I'm Moving Back to Houston!

[sterlingice]

So, A couple of you (at least terpkristin, ColtCrazy, DataKing off the top of my head) are familiar with my situation over the past year. I've been living in Indianapolis but my wife lost her job over a year ago and found a new one in Houston. So we get to see each other every two or three weeks and the rest of the time just get to chat nightly on the webcam or phone.

Thankfully, that situation has now been remedied as I've found a job in Houston that I like and I'll be moving back next week. We've moved across country twice (not including her move to Houston) but each time had two people and more than a month's notice.

As an aside, I have also now spent a decent chunk of cash on a pair of laptops (soon to be former corporate discount) and an actual personal cell phone since those have all been provided for me for the last 5 years. So, new toys will be fun when they all arrive.

So, in short, there's tons to do and not enough time and I probably won't be around too much for a good couple of weeks. But soon enough I'll be back in Houston

SI

[MacroGuru]

Congrats!

[Tasan]

Welcome back to the swamp.

[cartman]

Awesome! We'll have to try and meet up when I'm in town.

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

Glad you're able to get back into the same spot. Being split apart for long periods of time generally doesn't work well.

[spleen1015]

When are you leaving? Too bad we didn't hang out while you were in town.

Good luck in Houston!

[JAG]

Great news SI, glad to hear it.

[Eaglesfan27]

Congrats!

[bulletsponge]

welcome back!

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by cartman

Awesome! We'll have to try and meet up when I'm in town.

I suspect I'll be around for a while. Her job is definitely a keeper and if mine becomes permanent instead of contract, it could be around for quite a while.

Bad as they are, I'm hoping to hit up a few Astros games this year, particularly with the 50th anniversary stuff going on. Already went to Opening Day there this year. And we'd like to have a weekend in Dallas and catch a Rangers game.

SI

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Mizzou B-ball fan

Glad you're able to get back into the same spot. Being split apart for long periods of time generally doesn't work well.

It's amazing how much technology has progressed even in the last 10 years to make it even remotely feasible. Up until early this year, plane flights were still quite inexpensive so we could find a trip for <$300 (the Continental-United and Airtran-Southwest mergers have significantly bumped up airline costs to where $400 is the new baseline for anything that's not a puddle jump).

And we've been able to chat with each other every night for as long as we have time. Not only that, but with webcams, you can kindof put yourselves in each other's lives. Even if you're both doing something as innocuous as cooking dinner, you can still converse as if you were right there.

Still, for all the "ha! how'd you get that great arrangement" jokes for the only-see-each-other-every-couple-of-weeks situation, I'm definitely happy it's over. It was nice to have a little newfound freedom but both of us are pretty independent. If I wanted to just spend a night (or lots of nights) playing a new game or she was engrossed in a particularly good book, we could always do our own thing in the evenings and the other would always have something to do. So it's not like there was some clingy-ness to escape or anything. Sure, I'm a bit more messy whereas she's a bit more militant about the cleaning but that sort of stuff, in the end, is just background noise.

It was interesting for about two months. We were both really busy with work- me with the project I was on here which had only started in November and her with her new job. We each visited each other and then we had a week long trip in May to look forward to on the calendar. We had a great time on the vacation but pretty much after that, it sucked from then on out.

I'm sure there will be some adjustment period, just as there always is, anytime you move- redrawing boundaries and whatnot- but quality of life just went up an immeasurable amount.

SI

[TargetPractice6]

Congrats, SI! That's great news.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by spleen1015

When are you leaving? Too bad we didn't hang out while you were in town.

Good luck in Houston!

A week from Tuesday. And to make matters worse- I'm going to be in Iowa next weekend, further killing any time I might have had. In the time here, I think the only local I met was ColtCrazy when we both went to Brickworld Indy (Legos!) The other thing that's been really frustrating living here the past year is that I knew in the back of my mind that I was going to leave. Now, I'm a chatty sort by nature- extremely long posts here are just like I am in real life- I talk. A lot. It's just who I am. But I felt I couldn't reach out socially how I wanted to the last year or so.

