My attempt at being funny -- my own The Onion article

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  • Blzer
    Resident film pundit
    • Mar 2004
    • 42520

    #1

    My attempt at being funny -- my own The Onion article

    I actually started this article a long time ago (May 8th to be exact) but never ended up finishing it and my computer's motherboard fried shortly thereafter. I got it again when I came back home for the summer and earlier today I just found this old document I had started and decided to finish it. I don't know if it's good or not, but I tried. Let me know what you think:


    Three-finger salute prevails<o></o>
    <o>
    May 7, 2009 — In a seesaw battle between two of the worst teams in the National League, Arizona Diamondbacks’ third baseman and cleanup hitter Mark Reynolds went an appalling 0-for-5 with four strikeouts in the ten inning ballgame that sent the San Diego Padres the go to win in walk-off fashion with a score of 4-3. But the real story despite Reynolds’ strikeouts was the record opposing manager Bud Black set against him. He became the first manager in baseball to induce three intentional strikeouts to one opposing player.
    <o>
    “He had three straight at bats with runners in scoring position and we couldn’t afford to let him do anything with his bat,” said Black, who issued a three-finger strikeout call to catcher Nick Hundley in Reynolds’ middle three at bats where twice he had runners on first and second and the other time with just one runner on second. “At first I considered issuing a free pass to him, but thought better of it that intentionally striking him out is more beneficial for the situation.
    <o>
    “The intentional strikeout isn’t something we normally practice,” said Padres starting pitcher Chris Young. “I saw Nick give the sign the first time and was almost hesitant at first, so I accidentally threw one of the pitches in the dirt. I eventually got him and found it easy afterward.” Young issued all three of his intentional strikeouts through six innings of work, as a cascade of boos filled the stadium and they began hanging up rubber gloves for each punch out intentionally given to the league-leading strikeout king.
    <o>
    Hundley empathized for the poor performance Reynolds had that night. “I started to feel sad that we did this to him all night, so we gave him a chance in the tenth [and final] inning. Yet he still struck out.” Hundley recorded two hits in the game including an RBI double. He did not strike out in his five plate appearance performance as the Padres won off the bat of a David Eckstein walk-off single.

    <o> Reynolds was unavailable for comment after the game, though some joked he was unavailable for contact the entire game.

    </o></o></o></o></o>Reynolds currently leads the major leagues in strikeouts with 36, now three of which are intentional.
    <o><o><o><o><o> <o>
    Source: Arizona vs. San Diego - May 7, 2009 | MLB.com
    </o></o></o></o></o></o>
    Last edited by Blzer; 07-20-2009, 10:49 AM.
    Samsung PN60F8500 PDP / Anthem MRX 720 / Klipsch RC-62 II / Klipsch RF-82 II (x2) / Insignia NS-B2111 (x2) / SVS PC13-Ultra / SVS SB-2000 / Sony MDR-7506 Professional / Audio-Technica ATH-R70x / Sony PS3 & PS4 / DirecTV HR44-500 / DarbeeVision DVP-5000 / Panamax M5400-PM / Elgato HD60
  • fugazi
    MVP
    • Apr 2003
    • 3749

    #2
    Re: My attempt at being funny -- my own The Onion article

    some proofreading would help, but the "intentional strikeout" is hilarious.
    Australian Rules Football...just sayin'

    Comment

    • CMH
      Making you famous
      • Oct 2002
      • 26203

      #3
      Re: My attempt at being funny -- my own The Onion article

      Haha, intentional strike out is good.

