Joe Schmoe, The Life of a Marginal NFL Quarterback
Sometimes in the course of human affairs an event occurs which changes the life of a single individual. Tonight we take a glimpse into the life of one such individual, a bad luck football player, one Joe Grey, a native of the northern Minnesota city of Duluth, and the son of a hardnosed railway man. Our subject first stepped foot onto the high school grid iron with a team that managed to earn an exciting victory in the first game of his Freshman year, and another stunning win in his final game as a Senior, during which he was benched with a case of the flu. Unfortunately these bookends were the only wins the team would taste in his four years of school, two of which were as the team’s starting quarterback. Despite being a gifted athlete the University of Minnesota, and its branch in Duluth both turned our subject down for football scholarships, “no way, no how, are you ever playing football for my team” a terse coach Brewster reportedly stated.
Life as a collegiate athlete was not much kinder to Joe… but I digress. Sometimes even the life of the most unfortunate of men can be changed by a single, fortunate, event. We join our subject partaking in his chores, chopping wood on a visit home in the blustery month of April, blustery at least in Northern Minnesota.
April 21st
The wind was especially cold this day, as Joe’s father had instructed him to split some wood for the wood stove. Sporting a heavy coat, beaverskin cap, and the heavy mittens locals refer to as “choppers”, and a wood splitter he spent the next hour working in the blustery back yard with the consistent “thump”, “thump” of the splitter accompanying the work. His concentration was interrupted by the buzzing of his cell phone. Taking off his gloves he saw it was one of his friends calling, reluctantly he answered:
Joe: “Hey man, what’s up?”
“Aren’t you paying any attention to the draft today?”
Joe: “Why should I?”
“Because you entered it, remember?”
Joe: “Yeah, I know, but no one’s going to pick me, you know that.”
“Well maybe if that no one is, like, the Green Bay Packers.”
Joe: “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Dude, the Packers drafted you at the end of the third round.”
Joe: “You’re kidding me!”
“No man, you’ve been drafted!”
Nearly dropping the phone, hard luck Joe ran back into the house to find his dad grinning at the television as Mel Kiper looked on the verge of falling out of his chair.
“Ladies and gentlemen, if you thought the Travaris Jackson pick was a reach a few years back, you haven’t seen anything yet. The Packers just drafted a guy, in the third round, whose name doesn’t even appear on the draft boards. Some guy, a quarterback, named Joe Grey. Joey Grey, that’s right, we’re just getting some more information on him: he’s nearly twenty five years old, he started for three years for the Minnesota State Screaming Eagles, a Division III team that has one of the worst records in the entire division. He was redshirted one year, and missed another entire year with a broken leg. It looks like he did participate in the combine, running a 5.39 40. We’re doing some research here on the fly, and it looks like he only won two games as a starter… what’s that? It looks like he was actually out for those wins, guys. The Packers just spent a third round pick on a guy who didn’t even win a game as a college quarterback, in Division III…”
Muting the TV his father looked at his son, as proud as he’d ever been, “I just got off the phone with some guy named ‘Park Place’, says he’ll be your agent. This is a wonderful opportunity son, you’re going to make us a bundle of money!”
Two Days Later
The local press has covered the story with gusto, claiming Joe as a local hero, while the national sports media excoriates the Packers front office for making such a dreadful decision. A few of the most common theories explaining the call have been:
- A disgruntled employee wrote the wrong name on the draft card.
- The Packers thought they were drafting somebody else.
- Ted Thompson lost a bet, and this was the result.
There was even enough interest in Joe that he was brought on television to do an interview for ESPN, an excerpt below:
Interviewer: “A lot of scouts say you need some work in camp. What do you say?”
Joe: “I always need work in training camp… I think in this case that may be an understatement.”
“Did you have any idea that you’d end up with? Are you comfortable being with the Packers, as a native Minnesotan?”
Joe: “ “Honestly this is a huge surprise to me, my guess as to what team I could end up playing with would have been as good as yours. I’ve been rooting against the Packers my entire life, but suddenly they’re my favorite team for giving me the chance to play in the NFL.”
“What can you contribute to a football organization?”
Joe: “ “Responsibility, work ethic, and a desire to win.”
“So now that you’ve been drafted, what’s next on your to-do list?”
Joe: “ “Training Camp. It’s time to prepare to play in the NFL!”
(Editorial Comments:
I am playing this in NFL Superstar mode for Madden 11 for the PS2.
I used only a fraction of my starting attribute point allotment, somewhat randomly.
I do not really know exactly what I am going to do with this, or even if our Joe Schmoe will get to play.
I do not plan to give him the full benefit of practice unless he becomes a first or second string quarterback, third strings just don’t get that much meaningful practice, and the practice setup allows for some pretty ridiculously quick improvement.)
VS. 
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