The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

[lilbiggio]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

Yes!


A week has passed since the last update... damn near almost two now, and this post has not fallen into the obscurity of page 2. A hell hole that many a dynasty thread falls victim to. Now thankfully we got guys like BHurst who at times keeps this forum single handedly alive during the dog days of the winter...but 9 times out of 10 lady page 2 gets her grasps on your post one way or another.

I've been to page 2, it's nothing pretty... it's a fate that I am hoping to avoid, but with over 70 hours of work to be done, the Memoirs were put on ice like a chilled Chanmpagne bottle. I must say I was surprised that we survived the near scare.


But now we can break that trend because, well because a couple of things happened down yonder. Firstly being my work is done... And two the break in postseason play has afforded me some time... Page 2 will just have to wait for someone else. Ha Hah!


I don't think I've ever beaten the Cincinatti Reds. We could look up the MLB show user played games history book and it'd read the same. Loss, Loss, Loss, Loss, Blown saved, loss, Homer, homer, loss, loss...

What a horrible feeling. Dusty Baker's boys are not this good.

But maybe Joey Votto is.



Remember last season how much we were on Albert Pujols's jock? The only Non Braves CPU player to ever get his own highlight? Well Votto is damn near the same player with a different mother. We simply could not pitch to this guy because any pitcher's pitch was getting squeezed at the plate, and any hitter pitch was getting jacked over the wall.

Should have won this game we had it wrapped up 3 times, but Votto hit a solo game tying HR in the 13th to to extend the game, and well from there... you know how we lose ball games... the result was inevitable.

[lilbiggio]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

But wait Bob, there's more:




UhYeahBuddy... - Pauly D©... Lefty Sinclair Minor went head to head with the Doc on Tuesday, and well... it looks like he won. In a tale of the tape, Halladay had a horrendous game getting lit up twice by Heyward for homeruns, including a 3 run shot in the first. Don't look now Doc is 0-3, he really should stop throwing 80% strikes, makes it too easy to tee off on him eventually.

Minor on the other hand, just moved silently through the innings dodging trouble. Striking out 9. He gave up a handful of hits throughout, but avoided the big demoralizing shot that is usually the case each and every time we play the Phillies.



We had a borderline, if not unquestionably cheatful moment. In which Heyward should have been called out on a tag play at third. Although Placido Polanco clearly did not touch Heyward with the glove. he did the only other thing he could think of in that moment. He WENT THROUGH HIM




I don't like capturing video of things that can't happen on a baseball diamond, so I didn't.

But.. rest assured, upon review, there was no doubt that Heyward dodged the tag by athletically jumping out of the reach of Polanco. However in his next step, Polanco stuck his shoulder through Heyward ribs. Now I'm not a medical doctor, but this my friends should cause a high level of discomfort and ultimately be deemed tagging a person resulting in an out.

unless you have to actually touch the guy with the ball? Regardless we're at thirdbase trying to hide a smile now thinking WTF just happened here?

I'm sure we'll be screwed around next game anyway.

[lilbiggio]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

A week after Mike Minor dominated the Fightin' Phils, Carlos Zambrano had a mas o menos, so-so game down in Ted Turner's Field. It makes no sense that this guy has an assortment of four very unhittable pitches, does pretty well for four good innings and then hits a magical force field in the 6th where nothing finds the zone.


Don't get me wrong, it wsan't a mas o menos, so-so game in a negative light. He did go 6 strong, struck out 4 Brewers, and only gave up 3. But with that said, he wasn't dominating. He wasn't making the Brewers look silly, and frankly an average game is upsetting to me, as he is supposed to be the replacement for Derek Lowe.

What made it worse was that Chris Narveson was doing precisely what it was that we desired from Big Z. It was just frustrating to say the least getting two hit in a game where our FA stud was vanilla pudding on the mound.



Prince Fielder can go suck an overrated teet. Every team seems to have thier super hero...I am learning to cope with this fact However I don't like seeing guys golfing inside sliders out of the dirt over the rightfield wall. I especially don't like seeing it twice in one night.


... we move on to the next one. Kris Medlen who can't buy a win for two years straight takes the mound next.

[lilbiggio]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

It was the month of MAY and the health of Holman Keezel was still dismal. It was not apparent whether he would survive or not, and as Ted turner sat by his bedside muttering , ranting, and thinking out loud, he knew just as the 4 times prior, the only response he would recieve would be the metronome beeping of the IV unit.

*** BEEP...... ............. BEEP ****

Ted Turner (Talking meniachally at this point) ...We are running out of time Holman. I don't have too many options. You would want me to lay low. I know you would... but, we just can't do that too much longer. The Power's that Be are about to strike. It's been too long. Your absence is starting to turn heads.