I. First off, there's the telling the family part. They all know my wife has been away so every conversation for the last year started with "how is the job search going"? To which the reply was always "it's going" or "slowly but surely" or some other answer that means "hey, if I had a job, I'd have told you already". For the most part, people mean well. Almost all of it is people concerned for you or just making conversation. You'll get a little of the "I want to be the first to know" gossip crowd but very few of my family and friends are like that.

However, it really becomes maddening after a while if you get the wrong reaction. Anyone who has been in the job search boat, you know what I'm talking about. Sympathy is always accepted and welcome! It sucks and thank you for understanding that it sucks. However, it's a fine line and sometimes it bleeds into pity, which is just frustrating. Then there's the advice-givers: "Thanks Uncle Wilford*, I have tried using the internet to find a job 'in computers'; It's great that your friend's aunt's nephew found a job that way". Some of it's harmless like that: they're trying to help but, honestly, they just don't get it. Even better is the pile of people whose subtext is condescension and that you're doing it all wrong.

Finally, there's judgement which just makes you see red. In a normal job search, these are the advice-givers gone wrong: you picked the wrong field, you're aiming too high, you don't work hard enough, etc. I don't get these that often but I've seen others go through it and I'm surprised some of the accusers make it out with their testicles still intact. This time around, because of our life situation, both of us, but especially my wife, started getting this subtext a couple of months in of "clearly, you don't love each other enough" or "he's/she's cheating on you" or, at the very least, "he's putting his career above you". Look, a-hole, try walking a step in someone else's shoes much less a mile. One, if we thought our marriage was in jeopardy at any point, we would have made different decisions but we had a strong base to work off of. Two, we made the decision that I'm not coming down there unemployed, particularly in this job market and especially when being unemployed is (wrongly) viewed as a huge handicap to landing your next job. Three, I needed to have a job that wasn't a big career step back. I could have been down there one month in if I had been willing to take my career back 5 years. But then how much resentment would there be (wrongly, but it would probably happen) if "my wife cost me my career". So, I've been looking for a half step back, lateral step, or better. It's not a huge standard, but it certainly limits the pool. Again, Uncle Wilford, yes, I work in computers and there are computers everywhere but no one has a job opening entitled "Works In Computers". It's a bit more complicated than that.

So, we decided we wanted to take a shot at it all: career success for both of us and keep our marriage together. We walked the line, it was frustrating, and we're probably in a lot better situation for taking the chances we did and making the sacrifices we did. It was not the only way to do this or even necessarily the right what (what is the "right way" anyway) but it was the way we chose to do it.

II. Secondly, there's the "you can't really tell anyone at work". Telling your boss that you're leaving somewhere in the foggy future does wonder for one's job security. Now, honestly, I kept it secret from all but a couple of others at work for a good 6 months and then most everyone else until a week ago. A couple of the people I trusted blurted it out to a couple of others but until a week ago, the number of people who knew could be counted on 2 hands which I continually get commented on "Wow- I had no idea" despite my loquacious personality.

Fortunately, I was good enough at my job so that when it came out, it was going to be too much effort to replace me and better to just let me play out the string as long as I could. I've been commended for never having a short timer's attitude despite some pretty overwhelming temptations but it's just not who I am. Unfortunately, I'm sure my job search suffered because I was working too hard to do my current job. However, I have a good job here and a lot to learn and I wouldn't be leaving my job if not for the life situation. Plus, I have a lot of people counting on me to do a good job so I owed it to them to do the best I could. Still, it's really hard to spend your 8+ hours a day at work and not be able to tell anything something so big and all consuming to the rest of your day.

III. Then there's the relationship building part to more casual friends and groups. You just can't reach out that much to people casually because you don't really start a conversation with "Hi, I'm Bob and I'm going to leave you shortly". Not at all strangely enough the one casual time I more or less did that, I got a really cold shoulder. Think about it: we only have so much time in a day and when someone automatically says that this is a limited time thing, there's a natural tendency to hold back. And from my end, I didn't want to do this as you want to start a friendship, then shortly into it, you have to tell them your situation. Again, it always feels like a betrayal to a greater or lesser degree.

