Why do I hate the French? It's Al Bundy!

[Tarkus]

Whose Room Is it Anyway? (0106)
Peggy: So, what are you gonna spend your refund on?
Marcy: Well we were thinking about taking a romantic trip to Paris.
Peggy: Oh, I've always wanted to go to Paris.
Al: Oh yeah Paris - where they hate Americans... where they won't let our bombers fly overhead, oh yeah, until they get invaded, and then they come crawling back, beret in hand, for us to bail 'em out - with "my" tax dollars! That's where your going??
Steve: No, no... we just said that... you know... to kid you. We hate the French.
Al: You know what I would do if I had a few extra bucks?
Marcy: Bomb the French?
Al: No, no, I was talking about a 'little' extra money.

Whose Room Is it Anyway? (0106) again
Al: "Oh, sure, our rights are not important? Anything a woman says is fine with us? Gee, when did men become such losers? It used to be so great to be a man. Women were there to please us. They'd look after the kids and we'd go out and have a good time. That's the natural order of things. What happened, Steve? I'll tell you what happened, Steve. Somebody told women they should start enjoying sex, too. That was the beginning of the end. Now they like it but it's work for us. Everything's work for us. It's this equallity thing, it's killing us. You know who I blame?"
Steve: "The French?"
[ Al nods his agreement ]

Johnny Be Gone (0113)
[ Al reads a an assembly manual ]
Al: "Ah! Here it is, er, Attention vous avez... Oh hell! More people we should have killed!"
[ He comes across another French instruction ]
Al: "Oh, my friends the French again".

Fair Exchange (0406)
Al: "A toast to the French. It's a foul little country but they sure do know how to write a check."

Look Who's Barking (0513)
[ Al is on the phone, trying to find the German chef Hans ]
Al: Listen, you French moron! We saved your cowardly wine soaked behinds in the war! In all the wars!! Every stinkin' war you've ever been in. Now you tell me where you're hiding Hans, before I... Hello!?!
[ He hangs up ]
They really are rude to Americans!

A Man's Castle (0515)
Al: ... running like a Frenchman from a cap gun.

All Night Security Dude (0516)
Spare Tire Dixon to Al: "I dropped you like third period French."

Looking for a Desk in All the Wrong Places (0605)
Al, to Jefferson: "She's got you running like a Frenchman in a thunderstorm."

The Mystery of Skull Island (0614)
News anchor: "Until further information is uncovered, scientists will continue to sift through the giant hole that was until yesterday the Republic of France."

England Show, Part 1 (0624)
Al at Speakers Corner: "Am I alone in hating the French?"
Crowd: "No!"
Al: "I thought not."

England Show, Part 2 (0625)
[ A family screams at the Bundy's and runs away ]
Peggy: "We're only Americans. Why'd they run?"
Al: "They must be French. It takes so little."

England Show, Part 3 (0626)
Upper-Unctonian: "We're not barbarians. We're not the French."

The Chicago Wine Party (0707)
A reporter about riots against a beer tax increase: As if they need to be told, all Frenchmen should stay in hiding.

Death of a Shoe Salesman (0710)
[ Al decides to take a spot to be buried next to Fuzzy McGee ]
Undertaker: Let me know if you DON'T want it. I hear Fuzzy is a big in France, I believed they called him "Le Grand Fuzz".

The Old Insurance Dodge (0724)
Peggy: Listen, Honey, I'm having a little trouble with the insurance company. Did you know that the French claim that the real Mona Lisa is theirs, just like we did?
Al: You know, it's a dark day when someone will believe the French over me!.

The Proposition (0726)
Kelly: "Mom, when you say 'we,' I hope you mean 'oui,' as in French for 'Hell yes we'll sell daddy and collaborate with the Germans.' Ergo, which is French for 'Yes take our country but please let us live to make our creamy sauces,' I say we take the $500,000 and bid daddy adieu, which is French for 'A deer,' 'A female deer.'

Legend of Ironhead Haynes (0821)
Al's voice booms out over the mountains: Don't eat the croissant!"

Legend of Ironhead Haynes (0821)
Commandment #2: It's wrong to be French.

Driving Mr. Boondy (0902)
Bud, to German Heidi: "Pretend like my pants are France and invade me!"

Business Sucks, Part 1 (0905)
Kelly: Some warbreaks out in some country I can't even pronounce.
Bud: That could be France!
Kelly: I said "country".

How Bleen Was My Kelly (1005)
[ Peggy tries to find someone who makes less money than a shoe salesman. ]
Bud: Check "French deodorant salesman."

Dud Bowl II (1009)
TV News Reader: Hundreds of organisations are claiming credit for the bombing of the Al Bundy Scoreboard, including The National Organisation of Women, The National Organisation of Fat Women and The Government of France.

The Agony and the Extra C (1019)
Peg: Al, I'm in Paris. Everyone here is just so rude and smelly. I'm thinking about you all the time.

T*R*A*S*H (1114)
Al: Well family, I'm off to fight the forces of evil.
Peggy: Mmm, that's nice dear.
Al: Hey! Will someone pay attention here, they're having me go out to fight horrible people - probably the French! You may never see me again!

Breaking up Is Easy to Do, Part 1 (1116)
Peggy: Why won't you go to therapy!?
Al: Maybe it's 'you' who don't know 'me'! Because If you knew me, Peg, you would know there are certain things I do not do:
I do not floss, I do not eat vegetables, I do not like French Pastry, I do not like the French...

Damn Bundys (1120)
[ Al is playing "hang-man" with Napoleon in Hell. ]
Napoleon: Could it be the letter "P"?
Al, laughing: Hang-man, I win! It's "French fries" you idiot! You're not too smart, are you Nap?
[ Nap puts his hand in his coat, then Al puts his hand in his pants. ]

Tarkus

[GrantDawg]

Oh how I miss Al, let me count the ways. Yes, the showed did get old after awhile, but watching the reunion show the other night brought back such fond memories.

Sigh.

[Schmidty]

The only thing I hate about France is their Toast.

I don't care what anybody says, egg and syrup does not mix well.

[Maple Leafs]

Where'd you get the quotes from? Is there some web site floating around with Married With Children scripts?

[Tarkus]

Originally posted by Maple Leafs
Where'd you get the quotes from? Is there some web site floating around with Married With Children scripts?

It was a website that just had the anit-French parts. It didn't have the entire scripts or anything that did not relate to France. I can try to find it again if you really want.

Tarkus

[Kodos]

This reminds me of one of those old Miller High Life commercials that went something like this:

"It's hard to respect the French after having to bail them out of two big ones in less than a century. But they did get one thing right: Mayonnaise. Nice going, Pierre."

[Poli]

I missed the reunion show. I hope it was good!

[Maple Leafs]

I found this site, which has scripts for many of the episodes.

I'll say it right now: the first season was hit-and-miss, and the last several were awful, but there was a three or four year period when Married With Children was the best show on television, period.