*** BEEP...... ............. BEEP ****

Sure... I know, I know...I could step out and take ownership now so that we don't lose everything that we have worked so hard to build... but then, well, yeah... I'll probably be sitting in a bed right beside you in less than 2 months. Whoever did this to you is certainly still out there somewhere and it'd do us no good for both of us to be in a hospital somewhere or even worse dead...




I just don't know... this is a tricky situation no doubt (raises one hand as if it was a scale) ..

On the one hand I could be dead.. (raises other now)

...and then again, I could own the Atlanta Braves. You'd love that wouldn't you old boy?


To no surprise to anyone noticing this almost delusional act play out, Holman Keezel continued to lie motionless, eyes closed and of course not talking. Ted chuckeled and continued.

*** BEEP...... ............. BEEP ****

You have taught me one thing though Holman, he who waits... he who makes the second move, gets a bullet in his ***. I really don't think I can wait out the Power's That Be and I must make it known who is running the show in your absence. I really hope you don't mind.

For a moment, just a slight nanosecond it appeared Holman Keezel had winced. It happened so fast it almost would have been deemed unnoticable.

Ted must have saw this reflex too. He stopped dead in his tracks, looked at Holman for a few moments, and slowly a smile of awareness appeared upon the old man's face. It had been his imagination of course. Keezel was as in critical condition this night as he was the past four nights prior. It was time to make the first move and so with that Ted walked out of the room closing the door behind him.

[lilbiggio]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

It's time for our annual it's May and I forgot to keep everyone updated on the actual landscape of the NL EAST post. 2012 Edition:



As you can see not much is clear as of right now, but it always nice to see that our team has found a way to come out of the month on top Last season we were wire to wire leaders because it didnt' take too long to get the gears turning. This season it looks as if the Miami Marlins will make us have to play well above .500 in order to not lose the crown in 2012. Philly is silently in third place despite having Lee and Halladay.



Yo Bro, I thought you said Medlen was next?

He is... he is... but we couldn't pass up a chance to have Big Z go back home to Chicago, where he surprsingly recieved a rather nice reaction from the Chicago Cub fans at Wrigley Saturday evening.



Now whether they continued cheering on into the 4th because they really missed the big fella, or for the fact that he kept serving up resturaunt quality meatballs to Carlos Pena... that's a discussion for another day, but Zambrano was once again shaky on the mound, and once he left the game, it was CONTAGIOUS! The entire mop up bullpen was needed and it got ugly...It's been awhile since a team got us for a 10 run or more victory.

Heyward watching another Carlos Pena Homerun fly by the Hey Hey Foul pole in the fourth, and simultaneously seeing the Miami Marlins pass the Braves for first place.

[lilbiggio]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

BOOMSTICK

It seems as of late. Freddie Freeman has been swinging a good stick.

Well I guess if one was to look back, this all started back in March during the treacherously longwinded days of Spring Training. We made a small off the record note that Freeman looked to be coming around.



But right now the guy is on fire. He's got 7 HR's now, that's good for 3rd on the team. He's played stellar 1B, getting almost to a Derrek Lee level in securing the ball and dwindling the 3 error per game pace we had been on throughout 2011. And frankly the guy is doing all of this while maintaining his coolest looking kid at the dance label.



A quick stop at PNC park ended with Freeman doing work, and Kris Medlen coming through for the old squad once again. He struck out 6 en route to the victory. At one point he was up 7 - 1, but gave up a CPU BS type 3 run jack which ran him from the game. The previous batter had gotten 3 calls in a row for balls when all hit the black..

...but oh well can't dwell on the past, Medlen did enough to give us a chance and our All star studded bullpen closed the door. Medlen as of now is 5-1, and our fifth "best" pitcher, left for dead in 2011 after going 3 - 13. BARELY made the rotation if not for campaigning by Rexis, and look at him now boys and girls, he is now setting the bar with a great record out of the gate. Good things could come for those that wait after all.

2012 could actually be the year of the Medlen. We saw flashes of this 2 years ago, it'd be very convenient if it came around now.

[Rexis]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

Shoutout to me, lol.

On a more serious note, nice start to the season.

[cnelly4]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

This thread is unbelievable. I have been laughing for the past 20 minutes reading the whole thing. My wife just keeps looking at me, shaking her head. Bitch!!

[lilbiggio]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

Ah heck, the 2011 World Series Game 6 has been postponed. Shucks with a F. But wait a minute.. that dark muggy cloud hanging directly over St. Louis and nowhere else in the USA city limits has a silver lining.

