Mario's Return

[goosedennis]

Mario Inks Deal With Penguins

PITTSBURGH - NHL commissioner Gary Bettman has just approved a contract sending Mario Lemieux to the Pittsburgh Penguins for 3 years. Lemieux will be making a total of $3.255 million, or $1.085 million per year. To be able to afford this contract with the salary cap in place, center Jordan Staal was placed on LTIR.

When asked why he allowed Lemieux to unretire again, Bettman said, "Wait a minute, who is this Mario character? Isn't he like Sidney Crosby's dad or something?"

1) This won't take away from Beyond the Igloo (actually it will, but I will be alternating games played between the two)

2) On a related note,

Spoiler

It's a little-know fact that during the 04-05 lockout, there was an NHL all-star game. It was Mario Lemieux vs. himself; the game is still going on.
Mario Lemieux can score a hat trick...with only two goals.
Mario Lemieux can smoke two packs of cigarettes with one match.
There wasn't a second gunman on the grassy knoll that killed Kennedy. It was a Mario Lemieux slapshot that missed the net...and he wasn't even born yet.
Mario Lemieux can find the square root of a negative number.
The doctor couldn't catch Mario Lemieux when he came out of the womb...Mario Lemieux deked past him, got in his 'vette and drove home.
Mario Lemieux doesn't use a Mach3 razor...he uses a rusted pair of skate blades.
The Civic Arena is the house that Lemieux built. No, seriously, Mario Lemieux built it...by himself.
When Mario Lemieux chooses to hit the post with a slapshot, it registers an 8.2 on the Richter scale.
It's called the Richter scale because New York Rangers goalie Mike Richter almost died twice from a Mario Lemieux slapshot.
Mario Lemieux was first line center, with Jesus on right wing.
Mario Lemieux fired a slapshot into the ground...and it killed three people in China.
Area 51 isn't heavily guarded because of UFOs, but because Mario Lemieux trains there in the off-season.
Mario Lemieux wears hockey skates to funerals.
We, in fact, did find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq: Mario Lemieux's slapshot and wrister.
The Mellon Arena doesn't need a zamboni; Mario Lemieux just breathes on the ice.
Mario Lemieux farts on sand and it turns into glass.
Mario Lemieux coughs and immediately gets credit for an assist.
The goal light never comes on when Mario Lemieux scores because the shockwave of his slapshot kills the goal judge.
Mario Lemieux can curve the blade of his stick just by looking at it.
Mario Lemieux's saucer pass is illegal in 17 states.
Mario Lemieux's hands are so good, he can give an instant orgasm to any creature...dead or alive.
Mario Lemieux can speak braille.
One time, Mario Lemieux passed a puck so hard that it went one week into the future...and Lemieux was there to accept the pass.
Mario Lemieux lost his virginity before his own father did.
Mario Lemieux's slapshots create crop circles.
Mario Lemieux can solve Sudoku puzzles by only using the number six.
Mario Lemieux can solve a rubik's cube with hockey gloves on. In 16 seconds.
Mario Lemieux once scored a goal in a celebrity softball game.
Mario Lemieux names his slapshots. His last one was named Katrina.
Mario Lemieux's average bowling score is 305.
Back in '86, Mario Lemieux skated from Los Angeles to New York in 22 minutes to score a goal on John Vanbiesbrouck. Blindfolded.
One time, Mario Lemieux played an 18-hole round of golf and shot a 14.
Mario Lemieux won the 1994 WWF Royal Rumble.
On April 24, 1984, while playing for his junior team, Mario Lemieux got a 5-minute major for high-sticking. He scored twice during his penalty.
A Mario Lemieux slapshot brought down the Berlin Wall.

