg completed 9 of 15 passes for 87 yards before leaving the game with a broken nose in the third quarter. He should be fine in time for the playoffs. Kerry Ondre completed 14 of 24 pass attempts for 122 yards and 1 TD. Heath Patterson carried the ball 3 times for 28 yards. Ralph Randle led the receivers with 7 catches for 78 yards. Dale Newman caught just 2 passes for 7 yards, but did catch the game winner. ============================================ Dallas (9-4) at Arizona (7-6) The Cowboys edged the Cardinals 15-14 to stay in the thick of the playoff chase. The Playoff Picture: ============================================ Our win, unimpressive as it was, clinched the 2016 NFC East title for us, since we had swept the Cowboys during the regular season. More importantly, it meant that just one more win would clinch the homefield advantage for us throughout the playoffs and in the Super Bowl. 1. Gatesville 12-2 2. Tampa Bay 11-3 3. Atlanta 9-5 4. Dallas 10-4 5. Chicago 9-5 6. Green Bay 8-6 7. San Francisco 8-6 Three other teams are tied at 7-7. |
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02-05-2003, 10:40 PM
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#43 |
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Team Chaplain
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Just outside Des Moines, IA
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Clinching means big this year, for if I remember correctly, all those ticket sales from playoff games get added in. And we need all the dough we can get!
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Winner of 6 FOFC Scribe Awards, including 3 Gold Scribes Founder of the ZFL, 2004 Golden Scribe Dynasty of the Year Now bringing The Des Moines Dragons back to life, and the joke's on YOU, NFL! I came to the Crossroad. I took it. And that has made all the difference. |
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02-05-2003, 10:52 PM
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#44 | |
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Strategy Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: North Carolina
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oh man... this post-season is going to be a great one. Hopefully that 8-7 game wasn't a sign of things to come.
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02-06-2003, 02:32 AM
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#45 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Hopefully we can get a win against New Orleans in Week 16, clinch the homefield, and then rest all the starters for 2 weeks so that we can be as healthy as possible for the playoff run. And does anyone else see a distinct possibility that we'll face dem Cowboys in the Divisional Round (assuming they can manage a win in the Wild Card Round)?... This could be deja vu all over again!
Last edited by Kodos : 02-06-2003 at 02:38 AM. |
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02-06-2003, 08:08 PM
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#46 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 16
New Orleans (7-7) at Gatesville (12-2) ============================================ Attendance: 53,300 tickets were purchased; 3,600 failed to show up. Injury Update: Lonnie Ruiter, our first round draft pick who amassed 168 yards rushing and 3 touchdowns versus the Cowboys back in Week 2, finally returned from a triceps injury after 13 games on the inactive list. For his return, Ruiter got the starting nod, as we kept Herb Matthews inactive due to his hip pointer injury from the Philly game back in Week 13. Artie Furman (sprained knee) was active for this game, but was only slotted to play as the third receiver. Left guard Rusty Pleasant returned from his hip pointer to start against the Saints. The Game: With the chance to secure the home field advantage (along with a two-week respite) firmly in our sights, we blew out to a 17-0 halftime advantage with a 55-yard Antoine Dugans punt return for a TD and a 9-yard TD run by the newly-returned Lonnie Ruiter. The second half saw New Orleans QB Tommy Sorota connect with Robert Sweeney for 2 touchdown passes, but Devin Bergeron’s touchdown pass to backup RB Brant Connor in the fourth quarter was enough to keep us out of harm’s way, and we coasted to an easy 27-14 victory. Having pushed our record to an impressive 13-2, and with the homefield advantage officially locked up with one week left to play in the regular season, we looked forward to a couple weeks of rest and recuperation for our starters before our first playoff game in the Divisional Round. Key Performers: Backup DT Jose Mason claimed the Game MVP award with his 2 tackles and 2 sacks. Lonnie Ruiter’s return was a success, as he ran 15 times for 72 yards and 1 TD. Berg had a quiet but solid outing, completing 20 of 38 passes for 209 yards and 1 TD. In addition, he ran the ball 8 times for 31 yards. He also fumbled the ball once. Artie Furman caught 6 passes for 79 yards, but avoided aggravating his knee injury. New Injuries: Chuck Farley sprained his ankle, but it shouldn’t be an issue when we play again in 2 weeks. I’m sure some lucky old lady will be more than willing to help him nurse it back to health. ============================================ Carolina (4-10) at Dallas (10-4) The Cowboys apparently got caught up thinking about the playoffs, as a putrid Carolina squad came into town and humbled the Boys 28-9! The Playoff Picture: ============================================ Having claimed the first seed, there was nothing left for us to do after the game but sit back and see how the rest of the playoff field would pan out. The Bucs wrapped up the two seed with a 34-17 victory over St. Louis, while the Cowboys, by virtue of the 49ers’ loss, secured a spot in the playoffs despite their pathetic loss to the Panthers.
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02-06-2003, 08:23 PM
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#47 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 17
Gatesville (13-2) at Detroit (5-10) ============================================ The Game: With nothing to gain, we started nothing but scrubs against the Lions, and it showed, as they scored one touchdown in each quarter to whip our reserves 28-0. And it didn’t make a bit of difference. ============================================ Dallas (10-5) at San Francisco (8-7) The Cowboys kept their momentum going with a second consecutive blowout loss to finish the regular season, 34-14. Yessiree! That Jerry sure knows how to get his team fired up for a stretch run! The Playoff Picture: The Cowboys edged out the Bears for the fourth seed by virtue of a 28-19 head-to-head victory back in Week 3. Ah well, we’ve got the one seed; What do we care?! The Boys will play host to the Bears in the Wild Card Round. Meanwhile, we’ll be resting at home and watching ‘em on TV. See you in the playoffs, folks! Who’s hoping for a Cowboys-Pirates rumble in two weeks?!?
Last edited by Kodos : 02-06-2003 at 08:29 PM. |
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02-06-2003, 11:22 PM
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#48 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2016 Regular Season Final Standings
Here’s a look at how things looked in each conference at the end of the season.
Next Up: The Wild Card Round! Dare I say... go Cowboys? |
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02-07-2003, 01:49 PM
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#49 | |
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Strategy Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: North Carolina
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Bring Em on! I want another Cowboy blowout, and then some revenge against Tampa!
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02-07-2003, 02:16 PM
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#50 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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It's good to see that we're on the same page...
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