I would argue that is is never truly "fair", never truly "realistic" and never truly "equal" when a person chooses to control a player with their controller. There is always differences in hand-eye coordination, reaction speed, a person's processing and identification ability, and even the individual controller devices (and indeed frame-rate too actually plays a role (and that varies depending on system)) -- and this can superceed or vastly mitigate by logical extension player ratings. It's why for any game mode that offers that, there ought to always be a ton of configuration abilities/adjustments to try and compensate to each individual player and their situation.
-- but it is also, in part, why I tout "coach mode" in football games for a more realistic and equal/fair approach if one is truly going for simulation and more authentic representation of player ratings -- but I realize not everyone wants to play their games as a strategy simulation, as I do...
So I think you have to allow a certain amount of forgiveness for player controlled modes/games -- but I hear you. A person either has to accept it is going to be more arcade (indeed that can be quite fun too!) - or as I suggested, have lots of ability to tweak various settings to attempt to account for their individual circumstances, I think, is really the only way.
-- Ik it's a great dilemma with many games with this mode, and I am sorry for the rambling GlennN (I know you are looking for developer response), just these are things that immediately came to mind upon reading.
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