Potentially epic thread (think fudged bank statement)

[Toddzilla]

Preface - which is almost always the preface in these kinds of stories, so just go with it. Had a hystrical conversation this morning with a co-worker and I thought "I know EXACTLY who to ask for advice". And so...

Andy (real name) is married, however he's trying to establish somewhat of an internet-based relationship with someone he went to high-school with. Huge crush. However Andy said he knew it would never be a starter if he introduced himself as Andy since she never liked him. So, he approaches her via Facebook as Alex, a friend-of-a-friend, and starts messaging her. The crush comes to like Alex and they take the next step to email where Andy send her pictures as Alex which are of some random guy from his facebook friends list she wouldn't know. Now she's escalating the relationship to Skype, and has been pestering him to cam up - so far it's only been voice. Andy is fucking busted ass if she sees him - she'll recognize him and it's over. I told him to just tell the truth, man, she's obviously let you in based on what you've said and who you are, sort of. He says no way, it would be a total nuclear bomb - and likely get back to his family which would be it. So what does he do now? I say stall forever.

tl;dr how do you mask your appearance on skype without looking like a sociopath?

[Lathum]

Umm, yeah, guy sounds like a creepy stalker scumbag who deserves to lose his family.

[Suburban Rhythm]

I'm no expert in this sort of thing (nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night), but how exactly did he expect this to pan out?

I mean, at some point, if he, as Andy, wants a relationship with her, he's got to be Andy, not Alex. Right?

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Dayum, people are stupid.

[Apathetic Lurker]

M.O.R.O.N. Thats about all I can say

[Honolulu_Blue]

This will not end well for Andy. While it's possible that the crush will be all "Oh, this Andy from high school? OMG!!! I would have never guessed. That was so cute how you pretended to be someone else. Oh, Andy... You so crazy", it's very, very unlikely.

Most likely, she'll feel hurt, creeped or weirded out or have some other kind of negative reaction to the big reveal. People don't like being lied to or deceived, especially on the internet, because, for whatever reason, people always seem to think its creepier when it's done on-line. Give the chances it gets back to his family and his wife, nuclear bomb, indeed.

Andy's got cut this off. If he was really serious about cheating on his wife with this girl - which is scummy to begin with - he really should have been honest upfront. Any sensible person would have foreseen the only realistic way this could end. Then again, Andy doesn't seem all that sensible.

Abort, Andy. Abort.

[fpres]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

how do you mask your appearance on skype without looking like a sociopath?

Sorry, that ship has sailed.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Lathum

Umm, yeah, guy sounds like a creepy stalker scumbag who deserves to lose his family.

Ding Ding. Lathum wins.

[Suicane75]

Originally Posted by Honolulu_Blue

Abort, Andy. Abort.

This would have appeared to be the best option.

[MacroGuru]

Somehow I don't think Brett Favre will come in and save the day on this one..

[Chief Rum]

This guy started the relationship by lying. He's already lost.

[cartman]

He needs to create a 3rd persona that posts on Facebook that he can't believe that 'Alex' died in an accident. The then posts as himself, and messages the girl that he noticed her on "Alex's" friend list and was wondering if it was the same girl he knew in high school.

[RomaGoth]

He might be able to get out of this one if he fudges his bank statement.

[Toddzilla]

OMG, this is hysterical. I don't think of this guy as a creep, but, wow. I told him "the internet thinks you're a scumbag asshole" and he seemed hurl. hahaha

And a point of clarification: Andy's intention isn't to cheat on his wife or find this girl and fuck her. He just wants to be a "good friend". She lives in England or Ireland, so the logistcs don't pan out anyway.

[MacroGuru]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

And a point of clarification: Andy's intention isn't to cheat on his wife or find this girl and fuck her. He just wants to be a "good friend". She lives in England or Ireland, so the logistcs don't pan out anyway.

