I did not watch Raw last week.
I don't even think I read results. I mean, I could have before I started this thread, but, you know, reading is dumb and nobody should do it ever. Why are you doing it now?
So I'm just going to make up what I'm sure happened last week. Here we go.
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The Corporation, in the ultimate act of heeling, brought out an adorable goat and ordered Daniel Bryan to wrestle it... in a deathmatch. It backfired, though, as Bryan and the goat put on a Meltzer certified 5 star classic that ended with Bryan getting the victory via submission with the Yes Lock.
The goat is now more over than Curtis Axel and is rumored to be the next Paul Heyman guy.
Here's the goat's entrance video:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/iiVm6zmsGNE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Alberto Del Rio came out and did... something. The producers in the truck cut to commercial. Even they were bored. And all of America thanked them for it. At least a Dead Man Down on DVD commercial has some action.
Paul Heyman decided to finally embrace that he kind of looks like a human version of Jabba the Hutt and just laid in the backstage area all episode with Ryback in a gold bikini on a leash.
AJ wrestled in the nude.
Dolph Ziggler is still laying half dead in the arena that last week's show is in. He is absolutely committed to selling a Shield beating and god bless him for it. He won't be on tonight.
Big Show sat backstage watching The Notebook on a loop until he finally felt nothing and became numb to sadness.
Aces & Eights showed up and everyone laughed at them and told them they were dumb and stupid and they Charlie Brown walked out of the arena. It was hilarious.
HHH wrestled Sami Zayn, Antonio Cesaro, Big E Langston, and Bo Dallas in a 2 out of 3 falls 4 on 1 handicap match. He won all 3 falls decisively.
I don't even think I read results. I mean, I could have before I started this thread, but, you know, reading is dumb and nobody should do it ever. Why are you doing it now?
So I'm just going to make up what I'm sure happened last week. Here we go.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Corporation, in the ultimate act of heeling, brought out an adorable goat and ordered Daniel Bryan to wrestle it... in a deathmatch. It backfired, though, as Bryan and the goat put on a Meltzer certified 5 star classic that ended with Bryan getting the victory via submission with the Yes Lock.
The goat is now more over than Curtis Axel and is rumored to be the next Paul Heyman guy.
Here's the goat's entrance video:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/iiVm6zmsGNE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Alberto Del Rio came out and did... something. The producers in the truck cut to commercial. Even they were bored. And all of America thanked them for it. At least a Dead Man Down on DVD commercial has some action.
Paul Heyman decided to finally embrace that he kind of looks like a human version of Jabba the Hutt and just laid in the backstage area all episode with Ryback in a gold bikini on a leash.
AJ wrestled in the nude.
Dolph Ziggler is still laying half dead in the arena that last week's show is in. He is absolutely committed to selling a Shield beating and god bless him for it. He won't be on tonight.
Big Show sat backstage watching The Notebook on a loop until he finally felt nothing and became numb to sadness.
Aces & Eights showed up and everyone laughed at them and told them they were dumb and stupid and they Charlie Brown walked out of the arena. It was hilarious.
HHH wrestled Sami Zayn, Antonio Cesaro, Big E Langston, and Bo Dallas in a 2 out of 3 falls 4 on 1 handicap match. He won all 3 falls decisively.
.
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