More time to fire up the Show and hey we got some pertinant info to share.

Before I do that though, I do want to say thanks guys for checking out our progress. I must say however any lack of play from the old lady though I can't be held responsible for. I'm just a baseball player... um, coach, um.. writer, whatever the hell I am...

A History Lesson 1/2


Man as we're getting close to 3 full years on this ship, it's actually starting to get fun. The team is starting to develop a little history of its own and often I catch myself thinking of games from years past, or very special moments.

Yesterday's rematch of the 2011 NLDS was precisely that.

You see Season 2 had to end with a bittersweet Red pill from Albert Pujols and the Cards. From that loss in the postseason till right now, I had this date circled for our redemption. And so you'd understand why I was so giddy when Julio Lugo and Martin Prado probably the only two guys on our lineup that can't bench press 100 pounds went deep BACK TO BACK to start the ballgame.

"We was about to kick they Butt." - Brian McCann... And badly. Justice was going to be served with a cold glass of milk.

*YeahBuddy*


Then all of a sudden we weren't.

The Cardinals in their Non Bitch-Assness, would strike back, and well... yeah this game started to lean in their favor. It appeared to be yet another Cardinal defeat for our Braves. But this time the deck tipped in our favor. McCann had a brilliant 4 for 4 night including the gamewinning RBI on the final play of the game and our ball club fought back and overcame the defending world champs.

I knew we were as good as them, and well we proved it on the field last night.

So the history lesson?

Greatest games ever played:

1. 2011 NLCS - Game 5 vs. Colorado
2. 2010 John Smoltz returns to Atlanta and strikes out 8 in debut.
3. Derek Lowe goes 9 innings strong to win the 2010 World Series.
4. 2011 Braves vs. Rockies bases loaded 0 outs, O'Flaherty gets out of the jam
5. 2012 Braves defeat World Champion Cardinals in come from behind victory.

[lilbiggio]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

History Lesson #2/2

On a good day, this is usually where the story would end but boys and girls I saw something just out the corner of my eye that well.. it must be announced. It must be teased... it must be made notice of:


The worst pitcher that I have ever met in my time in Atlanta is returning.

A guy that I traded away to the AL East, thinking he was gone forever, is making an interleague return back to the City of Atlanta.


The New York Yankees are scheduled to come into town tonight, and lo and behold game 1's start of C.C. Sabathia vs. Carlos Zambrano looks intriguing. Usually I would play this game. I love playing against the other team's aces.


But Game 2... Tim Hudson takes the mound again vs. Tommy Hanson.



Old Atlanta vs. New Atlanta. A guy who pissed his pants every game he came into while here. A guy who led to the acquisition of Carl Crawford in 2010. A guy who unlike when Derrek Lee returned to a homecoming of roses and black and milds will no doubt be booed.

The only other game that I'd even give this kind of attention to would be the inevitable return of John Boy Rocker to Queens.

[lilbiggio]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

Alright so we got the cool situation with Tim Hudson playing in the old stomping grounds coming up in about 2 seconds, but hey, what about our old Friend John Boy Rocker?

Well I got great news for you. John Boy has made it to the month of June, not really impressing anybody, but well... at the same time not doing anything to screw up a chance to move up the ranks. If he was 23, like Billy Bullock the minor league AA stud closer with years to spare till greatness, maybe we leave him down there for the rest of 2012...

but this is John Boy Rocker. Ted Turner's prized experiment. If he can strike em out even part of the time down South in AA, then it's time for Gwinnett.



And that's what we did. John Boy is now a Gwinnett Brave. Congrats to him. Ted is pushing for dear life, campaigning his *** up to the show, but now at AAA, the hitters are a little smarter, they are a little more powerful, they have a lot better awareness. The fastball will not be enough for Rocket to slide by. If you remember last year he got rocked a lot. This season? Not so much... but AAA could be a return to that. We will only have to wait and see.

[lilbiggio]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

I took a quick recap of Rocker's final out pitch sequence. Still doesn't have the out pitch. Still giving up big flies. But this would be Save numero uno. That's all that counts in the end right?

John Boy Rocker's AAA debut

It would be a new jersey for John Rocker, the #51 for his time with the Gwinnett Braves. And up with the big boys, Tim Hudson comes in to a rude awakening at Ted Turner's Field in Atlanta By Kid Clutch Brian McCann..

Not to anyone's surprise Tim Hudson who barely had one game with the Braves where he DID NOT GIVE UP 10+ Hits was very steady. His sinker the first time through was dominating, and he looked nothing like the bum that pitched for us.

