What's Grosser Than Gross?

[MJ4H]

Well, I think a lot of you know the story about my son. He has provided many challenges in my life, but this one, well, just wow.

When he was very little, he was diagnosed with some pretty severe reflux (it is common for children like him to not have good control over lots of muscle groups, so this happens to a lot of these types of kids). As they usually do for this type of child, they prescribed a fairly simple surgery that basically one-ways his stomach. In, but no out. He can't reflux now because nothing can go back the way it came. This has the side-effects of not allowing him to burp or vomit.

When he gets gassy, we get air out of his stomach via his feeding tube. Not as easy as burping him, but still manageable. We always, though, wondered what would happen if he really had to vomit. I don't think he's ever had a serious need since the surgery. At least, we could never tell for sure.

Last week, my wife got a stomach virus. She's up all night vomitting. Couple of days later, it's my turn, I'm up all night vomitting. Now, guess whose turn it is. He's shown all the signs of having the virus (pooping every 45 seconds and generally being upset) but we hadn't seen anything that led us to believe he was trying to vomit.

Until about 30 minutes ago. He is taking a nap in the floor and wakes up screaming. I pick him up and he's gagging and his stomach is tensing and he's clearly heaving. Nothing of course is coming up. He is clearly in a lot of pain and feeling miserable. I was holding him and hoping it would stop while wondering what to do. Should I get his tube and hook it up to let it come out that way? I wasn't sure. Before too long it stops and he stops struggling. Count to 10. Then WHOOSH it comes out the other end. Clothes, diapers, nothing stopped it. All over both of us. Luckily, I had covered us in a blanket when I picked him up, so it got most of it, not the carpet and surroundings. I was literally drenched from the waist down, he was pretty much covered head to toe.

No idea what to do, I waddled to the bathroom the best I could and put him in the bathtub where he immediately went to sleep. I mean as soon as I laid him down. I left him there and went to take a shower and discard the, well, ruined clothes and blankets and then came back and cleaned him up and put him in his bed.

I just thought I'd share pretty much the grossest and most disturbing thing to ever happen to me.

I fully expect to be permanently banned for this post.

[Pumpy Tudors]

You shouldn't be banned. You should be rewarded. That's a great story.

[flere-imsaho]

Now this is how you earn your man card, people.

[DaddyTorgo]

you're a great dad MJ4H. And I hope everyone realizes it. I'm sure on some level your son appreciates it, probably more than he can ever let you know.

[illinifan999]

This is a dad of the year kinda post.

[Maple Leafs]

I will use this story to end any future complaints about bad days.

Wife: I had the worst day today....
Me: Did somebody bum-vomit on you?
Wife: What? No.
Me: Then you stand corrected,

[Kodos]

I was expecting this to be about Alizee.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

I will use this story to end any future complaints about bad days.

Wife: I had the worst day today....
Me: Did somebody bum-vomit on you?
Wife: What? No.
Me: Then you stand corrected,

[Buccaneer]

That is a good story, and one many parents (including me) can relate to - after cleaning up messes and doing massive loads of laundry in the middle of the night.

[Noop]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

I will use this story to end any future complaints about bad days.

Wife: I had the worst day today....
Me: Did somebody bum-vomit on you?
Wife: What? No.
Me: Then you stand corrected,

Great story. I didn't know it was bum vomit, though and that added another flavor to it. Will he ever be able to burp and vomit?

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Noop

Great story. I didn't know it was bum vomit, though and that added another flavor to it. Will he ever be able to burp and vomit?

for an english major you're certainly failing reading comprehension

[Noop]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

for an english major you're certainly failing reading comprehension

The phrase "The other end" wasn't clear in my initial reading and still isn't now that I read it again. However where I fail as an English major is my grammar, had one professor who absolutely destroyed my papers because of my happy use of the comma.

[Radii]

Originally Posted by Noop

Great story. I didn't know it was bum vomit, though and that added another flavor to it.

I disapprove of the use of the word 'flavor' in this thread.


MJ4H, I hope being able to share these things helps to keep you sane, you have had some serious challenges and handled them extraordinarily well.

[CamEdwards]

Originally Posted by Radii

I disapprove of the use of the word 'flavor' in this thread.


