The Ted Turner Memoirs Part 4: Rise Of The Powers That Be

[lilbiggio]

1:35pm


Prologue

There had been a lot of comotion going on inside of the Cobb County Superior Court. Just moments before, District Attorney Roberts had nearly been thrown out after his questions to security guard Josh begin to hit below the belt. It wasn't Josh's fault that back home in Sandy Springs, he had grown up under the law of the playground. His loyalty had been instilled in him by his father at the age of 7 and reaffirmed throughout his adolescence by the neighborhood kids.

By 13 he was robbing corner grocery stores for lil debbie snack cakes and for the thrill of the adventure. Ah how ironic, that the head of security of the Atlanta Braves, and defacto owner.. a petty thief in his former days. None of this relevant to the case other than the reason for his hardline stance to take the bullet.

And really, he was going to take the fall for Ted. How foolish of Josh, and cowardly of Ted... and yet, this was why he was sitting where he was in the court, and Ted Turner was where he was.

And yes you're right, ol' D.A. Roberts made sure to make him and everybody in the courtroom aware of this fact. He was covering for somebody, and it was going to cost him many of his blond days in exchange for his stubborness.

But you see, that's where it gets funny. The whole case, built around the fact that a guy that called himself "Security Guard Josh", could rise through an unforseen chain of command and truly be the sole heir of the Atlanta Braves was laughable, fishy, and most importantly convenient.

But... without witnesses, with sketchy motive, the dots were not connecting. Was it pure luck or thoughtful plan? Things were working out in the current owners favor. Roberts grilling wouldn't stick in a court of law. The law of the playground just might be enough to get out of a legal court of law with a dismissal. The Braves would still be Josh's... and by the theory of lineage... Ted Turner's.

However that wasn't what we were here about, and when the most damning evidence of them all came out, you could hear a pin drop. All the noise stopped. Hell, time stopped. Everybody, ESPN, CNN, Operation Sports, the President of the United States even stopped whatever the hell he was doing at that moment.



....



....



Everybody looked as if they had saw a ghost.

[lilbiggio]

Hey guys... Glad to be back, I took some time off because I had to see if we were going to bring this boy in with MLB the Show 12, or just stick it out with 11 for another year. It was a HUGE decision that was ulimately decided upon the fact that I can deal with not having a flat brim hat for another year. So now that the dust is settled on that, we can start the 2013 edition of the Ted Turner Memoirs: Rise of the Powers That Be.

And I'm excited for this, because the Powers that Be were hinted at in Season 1, and finally... the time has come to introduce this part of the story.

This is now that special time in which I now update you on the glorious Rags to Riches and back to rags story of Millionaire Ted Turner. The Synopsis is as follows heading into 2013: I mean hey if you didn't want to read over 30pages of action and just happened to stumble in on this one, you're probably highly confused already so let's GO:


Our Story So Far (Updated 2/14/2012)

2010

Ted Turner and the Braves for over 20 years enjoyed a lucrative and great relationship. However somewhere along the way, Mr. Turner was strong armed, cheated and kicked to the curb by fatcats in pinstriped suits and power ties. Not even allowed into the stadium that bore his surname.

As Turner laid his head in self pity and near suicide he gave one last attempt at taking back what was rightfully his. Planning to exact revenge on those that wronged him Turner sought to Buy back the Atlanta Braves in 2010 for $500 Million dollars.

Along the way with clever plot devices and utter luck, the Prince of Atlanta's $500 million dollar request was intercepted and repackaged by a former employee of Turner's, Mr. Holman Keezel.

Together Keezel and Turner executed the Unholy Alliance buying the Atlanta Braves back from Liberty Media in May of 2010. Due to circumstances Ted Turner could not outright own the Braves but he would serve as psuedo General Managers. This could not and has not been revealed to anyone as of today.

As the Braves became more competitve in the summer months pressure from Turner led to Keezel releasing Sitting GM Frank Wren from his contract to make room for Ted. This unexpected move left Wren in a state of bitter anger.

Our story took an even futher dive into the dark side as, Holman Keezel months removed from gaining the rights of the Braves had his life nearly taken from him at gunpoint by a mysterious assailant. All the man asked was that the Braves throw the 2010 World Series vs. the Cleveland Indians..


As we all know though... things didnt' work out quite as planned. Atlanta became the 2010 World Champions of Baseball

2011

The following year things seemed to go smoothly, Holman and Ted went relatively under the radar albeit living under constant fear of death threats and random stalkings from our mysterious man in black. While this was going on, Ted and Holman fueded over the acquistion of a former Brave John Rocker.