Well, it's not cheating if its in different zip codes

[Rizon]

Andyalex should get on Skype and appear as "Andy". If she freaks out, he should then play it off that "Andy" is "Alex'"s friend, and that Andyalex is actually Alex and not Andy (Andy got on Alex's skype), and Alex beat the crap out of Andy.

I think that would work.

[Matthean]

Hey, if I do something stupid, I wonder how well it will work out for me.

[albionmoonlight]

Real advice: What everyone else said. Abort. Go to counseling to see why you want to cheat on your family.

Advice based on what I actually want to see happen:

Ah, what the fuck. I say go all in.

Tell her that he's embarrassed because he sent her pictures from before his car accident. That he was horribly disfigured last year and that's why he's taken to on-line interactions because he is so self-conscious now about his appearance.

Then tell her that his interactions with her have been a life saver. That he is starting to learn to love himself again and to trust. And that he is willing to video with her. But not quite ready to show her his real face, which only he and his doctor have ever seen.

Then Skype with a goalie mask on.

If he convinces her that he can make love, but only in the pitch dark, then this thread will blow fudged bank statement out of the water.

[wade moore]

Originally Posted by Lathum

Umm, yeah, guy sounds like a creepy stalker scumbag who deserves to lose his family.

Lathum had this right from the jump.

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

OMG, this is hysterical. I don't think of this guy as a creep, but, wow. I told him "the internet thinks you're a scumbag asshole" and he seemed hurl. hahaha

And a point of clarification: Andy's intention isn't to cheat on his wife or find this girl and fuck her. He just wants to be a "good friend". She lives in England or Ireland, so the logistcs don't pan out anyway.

Nuh-uh, don't buy it. If you're going as far as creating fake personas, this isn't just to be chums. I'll repeat.

Originally Posted by Lathum

Umm, yeah, guy sounds like a creepy stalker scumbag who deserves to lose his family.

[Young Drachma]

There's no way this ends well. He has to hit the eject button.

[Matthean]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

OMG, this is hysterical. I don't think of this guy as a creep, but, wow. I told him "the internet thinks you're a scumbag asshole" and he seemed hurl. hahaha

And a point of clarification: Andy's intention isn't to cheat on his wife or find this girl and fuck her. He just wants to be a "good friend". She lives in England or Ireland, so the logistcs don't pan out anyway.

I came up with the phrase "chasing fireworks" when I think of times where somebody(typically myself) builds something up in one's head far more than what it is in reality. He is absolutely doing this. He's chasing a reality that simply isn't there. It's simply not worth the emotional investment for the reward.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

And a point of clarification: Andy's intention isn't to cheat on his wife or find this girl and fuck her. He just wants to be a "good friend". She lives in England or Ireland, so the logistcs don't pan out anyway.

Originally Posted by wade moore

Nuh-uh, don't buy it. If you're going as far as creating fake personas, this isn't just to be chums. I'll repeat.

Not that I'm going to condone cheating, but at least I can understand that.

Going through all this to be "internet friends" with a girl he liked in HS (how long ago are we talking here? Assuming at least 10 years) is actually creepier. He hasn't let go yet of some girl not liking him that long ago, and he's plan was to create a fake person in hopes of talking to her online, secretly enjoying that he's made contact with a girl who previously wouldn't give him the time of day? Yeah, that's more psycho that trying to cheat on your wife.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

He seemed hurl?

Rarely have I ever seemed a verb, but he is entitled to his own feelings.

[Kodos]

Originally Posted by albionmoonlight

Real advice: What everyone else said. Abort. Go to counseling to see why you want to cheat on your family.

Advice based on what I actually want to see happen:

Ah, what the fuck. I say go all in.

Tell her that he's embarrassed because he sent her pictures from before his car accident. That he was horribly disfigured last year and that's why he's taken to on-line interactions because he is so self-conscious now about his appearance.

Then tell her that his interactions with her have been a life saver. That he is starting to learn to love himself again and to trust. And that he is willing to video with her. But not quite ready to show her his real face, which only he and his doctor have ever seen.

