I think you all know my feelings on mascots. Basically, they are stupid. Some student, dressed in a beaver, or a lion or a bear costume, jumping around next to the cheerleaders, bringing absolutely nothing to the game. The only time you even notice these freaks is when they accidentally light themselves on fire, break their legs or otherwise maim themselves with their absurd stunts. Well, now you can add being drunk during a game to that long list of distinguished accomplishments.
The Stanford Tree, as far as stupid mascots go, this might be the stupidest, has been fired from her duties after she showed up for a basketball game against Cal with a blood-alcohol level of 0.157. That would be nearly twice the legal limit in the State of California. Erin Lashnits, a 5th year senior, and the loser inside the tree was stripped of her oh-so-prestigious ‘tree’ responsibilities, which are part of the band. The band had already been placed on ‘alcohol suspension’ which means there was a zero tolerance policy in effect toward drunkenness.
Band spokesperson Sam Urmy said that Lashnits was whacked to avoid disciplinary action from the athletic department. “We don’t want to risk our core mission of rocking out and bringing funk to the funkless”, explained Urmy.
Let me help you with something here. Let me tell you exactly what your ‘core mission’ is. Your core mission is to remind the rest of the world exactly what band geeks are. To remind everyone why they beat you up in high school, how big of a loser you are. That’s your ‘core mission’ and you are succeeding spectacularly. Trust me; no one is going to miss the tree.
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