From my wife's side, she can only do so much in Houston because, for better and for worse, spouses are a total package. So she's holding back some because she knows that while she has some free time now, when I get there, even as independent as we are, we will take up more as each other's time (tho that may not necessarily be the case because of the time gained from the lack of webcam at night to splitting chores, etc). So, in general, you just feel stunted socially.

You know, this thread is getting awfully cathartic for me at this point

Probably only has slightly more to do with this is how I've been living for a year than because I have boxes to pack and I don't wanna...

SI

*no, I don't have an uncle wilford

[ColtCrazy]

Okay, first off...when I read the first paragraph, I totally read it as "chat naughty on the webcam or phone"

So happy for you SI! When we got a chance to meet, I really felt for your situation. It's hard enough to be away from my wife when I'm working in England..but I know it's only 2 months and temporary. Glad things worked out and you'll be making the big move! (Although next year's Brickworld suddenly got less interesting)

I remember you were anxious to finish your project you had in Indy. Will that be finished by the time you leave?

Again, congrats man. That's going to be a great reunion when you get there and get to stay.

[Lathum]

congrats!

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by ColtCrazy

Okay, first off...when I read the first paragraph, I totally read it as "chat naughty on the webcam or phone"

Sorry, we're just not into that

So happy for you SI! When we got a chance to meet, I really felt for your situation. It's hard enough to be away from my wife when I'm working in England..but I know it's only 2 months and temporary. Glad things worked out and you'll be making the big move! (Although next year's Brickworld suddenly got less interesting)

Again, congrats man. That's going to be a great reunion when you get there and get to stay.

I know- it was great meeting you and I really enjoyed the day. Those are the types of moments that help punctuate and forget about the overall situation even if just for a day

It's interesting- a lot of the reaction I get is "it's going to be tough moving back in". And, while true, we've moved a couple of times before and I suspect it will be a lot more like that. Like I said before: territory disputes not complete lifestyle change.

I remember you were anxious to finish your project you had in Indy. Will that be finished by the time you leave?

Yeah, I'm able to transition everything over fairly smoothly at this point. It should be fairly dead for the next few months, relatively speaking, anyway.

SI

[Poli]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

Sorry, we're just not into that



I know- it was great meeting you and I really enjoyed the day. Those are the types of moments that help punctuate and forget about the overall situation even if just for a day

It's interesting- a lot of the reaction I get is "it's going to be tough moving back in". And, while true, we've moved a couple of times before and I suspect it will be a lot more like that. Like I said before: territory disputes not complete lifestyle change.



Yeah, I'm able to transition everything over fairly smoothly at this point. It should be fairly dead for the next few months, relatively speaking, anyway.

SI

Great news!

[ColtCrazy]

I can understand that. I know my wife always makes comments the first week or so after I get back from England. General things like, the house was cleaner while I was gone, no fighting over blankets....nothing major and the positives far outweigh the negatives!

Enjoy the last few days around here. Go buy a nice parting gift at the Lego store.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

Congrats!

Originally Posted by Tasan

Welcome back to the swamp.

Originally Posted by JAG

Great news SI, glad to hear it.

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

Congrats!

Originally Posted by bulletsponge

welcome back!

Originally Posted by TargetPractice6

Congrats, SI! That's great news.

Originally Posted by Lathum

congrats!

Originally Posted by Poli

Great news!

Also, I realize I haven't responded to everyone in the thread. Thanks for all the well wishes. It's been a long time coming and I'm definitely happy tho still with so much to do

SI

[Crapshoot]

I enjoyed your post SI - made a lot of sense and if you guys could deal with it, more power to you. what exactly do you do?

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Crapshoot

I enjoyed your post SI - made a lot of sense and if you guys could deal with it, more power to you. what exactly do you do?