Except when McCann took him yard in the 1st... but hey, the point is: Dude wasn't giving up 5 -6 an inning. that's lame bro.. Why you do that with us Tim? You would have thought he was Roger Clemens out there the way he was putting people down after the McCann blast.



Thankfully Tommy Hanson his replacement in the grand scheme of things, out dueled him.

This was a pretty fun game anytime you play the Yanks on the Show you're in for a fun, star studded, very focused game. The fact that McCann went yard in the first and settled our nerves was beneficial in big ways. The fact that this game was 2-0 for nearly 8 innings was stressful.. you just don't keep the big bats of Arod, Texieria, Granderson, and Swisher silent for 3 trips through the order... but Hanson did.



A tight game but going with the gameplan to walk Tex 3 every time to pitch to A Rod paid off. Mark had 3 intentional passes, A Rod went 0-4. You won't lose too many games when Alex has an O-4 night especially with runners in scoring position.

[lilbiggio]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

One thing is certain...



When the Braves and Rockies get together.. preferably in Denver. Something good is going to go down. I actually look forward to this mini rivarly that has started to develop through the past 24 months.. For the third time in as many meetings we had yet another instant classic. This post from here on will be entitled

WHAT THE HELL GOT INTO... (BLANK)


What the Hell got into Carlos Zambrano?!

One week this guy was a bum on the mound. Tonight he's the next edition of Satchel Paige out there. Big Z was untouchable in probably the hardest park to pitch in. The curveball was hitting, the slider was hitting. The fastball was at 95 the entire night. Zambrano went 8 strong, punched out 10. Got a single, made a hotdog, he did everything.

IN Zambrano fashion though, he wouldn't get the decision. I had to bring in Kenshin Kawakami to finish off the 9th, but for Zambrano who's been an absolute bust so far (more on that later) this was a damn good start for him.

Speaking of Kawakami...

What the Hell got into Kenshin Kawakami?!


Ok so this guy has been good all along. Forced into long relief duties because of the rise of Kris Medlen. But Damn son, you come into the game with the winning run on third, and you strikeout not one but two batters on offspeed pitches?

What in the Hell got into the CPU AI?!
The video above was what happens when the CPU guesses fastball, and you hit them with the best curveball your trigger finger can muster up. That pitch was solid gold accuracy, solid gold velocity. The result was hilarious... especially when you go into FOX-SLOWMO. Damn CPU was animating, and overanimating trying to compensate for that poor guess of a pitch.



What in the Hell has gotten into Craig Kimbrel?!
This dude is beastin! Oh my goodness, I mean 20 appearances... 18 F'N Saves?! 10 hits throughout the year and we're almost in July? ERA under 1.50? This is the guy we wanted last year when Johnny Venters stole his job from him This is flat out domination. Billy Wagner gave it to us en route to a 2010 championship. This is good stuff so far from the 2nd year man in the pen.



This however, is just another day at the office for Heyward. Consistancy, the best player on the team as of now, and a 2nd place candidate for the MVP. Easily would be first if Fielder didn't have a ridiculous amount of HR's at this point.. Yawn... business as usual for Jay-Hey we will follow this a little closer in September..

[decga]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

Hey man. I love your dynasty page of our Braves. Love it.....

[lilbiggio]

Re: The Ted Turner Memoirs part 3: Painkillers Are A Man's Best Friend.

Hey man. I love your dynasty page of our Braves. Love it.....

Ah preciate that man, anytime somebody from the Braves Nation drops in and throws thier thumbs skyward in approval. I must say, the Sprite at the end of the night tastes a lil sweeter and you gotta feel like we are doing something right. Ted Turner would be proud.


Speaking of which. With Holman Keezel still in the hospital sucking down tubes. It would be Ted's responsibility to draft the newest Braves. Because it's a 30 team control league it started getting tedious, I ain't going to lie... so they were auto selected this time. Maybe for 2013 I'll figure out an easier work around to make drafting less cumbersome.



Horrible Draft TED you f'n IDIOT. Let's look at this in simple terms.

Billy Lopez, the best pick we took at #29, is a 1B who will most certainly not see any playing time behind Freddie Freeman. So right from the start, thsi draft is highly flawed.

Selecting 3 OF when we have an outfield that consists of Heyward and Schafer who aren't going anywhere anytime soon was equally a bad decision. I would have loved to see us go after a 2B or just draft another arm to throw in the bullpen.. but then again, the logical department of our decision making process just got shot to kingdom come. We leave it to Ted... and just as before in the 2010 Winter Meetings: We get pooped on.