Ted went behind Holman's back and signed Rocker to a minor league deal. To obscure his identity Rocker was to grow his beard out to bibical proportions, and rock gucci designer shades while on the mound. He was also to change his name to John Boy to throw off the scent of any New York haters. Although this made Rocker the coolest kid in the clubhouse it didn't equal wins, and Rocker has currently been stuck at the AA level working on a third pitch with Roger McDowell.

At the major leage level the Braves nearly went back to the World Series but were ousted by the St. Louis Cardinals in the Divisional series. It didn't help that they had manufactuerd the modern day 1927 Yankees thanks to poor A.I. or just sheer luck.. It would be later this night at 11:15PM that the mystery man and another man yet to be identified would meet up outside the clubhouse and through a turn of events that have yet to be explained, apparently have caused Holman Keezel to cease existing.

2012

With Holman Keezel sucking pipes in a local Atlanta hospital, Ted Turner took the reigns finally and began to make shrewd move after shrewd move building this team into a title contender. Because of the recent assault on Holman Keezel, Ted appointed Security guard Josh as the interim owner to keep the heat off of him.

It was a great situation, as Ted finally in control and without the check and balance of Holman Keezel, went after has beens and scraps that nobody wanted. Turner acquired hot head Carlos Zambrano and Rafael Furcal. he tried to promote John Boy, but silly him, he turned the paperwork in too late.. but it wasn't for nothing.

By relying on insider tips and message boards, the Braves bolstered their pitching staff with homegrown talent from the farm and blistered to a 100 win season leaving the rest of the NL East in the dust. Jason Heyward collected the 2012 MVP, and Tommy Hanson was the 2012 Cy Young Winner.

In the playoffs, the Braves would struggle but seemed to be just good enough to make it to the 2012 World Series. Meanwhile at this time, Ted and Josh recieved a subpeona from the District Attorney's office, and likewise read a critical article in the Atlanta Journal Consitution outlining a master plan by Liberty Media to Grandfather their way back into the saddle.

Regardless of the off the field distractions, Ted and the Braves were able to pull it together and defeat the New York Yankees 4 games to 2 in the World Series. The Braves were World Champions again, but the good times appeared to be coming to the end.

And that's where we will begin part 4...


To Catch up on the details, go to the following links
Ted Turner Memoirs: Vegeance and Apple Pie - 2010
Ted Turner Memoirs 2: Corruption - 2011
Ted Turner Memoirs 3: Painkillers are a Man's Best Friend

[lilbiggio]

Now I'm not a big fan of putting polls or asking people to do the work for me. You set yourself up to look real stupid if it doesn't work out lol, but just this once... I'm going to put myself out there, and offer up a chance for some outside input. Again I realize the potential for egg on one's face in a dynasty forum in the offseason at that... but something like this, I'd atleast like to put it out there.

for you see if this winter meeting on the MLB network taught us anything, when you offer up a foreign player that might be the next big thing, teams start doing stupid ish to get him.


Maybe we could have some of that same drama here. Right?



That's right, that's Yu...

no, haha no silly american with bad grammer. not You... him.

Sigh... I can see this is not going anywhere. Yu Darvish.. c'mon McFly you know... 6'5", supposed to be better than Dice K... supposed to be the best pitcher overseas. Supposed to get lit up light a Sunday Christmas tree when he comes to the MLB?

Yeah that guy... So where the hell should we land him? He could go to Texas, where he wound up. He could land in NY just to be typical.. or.. well you get the point, there are over 30 teams he could possibly go to. So to make things easy for us all I came up with some stipulations to meet.




Yu Darvish Sweepstakes House Rules, Stipulations, and c-ckblocks"

#1. Team must be in need of a SP under their Trade Block.

That's to say, I don't want a team posting for Yu, and don't even have a pressing need for the kid...

Quote:

Baltimore New York Yankees Toronto Kansas City Detroit Texas Philadelphia Washington New York Mets Chicago Cubs Los Angeles Dodgers

That right there knocked out about 19 teams. But the list is still a bit long so on to #2...

#2. Team must meet posting Fee of US $20MIL. SO if you a little light in the pockets budget wise and have less than $20,000,000 set in the bank, you need not reply. I also did this after Free Agency in order to see which team saved their money to keep this as realistic as possible... It Bout' to be Christmas Day for one lucky team that struck out this Free Agency...

Quote:

Minnesota - 37 Mil Texas - 20 MIL Washington - 21 MIL New York Mets - 22 MIL Chicago Cubs - 26 MIL Los Angeles Dodgers - 38 MIL

So there you have it, 6 teams remain in the bidding for the services of Yu Darvish. Should he go to LA for the whole Nomo/Kuroda connection?

Or maybe Minny and become the future star of a team that is rebuilding?

