Dealing with Asshats

[PilotMan]

How do you combat someone who is running their mouth, and stirring up shit in a group where perception is everything. The evidence that I can use against them is confidential so the entire thing becomes a one person's word against another.

This person gives the impression that they are above board and never do anything wrong. They only recently are getting caught up on fees that they owe, and seem to think that this makes them very special. They have never said a single positive thing to anyone about anything in this group. He has already said that he opposes just about anything that we try to do. His goal is to get his way by being the loud, squeaky wheel.

I can talk until I'm blue in the face in defense of our manager, but without being able to prove anything it's pointless. So then the perception is that he's right, since nobody argues against him.

So I ask you braintrust, what is the best way to deal with this issue?

[NobodyHere]

Trout in anus?

[BYU 14]

Not fully knowing the circumstances, what obligation do they have to provide a burden of proof for their claims, or is it just general bitching?

I would flat ask them to substantiate some of his/her BS.

[PilotMan]

Originally Posted by BYU 14

Not fully knowing the circumstances, what obligation do they have to provide a burden of proof for their claims, or is it just general bitching?

I would flat ask them to substantiate some of his/her BS.

It's really just bitching. Whenever he posts it's bitching. This case was complaining about not getting phone calls returned. I responded and told him that his information was passed on. He completely ignored my reply and went on another tirade about who incompetent our management company is and that (in fitting with his theme) that it's all just a waste of money. He then gets other people riled up.

In the end, I get replies from 2 of the ladies that work with us, within a couple of hours, basically saying he's being dishonest in his statement (not the first time for this either) and that they've returned each and every call he's complaining about. And in the end, it's not even over anything big. It's all about a misunderstanding about how money is credited and when it's posted to the account. It's not a big deal, and it's his misunderstanding anyway. But it's his hill to die on...again. He doesn't want to be placated, he wants to rant. Shutting him up isn't the right answer either, as it would look like I'm trying to "cover something up." Yet, I can't provide any actual information about just what kind of asshat this guy is. So nobody knows.

Well, some people who have had to deal with him know. He waives his military service all around as his wholesome platform, doesn't drink, wanted us to fine a homeowner whose house had burned down because it was littering his yard and smelled bad, and had been told the same thing by us, and the city and presumably the state. We were all waiting on the insurance company. He called the police because he said he saw someone had broken into the house, but according to the police that was a lie and nobody did.

He's pretty much a first class, asshat.

Personally, I can't stand him. We've gone back and forth in public a number of times already. He doesn't like me either, and supposedly is planning to challenge the board in the fall. So whatever. I really don't have time to deal with his shit, except that his narrative is wrong. He's wrong, and his bullshit never ends.

[Chief Rum]

This guy sounds well below worth you getting irritated with him. Just ignore him. I know that is hard, but the reason he is getting to you is because you're letting him get to you. Don't give him that power.

If he comes at the board with something legit, respond as you need to there.

[Bobble]

Sounds like you have all the advantages. You're the authority. You're part of a group rather than on your own. He has to convince you (plural).

I'd be preparing a lot of responses that sound like, "The Board cannot act on these claims until they are substantiated." "The Board has determined that your statements are incorrect." "The Board has confirmed that each of your complaints was received and was responded to."

Basically, make sure it's not about you versus him and put the burden of proof on him. You'll probably have to do this for a while before everyone else realizes how much of a douche-nozzle this guy is and ignores him too. I know that sucks. I don't envy you.

[Vince, Pt. II]

I like Bobble's plan, but you definitely have to make sure the Board will back you first. It sounds like no one likes this guy, so you should be fine, but never assume that.

[BYU 14]

Also agree with the advice here. You have the advantage and you are not alone in your feelings from the sound of it. The only thing I would add is document everything, which I am sure you are, including the fallacies in his statements/rants, and how they have been addressed.

May never need it, but it could come in handy as invariably people like this end up hanging themselves if you give them enough rope, as they can't keep track of their own BS.

[chesapeake]

I don't think making it sound so formal is in your best interest. Neighborhood board presidents/members always have to be aware that some are going to view you as power mad tyrants no matter what the reality may be. "The Board says this..." plays right into that.

It looks to me that you're doing all the right things here. Now it is just a matter of selling it to your constituency. Using the accusation of not returning the phone calls as an example, I'd say you did the right thing by initially stating that you've contacted the management company on his behalf. When they followed up quickly to say that they had called him back already, ask them to follow up again that day and then post the response you got and the action you directed, "They're telling me that they've called you back already. Maybe wires are just getting crossed. [You're not taking a side or accusing him of lying, but his credibility is taking a hit.] Regardless, I've asked them to follow up with you today."

Maybe this is exactly how you've played it. But you seem like you conscientiously respond to the concerns that are brought to you and do so fairly quickly. Elected officials that do so and make sure their constituents know that usually get reelected.

[PilotMan]

Good stuff guys, thanks.

I spent most of the day in the hospital with my son. He had surgery for a broken collarbone today, and this guy proceeds to respond to another poster with a tale that makes it sound like he is ignored, lied to, deals with incompetent people and that he's on the up and up. He says that he wrote a check in April to pay for July dues, but in reality he wrote 3 checks, back dated each of them, and why did he write 3 checks? I can't really say, but why else would someone write 3 checks? It wasn't for July dues alone. He talks shit about the assistant who handles the money and makes it sound like it's not been resolved or that he's been maligned.

All of the board are copied in on all the communication between us and the management company. We all see the replies from them. I call them constantly, email constantly, there's never an issue when them not getting back. We discuss it a little bit and decide that another board member will stick up and post a reply then shut the comments off for the thread. Basically saying that we've looked into it. It's resolved, we have a good relationship with the office and they've worked hard for us for years. Going on to state the the better course of action going forward is to handle it in private with any board member, then he shut off comments.

Within probably 10 minutes, at 1030p, I get a PM. I'm not even going to read it til tomorrow, then I'll bring every other member into the messenger group so they can all be part of the discussion. I'm done dealing with this guy 1 on 1.

[PilotMan]

This guy is a true asshat.

He messages me complaining that the thread is closed and saying that he's not even talked with anyone and doesn't have any answers. I bring the rest of the board into the FB chat and proceed to give him answers to each and every thing that he complains about. All the while getting answers via email from our management.

Then he complains that they tell us stuff but won't tell him. It's a long fucking ordeal. I tell him that we get email replies multiple times per day if needed, and that he can email them too for the same response. He says he was promised a call and never got one.

Our managers said that she thought she resolved everything, never promised a call. I offer to copy him in on an email for all of us, and he ignores me and refuses to give it.

I tell the office to call him, they try, say his phone goes straight to an un set up voice mail that you can't leave messages for. He says that's not true, but won't check to see if they have the right number. Says he'll call, but doesn't. He's pretty much straight out lied to make his claims look massively overblown.

Sends messages to another board member saying that the board is afraid of what the people think, and that censorship is basically tyranny.

I can't imagine if this guy got a seat on the board because he cries to his neighbors about how mean everyone is. He's one of the most self centered, egotistical, non-service oriented people I've ever met. Still hasn't said thanks for anything.

[Mike Lowe]

He's just an unhappy guy. I would echo what others have said about not being dragged into his mess.

He'd be dead to me...