[goosedennis]

Re: Mario's Return

Preseason Stats

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Brett Sterling - Mario Lemieux - Arron Asham

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Eric Tangradi - Mike Comrie - Eric Godard

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Ryan Craig - Tyler Kennedy - Craig Adams

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Keven Veilleux - Dustin Jeffrey - Nick Petersen

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Simon Despres - Robert Bortuzzo

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Joey Mormina - Andrew Hutchinson

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Paul Martin - Zbynek Michalek


John Curry


Brad Thiessen

Pittsburgh Penguins Preseason 2010 Schedule
DATE	OPPONENT	RESULT
Sep 19	at New York Islanders	Won, 3-0
Sep 21	vs New Jersey Devils	Won, 5-4
Sep 24	vs New York Rangers	Lost, 3-1
Sep 27	at Philadelphia Flyers	Won, 6-2

Pittsburgh Penguins Preseason Stats - 2010
Skaters	GP	G	A	PTS	+/-	GW	PIM	SOG	SPCT
Craig Adams	4	1	1	2			2
Arron Asham	4	0	3	3			6
Robert Bortuzzo	4	1	0	1			0
Mike Comrie	4	2	4	6			0
Ryan Craig	4	0	4	4			0
Simon Despres	4	1	2	3			2
Eric Godard	4	0	2	2			4
Andrew Hutchinson	4	0	3	3			0
Dustin Jeffrey	4	0	0	0			0
Tyler Kennedy	4	3	1	4			5
Mario Lemieux	4	2	3	5			2
Paul Martin	4	1	0	1			0
Zbynek Michalek	4	0	1	1			0
Joey Mormina	4	0	0	0			6
Nick Petersen	4	0	0	0			2
Brett Sterling	4	2	0	2			5
Eric Tangradi	4	2	3	5			0
Keven Veilleux	4	0	0	0			2
Goalies	GP	W	L	T	GAA	TOI	SV	SV%	SHO
John Curry	2	1	1	0	1.50	120	57	.950	60
Brad Thiessen	2	2	0	0	2.90	124	54	.900	60

[goosedennis]

Re: Mario's Return

Pens Announce Regular Season Lines

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Mario Lemieux "C" - Sidney Crosby "A" - Chris Kunitz

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Eric Tangradi - Evgeni Malkin - Mike Comrie

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Matt Cooke - Tyler Kennedy - Arron Asham

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Pascal Dupuis - Max Talbot - Craig ****ing Adams

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Brooks Orpik "A" - Zbynek Michalek

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Paul Martin - Kris Letang

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Simon Despres - Alex Goligoski


Marc Andre Fleury


Brent Johnson

Pittsburgh Penguins 2010 Schedule
DATE	OPPONENT	RESULT
Oct 7	vs Philadelphia Flyers
Oct 9	vs Montreal Canadiens
Oct 11	at New Jersey Devils
Oct 13	vs Toronto Maple Leafs
Oct 15	vs New York Islanders
Oct 16	at Philadelphia Flyers
Oct 18	vs Ottawa Senators
Oct 21	at Nashville Predators
Oct 23	at St. Louis Blues
Oct 27	at Tampa Bay Lightning
Oct 29	vs Philadelphia Flyers
Oct 30	at Carolina Hurricanes

[goosedennis]

Re: Mario's Return

Pregame - Philadelphia



And so it is, the first regular season game in the brand new Consol Energy Center. The Flyers come into Pittsburgh looking to piss on the Penguins' parade.



Sadly, longtime PA announcer John Barbero won't be able to call the game, as he recently passed away from a brain tumor.



Will the Penguins win the game in the name of Johnny B?

[goosedennis]