Or should we send him to Texas, it's actually pretty cool how this realistically worked out for Texas to be in the final 6.

Or how about Washington, and team him up with Stephen Strasburg and see where the dominos fall. Damn, that sounds pretty good actually...

Or what about keeping it NL East, but sending him up to New York with Johan and the Big Apple. New York would be serious contenders with him in their rotation.

Or last but not least, the team nobody is thinking of, the Cubs. Could Yu be the answer to the age old question when people are talking World Series winners... Why not us?

I'll leave it open for a couple of days, my initial pick was L.A... mainly because it made the most geographical and historical sense...but after breaking it down, I could see Washington as a close second. That Strasburg/Yu combo could make things real interesting...

[lilbiggio]

While we continue to let the Yu Darvish sweepstakes marinate on 350 degrees for some more time. It is now time to proceed into offseason number 3:

The offseason has usually not been a friend of ours, I mean in 2010 we had a great chance at Cliff Lee, and that fool signed less money to go to New York. Due to a upgrade from MLB 09 to MLB 11, this move was laterally shifted to his real life club the Phillies, but the hurt, the ego bruising, the cheating from the CPU had been acompished. The damage was done. We also lost young Carl Crawford to the Red Sox, and Derrek Lee to the O's in a similar situation.

then you got to remember 2011, in which Derek Lowe and Chippa' peaced out on the old ballclub without even as much having the kindness to offer up a tweet.. You gotta remember the CJ Wilson debacle, and then of course the fact that in a move of sheer desperation we overpaid Carlos Zambrano to come to the South. A move that at first was terrible, but ulitmately paid dividends when it mattered most.

Both of those years have in common the fact that we were trying to make a Jerry Jones type splash to overcome a AI hit to the establishment. This season nobody left. We're the defending champions.... this would be the first that our main goal would be to not lose a key piece from the 2011 championship team.




Ah the irony! The one year we shoot to not make a splash, and just tow the company line... two of our best players decide to make a splash of their own ranking 3 and 4 on the top 6 Free Agents of 2012. And according to house rules we can only exclusively sign one. So hmm... somebody bout' to eat real nice in a few days. Real nice...

[lilbiggio]

Whoa, Whoa, now before you get your torches and pitchforks out... let's rationalize.

You're wondering, why oh why... is Brian McCann getting the big pay day. Wasn't it Jason Heyward who won the MVP. Wasn't it Jason Heyward who got all the shine, all the accolades, carried the team through hell or high water? Why would we not resign the 23 year old and lock him up for the next 7 years?


Two reasons:


1. Jason Heyward is doing all of this for peanuts.
2. Brian McCann is more of a loss at the catcher position, than Heyward at RF.

Jason Heyward is doing all of this for peanuts.

Sometimes, it's good to pay a guy what he's worth. Nah, f' that... it's good to pay the guy what he is owed. But as men of business, we gotta think of the bottom line fellas. Jason Heyward is coming off a MVP season he would deserve CC money. He'd deserve Werth money. He at the very least should get Carlos Zambrano-Ted Turner What the heck are you doin' money.



However due to circumstances, he will get arbitration money. Maybe a team flies in and scoops him up, and then at that point, a bitter bid war will begin. We're prepared for it, because he's going to get his one way or another...

...but if the option is available to nickle and dime for another year and gas nearing $4.00?! Well we'll just have to take that chance.

Brian McCann is more of a loss at the catcher position, than Heyward at RF

On a less thoughtout note, there are only 2 guys who "possibly" do it better than McCann for 162.

1. Joe Mauer
2. Buster Posey

Brian McCann is a top 3 talent. While Heyward is top of the line too, and a former MVP, we can justifiably plant Schafer in that role if need be. We could go get a bum like Bobby Abreau if need be... on the otherhand though, you simply can not replace the catcher on a team without experiencing some slight problems with the lineup, with the pitch selection (cuz we all know the CPU calling a game feature will leave you out to dry with the wrong guy back there), and then after all of that... the guy brings a bat to the office every day and is going to be up there with Heyward's production.

So... McCann gets his off the top. Sorry Jay-Hey... you still my dawg though.

[lilbiggio]

'12

..Because we all know Dallas has this rare specie of half snake, half Armadillo roaming up and down the city streets

As Ted Turner entered into the point of no return, where the hot stove heated up, the agenda was set. Don't sleep on Heyward and lose out on him. And cross your fingers that the NL East didn't make a huge move to shift the power of balance.