Then Skype with a goalie mask on.

If he convinces her that he can make love, but only in the pitch dark, then this thread will blow fudged bank statement out of the water.

Sound advice!

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Oh, and I vote that he has major plastic surgery to look as close to his friend as possible, then tells her he was missing due to recuperation from an accident. Then he can meet her & not seem creepy!

[Young Drachma]

This thread delivers.

[Ben E Lou]

Originally Posted by Suburban Rhythm

....how exactly did he expect this to pan out?

This.

I mean, at some point, if he, as Andy, wants a relationship with her, he's got to be Andy, not Alex. Right?

And this.

Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!!

Dayum, people are stupid.

And this.

Originally Posted by Apathetic Lurker

M.O.R.O.N. Thats about all I can say

And this.



And finally.

Originally Posted by albionmoonlight

Real advice: What everyone else said. Abort. Go to counseling to see why you want to cheat on your family.

Advice based on what I actually want to see happen:

Ah, what the fuck. I say go all in.

Tell her that he's embarrassed because he sent her pictures from before his car accident. That he was horribly disfigured last year and that's why he's taken to on-line interactions because he is so self-conscious now about his appearance.

Then tell her that his interactions with her have been a life saver. That he is starting to learn to love himself again and to trust. And that he is willing to video with her. But not quite ready to show her his real face, which only he and his doctor have ever seen.

Then Skype with a goalie mask on.

If he convinces her that he can make love, but only in the pitch dark, then this thread will blow fudged bank statement out of the water.

That's it. Albion wins the interwebz.

[Schmidty]

He's a pile of shit who doesn't deserve a family. Loyalty (emotionally also) is the most important thing as far as I'm concerned. He already let that ship sail. I hope he gets caught by his wife, for her sake. Otherwise she'll be living with a cheating, scheming, disloyal lying prick for the rest of her life.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

...and I wish I had read more than the first line of Albion's post.

[JediKooter]

Ok, I think I can help Andy...Alex...whatever his name is...

Not sure if this will work since, he already doesn't sound like the smartest vegetable in the bunch. So when it comes time for the big reveal, all he has to say is, that he was in an accident and he had to have a bunch of plastic surgery and that's why he looks different. Now that won't help too much if Alex is black and Andy is white, but, it would make for a mediocre 80s movie staring Rae Dawn Chong.

[Fidatelo]

Could he convince this girl that he traded faces with Andy, a la Face/Off? So even though he looks like Andy, he really is Alex, and even better he's a fucking FBI special agent! At this point he could stick straight to the plot or just make up whatever history he wants behind the Alex/Andy face switch, depending on which one he thinks will make her do nastier things over Skype.

[Chief Rum]

Right now, I am picturing Alex/Andy looking like Chandler Bing in that episode of Friends where the girls are overreacting to something stupid he said, where he suddenly reaches behind his back and freaks out, "What?!? No parachute?!?"

Yeah.

[Toddzilla]

[Doug5984]

[Matthean]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

I told him "the internet thinks you're a scumbag asshole" and he seemed hurl.

Imagine how she's going to feel after she finds out who he is.

[Ksyrup]

What Would Kyle Do?

[SteveMax58]

Hmm....where have I seen this before?

[Doug5984]

Is Alex cockier, and funnier than Andy? That's probably why she likes Alex, but not Andy.

[JediKooter]

Originally Posted by Doug5984

Is Alex cockier, and funnier than Andy? That's probably why she likes Alex, but not Andy.

I don't know. This Andy is pretty charming:

[MJ4H]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

What Would Kyle Do?

what in the living hell is that

[Ksyrup]

I don't know. I saw it on another board yesterday, and the Longhorns clock caught my eye. Seemed like the appropriate time/place to post it here.

