You ever have one of those events happen to you where you’re like, ‘Dang that was a big moment. And it was totally unexpected.’? My 30th birthday was one of those moments. There I was, six months ago, in the same one bedroom bachelor’s apartment I’d been holding down since 2007. I was about to spark a little something something and get my birthday morning off the ground, so to speak. Since it was my birthday and since I was lighting something similar to a candle, I figured a wish was in order. “I wish I was going somewhere in life,” I thought to myself. I had to laugh, wishing was a silly thing for a grown man to do. Ten minutes passed, and you can bet I’d all but forgotten about the wish. But that’s when the phone rang.
“Hey man happy birthday!”. It was my boy Ricky Farris. Ricky and I went back as far our old college fraternity days, but we’d stayed close. Lately, we’d tried our hand at a few business schemes together, but we hadn’t hit it big. Sure, the laser tag place had been fly, and it was making bank for awhile, but then again everybody is swindled by an ex-con at some point, right?
“Hey bro, uh, how’s it going,” I replied. Man, he’s got to know I’m baked.
“Dude. I can tell you already blew your mind. Which is a shame, ‘cause I have got some news that would have done the same thing to ya.”
“What’d you do? Find a girl who doesn’t think you look a Bert Reynolds stunt double?”
“I’ll have you know that Bert is a cultural icon. He was mainstream before there was mainstream.”
We both laughed. Ricky’s facial hair and his affinity for 1980’s sportscars had been a talking point for years.
“So what’s this big news?,” I asked after some more small talk.
“You remember my papaw Joe?”
“Hard to forget a man who calls everyone “Young Pup”.”
“Yeah he passed away a few months back.”
“Aw man sorry to hear that. He was a cagey old guy, but good to have around.”
“Yeah. But he was 96, so, we kinda knew it was coming,” he said, “but he did surprise us again after he passed.”
“Is he a ghost or something?”
“Nah. He was a millionaire though.”
“No ****’!”
“Yeah coffee cans and mason jars just piled high with hundred dollar bills. We knew he was a penny pincher but what we didn’t know he was a hell of an investor. I came into quite a windfall.”
“Wow. So what’s your plan? Going to quit the teaching gig?”
“Already did. Well sort of. Instead of Professor Farris, I’m now Dean Farris.”
“Huh? You buy yourself a promotion?”
“Nope. I bought myself a college.”
I laughed for 5 minutes.
“What like on Facebook? Like a Farmville type thing or something?”
“No man, I am the founder, interim President, and Dean of Students at Issac Shelby University. Google that ****, bro!”
Well I did Google it. And he was being for real.
“Well I’ll be. But I got to ask,” I said, “surely that windfall wasn’t that big?”
“Nah, but throw in a few friendly lenders, some state grants and funding, and my mad LinkedIn and Kickstarter skills, and bam, you got yourself an accredited university.”
I was speechless. Having your buddy tell you they just up and started a college will do that to you.
“What I don’t have however, is an Athletic Director,” Ricky continued.
“Oh yeah you got somebody in mind?”
“I’ll tell ya man. Sports is where the money is at in college these days. I mean it’s like a Golden Corral of ticket sales, media deals, sponsorships, all kinds of money to be had. But you’ve got to have a good AD. And I think a sports management degree, coaching experience, and a straight nasty record in fantasy sports is the makings of a good AD. The job is yours if you want it Will.”
He had me at Golden Corral.
“Hey man happy birthday!”. It was my boy Ricky Farris. Ricky and I went back as far our old college fraternity days, but we’d stayed close. Lately, we’d tried our hand at a few business schemes together, but we hadn’t hit it big. Sure, the laser tag place had been fly, and it was making bank for awhile, but then again everybody is swindled by an ex-con at some point, right?
“Hey bro, uh, how’s it going,” I replied. Man, he’s got to know I’m baked.
“Dude. I can tell you already blew your mind. Which is a shame, ‘cause I have got some news that would have done the same thing to ya.”
“What’d you do? Find a girl who doesn’t think you look a Bert Reynolds stunt double?”
“I’ll have you know that Bert is a cultural icon. He was mainstream before there was mainstream.”
We both laughed. Ricky’s facial hair and his affinity for 1980’s sportscars had been a talking point for years.
“So what’s this big news?,” I asked after some more small talk.
“You remember my papaw Joe?”
“Hard to forget a man who calls everyone “Young Pup”.”
“Yeah he passed away a few months back.”
“Aw man sorry to hear that. He was a cagey old guy, but good to have around.”
“Yeah. But he was 96, so, we kinda knew it was coming,” he said, “but he did surprise us again after he passed.”
“Is he a ghost or something?”
“Nah. He was a millionaire though.”
“No ****’!”
“Yeah coffee cans and mason jars just piled high with hundred dollar bills. We knew he was a penny pincher but what we didn’t know he was a hell of an investor. I came into quite a windfall.”
“Wow. So what’s your plan? Going to quit the teaching gig?”
“Already did. Well sort of. Instead of Professor Farris, I’m now Dean Farris.”
“Huh? You buy yourself a promotion?”
“Nope. I bought myself a college.”
I laughed for 5 minutes.
“What like on Facebook? Like a Farmville type thing or something?”
“No man, I am the founder, interim President, and Dean of Students at Issac Shelby University. Google that ****, bro!”
Well I did Google it. And he was being for real.
“Well I’ll be. But I got to ask,” I said, “surely that windfall wasn’t that big?”
“Nah, but throw in a few friendly lenders, some state grants and funding, and my mad LinkedIn and Kickstarter skills, and bam, you got yourself an accredited university.”
I was speechless. Having your buddy tell you they just up and started a college will do that to you.
“What I don’t have however, is an Athletic Director,” Ricky continued.
“Oh yeah you got somebody in mind?”
“I’ll tell ya man. Sports is where the money is at in college these days. I mean it’s like a Golden Corral of ticket sales, media deals, sponsorships, all kinds of money to be had. But you’ve got to have a good AD. And I think a sports management degree, coaching experience, and a straight nasty record in fantasy sports is the makings of a good AD. The job is yours if you want it Will.”
He had me at Golden Corral.
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