Liriano Inks 5 Year Deal

Quote:

sonuvabitch, the Cardinals made the signing of the offseason landing the left handed ace from Minnesota. Francisco joins a rotation that is stacked at the top with Carpenter and Wainswright. The cardinals once again have become a team that should be substantially better from their last year counterpart and besides friends, it wouldn't be right if the Cardinals weren't proving to be a thorn in our side as usual year in and year out. Right?

Upton Leaves Pirates at Altar

Quote:

There was serious humidity in the eyeballs of the Pirates faithful as a dream team outfield of Andrew McCutchen, BJ Upton, and Garrett Jones fell apart at the midnight hour on the 18th. It looked like it was locked up for quite some time as it was only TB and Pittsburgh in the mix, but then out of nowhere the Philadelphia Phillies came in and swooped up BJ for 5 years 32 Mil and Upton ultimately decided on Philly Red instead of Pirate Gold. In a move of desperation, but ironically wasn't "that" bad of a move, the Pirates went after the Byrdman Marlon Byrd, and signed him to a humble undisclosed term deal.

Nolan Ryan pulls money out of his *** again, to sign Sanchez, Carmona and Iannetta

Quote:

No one knows where the Rangers keep getting this almost Gringotts type vault of money to spend each and ever offseason, but they find a way, and this season, they were winners of the best "combination of players signed in one offseason contest". Landing Chris Iannetta and the serviceable Venezuelan, Anibal Sanchez has put them again back in the driver's seat of the AL's West. Then on the 27th, just when you thought they had done enough, they won the Fausto Carmona sweepstakes signing the 29 year old to a 4 year 29 million dollar deal. Fausto gave us the business in the 2010 World Series for a couple of minutes, I can't even lie... but the Rangers just added two quality pitchers and look to be favorites to make a run. All of this before they even tip their toe into the Yu Darvish bidding as they still have 20Mil of cap room remaining...

Athletics Resign Andrew Bailey to 90 million dollar deal

Quote:

Apparently when your division rival makes a three player Free Agency splash, your reaction if you're Oakland is to then resign your closer to a 7 year deal crippling your financials. No we don't want to hear about how the Yankees ran the market up... this is MLB the Show "Lincecum" money right here... sad to see this happen to be honest.

[lilbiggio]

Peter Moylan to KC

Quote:

... because in the heat of trying to resign the reigning NL MVP, a player might slip between the cracks. Sucks to lose Moylan as he was decent and got the job done for us... but as yall know, the bullpen is very good on our club and Moylan deserves an opportunity to get more shine since Kenshin Kawakami kinda ran him out of a job.

So Heyward decides to take 4.6 Mil instead of the 48 million over 6 years deal that we were offering. Jason took it to the last day before his virtual agent decided that 8mil for 6 years was lowballing him, and he'd take another chump change settlement of 4.6... Needless to say, Heyward gonna catch crap for this ALLLLLLL season long....

Red Sox make typical run

Quote:

Top Free Agent Chad Billingsley decided to leave the city of Angels for cold, boring, loud, obnoxious, yet historic Fenway Park. Now keep in mind they got him at a hella discount of 3 year 37.77mil which is roughly about 12mil a season. top guy last year Mark Buehrle got the same amount of money over 5 years from the Yankees...

Quote:

Last Year

I don't know bros.... I just don't know why Billingsley would accept such a putrid deal just one offseason away from last years precedent. Sure he's making bank now where as Mark Buerhle made a little less per year... but should the top pitching FA really accept a 3 year deal in his prime?


4 Teams Emerge as finalists in Yu Darvish Silent Bid

Quote:

Due to financials and seeing how things broke down this offseason, I eliminated Minnesota and New York from consideration. Washington, LA, Chicago, and the Texas Rangers remain as the final 4 teams where Darvish could take his "talents" to...

[lilbiggio]

After much debate between what would be most realistic, and at the same time cool, and likewise the best destination that Yu Darvish would land at that would cause a problem for the hometown Atlanta Braves. It was decided that Yu should become a Washington National. Screw the money, it's all about pissin' in folks cornflakes right?





It wouldn't be the first time in baseball history that a player didn't take the money, but instead opted to play for the team that would best give him a chance to add salt to the wounds of a selected fanbase. Roger "I played for every team in the AL East except Baltimore" Clemens is a douchebag who comes to mind, but we won't dwell on him.



No not the time my friends, we must instead focus on the pitching phenom Yu Darvish who is gracing the field with every tricky pitch under the sun. HE won't be over powering anybody that's for sure, but with top notch control on those breaking pitches, he will be an excellent complement to the flame thrower Stephen Strasburg who always gives us fits.



So with that said, the Nats lost Zimmerman in Free Agency but added Darvish. We never particularly play Washington well so this will be quite the interesting challenge as one can only expect this head to head matchup to be a battle of who has the best rotation come season's end.