Re: Mario's Return

Peeing on the Parade. PENS LOSE

Philadelphia Flyers vs Pittsburgh Penguins
Oct 7, 2010 1 2 3 F PHI (1-0-0) 2 0 1 3 PIT (0-1-0) 0 1 0 1 Three Stars Michael Leighton 36 saves, 1 GA James Van Riemsdyk 1 goal Lauren L. Pronger 2 assists	Team Stats Comparison PHI PIT Shots on Goal 26 37 Hits 13 28 Faceoffs Won-Lost 22 25 Penalty Minutes 16 18 Power Plays Converted 0 0 Power Play Opportunities 3 2 Time on Attack 4:56 4:54
Scoring Summary FIRST PERIOD PHI Scott Hartnell (Mike Richards, Chris Pronger) 9:31 PHI James Van Riemdyk (Nick Zherdev, Lauren L. Pronger) 17:34 SECOND PERIOD PIT Sidney Crosby (Chris Kunitz) 15:14 THIRD PERIOD PHI Kimmo Timonen (Jody Shelley, Blair Betts) 9:53
Philadelphia Flyers - Goalies GOALIES SHOTS SAVES SV % GAA Michael Leighton 37 36 97% 1.00
Pittsburgh Penguins - Goalies GOALIES SHOTS SAVES SV % GAA Marc-Andre Fleury 26 23 88% 3.01

CFA out 2 months with an elbow injury.

[goosedennis]

Re: Mario's Return

Chernobyl. PENS LOSE.

Montreal Canadiens vs Pittsburgh Penguins
Oct 9, 2010 1 2 3 OT F MTL (2-0-0) 0 2 1 1 4 PIT (0-1-1) 1 1 0 0 3 Three Stars Scott Gomez 2 goals, 1 assist Deryk Engelland 2 assists Sidney Crosby 1 goal	Team Stats Comparison MTL PIT Shots on Goal 27 31 Hits 12 25 Faceoffs Won-Lost 24 28 Penalty Minutes 29 37 Power Plays Converted 3 0 Power Play Opportunities 7 6 Time on Attack 5:17 6:01
Scoring Summary FIRST PERIOD PIT Paul Martin (Deryk Engelland, Mike Comrie) 7:10 PIT Sidney Crosby (Evgeni Malkin) SH: 15:04 SECOND PERIOD MTL Brian Gionta (Scott Gomez, Andrei Markov) 11:15 MTL Scott Gomez (Andrei Kostitsyn) PP: 14:19 PIT Mario Lemieux (Deryk Engelland, Alex Goligoski) 17:48 THIRD PERIOD MTL Scott Gomez (Brian Gionta) PP: 18:56 OVERTIME MTL Mike Cammaleri (PK Subban, Tomas Plekanec) PP: 3:55
Montreal Canadiens - Goalies GOALIES SHOTS SAVES SV % GAA Carey Price 31 28 90% 2.93
Pittsburgh Penguins - Goalies GOALIES SHOTS SAVES SV % GAA Marc-Andre Fleury 27 23 85% 3.44

[goosedennis]

Re: Mario's Return

Lack of Flower Power. PENS LOSE

Pittsburgh Penguins vs New Jersey Devils
Oct 11, 2010 1 2 3 F PIT (0-2-1) 1 1 0 2 NJD (3-0-0) 1 2 1 4 Three Stars Jamie Langenbrunner 2 goals Martin Brodeur 29 saves Deryk Engelland 1 goal, 1 assist	Team Stats Comparison PIT NJD Shots on Goal 31 43 Hits 25 11 Faceoffs Won-Lost 25 27 Penalty Minutes 29 29 Power Plays Converted - 2 Power Play Opportunities 5 6 Time on Attack 5:40 6:17
Scoring Summary FIRST PERIOD PIT Mike Comrie (Alex Goligoski, Deryk Engelland) 6:45 NJD Jamie Langenbrunner (Brian Rolston) 16:48 SECOND PERIOD NJD Ilya Kovalchoke (Patrik Elias) PP: 10:14 NJD Zach Parise (Jason Arnott) 11:10 PIT Deryk Engelland (Brooks Orpik, Mario Lemieux) 15:35 THIRD PERIOD NJD Jamie Langenbrunner PP: 19:29

[goosedennis]

