This to me is hilarious. Actually its so stupid, that its hilarious. And if you dont think so, you dont have a soul and Chuck Norris should give you a roundhouse kick in the head.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he
is gay, but because he has run out of women.
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips,
but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his
foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until
he gets the information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says,
"Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks
you in the face.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris
instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game,
but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a
roundhouse kick.
When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick
related deaths have increased 13,000 % percent.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good
looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered,
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind
the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a
woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYMEIN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.
Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with
Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop
the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets
with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung
like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus
the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7
different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck
Norris.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the
pleasure.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only
another fist.
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of
a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the
referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck
roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually
"Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norrisrobot in disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order
are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight
to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more
pirates to him.
Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a
canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he
is gay, but because he has run out of women.
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips,
but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his
foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until
he gets the information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says,
"Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks
you in the face.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris
instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game,
but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a
roundhouse kick.
When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick
related deaths have increased 13,000 % percent.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good
looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered,
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind
the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a
woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYMEIN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.
Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with
Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop
the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets
with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung
like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus
the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7
different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck
Norris.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the
pleasure.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only
another fist.
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of
a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the
referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck
roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually
"Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norrisrobot in disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order
are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight
to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more
pirates to him.
Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a
canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
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