MJ4H, I hope being able to share these things helps to keep you sane, you have had some serious challenges and handled them extraordinarily well.

+1

Your son is lucky to have you.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

In a very strange way, this is beautiful.

[INDalltheway]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

I will use this story to end any future complaints about bad days.

Wife: I had the worst day today....
Me: Did somebody bum-vomit on you?
Wife: What? No.
Me: Then you stand corrected,

You sir are a funny man.. And MattJones4Heisman (I really just wanted to type that all out), you are great father. I am going to try to incorporate 'bum-vomit' into my everyday vocabulary.

[johnnyshaka]

And to the think I cringed when my 8 month old had a "wet" sneeze on the side of my face while I was trying to get the urine soaked pants/panties off of my two year old after a near potty success.

Shame on me...I've got absolutely nothing to complain about...a little snot and piss is nothing compared to bum-vomit.

Keep up the good work, MJ4H.

[Toddzilla]

MJ4H - I know exactly where you are, my friend. My Cassandra had a g-tube and a Nissen as well. She'd get gassy and we'd put the tube in and PSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH we'd let the air out and she'd feel much better.

I always thought it would be kinda cool to have a g-tube - it would be convenient when you have an upset stomach, you ate too much, too much to drink, all sorts of things. Just go into the bathroom, hook up the tube, and empty yourself.

Have you had to put in a g-tube port that popped out yet?

[MJ4H]

We've replaced his button many times, yes. My wife and I do it as a team because I can't stand to look at that empty hole in his belly. I will pull the old one out while looking away because for some reason my wife doesn't like doing that because she thinks it hurts him (it doesn't).

[MikeVic]

Originally Posted by Kodos

I was expecting this to be about Alizee.

What do you think the next scene is in this GIF?

[Butter]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

I will use this story to end any future complaints about bad days.

Wife: I had the worst day today....
Me: Did somebody bum-vomit on you?
Wife: What? No.
Me: Then you stand corrected,

This is about the best post ever. More love for ML. Even more for MJ4H for... well, cleaning up.

[cartman]

My cousin and his girlfriend recently had their first kid. We are concerned about how active of a dad my cousin would be, but he seems to be adjusting pretty well. My cousin is a very big clean freak. He takes 4 or 5 showers a day and changes his clothes at least twice. This background info is very important.

When they brought their son home, my cousin's girlfriend asked him if he wanted to learn how to change a diaper. He said "Sure, I have to learn eventually." So, keep in mind, this is his first time to ever change a diaper. They got the kid onto the table, and removed his diaper. When my cousin lifted the kid's legs to clean the butt, at that moment the little guy unleashed a geyser of poo and covered my cousin. His girlfriend started laughing uncontrollably, and when my cousin let go of the baby's legs to assess his poo covered situation, that put the girlfriend right in the line of fire for a torrent of pee and she got soaked.

What an intro to diaper changing for my poor cousin.

[chesapeake]

Three cheers for you, MJ4H. Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by cartman

My cousin and his girlfriend recently had their first kid. We are concerned about how active of a dad my cousin would be, but he seems to be adjusting pretty well. My cousin is a very big clean freak. He takes 4 or 5 showers a day and changes his clothes at least twice. This background info is very important.

When they brought their son home, my cousin's girlfriend asked him if he wanted to learn how to change a diaper. He said "Sure, I have to learn eventually." So, keep in mind, this is his first time to ever change a diaper. They got the kid onto the table, and removed his diaper. When my cousin lifted the kid's legs to clean the butt, at that moment the little guy unleashed a geyser of poo and covered my cousin. His girlfriend started laughing uncontrollably, and when my cousin let go of the baby's legs to assess his poo covered situation, that put the girlfriend right in the line of fire for a torrent of pee and she got soaked.

What an intro to diaper changing for my poor cousin.

[RendeR]

Great story MJ4H.

My daughter Cassandra was handed to my waiting arms to hold while they cleaned Telle up. Not 30 seconds after her naked little butt touched my arm...she shat upon it.

Not normal stuff either, this was that nasty black crap that the lil bugger has been storing up for months.

I was, displeased, yet somehow found it utterly fitting for the role children shall play in our lives

[Autumn]

Originally Posted by MikeVic

What do you think the next scene is in this GIF?

Way to ruin a fantasy. I'm scarred now.