[JPhillips]

Alex needs to become a hardcore Moonie. Have him swear of his family, move to Korea and marry a stranger in a mass wedding. Andy, in his charitable spare time, works with families and friends of people brainwashed into cults. Andy went through the internet history of Alex and found this girl's messages. Andy gets in touch with her to tell her about Alex and the Moonies. Only after seeing her does Andy remember this girl from highschool. Andy can now talk to her as long as he wishes while being able to terminate the relationship due to a serious cult intervention mission.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by MJ4H

what in the living hell is that

Brangelina?

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

And a point of clarification: Andy's intention isn't to cheat on his wife or find this girl and fuck her. He just wants to be a "good friend". She lives in England or Ireland, so the logistcs don't pan out anyway.

Unless there's some sort of unresolved rejection thing he is compelled to follow through with, and she's not the only person he's fixated on for that purpose, it seems to me that he's either consciously or subconsiously attempting to establish the relationship with her he never got to in the first place. And that is to be more than friends.

The other thing is, although his intention isn't to cheat on his wife, I wonder what he thinks she would think of someone going through the ridiculous charade he is going through, simply to befriend an old crush.

Why couldn't he just do what the rest of us did on FB with people we either barely knew or weren't the best of friends with - friend them and never really follow-up with them again? Surely she would acept his friend request. And if not, no amount of lying about who he is and then springing the truth on her was going to change that. It seems bizarre that he thought otherwise.

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Unless there's some sort of unresolved rejection thing he is compelled to follow through with, and she's not the only person he's fixated on for that purpose, it seems to me that he's either consciously or subconsiously attempting to establish the relationship with her he never got to in the first place. And that is to be more than friends.

The other thing is, although his intention isn't to cheat on his wife, I wonder what he thinks she would think of someone going through the ridiculous charade he is going through, simply to befriend an old crush.

Why couldn't he just do what the rest of us did on FB with people we either barely knew or weren't the best of friends with - friend them and never really follow-up with them again? Surely she would acept his friend request. And if not, no amount of lying about who he is and then springing the truth on her was going to change that. It seems bizarre that he thought otherwise.

How dare you come in here and use common sense?

[Izulde]

No intention to cheat on his wife? Bullshit. He wants to tap that so hard pygmy tribes in some unknown region will hear it.

[BrianD]

It sounds to me like the guy wants the option. He may not do anything about it, but having his old crush be into him enough to give the option of cheating will probably be seen as some kind of "win". He is either way too hung up on lack of popularity in the past, or he and his wife are missing something and he is looking to fill a hole (pun slightly intended).

[Matthean]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Unless there's some sort of unresolved rejection thing he is compelled to follow through with, and she's not the only person he's fixated on for that purpose, it seems to me that he's either consciously or subconsiously attempting to establish the relationship with her he never got to in the first place. And that is to be more than friends.

The other thing is, although his intention isn't to cheat on his wife, I wonder what he thinks she would think of someone going through the ridiculous charade he is going through, simply to befriend an old crush.

Why couldn't he just do what the rest of us did on FB with people we either barely knew or weren't the best of friends with - friend them and never really follow-up with them again? Surely she would acept his friend request. And if not, no amount of lying about who he is and then springing the truth on her was going to change that. It seems bizarre that he thought otherwise.

While I totally agree with what you wrote, he is emotionally cheating on his wife. I have done the whole "I just want to be friends" thing. I ended up having to admit I wanted more. Once a woman figures out what's going on, they are gone.

[mckerney]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

tl;dr how do you mask your appearance on skype without looking like a sociopath?

Face Substitution from Kyle McDonald on Vimeo.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by Matthean

While I totally agree with what you wrote, he is emotionally cheating on his wife. I have done the whole "I just want to be friends" thing. I ended up having to admit I wanted more. Once a woman figures out what's going on, they are gone.

I agree, and that's why I posed the question from his wife's point of view. He's kidding himself if he doesn't think he wants to cheat and/or she wouldn't consider it cheating.