      Some editing needed. I also don't think you need to iterate that he stuck out three times intentionally in the last line.
      "It may well be that we spectators, who are not divinely gifted as athletes, are the only ones able to truly see, articulate and animate the experience of the gift we are denied. And that those who receive and act out the gift of athletic genius must, perforce, be blind and dumb about it -- and not because blindness and dumbness are the price of the gift, but because they are its essence." - David Foster Wallace

      "You'll not find more penny-wise/pound-foolish behavior than in Major League Baseball." - Rob Neyer

      Comment

      • Blzer
        Resident film pundit
        • Mar 2004
        • 42520

        #4
        Re: My attempt at being funny -- my own The Onion article

        Yeah, thanks. I definitely want to condense the article and in fact I wanted you guys to give me as many suggestions as possible so I can perfect it. It's not really anything for me to submit, but just something for me to appreciate that I put together (and I'll give OS members credit for helping me out with it).

        The main reason it's really rough is because I started this draft a long time ago and just decided to finish it up yesterday, so some ideas probably didn't go together as well as I would have liked.

        Thanks for the responses, though.
        Samsung PN60F8500 PDP / Anthem MRX 720 / Klipsch RC-62 II / Klipsch RF-82 II (x2) / Insignia NS-B2111 (x2) / SVS PC13-Ultra / SVS SB-2000 / Sony MDR-7506 Professional / Audio-Technica ATH-R70x / Sony PS3 & PS4 / DirecTV HR44-500 / DarbeeVision DVP-5000 / Panamax M5400-PM / Elgato HD60

        Comment

        • Chizzypoof
          MVP
          • Dec 2004
          • 1651

          #5
          Re: My attempt at being funny -- my own The Onion article

          Good stuff. Intentional strikeout is creative.

          Comment

          • Lintyfresh85
            Where have I been?
            • Jul 2002
            • 17492

            #6
            Re: My attempt at being funny -- my own The Onion article

            It's a fun piece.

            As a reporter, though, let me tell you the three words that have helped me the most with my writing 'revise revise revise'.

            You have talent, don't let it be buried by typos and other mistakes.
            http://flotn.blogspot.com

            Member of the Official OS Bills Backers Club

            Originally posted by trobinson97
            Hell, I shot my grandmother, cuz she was old.

            Comment

            • baseball66
              Banned
              • Mar 2009
              • 1505

              #7
              Re: My attempt at being funny -- my own The Onion article

              Intentional strikeout, lol, yeah it sure looks that way when you watch some guys batting. Good stuff, Blzer.

              Comment

              • Blzer
                Resident film pundit
                • Mar 2004
                • 42520

                #8
                Re: My attempt at being funny -- my own The Onion article

                Originally posted by Lintyfresh85
                It's a fun piece.

                As a reporter, though, let me tell you the three words that have helped me the most with my writing 'revise revise revise'.

                You have talent, don't let it be buried by typos and other mistakes.
                Yeah I understand. I didn't even revise this... just kinda picked up where I left off, typed it, and returned home from my sister's softball tournament hotel stay. So I kind of actually rushed it out. I'll pull out some revisions and probably condense it a bit too, but I just wanted an early opinion if it has any potential.

                Thanks a lot, though. This really helps.
                Samsung PN60F8500 PDP / Anthem MRX 720 / Klipsch RC-62 II / Klipsch RF-82 II (x2) / Insignia NS-B2111 (x2) / SVS PC13-Ultra / SVS SB-2000 / Sony MDR-7506 Professional / Audio-Technica ATH-R70x / Sony PS3 & PS4 / DirecTV HR44-500 / DarbeeVision DVP-5000 / Panamax M5400-PM / Elgato HD60

                Comment

                • Kid EH
                  Rookie
                  • Jul 2009
                  • 6

                  #9
                  Re: My attempt at being funny -- my own The Onion article

                  Just picturing the manager holding up three fingers makes me laugh out loud. That was funny.

                  Comment

                  • neoconusgin
                    Rookie
                    • Jan 2008
                    • 7

                    #10
                    Re: My attempt at being funny -- my own The Onion article

                    "intentional strikeout" such a funny line there. pretty good, but some good editing will make it into a really good piece. adding a "he's giving the ol' 'Mordecai Brown' salute" or something of the sort would be a good addition for "the onion" style humor. idk maybe it's just me i love irreverent humor

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