Currently I work for a large computer company that you've heard of. I'm the supervisor of a 15~20 person team that delivers tier 2 software and hardware support to a five thousand person sales force. That means my day consists of anything from (on the worst days) babysitting to project management to technical writing to interfacing with customer management to dealing with customer escalations. "I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I HAVE PEOPLE SKILLS; I AM GOOD WITH DEALING WITH PEOPLE! CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? "

I've also worked over the past few years as an onsite technician at a large data center (sys admin, hardware support, installation) and a field engineer so I've got some different experiences. The only problem is that to get these experiences, I've had to move from KC to Richmond to Indy and next up to Houston. We've often lamented that we've never been able to lay down any roots- that's the cost of our flexibility.

This upcoming job, it's tool development and system administration which is in the sweet spot of what I was looking for in a job: something I'm good enough to walk into and not be in danger of losing my job week 1 but something where there is a /lot/ for me to always be learning.

SI

[B & B]

........to the hot dog days.

[LoneStarGirl]

congrats you luck dog! I'd give anything to move back.

[sterlingice]

I know this will come as a shock to all, but moving sucks. And packing for moving? Even worse

SI

[lcjjdnh]

Congrats! And good luck with the move.

[DataKing]

Glad to hear this SI. I'm happy for you.

[LastWhiteSoxFanStanding]

Does this mean the imminent return of the Houston Hippopatami? :-)

[spleen1015]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

I know this will come as a shock to all, but moving sucks. And packing for moving? Even worse

SI

When my wife and I moved out of an apartment into our house, we had movers do it for us. We only moved about 2 miles, but it was so much easier. I'll never move myself again. I will always hire someone else to do it.

In your situation, I'm sure that may not make sense. I moved myself from Montgomery, AL to Indy in a Uhaul and it sucked.

Have fun!

[SteveMax58]

Hehe...I can relate to the Uncle Wilford stuff. Only in my case, its actually my parents.

They're a bit behind modern technology, to say the least. They mean well & all but they ask similar questions, such as..."What do you do? Work on the computer? Why do you have to move to work on the computer?"

As if "the computer" is a single entity that the entire world shares...so naturally I should be able to "fix it" anywhere. Its near-genius if you take a step back & give it some thought that they weren't intentionally trying to infer (such as cloud computing).

Ah well...best of luck on your move SI. I'm also making another massive cross-country move in the next month. Same company this time, just a transfer.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by spleen1015

When my wife and I moved out of an apartment into our house, we had movers do it for us. We only moved about 2 miles, but it was so much easier. I'll never move myself again. I will always hire someone else to do it.

In your situation, I'm sure that may not make sense. I moved myself from Montgomery, AL to Indy in a Uhaul and it sucked.

Have fun!

I've done it three/four times now, so it's old hat. It still sucks. We moved from Kansas to Richmond, Richmond to Indy, wife moved to Houston, and now I'm moving to Houston. And that's all in about 5 years. We were really hoping to settle down in Indy but it just didn't work out with her job.

SI

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by LastWhiteSoxFanStanding

Does this mean the imminent return of the Houston Hippopatami? :-)

My hattrick team has remained the Houston Hippopotami but I have rotated around some other sport fantasy names: Lawrence Lumber, Richmond Rhinocerii, Indianapolis Iguanii- I'm a sucker for alliteration.

SI

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by SteveMax58

Hehe...I can relate to the Uncle Wilford stuff. Only in my case, its actually my parents.

(In my case, some of it was my parents)

Ah well...best of luck on your move SI. I'm also making another massive cross-country move in the next month. Same company this time, just a transfer.

Done the same company transfer the last couple of times. I would have liked to have stayed with my current company but things just didn't work out this time around so I'm changing companies and that's a bit scary this time out.

SI

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by DataKing

Glad to hear this SI. I'm happy for you.

Thanks! It was great to see you up in Chicago and I was hoping we'd get another chance to show my wife Wrigley without the rain

SI

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by lcjjdnh

Congrats! And good luck with the move.

Thanks! It's been a long time coming

SI