Re: Mario's Return

v

Boogie With Brent. PENS WIN

Toronto Maple Leafs vs Pittsburgh Penguins
Oct 13, 2010 1 2 3 OT F TOR (0-2-1) 0 4 0 0 4 PIT (1-2-1) 2 2 0 1 5 Three Stars Ryan Craig 2 goals Sidney Crosby 1 goal, 1 assist Paul Martin 2 assists	Team Stats Comparison TOR PIT Shots on Goal 37 34 Hits 14 27 Faceoffs Won-Lost 25 25 Penalty Minutes 34 40 Power Plays Converted 3 3 Power Play Opportunities 8 4 Time on Attack 5:39 6:47
Scoring Summary FIRST PERIOD PIT Ryan Craig (Mike Comrie, Sidney Crosby) PP: 15:31 PIT Zbynek Michalek (Paul Martin, Evgeni Malkin) 17:04 SECOND PERIOD TOR John Mitchell (Luke Schenn, Nikolai Kulemin) PP: 1:02 PIT Ryan Craig (Deryk Engelland, Mike Comrie) PP: 6:18 TOR Phil Kessel (Unassisted) PP: 10:02 TOR Kris Versteeg (Tomas Kaberle, Mikhail Grabovski) PP: 10:17 PIT Chris Kunitz (Evgeni Malkin, Paul Martin) 11:09 TOR Fredrik Sjostrom (Tim Brent, Jeff Finger) 18:34 OVERTIME PIT Sidney Crosby (Mario Lemieux, Kris Letang) PP: 0:09
Toronto Maple Leafs - Goalies GOALIES SHOTS SAVES SV % GAA JS Giguere 34 29 85% 4.32
Pittsburgh Penguins - Goalies GOALIES SHOTS SAVES SV % GAA Brent Johnson 37 33 89% 3.99

[sensfan1996]

Re: Mario's Return

Who is derek engellend? hes not in your line up and hes doing amazing. is it you?

[GoldenJet]

Re: Mario's Return

Deryk Engelland is a defensemen for the Pittsburgh Penguins. He's real.

[bthomp05]

Re: Mario's Return

You finally scratch out a win, good for you.


Bring Mario back, haha

[goosedennis]

Re: Mario's Return

Black Dog. PENS WIN

New York Islanders vs Pittsburgh Penguins
Oct 15, 2010 1 2 3 SO F NYI (2-1-1) 2 1 0 0 3 PIT (2-2-1) 1 1 1 1 4 Three Stars Mario Lemieux Gordie Howe hat trick Brooks Orpik 1 assist Sidney Crosby 1 goal	Team Stats Comparison NYI PIT Shots on Goal 29 34 Hits 9 18 Faceoffs Won-Lost 23 22 Penalty Minutes 32 40 Power Plays Converted 2 0 Power Play Opportunities 5 5 Time on Attack 6:20 5:28
Scoring Summary FIRST PERIOD NYI Kyle Okopoao (Matt Moulson, Mark Streit) 8:04) PIT Sidney Crosby (Unassisted) SH: 16:17 NYI Bruno Gervais (Trent Hunter) PP: 17:34 SECOND PERIOD PIT Tyler Kennedy (Mario Lemieux, Zbynek Michalek) 2:49 NYI Jack Hillen (Trent Hunter, Blake Comeau) PP: 5:12 THIRD PERIOD PIT Mario Lemieux (Kris Letang, Brooks Orpik) 12:53 SHOOTOUT PIT Sidney Crosby PIT Evgeni Malkin
New York Islanders - Goalies GOALIES SHOTS SAVES SV % GAA Rick DiPietro 34 31 91% 1.30
Pittsburgh Penguins - Goalies GOALIES SHOTS SAVES SV % GAA Brent Johnson 29 26 90% 3.36

[goosedennis]

Re: Mario's Return

Forgot to copy **** down for the Philly game, we lost 5-4 in a shootout (weird, right?).

MAF in net

[goosedennis]

Re: Mario's Return

I had a table all filled out for the Senators game, and then my Opera (browser) crashed. FML

Anyways, the score was 4-2, 3 goals were allowed by the Penguins in the last 5 minutes. Fleury actually played well. .921 SV%.

Kunitz, Lemieux with the goals for Pitt

Crosby & Malkin each had an assist, as did Brooks Orpik (bizarre)

[goosedennis]

Re: Mario's Return

Sorry guys, I haven't had time to update it game by game, with school and all. I'm writing an update right now.